AOWL Spotlight Match: zygote (9-2) VS. Nigma (5-4)-- zygote wins, 4-1.

[King Ra.]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum. (if agreed upon by both participants, you may go beyond the limit at your own risk.)

Verses are due SUNDAY 5/26 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due MONDAY 5/27 at 11:59 PST.
(There is a 6 hour grace period following the end of the extension deadline. If you fail to post anything by the end of the grace period time, you will be given the no show loss.)

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links in the Voting Thread. For every absent vote, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

Voting ends THURSDAY 5/30 at 11:59 PST.(Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUSTcheck in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.

NOTE:
Swaying, excessive freeposting, voter fraud etc. are grounds for vote deductions at discretion of the moderators.
Editing your verse after the grace period, after your opponent posts, or after the first vote (especially this)- as well as biting- are grounds for disqualification at discretion of the moderators.


TOPIC: "Never mistake motion for action." —Ernest Hemingway.




Good luck to both participants. zygote Nigma

[zygote]

Man, utterly ruined by libraries and museums ruled by a fearful logic and wisdom, is of absolutely no more interest to be given. So abolish him in literature when written. Replace him with matter, whose essence must be grasped by flashes of intuition.

ABSTRACT DESCRIPTION OF AN ORCHESTRAL PERFORMANCE.

Whirlwind-man-bird attracting the crowd, swinging claw-feet dragged through the ground as tractor and oxen fight how the grassland is ploughed, scare-crow-wheatfield standing magnanimous proud, an audience speaks creating rapturous sounds when thunderclapping the clouds, sheets interrupt and fathomed aloud, stages locked and captured profound. An intense wait overnight, shadows on shrouds as drapes levitate via poltergeist, freeze under weight of the polar ice, passively bound glacial immobilized, orders drilled for the training of soldier types, bayonets raised up to shoulder height, barbedwire psalm-choir played where the notes reside. Ships ran it aground start-fire with an alchemist blend, oversized mortar-horns soundoff in the trench, out of sight out of mind into cloudcover ascent. Glorious-gods that look down on the dead, ratsacked the town a Little Albert of dread, the outermost ledge of a mountain of flesh, an oversight expounding on threats, unnoticed life before timing-out and reset. Back and around to the mammal-like pests behind vaulted doors, notarized dormant force, a bounce in its step totally overhauled, an exhausted bore drawing water from a chorus call, born for slaughter on the forest floor, sharp-flats its countenance clenched conquistadors the amalgams reject. its something physicists and chemists can never do, notescale resembles ledgers and revenue, shrill and dissonant sounds hard boiled and charbroiled, the trombones arm coiled like a gargoyles, farms toil through dark soil for collection of palm oil. From now on, the heat of a piece of iron or wood interests us more passionately than a smile or tears. Survive for years when silence feared. inside a pictures-less frame, backwards we crawl into a vision of fame from a position of pain. is it a game? mental disintegration again, last week was my suicide note, zygote is dead, you thought it was some kind of joke. nope, evolution into Zygomaticus Major – because that’s the muscle im using when I get to read all of the leagues participant's papers.

[Nigma]

Check

[Nigma]

Yoyoyoyooo zygote I got a quarter of my verse written earlier, just got home and have some running around to do now. I've got an outline written for it so I'm pretty sure I'll get it finished and posted tonight, however if I don't it will be up first thing tomorrow.

[Nigma]

Yeah just got a couple lines to finish tomorrow. Sorry for the late reply sir, will be up before noon on the morrow

[Nigma]

Teacher, Present date:

I traveled back to teach a lesson to a man at the request of a friend
Disguised behind a shamans mask I had a test for this man
Skepticism vanished and I handed sedatives digested by him
Then met him at the crest of his REM sleep to suppress who I am
Dissected his perspectives and I left him re-invented
And sent a piece of me in the tea that I fed him so I'm deep in his thoughts
When his dream was conjured I talked, reached him via ominous stream of consciousness
His familiar fear was obvious, regardless hes peering onwards in mirrored confidence
My thought pattern walked through his skull, lessons spawned and truth taught
Until he said, 'I think I know who you are', we both nod and move on.


Student, March 3rd, 2003:

He was three of many things, a Shaman, Medium, and alchemist
And asked me to complete a secret deed which he can help me with
I agreed, at first thought no, but something deep within me shouted yes
A voice within me pleads to be released from all these hellish tests
As he unlatched a metal chest I'd said I smelled the scent of tree bark
With a mortar, pestle, sat and squeezed it till it crumbed into wee parts
Which was thumbed to steep in water of a freshly boiled tea pot
Once I drank a cup he had me lay and fall asleep, calm but feeling nauseous
Queezy thoughts proceed to darkness, breathing equilibrium resolved to equal parts
Eyes open, realness bursts in this pristine garden fabled as Edens purchase
Within I see the work of evil serpents, the demon snake spiral upwards into DNA
Eyes of the snake became two stars, all other light was beamed away
As constellations teamed I laid awake while sleeping and was deep in space
Galactic scenes were made, it showed me endings and I'd seen creation
Saw the head of a large entity spawn which alarmed me
Saw the legs and the arms meet, saw him setup and harden
Saw eruptions in sequence, a rhythm fades into harmony
Our Big Bang was just a thump inside this deities heartbeat
Eyes were bordering my face, he motioned planets to spin
I felt his force of palpitations as the panic sets in
The man then sat in my head and said he'd planned that we met
Laughing, he then expands my understanding which is half of the battle
Grasp of universal actions advancing from a fraction to fractal
As he faded to the blackness of shadows he asked one last action
He whispers one last task and passed the baton and was gone
I said "I think I know who you are", we both nod and move on.

[Adonis]

ZY - first off fuck your format. Seems like you did this week like whatever, then you read it and shits dope. I mean the writing itself is fresh as hell, most of the wording and phrasing is just so abstract yet beautiful in a sense. I enjoyed the verse thoroughly, but if I'm being honest I really have no clue what its about. To me its almost a smorgasbord of thoughts on...well everything. IDK? I'm missing something or you're a genius. Good drop though, horrible format.


Enigma - I'm not grasping confidently who the character is, but crazy concept none the less. 'awake while I sleep' was dope. There were a bunch of dope wordings in this verse. I assume it's god meeting god and simply time traveling and teaching the young god how to create? IDK, but that's what I read and that shit is dope. I really have no complaints about this verse, usually I can find something small, but, in this case nothing. Good shit

v/nigma

I think this was a dope fucking battle, you both came abstract, ZY more so, but Nigma had a extra element to his. I think it was the actual story and concept that got the vote. I'm not saying Zy did not, I'm saying it went over my head. Where Nigma didn't have the most up front take on the topic either, still, he executed it at a level that was clear enough to understand IMO.

Both of you, good shit.

[trap.]

at first glace, nigmas read like a alternate journey through the fountain. i liked it because it gave me something to grasp on to and compare with. i read it a few more times and it was a good short story about paying it forward, in a sense - but in a spiritual fashion. as far as the technical aspect it was a little off-kilter in parts but the storyline was so good that i didn't even care much for that.

zygotes descriptive power is remarkable. adonis, he told you what it's about in the beginning CAPS LOCK. either way, i had to read the beginning very closely and even though i'm not a musician, i have seen enough concerts on tv to get everything you were vividly describing in an abstract, yet such a clear manner as well. the only part i really didn't like was the braggadocio type ending that really (in my eyes) didn't belong with the rest of the story.

i might be against the grain here this week,
but my vote is for zygote. pce.

[Zen]

Hemingway for these two guys? Perfect.
zygote: I gotta say I actually like the paragraph formatting when it's pulled off well and I thought this was a perfect example of that. One reason I liked this piece was it was extremely descriptive, but even more abstract. Seriously. The first few lines are perfect proof of that. Another thing is your rhymes you subtly added into the middle of lines which I had to go back and reread to catch. I liked that shit lol. Good shit here zy.
Nigma: Each piece I read from you is better than the last man forreal. Dope shit here. There were some lines I didn't like purely because of the wording like the wee parts, but there were other lines that very well written and well worded like the Eden line. The concept here is very nice too especially with the last line of the first stanza being repeated at the end of the piece. Parallel universes? Reincarnation? There really is many ways I took the meaning of this and I'm still thinking on it and I like that. Dope shit Nigma.

This is a tough fuckin battle to vote on. Zygote's piece was damn near flawless as was Nigma's.....but I've gotta go with zygote. This battle could go either way though. Props to both guys.

[Objective]

Zygote: Dude.. First things first and I'm going to be humble with you; Fuck your barbwired cunt's structure. Shit's fucked up to read. It's late and I'm getting tired. I've started to read the same sentence twice a few times, you literally force me to read your shit 1,2 times more than I have to and it interrupted the read while I was at it.

That being said, let's get to the real deal; It's wordy, I like that. You describe shit cwet well with multis that spices your piece up and makes it delicious for the soul, Gordon Ramsey would be pleased by this. Your verbs, adverbs and adjectives dances tango ontop of a speeding trailer as well, makes it exciting to read. Similies and metas on point too, the gargoyle line was dope as fuck, mountain of flesh? Nice!

All in all a dope as fuck piece that's surprisingly on topic. Never mistake motion for action, eh? So that's you're doing, putting things in motion. Well, keep up with it, your so-called evolution will be tested in the play-offs.

Nigma: First phase of your piece was kinda premature; ''Look all these words I just learned to use and how amazing I am at making sentences!'' Yes, indeed, they are very well crafted son! You are soon to master the art of writing incredibly dope shit if you keep it up! But make it rhyme for christs sake! Show the world the power you got inside of you, release the force young one, release what you showed in line 7 and 8 for I know it's inside of you just waiting to burst out in glorious glitter and you'll pee acid on whoever talks shit in your presence. Rhymes is your bullets, yet your weapon lacks a ton of ammo alltho' your opponents fear the weapon in your possession!

More rhymes hermano! The piece so far seems like a sketch to me. A stream of thoughts that goes very well together and tells me something, but it isn't structured to show off lyricism in terms of actual flow and/or intricate rhymescheme, that's the only thing you lack so far tho', everything else is very much enjoyable.

Let's read on; Yes, this is the shit I wanted to read in your first paragraph. This is dope, this is cool, but wtf happened here;

''As constellations teamed I laid awake while sleeping and was deep in space
Galactic scenes were made, it showed me endings and I'd seen creation''
^The word creation doesn't go along with anything? You tricked me! Okay, okay, I get that constellations-creations/deep in space-scenes were made thing, but it kinda fucked things up for me since the transition to your new rhymescheme wasn't that great. It seems to me like you found a cool rhymescheme, but didn't really know where to put it, but you blended it in anyways. It's dope, but the way you presented it wasn't (imo) as it didn't go too well. Which brings us to my next point;

''Saw the head of a large entity spawn which alarmed me
Saw the legs and the arms meet, saw him setup and harden''
^If you're going to switch up the flow, which is cool, by all means, at least make some sort of transition to it or something. You're dragging me in different directions, I'm fine by it as long as it isn't sporadic.

In the end your rhymestructure was sporadic as fuck to me and could have been crafted better. However, the content was strong and dope as fuck. Great imagery, use of words and pretty interesting story. I'm kinda tired tbh and it's a lot of thinking for me to do atm to fully grasp your piece and how it correlates with the topic given. But I understood it as the ''teacher'' and ''student'' being the same person. In the dream the future self goes back in time to teach a former self a lesson. Never mistake motion for action - meaning the action that was done years ago was to put himself in motion later on, shit happened back then or something.

I either got what you were saying, or I didn't. I think I did. Either way, going to read this shit when I'm fully awake later on as well. There's some heavy shit in there.

Vote: Zygote. Kinda hard battle to vote on as I felt both were equal concept wise, but in terms of structure I felt Nigma was lacking a lot, which was weird to me as he's been writing some stellar shit in the S&F tournament. I also felt a shitload of the stuff Zygote was saying, dope as fuck, the words he used fitted well and painted a beautiful abstract picture. Dope fucking battle, but Zygote edged it for me.

[patrown]

zygote-
the advance and decline of man , realistically.
my favorite part..

An intense wait overnight, shadows on shrouds as drapes levitate via poltergeist, freeze under weight of the polar ice, passively bound glacial immobilized, orders drilled for the training of soldier types, bayonets raised up to shoulder height, barbedwire psalm-choir played where the notes reside.

rhymed so0 well , covering quite a few different bases with eloquent predictions. somehow, i was happy being mad the verse was a paragraph. anyway, i bet that's exactly how it will go down. covered a few inevitable outcomes of current situations, haven't seen this done, probably won't be done better.
most powerful line..
born for slaughter on the forest floor
i appreciated my thumbs, for a moment. the end highlights a topicals place in rhyme. inspiring timeless thought. enjoyed that after the impressive speculations. couldn't refute a single prediction if i tried.
nigma-
favorite bars..
Within I see the work of evil serpents, the demon snake spiral upwards into DNA
Eyes of the snake became two stars, all other light was beamed away
As constellations teamed I laid awake while sleeping and was deep in space
Galactic scenes were made, it showed me endings and I'd seen creation

overall, this piece was really fucking cool. had a tone i bought into fast, i read about consciousness-tea and didn't blink an eye. achievement. exactly what happened with the drinking of the tea, i'm not sure.
i'm guessing man is the teacher and student, helping itself out on a single plane of space/time. enjoyed the way you illustrated it, thoroughly. pretty damn mystical.great storytelling.


/v zygote - both concepts were hugely entertaining, but i'm making the call for zygote because of impeccable word choices. nigma could have cut out some prepositions/pronouns for an edge imo. topic nailed equally hard by both.

[trap.]

zygote wins, 4-1.