Midnight Melody

[oats]

Solaris nestles in darkness but refuses to settle in -
see its movements reflected offa the moon as a testament
a cocoon of its resonance, hues of lunar embezzlement
ignored for the reward to follow you to your residence
we've grown used to this regiment, it's imbued in the elements
look no further than the shadows in your room as the evidence
the crawling geometry - oh so beautiful, reticent
a checkered cage of silhouettes confusing our essences
muting the messages, but your body language spoke to me
delicate whispers of your curvaceous coquetry
like the motion of your shoulders as they rolled to a broken C
disrobed in the cold; I felt the throws of the moment freeze
everything is relative - we are not floating free
the gravity of the moment collapsed as I pulled you close to me
cogent heaves, hold and squeeze, space folds up with no coast between
passion, if only brief; time dances to the dying gasps of its potency

[Split]

stfu split

[Exis]

Are we givin' feed or addin' on? Anyways...

the crawling geometry - oh so beautiful, reticent
a checkered cage of silhouettes confusing our essences
muting the messages, but your body language spoke to me
delicate whispers of your curvaceous coquetry
like the motion of your shoulders as they rolled to a broken C
disrobed in the cold; I felt the throws of the moment freeze
everything is relative - we are not floating free
the gravity of the moment collapsed as I pulled you close to me

^^That's tight as fuck.

Great imagery man...loved the first line also, but the section I quoted above is so nice with it.Content as a whole is slick...emotion packed no doubt, really enjoyable piece in every aspect.

Rtf if you can, or whatevers.

Stay uppity.

[dull boy]

:)

[PancakeBrah]

This was great. I usually dislike short pieces dropped as Open Mics but that's because 90% of the time they're just one-off cypher verses looking for attention. This was purposefully short. The imagery and wording was strong. You should write like this in the league. Not the subject matter but the style. Your sense of description and wording are top-notch and in full force here. It's difficult to pick something I disliked about it. You kept it exactly as long as it should have been. Just a shot glass of dopeness.

Good stuff.

[oats]

appreciate the feed, gents. I'll be popping by with feed this weekend

[Wise Wiggles]

Excellent. Your stand out line for me being the broken C thingy..

[dead man]

the crawling geometry - oh so beautiful, reticent

from the gate you jumped right into the slideshow of visualization. and although you did a fantastic job of keeping a metronomic rhythm paired with well executed rhyming, it felt a bit hollow to me until you hit this stride. the visualizer was present, but not the visionary. both of which i know exist in you as a writer regardless of the context. moreso than most of us.

the motion of your shoulders as they rolled to a broken C
deli***y.

everything is relative - we are not floating free
the gravity of the moment collapsed as I pulled you close to me

this verse felt like the literary representation of a quickie. awesome and enjoyable but only for a brief moment. also it started slow but found a rhythm midway for the last 12 seconds.

whoever said you should write more verses like this was right. i say this a lot nowadays but this felt like part of a series..

thanks

1

[Primeval Martyr]

Fucking quality, very smooth. When rappers first approach the "evidence" rhyme set they can get overwhelmed, and end up with something derivative or just uninteresting, and you avoided both those traps.

[Vulgar]

cogent heaves, hold and squeeze, space folds up with no coast between
passion, if only brief; time dances to the dying gasps of its potency


Loved that.

[Eŋg]

the wording here also was enviable: you have a great ability for an almost untouchable conciseness in rhyming, certainly a good distance above my own knack for wording, that always lends itself to being heard. this was dope. it read a bit familiar to me -- i don't know if it's a repost or just the resonance of the 'lunar embezzlement' part, because i felt like i'd read that before.

this was golden.

[Illume]

Solaris nestles in darkness but refuses to settle in -
see its movements reflected offa the moon as a testament
a cocoon of its resonance, hues of lunar embezzlement
ignored for the reward to follow you to your residence
we've grown used to this regiment, it's imbued in the elements
look no further than the shadows in your room as the evidence
the crawling geometry - oh so beautiful, reticent
a checkered cage of silhouettes confusing our essences
muting the messages, but your body language spoke to me
delicate whispers of your curvaceous coquetry
like the motion of your shoulders as they rolled to a broken C
disrobed in the cold; I felt the throws of the moment freeze
everything is relative - we are not floating free
the gravity of the moment collapsed as I pulled you close to me
cogent heaves, hold and squeeze, space folds up with no coast between
passion, if only brief; time dances to the dying gasps of its potency

Fantastic images here.
This whole section was pretty much flawless but favourites in bold.

we've grown used to this regiment, it's imbued in the elements
look no further than the shadows in your room as the evidence
the crawling geometry - oh so beautiful, reticent
a checkered cage of silhouettes confusing our essences
muting the messages, but your body language spoke to me
delicate whispers of your curvaceous coquetry
like the motion of your shoulders as they rolled to a broken C
disrobed in the cold; I felt the throws of the moment freeze
everything is relative - we are not floating free
the gravity of the moment collapsed as I pulled you close to me
cogent heaves, hold and squeeze, space folds up with no coast between
passion, if only brief; time dances to the dying gasps of its potency

[Witty]

Man ur better than me :(

y u make me feel sad?

This was dope, much too high for any sort of feed back but I enjoyed reading this and I will be better than you one day and I will be the greatest of all time, and I will die young and forever be remembered as a sort of Tupac of topical writing.

This will all happen, until then this was very dope, props.

[Ghost1]

It's good

....

It's really good

But yo


When I throw in a movie ..... I ain't trynna watch the notebook....I'm trynna see the godfather...Ya dig?

It was well written. But I don't give a fuck about the content.

[Fig]

I agree with what black was saying about the first half of this piece compared to the second. Although I certainly enjoyed the rhyming, I feel like you really hit your strive here

the crawling geometry - oh so beautiful, reticent
a checkered cage of silhouettes confusing our essences
muting the messages, but your body language spoke to me
delicate whispers of your curvaceous coquetry

Had more to do with my own comprehension really. The beauty of the images and smooth flow make for a great read even if I can't fully appreciate what you're attempting to get across. But who's to say that's not art in itself.

[Geno]

-98