Week 8 championship: 1. oats (7-0) vs. 2. King Ra. (4-3) \\ oats wins 5-1

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=65561).

Topic:

http://i.imgur.com/F5aYbbo.jpg

Good luck, oats and King Ra.

[oats]

Sirte: A Landscape


it’s always dusk.
ever since the first bomb erupted
streets are fallen, stuck as suspended stalls of dust
you’re kept in modest bubbles, plus with Benghazi’s trouble
life’s a lawless puzzle solved between the walls of rubble.
mauled and muddled - these remnants of civilization
sitting in place of the memories of your nostalgic muzzle.

the halls you’d run through as the sun crooned to small faces
have since been captive to the shadows, reassembled as tall mazes.
long days spent in hiding turned nerves to calm patience -
same as how the sidewalks transformed to crawlspaces.
fresh air’s a psalm, nascent in the midst of burning atmosphere
the trial of survival: evoke ANYTHING to pass as fear
cuz once you become numb to the reality that happens here
you’ll face your debasement: you’re a statistician’s chandelier.

savagery in masked veneer, the static buzz of idle threats
chokes through AM frequencies while politicians sign their checks.
worse than heat, hunger, hopelessness, sheer survival’s stress -
is the boredom; how to pass the time while you wait for your untimely death?

lies are swept across the sands, creating haze as doom delivers
breath to conspiracy, an earless fiend of Truthful whispers.
you beg to be afraid again, accept what’s obviously ludicrous
you know that death is easy, unless you’re not the one who's doing it.

so you search. beyond the humble ruins left by paranoia’s message
passed limbs scattered like the land mines that deployed their severance
into unknown corners of yourself, once avoided lessons
like why does light’s absence disturb you more than noise’s presence?

***

in the building where you once learned basic letters and arithmetic
behind the boulders smoldering: a door where something mystic lives
a window to a foreign land, a scene you’d never think exists
a flash of everything you’ve ever lost or wanted - innocence

intimate, it’s just you. you want to bust through and hide among
the shade of trees, face the breeze as it carries forth the light of sun.
the infinity of possibility, imagination’s wild attempt
to summon a new world, one where you can be a child again.

Through it you see more colors than your eyes can stomach
But does it show you the truth or just divide you from it?
you try to jump in, only to feel the emptiness of pavement’s touch
no water. no grass. no colors. back to gray and dusk.
the pain of hunger, too ashamed to wonder how the pane was undressed
but you can't change the country. Instead, let us change the subject.

[King Ra.]

There will come a time when....
you & many others arise. United as one
in spite of divide. Enlightened, allied
during perilous times.
A revolution begun.
You will be prepared as soon as they come
upon seeing the whites of their eyes.
Igniting your pride & the others until retribution becomes
the solution supplied in the midst of tragedy's slum.
There will be casualty's, son.
Young, old; husbands, wives.
The day will come when we have finally won.
Plus I will always be at your side as guide.
You & I, together.
Forever as one.
.
.
Peho wiped the tears from his eyes.
His father's words always touched him deeply inside.
It was food for thought. Fuel for his motivation & drive.
The taxi came to an abrupt stop.
"Okay sir, we've finally arrived."
He paid the driver & thanked him before stepping outside.
Looked up & chimed, "Father, it is almost time."
The tower loomed in front of him. An exceptional view.
Peho picked up his belongings and began his pursuit.
.
.
"My son, remember this image. For it tells an incredible truth.
A pictures worth a thousand words & its message is tenable, too.
It contains conceptual proof. That of which one could unearth.
Listen closely as I begin dissecting its clues...."

Every third world nation's resources reduced.
Civil riots ensue. Violence consumes, dead bodies accrue.
Lands are left desolate til nights are silent, recluse.
All while Westerners thrive. Triumphant, renewed.
We constantly look through that window to see freedom & truth.
All I see is the meaningless pursuits, corrupted leaders in suits.
Who seek to seduce. They got us by the neck on a noose.
Those who oppose are constantly put to shame on the news.
Look here & what surrounds.... pollution. Homes burned to the ground.
We're in a prison & bound, to the idea of one day getting out.
What we truly see is foul, it's deception espoused.
Perfection confound within the chaos & madness allowed.
But when it all falls down & it seems as if all is lost & done.
We will get back up in the midst of the drought.
The next time we look out of that window, behold a spectacular view.
The West will fall looking back at our great green pastures anew.
.
.
Peho opened his eyes. Took a moment to breathe.
A detonator right by his side.
"Father, I hope we succeed."
.
.
"9-1-1.... state your emergency?"
"SEND PARAMEDICS & OFFICERS! HURRY, PLEASE!
A BOMB JUST WENT OFF AT THE SEARS TOWER!
THERE IS DEAD BODIES LAID OUT IN THE STREETS!"
"Okay, sir. Please remain calm.
We have every available unit on the way to the scene."
"OH MY GOD...."
.
.
The man witnessed Peho emerge from the smoke-
bombs strapped to his body.
In his hand, another remote.
.
.
.
Our perspectives obscured by taking others in vain.
They suffer, in pain. Everyday hope to be saved.
One day we will look back from their side at our tumultuous ways.
One day we will look back & realize we are the ones to blame.

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

oats - you flex some pretty impressive descriptive muscles throughout that conveys in essence the Fallout:esque aesthetic of actual pictures of the place. Technically I like that you play around with your schemes (less rigidity allows for smoother lyrical diction in my experience). Innoncence lost is so very human a theme.

King Ra. - Your verse shared some of the illustrative qualities of your opponent's in that you drew imagery from diverse sources formulating a lamentation of sorts. Somehiting that impressed me was that you managed to make dialog in full couplets sound semi-natural (which is insanely hard to do while adhering to to a rhyme structure).

I'll give my vote to oats for the somber atmosphere it conveyed. Excellent topical clash here fellas.

[e11even]

Oats- amazingly deep piece, given the down-to-earth language and subtle approach. This piece is proof that topicals have a place here, as you seem to breathe more and more life into the form every week. Your rhyme schemes were terrific and the piece execution as a whole was flawless. I can honestly say I have no complaints. Great job.

Ra.- you did a profound job here. I loved the intricate scheming you started with, and although it kind of withered to a simpler set of schemes onward, this came off really clean. Your piece was conceptually dope, much in the same vein as Oats, but with more of a story's narrative focus. I think your piece speaks more aggressively to underlying issues of corruption and political agenda. Great drop.

This was indeed a contender for BOTW, hands down. You both came out prepared for a bout and it was definitely had. I love both of your pieces, as they resonate with me on a technical level and on my personal opinions and thoughts about the matters you both hit on. Terrific battle guys. I think for this, as almost always, I will go with the more lasting impression. MVGT Ra. For a more aggressively written take on the topic. Seriously, dope battle you two.

[Mike Wrecka]

sick battle guys . props


oats - best piece ive read from you. that might be because im semi drunk right now but I doubt it. the flow was immaculate. upper upper tier status structure and scheme. only a few others can do it that well.

you’re kept in modest bubbles, plus with Benghazi’s trouble
life’s a lawless puzzle solved between the walls of rubble.


really enjoyed that bar.

the multis throughout this piece were exceptional.


you told a story without any main characters. the people that lived there and the landscape of destruction were the characters. which was dope. you didn't have to waste time with names and the such.

great piece. nailed the topic perfectly. loved the ending.


King. Ra. - very nice verse man. really enjoyed the tone. the flow and cadence was also top notch here. just a decimal or two behind your opponents imo. the story was cool , enjoyed the fuck out of it.


overall - oats was slightly better mechanically and hit the topic better. he gets my vote


vote - oats



great battle fellas. thank you for the reads.

[Soulstice]

Phone vote!

Oats - first two stanzas were crazy good, but you somewhat fell victim to much imagery - descriptive with a tight flow, but not as much substance, direction, or purpose to the piece. a lot could have been cut out tbh. towards the end it was cool. the dividing from truth line was key, although some of the other questions you posed werent nearly as provoking imo (lights absence/noises presence was a forgettable contrast). anyway, the end was cool because i imagined both sides of the truth considering the end of your piece - countrymen among the wartorn capital trying to distract themselves from the horror at hand by changing the subject, by storytelling of faraway paradises, perhaps. and first-world citizens in the west growing bored of the discussing apartheid/genocide/war and moving on as if it was nothing. i think if you had done more of this and developed the concept rather than the imagery and the atmosphere it wouldve hit harder.

king ra - as far as storytelling goes this piece is pretty well developed. i mean the ending referenced the developments and points you made in the middle stanza and peho was a pretty full character relative to the length of the piece. the rising action-climax was done in a way that involved an imagery-laden exposition into the former, bubbling the pot over for our final explosions. however, the actual concept is pretty done. first world take third world third world strike back - there are ways to make it more original rather than the route you took, which was very straightforward imo. everything was technically there, but the concept didnt grab me

v - oats
both had solid execution, but oats edged it conceptually by a fair amount.

[Adonis]

DiscLaimer: read each a few times since due date, voting quick though
Oats- i appreciate the knowledge in bars, however, I did not enjoy flow. At all. Too many breaks between. Just as I begin to un-love your verse you slip in a hint of rhyme with strong meaningful ruse. you also have the ability to simply make sense with thought of depth, and often too.. You make sense above your opponent. You developed a style that's appreciated more with each read which is rare and simply put, dope.


Jah. The Verse was dope. Meaning and rhyme. But if I will, honestly,it lacked. The detail was strong when you wanted it to be, but when you filled you fell short. The ending was not needed, I mean the final 2 stanzas.


Voting: I enjoyed both,Def did. Two powerful verses they when read with a careful eye simply made sense. Two good reads thank you.
V/oats
Similar flow but meaning and imagery in each line accumulatedwas just stronger

[Certain]

King Ra.: I think it's not so much your word choice that needs work as your story organization and attempt at driving up the stakes on everything you write. The stanza "Every third world" was just such a momentum-killer here. It was written well enough, in the technical sense, but it stalled out the story and our connection to the character at the exact moment you should have been driving further into that area. Instead you wanted to broaden the scope, but the most effective storytelling is done when the small scale is used to reflect the larger scale. Take that section out, add a little depth on the relationship between Peho and his father and clarify the ending about how he walked out after the bombing, and you have a very good verse. Instead, you drove into the ground a topic that's already been driven into the ground. All of your mechanics were as sharp as I've seen them. You wrote this like you were writing a championship verse, and perhaps that hurt you more than anything.

oats: This was an atmospheric whirlwind. I wonder how well it would have stood against a more complete story, but I have a hard time thinking anyone could have written a much better verse for this picture. Every word was well-placed and evoked the exact emotion you were shooting for. This might be your best verse of the season and definitely is your best in a championship match.

Vote: oats

[d0ubt]

oats - i like the scattered, unpredictable rhyme scheme, you didn't keep it the same the entire way through and peppered in good multis and internals in spots you weren't expecting, it was nice i like when pieces are done that way, a constant rhyme scheme can become tedious. so many good multis and internals throughout this piece, really well done rhyme scheme. the vocab in this piece was phenomenal, so many fantastic, unique words littered throughout the piece. the diction was smooth, imagery was descriptive. all around a well written piece man.

king ra - i felt some of your diction wasn't as smooth in spots i noticed a few hiccups. your rhyme scheme is very hit and miss, in spots you shown signs of rhyme scheme mastery and it creates such great flow, but you don't keep it consistent, and i feel a good topical has a good, consistent rhyme scheme. i thought this was a good piece, i'm not trying to say it's not but this is a champ match so i'm being nitpicky. it's a good story with good imagery and narration but i find a topical hard to stay interested in to follow along with there's not a good flowing rhyme scheme, so i fell in and out of these piece as u read it.

vote - oats, i felt his mechanics were a step above.