Week 8: 19. TheRealWayneBrady (0-0) vs. 20. Zombie (0-0) \\ Zombie wins 4-1

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=65561).

Topic:

http://i.imgur.com/GeJdNgW.jpg

Good luck, TheRealWayneBrady and Zombie.

[TheRealWayneBrady]

Dat bish swimmin? In

[TheRealWayneBrady]

"Sometimes The Thing You Want The Most, Is The Thing You Need The Least"


Quietly frozen; she felt the wrath of the trident through a silent explosion,
flashes of light as she lay there amist the coral stone granulates floating.
Poseidon's violence was growing, as his compassion dwindled away,
He held back the love for his daughter to slaughter the sins she displayed.
Because her sinful caper, caused the cliffs to shift in nature, emitting craters,
So as he gripped the trident, he dipped the tip to face her, & felt no greater pain.


He warned his kingdom of boundries, "the ocean floor to the coral reefs,
But never cross the border, to where the shores meet the sea."
But Dora was such an explorer, and loved the warmth of the beach,
And dreamed of being free, coexisting amongst creatures born with feet.
of course she never thought this interaction would be a plausible feat,
For her to be human was just,... such an Impossible reach.
So She'd wander the seas, drifting, imagining how different she'd be.
Until one day a gleam of light hit her eye as she passed a shimmering ring,
She noticed an inscription, she could see it was written in greek
"Αυτός που κατέχει αυτό το δαχτυλίδι, επίσης, κρατά το κλειδί"
Its translation said "whoever holds this ring, also holds the key."
She was awefully intrigued, she had heard of it's mystical powers,
How the mighty Ursula used it to rule & to turn warriors to cowards.
She had barely worn it, it was on, no more than an hour..
And she already learned to control the ocean, it's storms, and it's showers.


As she explored its power she felt its energy source moving through her
And it was incredible how fast she could now change course & maneuver.
There were also rumors this ring could give her the ability to walk upon land,
And Dora was so excited with the thought of being able to talk to a man.
She concocted a plan, then crawled upon the sand & quickly closed her eyes
The next moment, twirled like a ballerina dancing across an auburn sky.
She was awkwardly shy, just a new girl in a new world full of adventure,
Dora was used to isolation, where anything not normal was censored.
As she walked along the shore, she swore the ring would protect her
And thought the consequence from her father'd be nothing more than a lecture.
When she introduced herself to people, she wasn't met with the usual greetings
For this particular land was a prison, & each man there was considered a heathen.
The female presence was pleasing, the taunts turned to sexual feelings
And Dora's clothes were stripped off, and she was left bruised, raped, and beaten.
She crawled back into the ocean hoping her father would save her
But Poseidon knew when it comes to rules, a true ruler shows no favor.





Mermaids, lulz

[Zombie]

if you ever get caught in a rip current, swim parallel and swim back
but maybe I wanna' swim towards the light where fairytales can diffract
fold your own paper square. Priest Poseidon confessional. Say a prayer.
you don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there
personal water temple. where you're the pastor, except your oath is death
pulpit's your pebble. Sermons only as long as you could hold your breath
invoking the holy name. The suicide note that's stained. In tears is your bible
orchestrating the exhortation's revival.
the mermaid swimming to a blurred fate
the pearl gates await your ephemeral state.
tithe this sinners life an obscure slate
cause when you're just floating...
you're in your own head. holding your breath to thee utmost length
a cutnose face-to-face slow-dance with death, the razor-blade romance is set
Where water clerics push at your neck. a salty mesh hurls you to depths
Unfurling. Let the other worldly commence. I sent a referral to death, let's
Waltz slow with the billowing disco. One and two step, while we frolic. Calypso.

Sigh. I'm upset, and yet..I remember a time


Where your gaze pushed the waves that coordinate ballets in sync
You can bait a horse to water, but you can't make it think
Just a bridge where the water was mundanely thrown under
Throw caution to the wind, just await before the storm thunders
you see; it's perfectly serene. Not appeased by a hair's obligation
It's where the sea pushes me, but utterly aware of my body shape
And .. we don't live in past-tense-or-future, it's more of a conscious morale
It might sound sort of banal, but when my eyelids batten down in that georgia canal
I, in this porcelain rouse, understood NOW why they call them currents
Cause now, flushing out the exorbitant loud, horse-shit. Is how
I can actually feel myself in the present. The current.
It's flourishing. Nourishment. To what I would call now:
UNFOUND by any English word or a noun. It's encouraging.
On the surface, I am worthless. Gravitating towards new crazy
Pressing mute. Now I just float where the moon takes me
Tides don't judge you, they hug you, while you float to heaven
Where the hue, blushing blue, flushes through. Copacetic
What a gorgeous tincture, not the tone or tint of the cresson
Colors are the only personable trait to describe the squeeze of affection
A blessing from the skies, illusion is needed to disguise the emptiness within
If you stare at the abyss long enough, you might even expect a wink from the abyss
Nobody energizes me when I'm frowning. You can't terrorize me when youre shouting
No petrified screams. No jeopardized dreams, when you're counting
To three, & ..
I exercise, "please", you don't recognize me, I'm a shroud
Saturate the ember fires. In this masqueraded pose
Press the flame to those two fingers while you're slowly dousing
Cause nobody can identify tears when you're lonely. drowning


Now ..let's count to a thousand and fade away slow

[zygote]

Close contest, the slant rhyming from Zombie really stood out, fluid language meshed well with the underwater picture. Couplets like "Tides don't judge you, they hug you, while you float to heaven
Where the hue, blushing blue, flushes through. Copacetic" + "Saturate the ember fires. In this masqueraded pose" also did a good job of capturing that feminine form in the picture by using the fancy language. Not really a cohesive thread through the writing, but it is held together by the use of such thematic language throughout. Pretty much a direct contrast with the first effort, where there was more of an emphasis on setting up a coherent thread, the three areas were clearly demarcated by the formatting and paragraph breaks. With first paragraph - the beginning set up. Second paragraph - character motivation and complication. Third paragraph - resolution/moral. The ending didn't stick, going back to the father character like that, after only merely introducing it in the start and parts of the second paragraph, it seemed like a Scooby-Doo ending, you know like a "The Ghost was actually Mr. Henderson all along!" kind of thing. The mermaid character was much more interesting than Poseidon, and after such a traumatic event just leaving her point of view without an analysis or insight into the impact that had just seemed like a bit of a misstep and missed opportunity. Good rhyming though, the rhyming was more refined than Zombie's, but still enjoyed Zombie's slants better as they fit with the fluidity of the image. Voting for Zombie.

[MMLP]

TheRealWayneBrady really enjoyed the piece, nicely structured, easy to read, nice rhyming, BRUTAL twist lol and interesting.

Zombie same again, but overall better structure and rhymes though, and the last line was so profound and won it for me

v/Zombie

[Adonis]

Zombie - I liked the flow or cadence. It read completely linear with few hiccups, in fact I believe the only one being abyss/abyss which I disliked. A story of death and realizationt deep in thought and you explained quite a bit. The entire "current" concept was pretty dope, but that was overshadowed by the detail of death. The floating away where the moon takes you, the way the water flow doesn't judge you, the slow death and the acceptance the character had. Good drop, thoroughly enjoyed. First read I hated it, literally. I didn't understand the flow because I'm not used to that style, but when I sobered I grew to appreciate, thank you for solid read


Mr Brady - this shit was serious but had bits that literally made me laugh, I know you fit the humor in on purpose and I appreciate that. I liked the story for what it was, but I do feel like you were just writing the story, nearly completely void of emotion. You opened it up nicely to insert said emotion....for example. When she was raped you simply said so, short and sweet. When her father made an example of her, you simply said so short and sweet. To me topicals are all about the detail, and while you did have plenty, it just lacked that hint of passion. On the flip side, the entire progression of story was perfect. You opened up with essentially the ending in explaining the "why" before the cause. I liked that.Flow was decent, you had some nice change ups which are often over looked but I enjoyed. There were some weak rhyme schemes. But never really faltered.


Overall this battle is extremely close. I read each multiple times and rather appreciate the highlights greatly. Well I loved the inserted sense of humor I'm torn. Z had a completely different style then I've read in awhile with a fluid, emotional journey that was penned nicely.

Vote zombie.

Two thoroughly enjoyable reads. Look forward to more reads

[Mike Wrecka]

dope battle

wayne brady - the flow was awesome. really good rhythm and cadence on display here. the multis were on point. I really enjoyed the twist on the little mermaid. It was really well written and kept my attention through out. dope verse man. really liked the ending.


zombie - this was cool. a more traditional topical from the days of yesteryear. had some really interesting and witty phrases and turn of phrases. really liked this part

if you ever get caught in a rip current, swim parallel and swim back
but maybe I wanna' swim towards the light where fairytales can diffract


that kind of writing is very clever. you littered the whole verse with those type of golden nuggets. good job. the flow was lacking in some spots compared to your opponents though




overall - I enjoyed wayne bradys more. zombies got a little boring. and brady had the better flow and multis. im going


vote - wayne brady


thanks for the reads gentlemen

[Split]

Good battle. Enjoyed both pieces immensely, didn't like Wayne Brady's ending because it was a little vague. Great descriptive techniques by both , Wayne Brady had a little humor scattered in as well. I think ZOMBIE took it, I liked the breadth of his brush strokes and his angle more completely developed and creatively displayed the topic