AOWL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: zygote (9-1) VS. ZeeDee (5-2) [ZEEDEE WINS, 6-0.]

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due WEDNESDAY 5/15 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due THURSDAY 5/16 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends MONDAY 5/20 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUSTcheck in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: Your job this week is simple.... you can either use the title of the book or the image on the cover as your main idea for your piece this week. Whatever you are able to come up with.

http://i39.tinypic.com/2yzeh4n.jpg


Good luck to both participants.

[zygote]

ALIENS, SEX & SOCIOPATHS.
Extraterrestrial form standing proudly with mammals
so allow me to ramble without fleshing out an example
logically it hurts to be subconsciously submerged
methodically observe a suicide message with a lot of words
it’s philosophically absurd. i sought inherent meaning
found incoherent teachings and these depressive feelings
the myth of Sisyphus forever pushing rocks up hills
swallow bottled pills from Dr. Phil until my oblongata feels a loss of will
i know that it’s not real. the illusion is great
why truly escape only to live in this fugitive state?
these trade unions debate to put food on the plate,
if you knew it was a mistake would we choose a new fate?
so why do i continue onwards? im not a good person
not in any sense of these dogmatic assertions,
call you sociopathic because you overreacted
go from nomadic to a balance of homeostatic soul digging practice.
the opening gambit. take a holistic approach,
jump off the plane and swim for the boat
this isn’t the truth and it isn’t a joke
just a haphazard collection of pseudo-intimate notes.
lip-paying respect with less options for choice,
names in crowded rooms, catching a positive voice
from a position so twisted like opposite joints
failure is death. the beings forced me to not disappoint
hard to live up to and tough to live down this sense of position
animal hierarchies walk around in a wretched condition
spend more time hunting for increasingly less recognition
praying to heaven and feeling id be better off wishing.
i accept it with contended acceptance. my sense of self-worth
hollow bone dead muscle within a self-degenerative work
remember her birth. how she’d cry in my arms,
now the silence is drawn, maybe it’s time to move on?
but maybe it isn’t. conflicted feelings so crazy
Can you split a single existence into B.C. and A.D.?
before and after, black and white, up and down
this topic makes me very emotional ok so bye for now

[ZeeDee]

I guess no need to check in if ur just gonna post... be right back with my ve
rse

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6388
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6393
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6391
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6392

[ZeeDee]

The Stroker Twins


Everything's changed; birthing children was only for heterosexuals, then gays,
But they've stretched out this range by crossing that with extraterrestrial mates
Unpleasant to face, I've learned some can't be allowed to just procreate
Because the best of their race
can be infected with RAGE that turns all sex into rape
RAGE is the term we've created to serve
as the homo sapiens warning
Fantasies made worst with fake Captain Kirks
have turned into rape by the morning
Whether dating or whoring
these promiscuous freaks instantly lead to alien orgies
Where getting beamed up, will get you a reamed butt
with enough space for a 40oz
Within this process, the sin is monstrous, but their fellatio's great
Using wet tentacles to suck from testicles
down through the anus and taste.....
Your intestinal lining so when your reclining and expecting to play,
They rest on your face to exchange fluids and increase pregnancy rates
The molested that ate these foreign vaginas are now married with children
But the DNA mix has favored a risk of this twist creating more villains
With all of those men made into victims who are enslaved and in kitchens
Addicted to this taste they've been missing;
now dope fiends, chained with permission
Their babies are villains because receptors to fear are neglected and steered
In the direction of rears so by age 5, they've already molested their share
Since the fathers are human slaves that don't care, the baby's are running the house
While mothers help cover up all the crimes the kids have done while they're out


http://i39.tinypic.com/2yzeh4n.jpg


This wanted poster is of the Strokers, first names Richard and George
Who lost their virginity to their cat and an early addiction to porn
Since then they've forged an empire of making these films they've adored
With millions of members they've formed, who all love the snuff twists they explore
Murdering men, women, children and more in an unstoppable wave
Sex's the unlimited source, given with force nonstop to their graves
This becoming a popular craze is leading to more possible rapes
But victims are silenced within this violence and are the fathers today
A witness within "the life" begins to identify the boss, George W. Strokers
Says he's shooting a movie called, Susan Has Booty with the Most Horrible Odors
Sounding humorous, but we knew that this meant she's turned to a whore 'til she's sober
And when the drugs wear off, her throat will be sliced for the gore of this horror
I arrive at the scene, me and my team gather and raid through the entrance
Several women being prep for the camera are being raped in the distance
This jaded my vision, so I shoot them first and turn their faces to prisms
That are smeared against the walls instead of an anus with jism
Our mission is prudent, I signal my unit to kill all rapists on site
Not wasting no time on debating their crimes, just making space through their minds
Like we're playing a video game made for saving mankind
20 points for every alien fried and I have 80 tonight
I kick in the door and witness this whore raping two victims with four....
Tentacle swords in intimate force with one in their mouths; both ends are absorbed
My men hit the floor, guns ablaze until fingers of triggers are sore
Then I see George and chase him down to end this criminal force
Blasting my guns, the faster he runs, I realize that he has won
The clash of this fun is that this basturd lil brat is my son
This chapter is done, I wish I never met his mom and spat on her tongue
Which goes to show it's harder to catch a dic after it comes

[NYCSPITZ]

Very dope battle. Zygote came nicely with a more truncated, aphoristic style. It was dope as fuck and was way more airy than Zee's which had a specific plot and and story. Zy, the one problem I had with your piece was that its ending was rather anti-climactic. The whole piece was so dope that I was expecting a NYC Hudson River Firecracker explosion but the bang wasn't so loud. If you can focus a bit more on ending with more suspense and decisiveness, you would be an incredibly formidable storyteller and it would add to your already lethal arsenal. ZeeDee I haven't seen yet or maybe I have if he's an alias but LMAO that shit was funny as fuck. Great elements of storytelling...it was humorous, creative and had me on a yo-yo string the entire time. While it lacked the profundity of zygote's material, it was an awesome story expertly told and a refreshing departure from most of the shit I've read on the internet. The ending was sick and I was honestly lol'ling throughout the whole piece.

Bottom line it comes down to preference here and I know a lot give the obligatory "it was close, could go either way" way too often but in this case I really do think it was pretty close in terms of creative impulse and writing aptitude. The deciding factor was that Zee's piece had the storytelling elements down pat and zygote's weaker ending hurt his chances a little bit. I think it'll be a close see-saw battle but to me Zee took this one in a great battle and probably BOTW esp. since mad people are probably gonna no-show. Thanks for the effort from both

V/ Zee

[Zen]

zygote: I fuckin loved this verse mainly because I love a good rant and this is what this felt like to me. You also displayed great technical skill like the Dr. Phil line which flowed perfectly and you displayed a sense of humor in your last line which is a great departure since most of these pieces in the league are always so serious. Nice touch adding that to make you seperate yourself from the rest of the league. It honestly reminded me of your drop against me in the beginning of the league lol. All in all great drop.
ZeeDee: All jokes aside from how you act in the predictions thread, this was an extremely dope piece. It reminded me of The Clockwork Orange and The Thing fucked and made a baby and this is the world their child would live in. The setting of your story sounded extremely fucked up, I mean EXTREMELY fucked up. Not a great place to live. But he way you counteracted the seriousness of this mass orgy of a planet was by adding in humor in several of your lines. Very nice touch since it makes the more violent lines seem that much more fucked up next to a touch of dark humor. Nice work here man.

All in all this is a tough one but I've got to go with ZeeDee. I could see this one going down to the wire though. BOTW.

[IamBenT]

Zygote

so why do i continue onwards? im not a good person
not in any sense of these dogmatic assertions,
call you sociopathic because you overreacted
go from nomadic to a balance of homeostatic soul digging practice.
the opening gambit. take a holistic approach,
jump off the plane and swim for the boat
this isn’t the truth and it isn’t a joke

- this part helped develop the speaker for me, better than the beginning, this is marked improvement over your flow from last week, it
makes a great difference in readability and fun factor to keep me engaged

before and after, black and white, up and down
this topic makes me very emotional ok so bye for now

- ending is a bit ambiguous but, i like the use of questions
on the way towards the end of this..

ZeeDee

RAGE is the term we've created to serve
as the homo sapiens warning
Fantasies made worst with fake Captain Kirks
have turned into rape by the morning

-very dope scheme here, and everything comes clear in the trademark ZeeDee way,

some of this just made me LOL its so out of this world (pardon the pun lol)

Using wet tentacles to suck from testicles
down through the anus and taste.....

- gross but very effective!

Their babies are villains

- didn't like the use of "villains" again here, but i get you are working with a tricky scheme

Murdering men, women, children and more in an unstoppable wave
Sex's the unlimited source, given with force nonstop to their graves
This becoming a popular craze is leading to more possible rapes
But victims are silenced within this violence and are the fathers today

- very dope, you have really stepped it up here in these last two weeks, these bars
are prime examples!

All in all great sense of pacing throughout the story and I love the background setup in the first
chunk of the verse.Last line was a great example of some funny wordplay.

Tough battle. I feel that Zy had a great concept, and a really fresh idea, but weak character development
had the verse fall a bit flat for me. I love his flow here, much better than last week, and attention to
detail, voice is strong but I never got enough of a feeling of what was at stake for this character.

For Zee, some of the extracurricular sex details were a bit distracting. I really liked when you changed gears
and gave us the story of the Strokers, verse really picked up there. Flow was on point throught like 85 percent of
this which I really appreciated. Ending was strong as well.

Vote -ZeeDee really brought his A game this week against what I feel is a B verse from Zy.

[Mike Wrecka]

ok cool battle

zygote - im gonna keep it real cause I think you would appreciate that. this was not one of your better pieces. in the beginning you said it was a ramble. well that was pretty accurate. didn't have much direction. just a theme. and the structure was fairly basic, especially by your standards. now it was a smooth read with some good lines in there and I did enjoy it to an extent. just way below your usual standards. overall its pretty impressive that even a bad showing from you is so solid.

zeedee- this was a cool verse. the parts I didn't like were when you tried to add the humor. like get beamed up and get reamed in the butt. that didn't work for me. the whole section after the picture was really good. kinda wish you just posted that part. you told a good tale that kept me interested and your structure wasn't next level but it was good. good take on the topic. creative.

overall zee dee had a very good but not great verse that takes the W and the title here on a zygote off week

vote-zeedee

[ThisisDAM]

Zygote came nice, flow was awesome. Not much filler words, structure was sound. However, I felt you got repetitive a bit & I did not like how the ended came about. I do like the verse tho, I tend to gravitate toward people who write like this. Zeedee, what the fuck in in your head, haha. This was out of the box a bit, it gained a lot of steam as it went on. Ill be honest, the beginning didn't really come to me, I thought it was going to bore me with the captain kirk, testicles, etc talk. But, you really came refreshing here & I can see you have some good storytelling abilities. The comedy essence of it, I thought was too much in certain areas. The second verse was what really highlighted this drop.

This is real close, it really comes down to preference in a way. But also, the take on the topic & I like when someone goes out the box. Very very close call, but a slight edge to Zee here. Dope battle

Vote - Zee

[Objective]

Zygote: I felt you were rambling a lot. The main character etc. didn't really seem to have a meaningful spot in your verse beside of ''venting'' what went on in his/her mind, I'm not saying it can't be powerful as well but it didn't really have the impact I feel it could have had. Your verse has TONS of potential but it didn't really get there for me. Your last line could have been deep as fuck or something but instead the mofo just walks away because the topic got too emotional? I mean.. Come on, seemed like a lazy closure to me.
Beside of the shit I pointed out I enjoyed it for the most part. You got some lines in there that made me think and the highlight of your verse to me was the BC/AD-line. That line was dope as fuck. The flow was easy to follow throughout and overall I'd rate your verse at an 6.5/10. Above average, but not enough of an impact to really stand out in the crowd. A bit more consistent or thought out approach to your verse could have made this several levels doper imho because there's a bunch of great lines in there I feel doesn't really do its justice because it's just open minded rambling, put it in context. Still a great read and a decent verse that could have been so much more.

ZeeDee: First off I want to say that I applaud the fact that you chose to go with both the picture and the title while you could have sticked to just one of them. I like that. Shows that you're willing to take a challenge when presented with one. You also follow through with some pretty weird and obscure shit in the first half of your verse. The story you're telling is like a sci-fi horror collabo between Stanley Kubrick and Steven Spielberg. So far you've definately covered aliens, sex and sociopaths. It's fucked up and creative, as a being basicly being raised by 4chan during my teenage years I applaud your approach so far.

Allright.. Just started reading the first four lines into the verse. What the fuck dude? Did Steven and Stanley want some help from Quentin Tarantino as well? If there's one thing about your verse beside of the vulgar themes it's the fact that it's anything else than predictable. I'll try to wipe the mental images from my head of kids having sex with a cat from my brain and read on.

Our mission is prudent, I signal my unit to kill all rapists on site
Not wasting no time on debating their crimes, just making space through their minds
Like we're playing a video game made for saving mankind
20 points for every alien fried and I have 80 tonight
I kick in the door and witness this whore raping two victims with four....
Tentacle swords in intimate force with one in their mouths; both ends are absorbed
^Allright, I'm confident this this could very well have been a collabo project between the three I mentioned earlier.

Allright. I've read your verse and the imagery is ridiculous, the story is on point and as fucked up as it could have been. You NAILED the topic given, the flow and structure could have been a lot better but overall this shit was beyond solid in my opinion; Bottomline, it was BANANAS. Shit was vivid and creative and I love me some crazy. Well done.

MVGT: ZeeDee. He gets it on the story, creativity and really did the topic justice. Dope battle but I think ZeeDee outshined Zygote in this one, which is weird cuz Zygote usually drops some pretty dope shit.

[King Ra.]

ZEEDEE WINS, 6-0.