AOWL WK11: Mike Wrecka (5-5) VS. Objective (3-3) [MIKE WRECKA WINS, 5-4.]

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due FRIDAY 4/26 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SATURDAY 4/27 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/30 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUSTcheck in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: http://plaza.fi/s/f/editor/images/andypark_uut0901_2.jpg



Good luck to both participants. Mike Wrecka Objective

[Objective]

I'm here. ^^

Votes:
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6035
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6036
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6037

[Mike Wrecka]

checking in you talentless faggot ^^

[Objective]

He's in a polygamist relationship with himself - the time stopped at liqour hours
and his split personality's standing under the mistletoe for whistleblowers.
Twin Towers should'a raised suspicion to this estate owner/
part-time stoner that embraced explosive visions.
Nothing faced his nihilism except the love for old traditions.
Prime example of darkened coalitions is the merged ample marksmens stoicism.
It morphed into his body as a definition of everything that heroic isn't.

That's his prison - graveyard shifts for depression and no lessons learned,
no success where respect is earned, he knows best that first impressions burn.
But now.. The quest is served; the tables turned for a chance to get his life reversed.
He thought that he was cursed, and boy was right! On egocentric terms
he'd lose this fight, but a light from within gave him Pythia's sight...

And then -
With a heart of liquid nitrogen he went down to the Hell of his own self again,
a warrior in depth of his own issues ready to fight the might of personal misuse,
where greed grew to resemble an ogrish ghoul with more strength than Vishnu's,
The biggest fights are often fought naked and armed with tissues of healing energy.

A battle to death where the last man standing reveals his destiny -
No concealed weaponry, axes raised to face this morbid monster,
sort it; conquer. It's just a phase for any self conscious hunter!
But he's flinching sublime;
grasping for breath as cold shivers runs through every inch of his spine.
You are your worst enemy; So you should know his tendencies,
no time to search your identitiy; locate and destroy this entity.
You can forget any remedy, of course the cavern is made of ice,
Sanity comes with a price but pills wont help you through life.
And if you think this battle's insane;
realize it's just a part of your brain.
He revized his position and figured there was something to gain;
As he gave tribute to the good in himself the beast was finally slain.

[Mike Wrecka]

TOPIC: http://plaza.fi/s/f/editor/images/andypark_uut0901_2.jpg




the warning signs were there, but we remained defiant,
now our actions have awoken a sleeping giant/
that laid dormant for years, keeping completely silent,
till provoked by those opposed to seeking guidance/
and the few that did seek guidance found only teachers teaching violence,
so we were led down a crooked path by believing science/
and as they try to backpedal all these retreating tyrants,
will pay dearly for turning all the trees into papyrus/
many will suffer, infected by a sinister virus,
but lets keep turning a blind eye like were missing an iris/
while failing to realize that what were actually missing is kindness,
we got off track, like our species has a twisted alignment/
so this askewed view has created a mission that's timeless,
meaning were out of time, so if we don't become a victim of climate/
well still be trapped on a dying planet, like a prison confinement,
listen by my own admission we are pitifully spineless/
as the jellyfish in polluted water, swimming in silence,
we rape the earth, then cook the harvest on a kitchen appliance/
the backlash? we feel the wrath that the guardian brings,
marooned by monsoons caused by coastal flooding/
lightning flashes, the sky lets out a thunderous sound,
as acid rain washed all our dreams onto the ground/
see when you consume the bloom all day, then still pray for nectar,
nature fights back, till your whole sector is full of doomsday preppers/
we extract and replace with waste, in landfills and dumps,
then act surprised getting hit with superstorms like every two months/
in the end were gonna lose, reaching critical mass is how,
id say that's what the future holds but its happening right now!/

[Aesthetic]

Objective:

I love the intro man
"He's in a polygamist relationship with himself"
So man angles you can just open this on as the reader.

My favorite:

With a heart of liquid nitrogen he went down to the Hell of his own self again,

The biggest fights are often fought naked and armed with tissues of healing energy.

You are your worst enemy; So you should know his tendencies,
no time to search your identitiy; locate and destroy this entity.

Your worst:

A battle to death where the last man standing reveals his destiny -
No concealed weaponry, axes raised to face this morbid monster,
sort it; conquer. It's just a phase for any self conscious hunter!

Wording and concepts felt forced like fill ins.

Dope drop man!




Mike Wrecka:

Another dope intro; your song through out is on dot wit a sick flow!

My favorite:

and the few that did seek guidance found only teachers teaching violence,
so we were led down a crooked path by believing science/

nature fights back, till your whole sector is full of doomsday preppers/
we extract and replace with waste, in landfills and dumps,
then act surprised getting hit with superstorms like every two months/

Spit more real shit man!

V/Objective

Barely

[Adonis]

OB - " graveyard shifts for depression and no lessons learned," Liked the use of Graveyard imagery and metaphor...."The quest is served; the tables turned for a chance to get his life reversed." not a fan of the wording at all, there are so, so many more descriptive words you could have went with rather then "Reverse". The verse was rather "free-flowing", which I didn't mind since it was purposefully done, however this one free flow through me off..."where greed grew to resemble an ogrish ghoul with more strength than Vishnu's,The biggest fights are often fought naked and armed with tissues of healing energy."...I see the next line was a slant rhyme for the latter quoted line, but it still didn't read right as the flow was just broken in too many places. All in all, a solid verse about inner demons and the battle/struggle within. I enjoyed the verse for what it was, but I wish there was more depth or details as far as the actual "war within". I think going literal for a instance would've have made this verse all the better. I also loved most of the detail, but this... "You can forget any remedy, of course the cavern is made of ice," This seemed tossed in almost as if you running out of stuff to say, glanced at the pic again, and said, "Oh, the cave is ice like" and typed the first thing that came out. All in all a solid verse though, good read.

MW - "were", and "we're" are two different words with two very different meanings brother, if you know me I'm not a fan of simple grammatical and remedial errors such as those. Again, same thing with "well, will and we'll". All in all a good verse about human nature and the path we've gone thus far. I liked the rhymes, although wasn't a fan of this one...the backlash? we feel the wrath that the guardian brings, marooned by monsoons caused by coastal flooding/" the slant rhyme in my head just didn't work at all, the rest was rather good though. I feel like you're rapper first, topicalist second which I am as well, and have been changing that as of late. But I appreciate you incorporating a hip-hop tone in each and every verse it seems like.


vote- Man oh man, IMO this was as close as it gets. Neither verse truly "wow'd"" me, but neither was awful, both were right in the middle; each missing that extra aspect or view while also making a few simple errors each. In the end, I'm voting OB, I think you both a good job, but even though I liked Mike's flow, the errors ARE really a eye sore for me and throw me off each read, each time. I also feel like if you went just a few more bars in depth about the "backlash" of the human nature that would have given you a sharper edge. Good battle boys, very close though, extremely close.

[Frank]

The giant monster represents man made destruction brought upon civilization by our own doing. The back pedaling line and the swimming in silence line were great comic book caption linrd and I would of liked to see more of that, in addition to the the story line... which also could of been fleshed out more. What it is? It was a cool verse. Like I say it could of been more epic. Know what I mean? What I noticed though is your flow improving by leaps and bounds. Really making strides with your schemes. Sill occasionally hit em with the notre dom style but it's more refined now like the hunchback drinking a nice aged wine rocking a suit. The transition is okay but I feel you need to develop more of that rugged rhyme scheme where it's not so refined because thats where you can set yourself apart. It's like Bam Bam hitting you over the head with a club! You know what I'm saying? It's real dinosaur cave man - me want jane shit. I think it's cool to change and conform but you need to focus on mastering your style. You've written action verses , love verses; equally entertaining. My favorite verse thus far has been the iron man verse; really highlighted what I'm talking about.

This was a saga like star treck - I saw the bald ablino dude with the maroon turtleneck and he was speaking doing the V thing with his fingers. This verse jumped around and distracted me but it also made me key in - consciously to what was bolded - how it was italic'd - the paragraphs - how they correlated. It gave this story an interesting depth to it and offered a few different viewpoints on your outlook. The flow was of caliber - more so than not. I thought it was a sci-fi thriller kinda and I enjoyed it for it's geeky dark comic book innuendo style of writing.

This is a split decision.


On behalf of myself; Split will choose whom my vote goes to.

Goodluck close battle

edited: was told to decide

vote - Objective
.

[zygote]

Objective, enjoyed the slant rhyme schemes employed. The old traditions-coalitions-stoicism one being particularly effective. Every week you are really improving, each writing being better than the previous. The only issue in this verse is still very abstract in parts, your best highlights are the areas of clarity (E.g., "a warrior in depth of his own issues ready to fight the might of personal misuse,") now compare this line to its follow up line (E.g., "where greed grew to resemble an ogrish ghoul with more strength than Vishnu's,"). Perhaps your style is much stronger in the first, I don't know. I feel your strength lies in clear narration and your strong writers voice, when you use these slightly off-putting analogies/similes, it perhaps weakens the writing rather than strengthens it.

Mike Wrecka, excels in the area where there was some criticism for Objective. E.g., "meaning were out of time, so if we don't become a victim of climate/
well still be trapped on a dying planet, like a prison confinement," - the similes were apt throughout and they added to the message, did not detract from the clarity. Enjoy the simplicity and consistent pacing of your writing. Feel as though you are not rushing any story, line-by-line you are revealing more details, until your conclusion which was also strong.
Voted for Mike Wrecka.

[IamBenT]

Another great showing from these two right here.

First Quotes

Objective

Nothing faced his nihilism except the love for old traditions.
Prime example of darkened coalitions is the merged ample marksmens stoicism.
It morphed into his body as a definition of everything that heroic isn't.

- a bit convoluted but im glad you took the time to give us somewhat of a picture of our anti-hero

he'd lose this fight, but a light from within gave him Pythia's sight..

- went ahead and googled, great allusion, thank you for using that!

where greed grew to resemble an ogrish ghoul with more strength than Vishnu's

- this is where I felt you finally started to connect to the topic, wish you would have done so a bit sooner

The biggest fights are often fought naked and armed with tissues of healing energy.

- this is probably one of the oddest lines I have read in quite some time... lol and that, in a league with
@CerealKiller lol jk my dude

Another thing i felt went unanswered, why were those specific lines bolded or italicized. didnt get it.

you also say "of course the cavern is made of ice" but that seemed arbitrary to me, like why should it automatically be ice? why not hellfire? or a dark forest?

He revized his position and figured there was something to gain;
As he gave tribute to the good in himself the beast was finally slain.

- this just felt like an undeserved happy ending. I would have liked to see more of the struggle
with concrete action ie he poked that niggas eye out or it ripped his leg off or SOMETHING.

MikeWrecka

the warning signs were there, but we remained defiant,
now our actions have awoken a sleeping giant/
that laid dormant for years, keeping completely silent,
till provoked by those opposed to seeking guidance/

- great intro here, solid flow thats very spittable, plus sets the tone and mood
for the rest of the tale, love that they are "opposed to seeking guidance", shit made me lol

but lets keep turning a blind eye like were missing an iris/

- love it, WORDPLAY!! lol

meaning were out of time, so if we don't become a victim of climate/
well still be trapped on a dying planet, like a prison confinement,

- i liked that you eased us into the setting, but sooner would have been
a bit nicer.

Throughout this you stick to the same rhyme for that whole beginning part, which is impressive and hard to do ala RG a few wweeks back
on his superman verse.

see when you consume the bloom all day, then still pray for nectar,
nature fights back, till your whole sector is full of doomsday preppers/
- i feel like Keenan Ivory Wayans in "Don't Be A Menace.." ... MESSAGE!! lol


Very interesting how you turned what could be a story seamlessly into a topical about what we are
struggling with at the moment.


Great battle from both. I feel that Mike's verse shined in places where Objective came off a bit clunky and semi-rushed. That being said, I feel Mike could have gone on longer and given us a more complete picture.

I feel like the Dos XX Guy right now..

"I don't always vote for Topicals... but when I do, I prefer ones that are well written, thoughtful, and engaging, and that use wordplay, metaphor, and flow in creative ways. "

Vote -MikeWrecka

[Zen]

Objective: Nice piece. I think really it might be the best piece I've ever read from you. The first part of the piece was definatly the strongest portion. Good story being carried along quickly by good rhymes. The negatives of your verse is I didn't feel as Adonis said earlier a Wow factor. It was just kinda a story that rhymed to me. No offense of course but that's how I felt. But all in all a good verse man.
Mike Wrecka: Good verse here. It's a rant about human nature and if you know me then you know that I love a good ole fashioned rant. But really this was a good verse although some lines had a few too many syllables and it fucked up the reading but aside from that I don't really see any negative to this. Nice short verse with a good meaning and good message.

Overall I got Mike Wrecka.

[ZeeDee]

Objective, this was a great display of creativity and the intro set it off nicely... its so far the best intro I've read and I'm including my own intro in that calculation..

He's in a polygamist relationship with himself , the time stops at liquor hours
And his personality's standing under the miseltoe for whistleblowers...

I didn't even look up to remember that... it stuck in my head that much. The story continues to be interesting, but not as creative as the intro.... multiple personalities fightig each other is a pretty old concept to explore... but I do like what u did with it... would of liked more on the character build like what kinds of things does the main and other personality do that would be intersting.. I still liked it tho

Mic, narration was great and the continual flow was cool too. Your metaphorical use of the monster was nicely done as well and intelligent, which I appreciate. Humanity and the way we change the orld is the monster of ur story and you made that clear with all examples of monsoons and the way humanity as turned this planet into a huge waste site where viruses are created just from a lack of understanding all the chemicals we create.. I like ur take on this and it was very well worded.. its also an old concept to write about tho....

Vote Objective... his story stuck in head more than the metaphorical monster.. it was his creativity that won me over in the long run... very had choice... had to read em both a few times

[Split]

MW.

liked this verse. progression was perfectly timed, imagery was cool and relevant without being overbearably symbolic. didn't like your end too much, felt like a weak statement for the vivid image you built.

Obj.

I like your cross-sensory description. felt like your flow was alllll slack for like six lines... then u switched your scheme up. thenn flow really was off the hook, shit clicked/ snapped. the rest was cool to me, not as descriptive as the opener, not as fluid as the middle, just felt lopsided everywhere

ok. close battle. gotta go with MWrecka for more enjoyment and more resonant take on topic.

[Pent uP]

Objective, this was a good concept for this topic with him having a multiple personality diorder cuasing him to be the monster that's seen in the picture. Yojre intro was what set I off icely and carried the rest of details to the end where he kills himself, which is the most used ending for this topic. Would of liked a different kind of ending for this sine I've seen it done like this several times already. You did have an interesting way you described your details, but the result was not as creative as I thought this story would be. Still a good story

Mike. I liked this. Flow was fire... species have a twisted alignment, mission that's timeless, victims of climate, prison confinement.. and the details of this went great with the flow and broekdown the picture with a cause and effect analysis that was developed well. A lot of good sequences of events and I realy didn't see much I didn't like in this piece. Nice job

Vote mike Wrecka

[Dove Dozer]

will be back to edit my vote . dont close

[King Ra.]

MIKE WRECKA WINS, 5-4.