AOWL WK12: Split (5-4) VS. Adonis (4-3) [ADONIS WINS, 8-0.]

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due WEDNESDAY 5/15 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due THURSDAY 5/16 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends MONDAY 5/20 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUSTcheck in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: Your job this week is simple.... you can either use the title of the book or the image on the cover as your main idea for your piece this week. Whatever you are able to come up with.

http://i39.tinypic.com/30jlji8.jpg



Good luck to both participants. Adonis Split

[Adonis]

Fruity Pebles da GOD

[Split]

I am a sinner
Who's probly gonna sun again
Lawd forgive me

[Split]

editing editing editing

[Adonis]

~Angel Fall~



Imagine having two hands without self control,
An accomplice of death scrolls – Consoling souls,
Contriving plans – Striving to abolish, ungodly man,
Repent or be damned – The intent to withstand;
A heavenly being swinging demonic extremities,
Double edged fork tongue’s digging graves incessantly,
Representing respectfully – The Apples inner core,
Your cancer is of course; freedom without cords,
No puppeteer controls; No master blueprint,
Just a choice, choose wrong and – I am whose sent,
Contortion of laws; abortion and Fraud,
Love broken – The shards used for fucking – Raw,
Aids created by flaws. Stop berating your god,
Parading a facade that all's forgiven when asked for,
Blasphemous; I'm the right hand who get's the last word,
Double standard – “Shalt not Kill” – Unless I'm commanded.
“Eloi, lama sabacthani”. God damn it!
My heart strings tug, with every grave I dug,
I've no joy in being both verdict and judge,
I'm the gavel and sentence, his unwavering premise,
Work's unblemished; your choices see that it's endless.

“My Brother...Please; Listen...

I see you don't agree with your primary function,
Destroying the free-willed for choosing corruption,
The assumption here, is that they'll all be good,
But they're individuals, so that's, well...Misunderstood,
Because without evil, there's no point in Heaven,
They were created flawed, therefore, they're our peasants.

Samael,
What's been your purpose after HIS sacrifice?
They sin, “repent”; then are cleansed for after life,
You were deemed obsolete the day he arose,
So I purpose we fly free; and flutter coast to coast,
What's the point of wings, if we're locked in a cage?
HE wants US to flee, and keep Earth as OUR slave”...

Day became night, sun blackened by fright,
Winged Gods rule skies, taking women as a prize,
Waves topple land, Mountains; cower in fear,
Earth trembles as the conqueror’s enter the atmosphere,
Clouds part like Red Sea, Oceans devour the weak,
Thunder rolls as lightning folds monoliths to crumbling heaps,


No rapture; The lucky... Slain in haste,
The rest captured and chained for praising grace,
Arch Angel Belial; Earth's new king is home,
The sky; his throne. Human; merely a stepping stone.

As day's pass, revolution never came to fruition,
God gave man choice, now worship Apollyon...
Or die with Religion...




*Apologies if colors make it a bit hard to read, it was necessary for different speakers*

[Split]

Adonis is it alright if I take the EXT til tomorrow? I normally wouldnt ask after you posted but I want my verse to be worthy, and I still gotta write something for a battle and give this laptop back before I go to bed

[Split]

angel face.

my mind's Elsewhere too, didn't find divinity.
just empty, sinusoidal anonymity.
wash in austere infinity.
lapping in brain waves, concert hall echoing.
Boston Symphony.
this is deafening:
music to a silent memory of a place you knew,
then deciding anything was better than December, in a faded suit-
angels fall.

I watched you dive. diving forwards into nothing,
arms stretched, wrists bent, fists clenched, saying something.
clinging to the swinging metronome. heavensent.
this is madness: looking pitiful, as you fell alone, didn't grasp to what you said

and this is what sin is

listening to the silence as the depth opens wide
and not answering in time


she did

[IamBenT]

Adonis

A heavenly being swinging demonic extremities,
Double edged fork tongue’s digging graves incessantly,
- loved the flow in these two lines, the whole verse really lies out the
angel and his plight very vividly. Im not a big fan of your flow, sometimes it feels
a bit clunky, but you are making a strong effort in providing rhymes and the vocab is crisp!

Samael,
What's been your purpose after HIS sacrifice?
They sin, “repent”; then are cleansed for after life,
You were deemed obsolete the day he arose,
So I purpose we fly free; and flutter coast to coast,
What's the point of wings, if we're locked in a cage?
HE wants US to flee, and keep Earth as OUR slave”...

-Fascinating turn of events here, albeit a bit abrupt, it gave the story some necessary tension which I liked

Thunder rolls as lightning folds monoliths to crumbling heaps,
- this is dope, wish you would do this more often

Strong ending, giving us that ultimatum decision, and bringing it home to the title. Strong vivid verse, with great detail
but I felt your storytelling and plot development was lacking a bit in some awkward wording.

Split

wash in austere infinity.
lapping in brain waves, concert hall echoing.
Boston Symphony.
this is deafening:
music to a silent memory of a place you knew,

- holy crap just beautiful use of enjambment and floating rhythm to give this the right feeling of loss,
you are able to capture in one image what it takes some writers several bars to do, including myself, essence of tight poetic writing.

The ending is great, its a bit elegiac and yet gives this picture of final release that fits the verse well.

Tough battle. I fear that Split's work may not get the credit it deserves, being as that it is so poetic.

Adonis came with just enough to win IMO despite lacking a strong story telling focus.

Vote -Adonis in a close one, great battle guys.

[Zen]

Adonis: Wowzer I really enjoyed this shit. After reading the first few lines I honestly thought this was going to be boring and you came out and proved me wrong. It picked up by the middle of the blue verse and never let up from there. I gotta say I really did enjoy this piece and the dialogue between these two were my favorite part and then the ending came and left me in a total mindfuck. Great work here this week Adonis.
Split: You were rushed and completely left without internet connection and honestly I can tell man. That means no offense of course but this work was less than I've come to expect from you but you still dropped a nice poetic piece here that worked quite well I gotta say but in the end it was a let down. A more thought provoking mindfuck verse from you like your Religion piece would've easily made this BOTW.

All in all I've got Adonis taking this easily...even though he says he's never read anything by me....And he just did no show love and I was one of the two verses he left feed on....

[Mike Wrecka]

Adonis - strong verse. that blue text irritated the fuck out of me. thanks for that. but ya this was a verse that I feel got you back on track to where you were earlier in the season. very good stuff here, and the flow was on point. content wise , reminded me of matt damon and ben afflecks characters from the movie Dogma. if you've ever seen it. it worked really well. enjoyed the slightly shorter bars you used here. prolly verse of the week imo

split - fuck you. no seriously fuck you. this was to me, the best verse ive ever read from you. where a lot of the time your flow makes me scratch my head, this piece flowed incredibly well for me. the tone, the words and the mood you created were all awesome. but you didn't write enough. not nearly. waaayy to short and im sure that wasn't intentional. like you just couldn't finish because of real life stuff but ya im kinda pissed that you didn't have the opportunity to fully complete this gem. could have been epic.

still a good battle but ya obvious winner is obvious

vote- adonis

[ThisisDAM]

I'll be honest, I don't think this was even close because of Splits short post. If he came longer he DEF would have given Adonis a run for his money here. It's a shame because Adonis came very nice & deserved a full showing against it. But still, not a bad battle. Unfortunately, someone has to win.

Vote - Adonis

[ZeeDee]

Split, this was a cool start of a verse... the intro was nice and had a very personal feel to the narration. Flow and structure were cool and the way you personalized. This was obviously not completed though... I liked what you were doing and thought this might of been a great piece if expanded on to pick up and carry that concept. I've seen you write a lot better too so maybe ur just uninspired..

Adon, dispite all the bullshit... I have nothing against u... this was a pretty detailed and imagery filled verse and those are two crucial elements I love to see in stories. The flow started off cool and then slacked off, but the story developed regardless. I assume the blue is Satan, but unsure who the red font represents... was kinda interesting how the devil is blue and the other is red alnost suggesting that they're more evil than the devil... the details of our world in ruins is always interesting to see how people paint it...

Vote adon

[Fig]

Adonis The first stanza really held the best lines of the whole piece, and It was a very well written expression of an angels inner turmoil. The flow was also best in the intro, but it fell off after that. The concept itself was fair, however I appreciated the slight twist at the end, thought it was a nice touch. Yeah, but overall, I dug this verse.

Split

lapping in brain waves, concert hall echoing.
Boston Symphony.
this is deafening:
music to a silent memory of a place you knew,

Fuck that was great man lol. Honestly, with a little more development, I see you taking this easily, but unfortunately the ending felt a bit underwhelming for me. I can appreciate where you were going, but in the end I can only judge whats here.

Vote/Adonis

[Objective]

Adonis: Dope written as always. I really enjoyed the read and I think both you and me knows that you should listen to the words you convey in your own piece. You're the fallen angel and you got to understand that without humans there wouldn't be no heaven and hell, just counterparts that doesn't really have any reason to fight. Are you a human or a God? Only you can answer that question. But as a neutral Kratos that has a refound appreciation of peace unless balance is destroyed all I got to say is this; truly enjoyed your piece. You manage to see several viewpoints by writing this ish in a stylish fashion with a ridiculous flow and verbiage that doesn't go to waste on petty things, the focus is in sync with your sentences that eventually shows the madness you've presented to us. The topic is on point and I look forward to read more from you.

Split: I had to look up the word sinusoidal as I started reading your piece. Goddamn, what a fitting fucking word you managed to lubricate your verse with. The rest of your verse (in lack of a less repetitive word) shows even more awesomeness to the poetic piece of brilliance you display to your readers. It was simply beautiful to read. I'm not even fucking around. That was pure excellence and I hope you show it to someone some day, heck, keep it on your phone and show it to some girl when a party withers because I'm sure it'll get you to heaven. You define the term ''less is often more'' with this piece, and I enjoyed every fucking re-read of it.

Vote: BOTW. No doubt. It was beautiful. I try not to be a coming off as a fucking faggot right now but it simply was amazing to read and as an admirer in the art of writing I could tell this was an educated battle of what rhyming really is. But who should I go for? The excellency of writing in rapform or pure perfection with less words? I'm tripartied. The angels on my left and right are looking at me for advice fellas.

Reading everything again and enjoying it just as much as I did at the first time around my vote goes to Adonis on this one as it felt more complete as a whole. Split; Post it in the OM and I'll give it a HoF nomination.

[TYSON]

Adonis- nice verse. Good representation of an angel rebelling, well that's what I got out it. Angels are said to be jealous of humankind because we are given choices in life and even if we make the wrong one we can still be forgiven, but they can't. Pretty much that's the image u painted in my mind. Did it very well too.

Split- tbh u lost this before I even read it. The shortness leaves no room for content from the get, not that verse that presented wasn't a good read. Not much to say.

VOTE/ADONIS

[King Ra.]

ADONIS WINS, 8-0.