AOWL Spotlight Match #1: Buddha (7-4) VS. Mike Wrecka (6-5) [MIKE WRECKA WINS, 6-1.]

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due WEDNESDAY 5/15 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due THURSDAY 5/16 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends MONDAY 5/20 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUSTcheck in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: Your job this week is simple.... you can either use the title of the book or the image on the cover as your main idea for your piece this week. Whatever you are able to come up with.

http://i44.tinypic.com/fylvzp.jpg



Good luck to both participants. Buddha Mike Wrecka

[Mike Wrecka]

ya

[Zen]

Check

[Zen]

The Last of the Reach

HA Here's my introduction, I'm a minion of fear and corruption
Near eruption in your tear ducts and fuck the way my peers function,
I'm bonkers, a primed monster disguised amongst ya
As a normal civilian, Born a chameleon swarmed with brilliance,
The lord of villians surrounded by mangled treasures,
An animal pressured taking cannibal measures, leavin mandibles severed
From violence in my hands, Time and again I silence the lambs
Call me the phantom shepherd, Hannibal Lecter, HA
In the rafters' beams hangs my panel of jesters, I laugh, they scream
And ask and plead but it doesn't matter to me cuz this handles better
Than a pattern of peace that these faggots preach, So, Come and grab a seat
And gather relief in my caverns beneath my manor, "The Last of the Reach",
It just so happens to be named after the street,
Here theres no sympathy, Just shattered dreams in a symphony of pain and agony,
Explain my rap sheet? Simple, it makes me happy,
Sometimes I can't contain my laughing when the papers call me insane or nasty
When really my brain is happily contained in savagery, HAThe real question is why people never bother to see or call the police
When these things are happening, Well I'll tell ya, Murder is the author of peace,
Sincerely, Dave.
HAHAHA

[Mike Wrecka]

gonna need the extension after all. my bad.

[Mike Wrecka]

http://i44.tinypic.com/fylvzp.jpg

Birdman

as a young child, he was wild and badly behaved,
at first his dad would smile, and say this boy is fairly insane/
but things grew vile, since these behaviors were rarely contained,
the father neglected his son, and only became aware of HIS pain/
he was overcome with emotions of despair and disdain,
as a single parent, he just wasn't prepared for this strain/
so all of the stress really began to wear on his brain,
he would go out for long stretches, leaving the kid scared in restraints/
but the neighbors were snoops, so to avoid suspicion and proof,
he locked the boy up, inside of an old chicken coop/
and that's where he stayed all day, the sickening truth,
is that he had no human contact, so his definition of youth/
was to mimic the birds that he lived with in a group,
he was pale and speechless, suffering from malnutrition a mute,/
and this transition became his father's decisions excuse,
he reasoned the boy was happy, as part of this pitiful troop/
so that's where he lived, pecking food off the ground,
assuming the posture of a chicken as he waddled around/
never thinking that one day he would be possibly found,
but he was! and this is exactly just how it went down/
ten p.m. he was awoken by a harrowing sound,
his dad was screaming back and forth with the sheriff in town/
"don't open that door, you wont like what you'll see,"
but the door did open, and he was finally free /
from that moment on, everything was sort of a blur,
his dad was led away in handcuffs but he didn't see that occur/

many group homes later, he's been taught how to speak,
but retained bird like behavior, and is still thought of as a freak/
and his mouth and nose converge, into sort of a beak,
still walks like a chicken, as if he's contorting his feet/
oddly enough, misses his dad, so he's forced them to seek,
his location, because even though it might be awkward to meet,
experts say it will make him complete, confronting his abuser,
but as they arrive at that old house, he approaches a rooster/
gives him a hug, full embrace, looking up at the sky,
says im home at last dad, and begins to cry/

[IamBenT]

Zen

I'm bonkers, a primed monster disguised amongst ya
As a normal civilian, Born a chameleon swarmed with brilliance,
The lord of villians surrounded by mangled treasures,

-whoa ho ho, real strong flow throughout this stanza, eager to see where it leads,
didn't really like "phantom shepherd" though, kinda strange wording

Than a pattern of peace that these faggots preach, So, Come and grab a seat
And gather relief in my caverns beneath my manor, "The Last of the Reach",

- wow lines, got that POWER like Will.I.Am

Description overall fit the topic real nice, just wish this character
actually did something besides look cool. I was always the kid who wanted to know the
backstory to my toys, and this verse was like a really cool toy with limited backstory lol

Mike

the father neglected his son, and only became aware of HIS pain/
he was overcome with emotions of despair and disdain,
as a single parent, he just wasn't prepared for this strain/
so all of the stress really began to wear on his brain,
he would go out for long stretches, leaving the kid scared in restraints/

- really liked that whole series there

You are one of the most solid story tellers, in terms of Freitag's triangle,
I really appreciate that kind of effort and consistency

lol kinda funny and sad to think of this abused chicken boy.

but as they arrive at that old house, he approaches a rooster/
gives him a hug, full embrace, looking up at the sky,
says im home at last dad, and begins to cry/

- lol hilarious and poignant, also thought provoking cuz at the end of the
day, what is a father?? fantastic.


TOUGH battle, my BOTW so far cuz it really is a display of great lyricism and
strong visuals and rhymes throughout. Imma go with the verse I enjoyed more despite
the technical wizardry

Vote -Mike Wrecka this time around

[Inno]

mic.

smooth shit like always..felt like your backstory was on point herer what i mean is your had some cool ddepth to your words. great progression moved along smooth like a said but it also managed to keep me interested..good shit man.

zen. i refuse to type that other name.

this was dope shit bro..i gotta say your scene setting was out fucknig standing..though aesthetic i thought the HAs where placed nicely because i actually read those first in a quick movement of my eyes like a cheetah and i felt like the laughs where coming from every where...yeah lol. to the verse, your story was onpoint as well i mean aside from the great imagery you wrote a very alive piece..waht i mean is you brought the picture to life you gave it character great flow as well thouht it was just as smooth as mics piece....dope shit.


i got zen on this one thought his piece had a bit more meat... mic had a dope piece but i fet like zen had just a bit more to offer when compared.good battle fellas.

[Adonis]

Apologize in advance for making this a fairly quick vote...Both of you vote each and every week so even though I'm strapped for time I'm making a point of voting on your battle, 1love yes homo...

Phil Jack Son - I liked the direction, up until the final stanza. It seemed like you cut it way short, maybe pressed for time? A twisted verse of torture, food and the reasoning behind it all. I liked the details in the scenery, and pretty much the violent setting overall. I didn't like the ending how you said people don't call police on him, seemed like just a way to quickly end a verse that had potential and fell a tad short.

Wrecks - IDK man, it was some really good writing, from imagery to emotions but, not sure about the concept. Just seems a bit weak IMO. Flow was dope through out with the one exception; "forced them to seek" is just poor wording but it flowed well, I think this should have been changed for sure.

All in all this was a decent battle, I've seen you both drop shit leagues ahead of these verses in terms of skill and shit, but that's not to say these were ass, because both were written very, very well. Close bout for sure, it's all preference at this point. Both had story's, one more based off emotion, the other evolving around sadistic thoughts and imagery. I think you both should have expounded, Mike on maybe more character build up, Zen on basically more. But in the end, I enjoyed Zen's verse more, however....I'm giving my vote to Mike for one reason. I truly feel like his is a complete verse, where the other stopped in the middle of a story. I say I enjoyed Zen's more because I loved the tone of the piece, but the feeling of a story ending in middle just don't sit right with me. Respect, and good battle lady's

[ThisisDAM]

Zen came nice. I thought the flow was good, but kinda sketchy as certain points but that's nitpicking. The verse does seem to end abruptly tho, I think it could have been stretched out more & perhaps a meatier ending would have birthed. But overall, good take & nice showing. Mike, I didn't particularly enjoy your take but this was a good piece of story telling, great in fact I thought. You went along pretty well with it. Im sorry to cut this short, no pun intended, but I gotta go with Mike on this. I felt it Zen went a bit longer he could have taken it. But, I wasn't fulfilled with his showing.

Vote - Mike

[ZeeDee]

Mike, the concept was cool and ur story outline was decent too. Nothing over the top, but pretty good flow and structure too. The build up was done with some creativity and the details u gave helped the character development. The mimicing a chicken and thinking dads a rooster gave a humorous twist that I can appreciate... I actually like a lil humor cuz its rarely a tool used by writers in these leagues... cool verse

Buddah, this started out fire for me to read... everything was great for the first part in building an exciing character, but u didn't really add any life examples of this character like what is he doing now with these power with specific examples, what is the rest of the reach doing.... the character development isn't really there, the character is just thrown at the reader... the flow and naration were both great. Just would of liked to see and know more about this character... I do like the craziness u used to create this character tho

Vote Mike

[Objective]

Zenland: Your interpretation of Ryuk, and how you display him, is extremely fascinating. I'm not a weeaboo but I enjoy myself a great anime if the story is great enough. Death Note was good enough to be rewatched 2-3 times for me and after being reminded about it again I'm probably going to do a re-run again. It's hard not to compare what I'm reading to what I've spent about 24 hours in total watching, but I'm doing my best not to do that.
All-in-all the verse is dope as fuck, the story is cool and I enjoy the character you created. Alltho' I think it's partly because I feel like this is how Ryuk's personality would have been if he could be seen by normal beings I still think that I'd find this character dope from a neutral standpoint as well. Your story was short as fuck and I think I would have enjoyed it even more if your verse was longer. But yeah, 7.0/10 from me.

Mike Wrecka: I got to say the same thing to you as I said to Zenland; I love to read how you percieved Ryuk to be. But the mindfuck was immense, all I could think to myself was; ''If Ryuk had been there he'd wanted to slice your head in half for making him into such a weak fucking faggot.'' But I had to maintain myself, I had to remain calm and read your story from a neutral standpoint. It was a challenge in itself and I could not stop to shake my head in disdain at what I was reading at the very same time you props and respect for the story you're telling with your verse. The story itself was decent and truly spoke about some mentally fucked up kid. The closure was dope as fuck too and probably the highlight of the verse for me.

Sidenote rambling before giving the final vote because.. fuck it: I really feel like I shouldn't even vote on this battle. It's a complete mindfuck for me as I'm pretty well known with all the characters involved in Death Note and I'm having a hard time to move out of the atmosphere the series display. I feel like my vote might be biased in either direction based on what I know from before. I've tried to wipe out everything I know about Ryuk and the show/manga, but it's actually pretty hard for me to read because all I can think of while reading is; ''How can something as great as this not genuinly come across as dope to me?''. At the same time it's extremely interesting to see how someone not familiar with the series (at least it seems like this for me that the writers is rather oblivious of the show) interprets Ryuk in Death Note. There were some striking similarities to the character in Zenlands verse (Ryuk's laugh and rather morbid personality) and some shit that was a dead tell that it wasn't based on the series at all (the fact that Ryuk can be seen by the normal man and in MW's verse; a motherfucking mentally disturbed birdman).
I know this isn't the usual vote and probably not the one you want to vote.. But I can't bring myself to delete all of this nonsensical off-topic shit now and I have to pick a winner. Both of the verses is equally great in different fashions and in the end it boils down to content.

MW: Some more interesting imagery (and/or vocabulary if you want) and descriptions would definately make your verse more solid, but the story you're telling is engaging and interesting allthough you fucked with my head all the way through.

Zenland: Your verse was dope but way too brief. However, I like the structure and the overall more complete approach to how you were presenting your piece and the character in your piece.

Ugh.. After going back'n'forth even more and reading both of the verses again it's extremely close imho. But the creativity and character in Zenlands verse can be compared to the same things in MW's verse. The difference between the two is that MW went in more detail about the character and his story and ultimately made me finally agree on a final vote which ended up in his favor.

Vote - Mike Wrecka.

[Fig]

Zen Alright the writing here was strong. Your technical skill really showed in that first stanza, and the use of vocab helped to advance the perfect tone for the character you were establishing. I thought that phantom line was dope too. That second stanza was nice as well, and while I was reading it, I felt as though it was about to transition into a great ending. Sadly it didn't. I really get the feeling like you rushed the piece and just finished it off abruptly. The verse didn't even climax, really. Basically I feel like there was potential lost on this one.

Mike So I loved the concept. The idea of a mentally tortured chicken boy is hilarious in and of itself, but the fact that he was made that way due to his dads own frustration made it funny enough for me to laugh out loud. I duno, I have a sick sense of humor. Anyways, although the picture that you painted here is a bit bizarre, I was still able to feel for the boy, which I consider a feat for how comical a character he is. What you lacked in technical ability, you made up for in story telling. I was fully engaged the whole time.

Vote/Mike

Zenland, with a better ending, I see you taking this easily. You had the potential, I just don't think you followed through. Pretty cool verses here on both sides though, good reads.

[King Ra.]

MIKE WRECKA WINS, 6-1.