Week 4: YDK (2-1) vs. Adonis (2-1) \\ YDK wins 5-3

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=59559).


Topic


http://i.imgur.com/y0g15Rh.jpg


Good luck, YDK and Adonis.

[Adonis]

http://i.imgur.com/y0g15Rh.jpg


“Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now.”
~Hayley Williams~


Verse – 4

Wake up in Satin – Teeth covered in platinum,
I spit out flames with the breathe of a dragon,
It's hard to imagine. Last year I slept, in a tiny ol' Cabin.
Today I awoke to marble floors in a mansion.
I love me some Hamptons. Remember the Hood too.
The escape that I made, proved what I could do.
Leaving poverty as pop novelty.
Really don't matter. Cause I matter honestly....I'll
Never look back. I'll stay on track.
Rocking whips and chains like my Gran Momma’s back.
And I miss my brothers, who missed the end.
Because there lives, hissed...Between the wind.
The revolver don't stop. It knows no bounds.
Dear listeners I swear, to water-down.

*Clears throat*
Ugh-ummm....

My statements the basement. I remain underground.
I found, rappin bout diamonds might bring you a crown.
But the real artists – Engineer complex
We don't boast or brag about what's possessed.
We write by candle light to not wake our kids.
Re-word and Re-work each verse for kicks.
Packing verbs complacent. Pageantry enclosed.
Shredding seals of envelopes while crushing molds.
Beautifully penned. But I'm Brutally honest.
The flows gone... So –
We love to kick knowledge.

...Now...

Let's combine music and passion.
Infuse soul with beautiful fashion
Y, why you laughin?
I swear, It'll happen.
My note books full.
A run away train.
The thought of paint
on the wall of a brain.
Simply insane.
But tagging it's not.
Just a mural of art.
Let your brush drip drop
Re-shaping hip-hop.
Now Currency's Worthless.
Earth is imperfect.
Let your Molten inside
Boil and surface.
Paint the streets red, with...
One single purpose.
Make the populace love
Your doctored cursive.
But if they read between the lines....
They'll see it's refined.
And realize...
It's not only Bull-Shit.


~Phantasm~
Wish right now

[YDK]

Backpacking while trapped in amazement.
Transfixed on the drones that came with no patience,
and the blatant disrespect caused from the engagement;
The war started quicker than if Satan arranged it.
They were trying to enjoy their first week of vacation,
before they succumbed to the endless enslavement.
Jason held his son as they looked to the skies,
and hope drained from his face with the vacant look in his eyes.
Holding him closer little Jay tried to mimic a smile
that whittled away reality for the nearly crippled child.
Cheering up his dad was never his duty,
but with a war starting; innocence is beauty.

Jay was born into hardship killing his mother at birth,
So for 5 years the anniversary was never celebrated in mirth.
He was getting to the age where he questioned his worth,
and at age 6 he believed that his life had been cursed.
The horrors of war or the former notions described,
gave way for his father to receive a surprise.
Jason pointed to the drone and said "that's what causes people to die,"
and his son replied sadly "Daddy, so am I."
His father cried for a moment till he gained his composure,
Kissed his son and told him "you've had too much exposure."
The simplicity of the conversation nearly drove him insane,
Knowing his son felt like he was to blame.
Later that night little Jay tugged on his sleeve,
and said something his father would never believe.
"I know its not my fault that everybody dies,
but it's easier to blame than it is to say goodbye.
I killed my mommy and lived; didn't I?
So you can blame me for the war...
I'm sure I'll survive."

[Just Write]

Damn adonis,

I really loved this piece. Each portion had its moments and your the reason im really beginning to like short bar style although I suck at it. But if I can be honest with you man, as great of a piece I think you wrote again, same as last week it's very hard to connect your piece to the topic and with this being a topical battle league it makes it very hard to vote for someone who doesn't connect with the topic. The paint on the walls of the brain was just ridiculously sick.


YDK, damn bro, I see just mad improvement week after week with you. I enjoyed your storyline and thought the flow was pretty good too. My only gripe is that if the boys mom died giving birth this kid is notgoing to be that distraught over it at the age of 5-6. I have a six year old who is smart as fuck and i know what he understands and doesnt and I just dont see that happening. Other than that I thought you played to the topic pretty well, maybe too safe but I still think you pulled it off


This is hard, adonis your piece was brilliant I just dont see the connection with the topic picture, I do see the connection to just art and being an artist in general but for me that wasnt enough, im surprised tbh but mvgt=ydk

[zygote]

Both are good, YDK was more direct here, although this story was a little unambitious for me, which is OK if it something like a light hearted topic, but for its serious subject matter there was not enough progression or plot devices to hold it all together. Adonis had a more tangential relation to the topic, but squeaks through with the stylistic display, all other things being equal it was the poetic turn of phrase that tipped the balance. Voting for Adonis.

[oats]

Adonis: cool take on Airplanes, I def felt the emotion you put into it, it matched the vibe of the song. I think where you were most successful was how the verse had a crescendo to it, had a good buildup and you cashed in on it at the end. If anything, I'd say it was lacking in terms of material that made me think, but not everything needs to. A couple of provocative one-liners would have been a nice compliment here, but I think you succeeded in everything you were going for, nice verse.

YDK: I liked this a lot. You built a clever narrative out of that picture, with good characterization of the man and his child, tying it all into the idea of war. I like the use of the child as a symbol for the drone - something small that causes death. If anything, I would have liked to see this expanded upon a little more, seemed a little too short for the strengths of the verse to take hold of me.

Vote: This is another really close one. I think Adonis had the better writing, but I liked YDK's angle a little more. Ultimately, I think I have to give it to Adonis for a better sense of completion in his verse, just felt like he had a tighter grip on his execution, whereas YDK's compact verse left me feeling like there should have been more. Once again, this can go either way, no doubt both of you will be threats to champ at some point in the season.

[timeless]

Adonis, not sure where exactly you were at in relation to the topic, if anything I felt this was more of an artists POV and an ode to street art lending its helping hand to the hiphop culture. Not sure how I feel about this piece overall, I’m never a fan of this extra short bar style, but the imagery was there for the as was the flow. I enjoyed it.

YDK, this was a cool little piece, little jay is a trooper. Great comparisons you had him making with his mother dying at birth and the war starting, really brought out a lot of emotion this time around. Your flow wasn’t as good as I’ve grown accustomed to seeing from you, but the story more than made up for it. good shit man.

Have to give this to dayday for a more enjoyable read. Both pieces were equal as far as the writing goes, but I just got more out of reading days than Adonis. Good battle though im sure this could go either way
V. YDK

[Mike Wrecka]

good battle

Adonis - you brought a verse written to the beat and theme of the song Airplanes. the writing was cool and would have fit the beat well. would sound really good when spit. which is dope. BUT you piggy backed someone elses idea and just expanded on it. which is not the end of the world, I have done adaptions of published work before myself. but this just felt too much like the original, kind of uninspired if you will. also I feel like it was such a bland direction to take that topic picture. tbh the verse didn't do much for me. I was bored. don't take it the wrong way man. you are one of my fav writers in this league even though the last few weeks my votes don't show that. probably one of the top three pieces I have read in the AOWL Season 1-3 was that piece you wrote about the ant. go back in that direction holmes.


YDK - this was a dope story. I like how you really examined the pic. I didn't notice the plane was a drone, but then I read yours and zoomed in and ya it is. I also really really liked the little touch you made with the kid being carried because he is partially crippled. that struck me. I thought the rhyming and word play was dope.

before they succumbed to the endless enslavement.


I like two words starting with the same letter in a row for some odd reason.


good story, I was engaged and I felt like the ending was appropriate and well timed.



Vote - YDK

[Pinot Grij]

Adonis... I thought you did a good job of spinning off on some familiar source material. I read your verse in B.O.B.'s voice and cadence... it was enjoyable to read through because of that. Like I've said before, I think it's always easier to adapt a story that's already been told than to create your own narrative, but you did this in a fresh way.

YDK, atmosphere and tone were here with your piece, really capturing that war-torn vibe. I really couldn't pick up on it storywise though. I can't really conceive of how the child blames himself for the war, or for killing people. It didn't have enough plausibility for me.

Vote for Adonis

[Frank]

Adonis. Completely disregarded the picture, or simply embodied it? The rebellious nature of the verse not following any sort of template is utter ludicrous. It is to be frowned upon. Unless it was intentional. Which I doubt. IDK - they say what does not kill you, can only make you stronger. I'm afraid, I may have beaten you into a new writer. You continue to work the jab. It's the best jab in the league right now. Get your knock out power up.

MVGT YDK

[Certain]

YDK leads 4-3.

[e11even]

Adonis- This was a cool piece after the first stanza. I feel like more could have openly related to the topic. This felt like an AOWL anthem, or an ode or something. I dug it, but on the face of it, it seemed like it was missing that enthralling factor.

YDK- Wow. This was straight forward, emotional, gripping and awesomely fucked up all at once. I really have no complaints about this other than it felt a little too brief. This didn't NEED more, but expansive stories are kinda what I'm used to. Great job delivering such a large dose in so little bars. Good Job.

I think this one came down to who was present. YDK definitely showed up and dropped a solid work with all the nooks and crannies that make a verse memorable. No explosive vocab or high level rhyming, but the heart of this piece pumped life. MVGT YDK