Week 6 contender match: Adonis (3-2) vs. timeless (3-2) \\ timeless wins 7-2

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=62543).


Topic


“The purpose of all wars is peace.” — Saint Augustine


Good luck, Adonis and timeless.

[timeless]

Each complete orbit the moon makes is important.
Tides stay on course with each new day in the morning,
and at night it settles. The wind’s tune is toned down,
Just to come back around and shout, “This is our zone now!”
It’s been described as a war since the birth of our planet.
Human first! Because of this, they’re not learning to manage
how to accept defeat, and one day will be the end of their days.
There’s nothing they can do or say to stop her from sending waves
to attack the land mass. Which in return quakes, the ground loosens.
Ash pours from volcanoes disrupting the pace of cloud movement.
Mother Nature fires back, again she brings a tsunami to land.
Mother Earth clutches a breath and begins to embody a plan
to disrupt her quasi stance with power. This allowed her
flowers to bloom calmly, she prevailed seasons filled with showers.
Earth didn’t want to drown, so she made up an agreement
that would show peace in the world, or as how she sees it.
Nature never agreed, so she believed she would achieve
peace by continuing on with her need to pull the teeth
of the seemingly clueless and weak surface Earth possesses.
She wants to digest it, reformat life into lone sections.
Even with Earth and Nature fighting on a daily basis,
the war will end with peace on land when it’s been recreated.
Or reinstated, however you eye it is how you will describe it.
This writing is for the survivors, the ones who stayed inside with
their private life with family, friends and their sanity.
If they stepped outside, the world’s war with itself will tear gravity
a new hole for human to stumble through. Sadly you wonder who
wanted to split apart the ground that’s been under you.

[Adonis]

.


Why Mr. Augustine.
I'm glad I caught you before your entrance.
These pearly gates aren't a hindrance.
They might glimmer remarkably gaudy.
But its purpose can't fail – If it does – Costly.
You see Saint...
Evil is...And I judge arbitrary.
If light repels dark, then being blinged out's necessary.
Now; For the life of me it just doesn't make sense.
If I and I alone condemn...
What's the point for you're Golden Crown?
What's the purpose of Ruby's surrounding you're Gown?
If I am Light, why's the reflection from your robe...
Brighter than the sun viewed through a telescope?


Let's take a walk down Memory lane...
After you, Sir...


A Thousand years after my sons sacrifice.
Romans acted like – troglodyte.
Jerusalem captured. Massacre of Non-Christian.
That Snaky Bastard. He disintegrates my vision.
One crucified for repentance – Honorable death.
Meanwhile;
His followers castigate uncontrollable – Bereft.
Nothing left but ash.
Slaughtering Jews, placing red stripes across each back.
A different faith means there death is crude?
Just because they're Muslim doesn't mean they're butchered through.
Ordained ironically; my cloth is slaying.
Religious genocide brought to life by my crosses gang.
Templar of the (k)night. Red flag.
I did not will this brash...Satanic brass.
“In God We Trust”? Read the signs.
Monetary value realigned.
Faith is for Suckers. Black Water glorious.
Humanities parched, fill the Tanks victorious.

So you see sir..
My peace offerings been blurred.

Mr. Augustine.
Before you're permitted to pass,
Please explain how my names been attached...
To every war from year one
To Iraq?





.

[fraze]

Each complete orbit the moon makes is important.
Tides stay on course with each new day in the morning,

how to accept defeat, and one day will be the end of their days.
There’s nothing they can do or say to stop her from sending waves
to attack the land mass. Which in return quakes, the ground loosens.
Ash pours from volcanoes disrupting the pace of cloud movement.

of the seemingly clueless and weak surface Earth possesses.
She wants to digest it, reformat life into lone sections.
Even with Earth and Nature fighting on a daily basis,
the war will end with peace on land when it’s been recreated.

This writing is for the survivors, the ones who stayed inside with

a new hole for human to stumble through. Sadly you wonder who
wanted to split apart the ground that’s been under you.


.
These pearly gates aren't a hindrance.
They might glimmer remarkably gaudy.
But its purpose can't fail – If it does – Costly.
You see Saint...
Evil is...And I judge arbitrary.
If light repels dark, then being blinged out's necessary.

A Thousand years after my sons sacrifice.
Romans acted like – troglodyte.
Jerusalem captured. Massacre of Non-Christian.
That Snaky Bastard. He disintegrates my vision.

Ordained ironically; my cloth is slaying.
Religious genocide brought to life by my crosses gang.
Templar of the (k)night. Red flag.

Mr. Augustine.
Before you're permitted to pass,
Please explain how my names been attached...
To every war from year one
To Iraq?
.

timeless, you have some nice multis. makes the verse flow smoothly, so it was an enjoyable read. but there were a few places where you might have used different word choices to convey the meaning of your verse more clearly. the syllables flow, but there were a few places where i had to double back to reread and figure out what you were trying to say.

adonis, you came up with a creative flip on the concept. i enjoy a good story verse. you use poetic imagery well. but I can also tell you're probably coming from battle writing because of the way your bars are structured in a setup to punchline kind of way. don't be afraid to experiment with your writing style.


This was a close battle to me. timeless had stronger rhymes in his verse, but adonis had a better story and concept. I could easily call this a tie. However, I am going to give the edge to adonis, because I liked the creativity he showed in the way the concept was flipped. its the sort of thing that makes a reader remember this piece in the future.

[zygote]

A little disappointing, both somewhat misinterpreted the quote, but Adonis did a greater misdeed in misrepresenting the biographical character. Augustine of Hippo was really ahead of his times in a lot of ways. Things like “What's the point for you're Golden Crown? What's the purpose of Ruby's surrounding you're Gown?” do not fit at all. Apart from being demographically wrong, he was a North African theologian - not a decadent Vatican cardinal, they are also wrong on a thematic level. Augustine’s writing heavily influenced Saint T. Aquinas who developed the philosophy of Natural Law which at that time was called Divine Law but later became individual libertarianism and (after WWII) became the basis for Human Rights. So in a way, Augustine of Hippo might have been the original spark for the Human Rights movement. This is what both uploads missed, the Rights-focused aspect, while timeless only missed it, Adonis misrepresented it – and there were also many errors that interrupted the reading. Overall, timeless was unambitious in his metaphorical comparison of war/natural disaster alternate universe but didn’t make any large blunders, while Adonis had a few (E.g., the condensation of 2000yrs Christian history into 4-5 sentences was maybe a bit too ambitious?) that made it difficult to enjoy reading. Voting for timeless.

[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle guys.


timeless - a pretty cool take on the topic imo. nature violently attacking the earth on a daily basis seen as a war or battle so to speak. the verse itself was a little mundane. it flowed well. but it felt slightly uninspired. overall solid showing here. but maybe not for a contender match.

Adonis = it felt like you rushed this piece. the flow was lacking a bit. this verse was narrated by god but you had him talking like a thug in some parts. that's missed the mark. I don't think god would say you need to be blinged out homie. or whatever. it was strange. you could have really captured a godly tone but didn't. overall it was decent. it had its upside like a good use of vocab in some spots.


vote - cai




he seemed to give a bit more effort here

[oats]

Timeles: As always, your rhyming was excellent, and the lines were crisply written the whole way through. This is definitely a strong spot of yours, which is nice because strong rhyming always makes a verse more enjoyable for me. In the past I've critiqued you for over-indulging in your multis, which ends up distracting from the verse, but this week I think you did a great job marrying the two; the rhymes helped carry the verse without getting in the way.

Conceptually, I thought you could have settled on a single crux better. What I mean is, the conflict is introduced as a problem with humanity not accepting their role in lieu of the powers of Earth and Nature (as you distinguished). But after that, people didn't really play much a part at all until the end, taking a backseat between the clash of Earth and Nature, a distinction that I'm not sure if I really quite understand. I do like the idea of the elements at war with each other, resulting in the peace of continental formation (or land in general) a lot though, and would have liked to see this be the driving point of the verse. As it is now, it's dope, but feels a bit unfocused in spots.


Adonis: Interesting. In both good ways and bad ways. I think the angle you took here was interesting, taking the peaceful aims of christian doctrine as the destination point for all the wars in the middle east. It's definitely a more unique approach than your competitor's. It gives us a lot to chew mentally, and hints at the notion of whether or not wars can be justified, or if history proves that good intentions are of little import to the greater evils of war itself. If anything, I would have liked to see a bit more of a philosophical edge to the verse.

There was something funky about the writing though, and I say that because it's hard to pinpoint exactly what it was. After this I'll read the other votes and see if one of them defined it better than I did, but this felt a little off. Whether it was god talking about the necessity of bling, fast-forwarding through christian history, or seeming to blame Aquinas personally for all wars in the middle east, there was something off-center about it. That's not very constructive, so I'll say it like this: I would have liked to see God speak in a more consistent tone, and lingering on the wars waged in the name of christianity, taking a firmer position on them in the end. Blaming Aquinas himself as the spark of conflict seemed a bit much, but I can see how it derived from this quote so I can suspend my hesitation.


Vote: Fuck I feel like it's been weeks since I've read a battle with an immediately obvious winner. This is another close one that's hard to call because both succeeded in some ways, and flopped in other ways. Timeless murked the rhyming, but the idea seemed a little hollow. Adonis had a more original take on the topic, but his writing faltered. Neither quite executed their ideas to their fullest degree in my humble opinion. On the strength of his concept, I have to give it to adonis. Wouldn't be surprised to see timeless win this one, though.

[e11even]

Timeless- this was a decent piece. Even though it was a little hard to follow in parts, I think the concept was kinda cool. I think alluding to stronger detail to differentiate the characters early on could have accounted for the fact that you didn't want the reader to know exactly who the characters were. The centering felt unnecessary as well, but I'm not a format nazi so I guess it was ok. The rhyming was ok and the overall gist of the piece was fairly clear at the end. Overall pretty good job.

Adonis- imo this piece felt all over the place. I think the writing structure/format you used was very confusing when coupled with the errors in grammer/spelling. That alone made me not want to continue reading. I did, however, and did not fully grasp what you were trying to accomplish here. I think you were mashing in so much stuff without developing any one aspect fully that it just came off as really rushed and unpolished. I would've loved to see the ideas you touched on done with more time and effort, to the ability I know you have. Overall, this was underwhelming.

Well, this is not at all how I pictured this battled going and I wish you two had pinpointed exactly how you wanted these verses mapped out before you started because I've seen better from both of you tbh. Thank you for showing though. MVGT Timeless for an overall better written verse.

[King Ra.]

This is an interesting match-up. On one end you have a conceptual piece that shows strength in rhyming/flow & the other you have an unorthodox like piece in which the concept is really different. timeless, you always have shown since the start of the season, the ability to write very fluent verses, which helps drives your stories along and here it was no different. The mechanics were good, no doubt. I wouldn't say I'm entirely impressed though in the direction you took. Actually, it seemed a bit of a step down from last weeks piece which was very fresh, unique. This week you took what I would say is a "safe" route. You hit the topic very well, but it is not very unique. Mother Nature/Earth going to war against the humans by means of natural disasters doesn't grasp me much. Would have liked to see you come with a more creative spin on the topic even with the elements you used here. From what you put together, it was written very well, and despite the basic take on the topic, I'd say you did a solid job in giving us your take on war between the planet we live on and the environment in which we abuse daily. Ending had a little reality check feel to it. Adonis, you and I sort of have similar styles which we use in our own special way. While you are the more polished scheme wise, I like to sacrifice that if I can tell a fresh story that would keep readers intrigued. That starts with a concept and I think this season while finally getting into your true form, you have also been able to come up with some good concepts. I read your piece over multiple times. The first time I was like, wtf? But as I read over and over and dissected it, I was able to formulate an idea of your direction with this topic. On that note, you took a more interesting approach than your opponent. I like the way you use words the way you like to drive specific points/ideas and paint some kind of visual or understanding. I assume Augustine is talking with God at the entrance of Heaven and before he is allowed in, God talks with him about some things that he has witnessed and is curious to know Saint's response. I liked that direction, though my interpretation could be incorrect. There are some discrepancies though. In some places, you had some grammar mistakes, which isn't a big deal really, but it slightly threw me off while reading. And there were one, maybe two spots in which your wording seemed out of place in relation to your story. Like "light repels dark/bling out's necessary". I felt that 'blinged out' terminology could've been worded differently because that doesn't seem to fit in your piece. In relation to the topic, I find it a bit difficult to see how your piece sums everything up. Maybe there is a meaning that I'm not catching, but, aside from the "war" aspect you described & the incorporation of the son being sacrifice (peace offering in the midst of turmoil?)- I feel maybe you could have done a bit better in tying everything off. The ending was okay, but a little more meat could help in leading to that to really bring the whole idea together and drive in the topic more. For me, the idea itself, the direction you took was your strong suit.

This is a difficult one to vote on. The crazy thing is, the winner goes on to face either zygote or oats, so you both already know how much you're gonna have to bring to the table in order to pull off a monumental upset. Really can go either way. timeless had the more cleanly written piece here, despite taking a rather basic approach whereas Adonis was more riskier, a fresher concept even though his writing wasnt as clean as his previous works this season. Whoever does go on after this, I hope you really lay it out on the table for the championship. While preferably, I would easily go with Adonis, I felt some of his writing was off and I felt his piece could have tied everything together much better. While timeless was safe, those mistakes I see in Adonis piece is why I give the edge over to his opponent.

MVGT: timeless. Good job by both competitors.

[Witty]

Timeless - you can do better than this if I am honest, you wrote it well...it was nothing to do with your writing really, it was to do with the direction you went in. I just didn't really find it interesting, it lacked any real excitement, I like a piece that makes me care what is going to happen, something that makes me want to read on because I need to know how it is going to turn out, with this piece I felt I knew how it would end from quite early on, it was written well, there is no problem with that, you have a good ability to rhyme while telling a story, personally I would have preferred your rhyme schemes to have been a little more complex, throw in some inners, spice it up a little. So yeah, this was a well written piece, the excitement just wasn't there for me.

Adonis - I didn't like your ending, I wanted it to be so much more and I really thought it would be. You made some errors along the way that I'm sure some people have already picked up on but it was a piece with interesting dialogue and I wasn't really expecting you to go in the direction you did. This was almost the opposite to timeless's piece in that as a concept I think it was much more interesting, but in terms of the quality of writing I was pretty disappointed because I know you can do a lot better. It was a cool little piece tho, not bad by any stretch of the imagination, but you have written much better verses in the past.

Difficult one...do I vote for the piece that interested me more, or the piece that was written better?

Fuckity fuck fucksticks.

Voting for timeless.

[big baby]

Timeless wrote a better verse.
Adonis misspelled your. It seemed rush

Timeless had better mechanics, and I didnt even read what the topic was about, but I felt timeless had a better grasp on whatever he was saying, which seemed pretty linear. Where as adonis had a weird connotation. And dialogue with sub exemplary back and forths which clogged the readers view.

I just read the topic, - And timeless's mother nature take had a better grasp as well. It was just easier to choose. Adonis had a stellar piece as usual, I just dont think they delivered here to their potential.

timeless.

[Certain]

timeless: This verse was deceptively creative. On the surface, it appeared to be another global warming verse. But you twisted it into a statement on us rather than on the Earth at the end, which I liked. And it was a very interesting take on the topic. I'm sure someone (having not read the votes) will say it didn't hit the topic enough, but I like this sort of tangential creativity. I do think you're nearing the point where it will be time to start pushing boundaries a bit more. The content itself was trod ground, and your writing style was straight-forward. Mix up rhyme schemes and work on more interesting phrasing to push yourself.

Adonis: You've been writing so intricately most of this season, so I thought this was a big step back. I liked the conceptual aspect of having God discussing why so many wars have been fought over him, but the execution really needed to be better. The bouncing around of speech patterns and lackluster flow showed you didn't seem to put as much time in this week as you needed to, perhaps because you underestimated your opponent as the favorite entering the battle.

Vote: timeless