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View Full Version : The Joke's Still On You


Mr. J
05-02-2013, 12:09 AM
Never has there been someone so sadistic
so sick that it's twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance
vagabond shoes on.. with a blunt in one hand
a bic in the other..grin on my face...dick in your mother
I'm having some fucking fun annnnd...what's up son
I'll burn the same cloth that you were cut up from
gasoline bath, kerosene cash...same burning match
toss ya bird ass down to AZ as you turn to ash
ball til' you fall, you literally have to learn from that
bursting, laughter and pipes at the same damn time
bursting, laughter, as pipes burst on the main dam line
now the whole world has seen my wet dream...
how God blessed me with the sanity of a depressed me
drowning in the tears of millions...


it's fucking ridiculious

EndSane
05-02-2013, 12:45 AM
Not bad but I thought you lost it towards the end...I love the rhyme scheme and the flow...what I miss about netcees so much is it is actually rap...rr was nothing but topicals with 20 syllable lines and I wasn't feeling it at all...seemed like it was a flex and I liked it a lot...really no qualms with anything particular just the end tbh...I understood where I were going just thought it took too long to execute it

Zen
05-02-2013, 11:59 AM
This was pretty good. To be honest I enjoyed the first one better. I'd say really for the time being try to write one really long piece so there isn't a bunch of short pieces in the OM lol. But really this was just pretty good. Nice little flex and really nothing more to say. Keep droppin man.

Mr. J
05-04-2013, 11:58 PM
thanks gentlemen

Natural
05-05-2013, 05:36 AM
I differ a bit. I think it was a dope flex. The only flow hiccup i see in the entire thing is the word damn line....think it would have been better saying main line.

Minor though.
Its obvious you can spit.

I enjoyed. I don't even really have any negativees. Drop like this and ill peep.
Stay up

Objective
05-05-2013, 05:03 PM
It was ok at best, nothing spectacular but the read was cool enough nonetheless. Felt it fell off towards the end and I couldn't really get the closure to flow well in my head. It's as if you just said ''fuck it, I'll just end this shit right here without doing anything to it..'' Decent for a vent-verse but all-in-all I'd like to see more personally.

Mr. J
05-06-2013, 11:17 PM
indeed

Dope girl
05-07-2013, 12:29 PM
its alright to me, nothing Creative.... you stick with topic,
& words on with it.

Just Write
05-07-2013, 04:56 PM
this was a nice little drop, felt that you coulda smoothed it out by dropping some add on words- for instance instead of

Never has there been someone so sadistic
so sick that it's twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance

would have come off cleaner imo like this

Never has there been someone so sadistic
so sick n twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance

as far as everything else goes i dig the laid back rap flow. keep keyin