Week 7: zygote (4-2) vs. Vividlyvague (4-1) \\ zygote wins 6-0

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=64330).

Topics this week are available for your choosing here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=64328).

Good luck, zygote and Vividlyvague.

[zygote]

Assuming that - you believe abortion is morally and ethically not good,
because that - you believe every person has a right to life and livelihood,
And that - you believe the foetus is a person from the moment of conception.
Let’s examine the rationality of your beliefs in the form of a thought experiment question.

ABORTION ANALOGY: THE DYING VIOLINIST.

“You wake up tied to a bed and surrounded by surgical instruments.”
You look directly up at a flickering off-yellow luminous filament.
You cannot move your arms, you try to move your head,
And you notice that beside you, there is another bed.
There is a man inside that bed, you recognize the face,
You’ve seen it on TV. You see that he has no restraints.
You also see that you are both connected to a single machine,
There is a thin tube that pumps your blood plasma into his side of the screen.
Wait, you remember now. He’s a violinist, he’s been in the news,
Doesn’t he have a fatal blood infection? Some kind of viral flu?

He does have a blood infection. You have the right genetic script.
We’ve kidnapped you to help him, taken your body and connected it to his.
Only your immune system can fight off his viral infection,
No other person can establish the right type of connection.
If we unplug his body from yours right now, he will definitely die.
But if he stays connected for 9 months then he will stay alive.
All people have a right to life, and violinists are persons.
So you must keep him. Now we tell you that this is your purpose.
The violinists right to life outweighs your personal decision,
The violinists right to life is worth more than your opinion.

Does the violinist have rights against your body? That’s the main conception.
Even if this is not what you want, are you obliged to stay connected?

You think it through. They’ve kidnapped you against your will and needs,
But a violinist’s right to life overrides these factors, the ends justify the means.

There’s no doubt it would be very kind of you to let it all continue,
But in the end, are you morally and ethically required to do so?

You decide that it would be alright to keep the violinist supported,
You resolve to keep it up for 9 months and not see his life aborted.
But what if… what if I throw another complication into this mix.
It is no longer 9 months of connection, but now 9 years of this.
There are so many other social, economic, and personal things to consider.
Like what if this violinist was controversial in your country and caused a great deal of stigma?
And what about if this connection was a permanent arrangement?
Now, if this makes you believe that such a thing would be outrageous.
- If you believe the violinist cannot assert such rights over your being,
- If you believe the violinist should be disconnected from the machine.
- If you show dissonance and believe that such a hypothetical is not factual.
Then your original beliefs on abortion are hypocritical and irrational.

[e11even]

Posters didn't cut it. I copied dance numbers and adlibs he made in public.
They loved his rugged chin. His superhero jawline, easy eyes and shuffle schtick.
He was an icon dubbed the "lovable wonder" then. He was mine.
I stalked him since nine. No entourage. No motorcade lines.
Just him.
I slashed the tires. Almost cut the fucking brake lines.
That was close. Backseat for the great suprise...
Chloroform rag, check, duct tape and supplies,
Check. I hope I don't fuck up. I can't take a bad break this time.
He enters the car. I explode out, "Hey, Sir! If you would so kindly taste this fine
Flavored rag, I'd appreciate it!" He fumbled and fought, but all was futile.
The grin on my face was bright! "Now we can watch my surveillance together!
You on the beach, you on a model piece, you on... maybe me?"
No response. Figures. But no matter, for I had this down to a letter!
I'll wake you and make you fall for your biggest fan! What could be better?
I dragged his hefty dead weight to my trunk and respectfully tethered
The trunk lid shut with bungees. It wouldn't open NO MATTER THE WEATHER!
This was great.
So on the ride home I talked up a storm. I told him my entire childhood
And all the grisly details between. Me being an orphan, and the fact I was denied books.
I imagine he would have been very sympathetic. Then, "Look!
There's a light above us! Is it GOD?" Still no response from the trunk.
Paranoid as all fuck, I swerved of the cliffside and surfed down the bluff.
We hit the bottom after fifty flips at least! I was stuck in mangled metal glass and stuff.
I managed to get out my Cadillac to ask to borrow a couple of bucks...
You know, for the car I singlehandedly fucked up? Well one thing til this day just hadn't stuck...

The most important person in my life had disappeared inexplicably.

I lost my beloved Elvis to those perverted alien fucks!

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

zygote - the wonderland logic caught me off guard as I lackadaisically disregarded reading the pretext till after the actual body of it - so instead of searching for any underlying comparative analogy I was off into a bleak, blade runner:esque, dystopic future. Which actually made it better when it came down to the "closing argument" of the piece (having to read that amount of pretext is pretty silly imo). Well-crafted if semantically odd with an understated sensibility for smooth rhyming. Good effort.

Vividlyvague - Felt like a "Dear diary..."-entry but with pretext. The narrative kinda of doesn't end up... anywhere, just a weird revelation twist-like writing device. At intervals, I'm down for the occassional piece of fuckery but the main problem here is that your schemes are pretty disconnected and droning.

Overall I think zygote presented the most polished effort, so vote for him(/her)

[timeless]

Zyg, your approach this week was cool. Loved the the twist in the end. Your flow was great, couple of stretched lines in there but not bad at all.

Viv, also digging this approach. Im all for a random, twisted type of plot such as this. Felt that if you put more effort into the rhyme schemes this week you couldve had this, but your flow was tossed around at times made it a pretty unpleasant read. Concept wise, this was dope.

V. Zyg

[oats]

Zyg: I thought this was a cool approach/application of your subject, and I like how you took a single detail of being surrounded by medical instruments and made it a thought experiment on the morality of abortion. It was unique and original, and for the most part it worked. My gripe would be that there was a simplistic portrayal of abortion in here - of course no one would sacrifice 9 months for a total stranger that they never knew they were risking in the first place. Hardly does the dilemma of having birth/abortion justice, since people generally understand that sex leads to pregnancy, and that it will be their child they are going to have or abort. As a verse, I thought it was cool and an interesting take, but as an actual experiment, I think it had some holes.

Vivid: I liked the voice and idea behind this a lot. It was a fun read, a category that's probably not given the credit it deserves. In any case, the character was carved out pretty well for what this was; we didn't know any motivation for his elvis obsession but this was more of a story than a character sketch, so I can look past those gaps in our knowledge. I think the rhyming here was a little weaker than your usual effort. The "twist" at the end was cool too, nice tip of the hat to the crazies that believe Elvis was abducted. If anything, I do wish more detail was utilized on your end, either to flesh out the character or to give more a lush backdrop/setting to the story, since you seem to do well with descriptions.


Vote: This is a close one to me. Zygote had the better writing, and the better idea, but had a more critical flaw to his verse in that his metaphor wasn't an apt representation of abortion in my opinion. Vivid's writing was a little more inconsistent, and his idea was fairly basic, but it was enjoyable to read with no jarring details or omissions. Ultimately I gotta lean towards Zyg. He left an opening to be exploited by Vivid, but V's overall effort seemed a little underwhelming, despite the fun angle he took. With some cleaner rhyming and more detail, I think Vivid could've snuck away with it.

[King Ra.]

Zyg, this was an interesting direction/take on the topic you chose. This was written particularly well, but not exactly at your very best, still really good in comparison to your opponent. I felt your concept was very intriguing but also a bit off. It seems you didn't really round it off as well as you could, either it needed more content or you just couldn't complete such a complex idea. The idea was cool, unique but in accordance with the argument you were making, its ties to abortion just didn't connect well. But major kudos for such a complex idea. Vivid, I really liked the shot of humor/comedy in your piece which really was the strong point. This wasn't written as cleanly as it could have been like other work you've written. Here you seem to sacrifice great mechanics for more story and content, and on that note, I feel you matched Zyg in that regard. The topic you chose and the idea you came up with was interesting and the humor was your driving force. I do have a knock which is how you ended it. It was a pretty crazy finish. Idk what it is, but it just didn't really sit well with me.

This was close because the way you both topped off your pieces was kind of weird. For Viv, it was the seemlessly wild ending with Elvis and for Zyg the connection of a dying violinist to abortion. All in all, I feel Zygs mechanics were cleaner and his idea more intriguing compared to Vivs comedic story, which didn't necessarily deliver enough for me at the end.

MVGT: Zygote. Good job by both competitors.

[Mike Wrecka]

dope

zygote - really really enjoyed the verse here. the analogy was one I have never thought of in the abortion debate. its a really good one. I wonder if you created it yourself. im assuming you did. using the violinist was a really good idea. it gave you a method of calling the person something without giving him a name. nice literary device right there. the rhyming was good. awesome concept. great verse man.


vividlyvague - it felt a bit rushed. ive seen much better from you. I saw you writing at the dead line and it was kind of obvious. the mechanics of this verse were only mediocre. the concept was kind of creative but didn't match up to your opponents.


sorry for the short vote fellas. my apologies. but I read both and appreciate and enjoyed different aspects of both. thanks for the reads.



vote - zygote

[Adonis]

two enjoyeable reads. I did not read the opening stanza in Ziggie's verse, instead dove right in. It was a mind fuck. Different take on topic and splendid execution. From start to end I loved the read, even more on second time around. Vivi, I liked the hint of sadistic thoughts as this is under utilized in this league. I wrote two verses this week, the second was extremely gruesome, opted to not use it as I doubt it would be taken lovingly. Your verse was decent at best, the concept is dope. The writing and overall execution faultered somewhere after the actual kidnapping and the bright lights scene

I'm voting Zygote with his well written, thought provoking abortion ode over elvis being taken by aliens??

V/Ziggie