White Division Crown Match: Adonis (5-3) VS. Zenland (7-5)-- Adonis wins, 3-2.

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SUNDAY 5/26 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due MONDAY 5/27 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends THURSDAY 5/30 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUSTcheck in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."-Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.




Good luck to both participants. Adonis Zenland

[Adonis]

Can't just get the cadillac, its gotta be wood grain

Krit that dude

Whose this ZenLand??? Buddah's sidekick?


Trap vs. UnoQuattroThres (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6686)


Zygote vs. Nigma (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6688)

[Zen]

Ahhhhhh the dick eater himself lol

[Zen]

Fate

The symphony plays as empty weight gently wades against the face
Of men depraved of any shade for fifty days.
Kissed with decay, the blistering blaze bred fits of rage in their living daze
Until they lift their gaze and wish for grace amidst the waves.
They sit and pray, their lips stained with drips of rain as the ship stays
Positioned in place until the drifting cage begins to sway
And the whipping wind makes the sail simply break...
Day seventy weighs heavily on the slaves held beneath the hull,
Their feet are swoll with bleeding soles as they save selfishly
Water from above that seeps into bowls to stay healthy.
But the men are shaking and their skin is breaking in a rash.
"Father again I ask, Will we make it back to the plains at last?"
The Father changed, he's brash, "Son those days you've had,
Must remain in the past..."
Day ninety, with the waves subsiding the slaves were dying or dead,
Captain Kuntz assignment said to grab the loot
And put it inside your chests, Leave the slaves beneath in chains,
It's their final breath, let them find their death. It's time to go.
Kuntz first mate kindly spoke as he wiped his nose.
"Captain, I'm prepared but not knowing where we're going is something I'd like to know."
The Captain with his hair blowing said, "I don't know..."
A sea of fire raged beneath the tired seaman hired by the Liege, the Sire
Of the King's Empire.
Once deeply admired, now relieved of desires as the heat grows higher
With the singing of the demon choir.
Satan exclaimed, "I've waited for days to place your brains
Deep in the pyres!!!
Once you were lavish folk, now you're tattered souls, It doesn't matter though,
Whatever path or road you took, This is where you had to go.

[Adonis]

~Forks and Spoons~


Needles touch fingernails..Caressing the bone,
Acupuncture that punctures deep into chromosomes,
Piercing... No earrings; fearing the feelings,
Is it too late to change? Prayers blocked by ceiling,
Legs stopped by bars, Neck grouped by shackles,
Laughter subsides, such a grievous plight,
Arduous pasture of us tormented bastards,
Souls tattered;
Dangling chains hang mangling manes,
Ragged and worn, weary and weak, weathering storms,
Continuous heat, so evil it seeps chills into poems,
Frost bitten; hacksaw...Good riddance,
Dastardly endless, capturing image of splattering crimson,
Vivid and morbid, a flowery suit... Thorny corset,
Heinous corpus. Dreadful diary,
The brains re-wiring due to internal defiling,
Spiritual journey... Road block ahead,
I think complex, yet, wish to live freely,
While free rhyme leaves me dreary...
In time what's said will be read clearly,
Spiritual journey...Road block ahead,
A sinners champion with a cracked halo above,
Wings are leaves and I'm stumped...Dying without drugs,
Spending time, me and a few Franklin's in clubs,
Dancing's not shaking, still, I’m convulsing a line dance,
Ironic romance, I'm still grouping my sponsor,
The white noise is a tongue chocking my tonsils,
A fifth gone; My boy Jack and Jim...I see four of them,
I choke in the pig pen, write dope tracks, and resent this grin,
...It's cool though....I'll sleep it all off...

Close eyes and awake to fingers and nails...
Needles and bones;
Healing and reliving the pain in the poem.

I guess, in the end,
Even Mario ate Toad,
We had Much Room and Ouija chose,
The wrong path...
Of that fork in the road....

[Nigma]

Zen, really dope verse. A pretty engaging story with a captivating flow. No single line was embedded in my brain after the read however it was the verse as a whole, the consistency of it, that really made this enjoyable. The only line I didn't care for was "Captain, I'm prepared but not knowing where we're going is something I'd like to know."
^ I don't think that makes sense. Aside from that, solid performance.

Adonis, interesting take on the concept. I interpreted this verse as an individual feeling remorse towards all the wrong decisions hes made, realizing hes on a path in life he doesn't want to be on. It took me a couple lines to get into the verse, the opening seemed pretty choppy, however you chose very descriptive words which gave the verse a lot of interesting imagery. Sinners champion line was cool, really dug a few others, however as a whole I feel the verse need a bit more substance or something. Still a good read but not the best I've read from ya.

Adonis came with a solid effort, biggest detriment being rhyme scheme and subject matter from my eyes, I feel his strongest point, imagery, was equaled by his opponent who also packed a lot more in his verse. Zen came with a very easy reading piece with a fresh take on the concept, felt he was the stronger writer on this day.

+1 Zenland

[zygote]

Zenland, description of the sailing environment was well done, did not enjoy the Satan ending it felt more like it was included for shock and was artificial instead of a natural story progression. Thought it was going to be a story about the last two survivors of a mutiny/cannibalism (Cpt Knutz - cool character name by the way) and the Priest. Felt your story had a lot of potential and the setting was great but the ending, although well written, was conceptually a sub-standard direction.
Adonis, look recently I have been trying and reading different styles of poetry like sound poetry and Dadaist poetry. So your writing here with its descriptive quality, minimal nouns in reference to people with a focus on objects and describing those objects was very similar. In that sense the first half was great, every line up until "Spiritual journey... Road block ahead," was a winner. The illusion/style was lost when you started to write "I" and in the first person. It kind of changed from this objective discussion of different themes into a deeply personal piece, and didn't enjoy this sudden transition. Voted for Zenland.

[Objective]

Zenland: Enjoyed the read, the story was cool, somewhat strange ending with the Satan stuff tho'. To me it seemed like you took the topic and just wrote your own story using that theme, but I felt like the closure could have been crafted better in that regard. Either way; An allright showing compared to what I've seen you write before and the flow was great throughout. Keep it up.

Adonis: Enjoyed your piece, the way I read it it flowed decent enough to me and had some interesting lines here and there. Kinda poetry-ish, but I liked it. Some descriptive shit here and there, I had a hard time to connect it to the topic given but it wrapped itself up towards the end and I enjoyed your closure a lot better than Zenlands.

Vote: Adonis. Felt it was pretty close in terms of the topic given. The story Zenland presented was dope as fuck, but had somewhat of a weird ending which ruined it to me. Adonis kept it upin terms of the topic given, and the piece as a whole he gets away with my vote. Zenland had a great showing, but it didn't really hold up in the end to me.

[Mike Wrecka]

good battle.

zenland- you told a good story. it was a pretty dope verse. I felt that some lines ran on too long tbh

Kissed with decay, the blistering blaze bred fits of rage in their living daze
Until they lift their gaze and wish for grace amidst the waves.
They sit and pray, their lips stained with drips of rain as the ship stays
Positioned in place until the drifting cage begins to sway

I feel like that portion could have been so much sicker if you left out the underlined parts all together. those extra words took what would have been an insane section and made it mediocre imo. less is more sometimes. it was a good narrative though and I enjoyed it.

Adonis- verse started off sick. your flow and cadence using a small amount of syllables is right up my alley.

Needles touch fingernails..Caressing the bone,
Acupuncture that punctures deep into chromosomes,
Piercing... No earrings; fearing the feelings,
Is it too late to change? Prayers blocked by ceiling,

ya sick. lines of the battle right there. but as the verse went on it got a little corny for lack of a better word. you went from abstract to non abstract talking about dancing in a club. I didn't enjoy the turn of style. almost made me vote against you but in the end the complexity of the structure and beginning half barely pulled it through

vote- Adonis

good battle guys I enjoyed both reads

[patrown]

zenland- piece was pretty sick, wordplay for days.. i was on board until "Captain, I'm.." 20 syllables!?
i can see some places where you could take this as a life's journey to death.. mainly because numbers of days connects to the frame of mind at corresponding ages of healthy middle class americans. i would have been comfortable with that understanding if the following quote's tone had been continued.but i mostly read the story as a fucked up pirate ship in hell. pretty sick either way. i'm fairly certain i'm missing something though. these two lines satisfy both premises i guess, with strong rhymes. on point..

Kissed with decay, the blistering blaze bred fits of rage in their living daze
Until they lift their gaze and wish for grace amidst the waves.

all in all it was a nice drop i don't think i fully understand.

adonis- related a viewpoint centered around living/writing/rapping and ultimately coping with particular mind frame. expressing morbid thoughts fueled by liquor, mushrooms,etc.. touching on coping via unaccepted methods. i.e. , acupuncture-chromosomes(hard drug= therapy), sinners champion with a cracked halo(the worst trying it's best), grouping my sponsor(hah), favorite lines..

The white noise is a tongue chocking my tonsils,

healing and reliving the pain in the poem.

"~it's cool though. we'll sleep it all off. in time what's said will be read clearly. the arduous pasture of Prayers blocked by ceiling(s are) that fork in the road....~"

/v- adonis explained one version of a familiar malady thoroughly.
had zen been a little more personal with the hell bound sailors.. an entertaining story would've pulled the /v. but truth's stranger than fiction here.

[trap.]

Adonis wins, 3-2.