Week 5: Adonis (2-2) vs. King Ra. (2-2) \\ Adonis wins 6-0

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=61073).


Topic


"Child of Nature"


Good luck, Adonis and King Ra.

[Adonis]

.Flow.
No constant form. Shapeless.
Currents charged through my – Homeostasis.
Voltage amplified by my liquified matrix.
Tasteless. No nutrients but Vitally basic.
.Flow.
Barricades are Parades.
Slither and slide, A path will be made.
If trapped I'll Escape
Flutter and float. Natural escapade.
As time passes, gasses escalate.
A morphed state elevates.
Majestic... A dove in a way.
White wings span the sky.
Winds influence flight.
Suddenly... Boredom arrives.
My companions and I...
Can not rise.
Each of us light. Ethereal.
But combined numbers are surreal.
Congested afloat. Such a quenching thirst.
Parched throats drenched and submerged.
Life cycle. Hungered vegetation.
Fueling mankind alike without segregation.
Wasteland, musky and muggy..
Sweltering heat beaming from high.
Boiling sun streaming her pride.
Gleaming outside. Vapor I rise.
Chapped lips cracking in spite.
Solid and cold. Morphed state.
My sweat's sweet nectar for your taste.

Sip of my blood. Natures son, mother, father and seed.
Regarding birth, which came first, Chicken or Egg?

Neither
Without Me...


Child of Nature

[King Ra.]

There will come a time, when enough is enough.
When civilization reaches its peak, admist the smoke & the dust.
When the culmination of war & disease causes man to erupt
in extreme violence, so intense, it'd rock the heavens above.
A time when the going gets tough, all resources are cut
as the land slowly dies, the rivers begin to flood.
When there is suddenly no such thing as sharing & love.
Oh what a day when it arrives! Man will be certainly done!

....... for judgement day has come. RUN.
.
.
.
Mother Earth, Father Time.
No longer they mourn. They get set to conceive.
Soon a child is born. Only then man would believe.
Hearts will be torn. Terror would wreak.
Havoc. Unfathomable horror. The Judges agreed.
The Cosmic Order meeting adjourned. All were in favor.
The verdict?
To soon unleash the freakish, Child of Nature.

Mother Earth. Wake up.
Let your eyes set upon our Saviour.
Such beauty when its day of wrath shakes them.
Such awe when we take back where they take from.
Everything you gave them. Now wake up.
Soon comes the day they look up & say,
"Save us."

Father Time and the Cosmic Order watch quietly,
as Mother Earth begins her labor.
.
.
.
.
.
Push....
Blinding light emerged from the darkness
in the abyss of the cosmos.
The seas within her had parted, flooded the land, destroyed all the harvest.
Push....
Every planet turned out of orbit, tilted.
Universal vibration.
The land within Mother Earth shook. Violent earthquakes threatened to annihilate nations.
Push....
The sun bled. The moon turned to a yellowish haze.
Night fell.
She tossed and turn in rage due to the severe birth pains.
Push....
The stars aligned. Father Time prepared for the finale.
Birth almost complete.
While on earth, the devastation increased. Mankind solemnly weeped.
Push....
.
.
.
Time stood still.
The Cosmic Order arose.
The final thrust was complete-
the child loomed over his mother, set to devour her soul.

[zygote]

The Mother Earth Father Time - 'Child of Nature' connection seems a little bit stereotyped. King Ra the way you began was excellent - it would have been good to see it continue on in that apocalyptic Revelations Biblical-like type of writing. Perhaps even presenting it as a Bible passage or something for some flair. When it came to the metaphor for Mother Earth Father time, it was kind of cliched. That being the writing was good and the repetition of 'Push' was a nice touch to carry the underlying metaphor (even if it was a bit heavy-handed). The ending again was nice, but it was partly disappointing since it began so well, but never really captured that interesting Biblical tone again. On the other hand, Adonis had a similar metaphor but focused on a different aspect, while King Ra personified the Child of Nature and gave it human qualities, Adonis kept the focus on the natural essence of nature. The question seemed to be; "What is nature/what is natural?" There's no real definitive answer given, but that gave it some appeal. It moved between esoteric - E.g., " Each of us light. Ethereal." and pragmatic - E.g., "Life cycle. Hungered vegetation." it was cool to just present both and leave the ending ambiguous. Good effort by both, voting for Adonis.

[NYCSPITZ]

yooo this was mad dope!

Adonis your phrasing was excellent and added a bit of ethereality/indigo child/coming of a new age type swag to it. I thought your wording was dope, succinct and laconic. AIMZ this shit was fire homie!!! From the wording, to the structure, you have a great way of creating an epic feeling to your verses. The tension and suspense you created by introducing the freak of nature was excellent, as well as the "push" device you used to build up to mother nature birthing something that is seemingly going to destroy her. The only problem I have here is that it was so dope that I was very very interested in the freak of nature, then you just birth the child of nature without describing it. Man I was like wtf yo I wanted to see this epic nigga in all his glory! So both came dope, but despite the credentials of both contestants one had a more complete verse

mvgt Adonis

[PancakeBrah]

Adonis -

"Suddenly... Boredom arrives."

Awesome. I liked this verse quite a bit. I've come around to writing this season. Or maybe you've elevated. Hard to tell. This was well written, the imagery was great. Obviously poetic in form and vibe. It didn't so much tell me something as it left an imprint and impression. Subtle work. The only problem area for me was the use of vegetation/segregation. Those words seemed out of place with the word usage you'd built up. Aside from that this was an enjoyable read.

King Ra -

I've become a bigger fan of your writing this season as well. This was good. It had all the trappings, very thematically presented. The italicized pushes were a nice touch. Your rhyming was stronger than your opponents. You took an extremely literally route with this topic but the topic is so ephemeral that your concept ended up being unique. Almost funny. Well written.

Two very different types of verses here. I prefer Adonis' approach here but both verses were good. BOTW potential. Good job guys.

v/Adonis

[Frank]

Adonis

Organic birth canal experience. Got my head coming out of the vagina sopping wet in slimey juice with this one. The power of the period. The punctual. Force you. Subconsciously. To follow. My. Flow. is always unique to read. It's an unsettling style that scatters the thoughts into a collage through this poetic pulse thats in sync with the thudding of the human heartbeat. I feel as though I always point out your rhythm. Well, it's just that its so part of who you are as a writer now. This is our 3rd season in the same league. I'd say this was adonis verse in a nutshell. Yet, I am still waiting for the delicate, fancy, french main course. Are you keying this shit up in 30 minutes? I would love to see what you could do with a full 48 line verse. I thought at first this was a metaphor for a babies head exiting a vaginal canal wet with motherly fluid. Now I'm not entirely sure. (Sounds like water)The chicken crossed the road kind of ending was philosophical in that it almost made reevaluate my perspective, but this overall was a shining example of less is more. You have an adept ability for making a short read span for much further than first impression.

King Ra

The ever epic King Ra. The heavy handed warlock. A brute force type of writer, a warriors warrior writer. Battered and bruised type of wording, rough around edges, it speaks of ancient style of writing. I picture your writing process as scroll and quill rather than computer keyboard and mouse. The overwhelming idea here of mother earth giving birth, ran along the same lines as your opponent, also the cadence was sort've similar. How your opponents verse played into your approach is unknown at this time.. The creative push of the last stanza was creative.

I gotta read it again. I cant short change either one of these writers..,

I got adonis by a squiggly sperm

[timeless]

Adonis, this is probably my favorite piece that I’ve read from you so far this season. The approach you decided to take was pretty vague, nothing too original or crafty about it. Everything else about it seemed pretty much on point, besides the ending, I felt you could’ve crafted that a little better. Wish it was longer as well, but whatever, not a bad read.

King, just like Adonis, this was probably my favorite piece that I’ve read from you so far. I enjoyed the comedic type of approach you took. The only real reason I’m leaning on voting for Adonis is because of your last verse, if it was structured differently or left a better overall impact on me, you would’ve had this hands down. Not bad though.

v.Adonis

[oats]

Adonis: once again, your touch with words is inimitable. to say it's poetic is a little trite, but there's a softness to your language that is enviable, it gives you a unique authority over your words. what I liked about this was that you just gave us the contours of what you were talking about, which made it open to many different interpretations. On first read, I thought the "it" was electricity, second time I thought heat, then I thought the sun. But it's all of them (or could be, at least), which speaks profoundly on the concept of what nature is. delicate wilderness, that's how this came off to me, dope verse.

Ra: I gotta say, I wasn't too hopeful for this after the first couple of lines, but I got sucked into this very quickly once the ball was rolling. You were always evading my predictions too - I thought the child was going to be natural disasters, but instead those were just labor pains. That was just one of the very original ideas/pictures that you gave us. I liked that you ended with a destiny for mankind that was nebulous in specifics; we're fucked, but we don't know exactly how. This was smart, I can only think of how corny that could've come off as: "mother earth gave birth to a gamma ray burst." idk. This was dope, too.


Vote: This is on par with cake/NYC for BOTW imo. Adonis had his barrage of imagery-laden suggestion, Ra had a narrative rife with mythical allusions sprinkled with 2012 lore. I can't distinguish much to separate the two verses, but Adonis gave me a feeling of largeness that really lingered with me, so I have to edge it in his favor. Great battle to both.