Week 9: 11. Mike Wrecka (3-5) vs. 12. Smegma (0-0) \\ Mike Wrecka wins 6-2

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=67025).


Topic


“One More Chance”


Good luck, Smegma and Mike Wrecka.

[millz]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQa59JYaTFCi7UT9cNqKpb6hDdr-tTrtsr1c-eP2V0-RQbgyU3jig

Ace of Spades

I always loved the club scene; that party life world.
Something had caught my eye in a line full of white girls.
A friend of a friend and we hit it off on the dance floor.
No thoughts; first touch- pure lust you’d never plan for.
It was love at first sight, but without the strings attached.
Silence on the work week and the whole weekend smashed.
We were a perfect match; the fun raged to the tenth degree.
Worn out - relentless weeks; then Re-Up on that stress relief.
Atom Bomb; the depths we’d reached became celestial peace
as the rough terrain changed; framed into an endless beach.
My love grew fast, and frequently we were meeting up.
At work. At home. I always was in need of love.
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months.
My time for friends and family was always being trumped.
Fights were always brutal; to the point they’d keep me sick.
I’d scream and yell all night, lost inside that deep abyss.
She’d always come back though. Hope would always be a lift.
Til we’d get back in that rut. She always had to be the bitch.
“One more chance” she’d beg. I was jonesing for her touch.
Fiending for her love; that was my one and only crutch.
On again and off again. On again then not.
A cyclical hell of punishment; a never ending plot.
She’d become my one and only true regret.
A dark twisted fantasy; Romeo and Juliet.
A never ending battle behind that evil grin.
Hid by the façade of the violent beast within.
They found me on the floor; a cold and vacant frame.
A wicked game to play when you face the Ace of Spades.
That relentless bitch and deceptive whore had won.
She had took my life away long before it had begun.
A “Storybook Tale”; that girl was like my Heroine,
but she only ever was my love of using heroin.

That’s all she’d ever been…

[Certain]

Mike Wrecka messaged me his verse:


Hitman 4 Hire

get the wrong people pissed and you will cease to exist,
regretting death is a risk that's never easily missed,
I empty allota clips in the midst of this metropolis,
ski mask and gloves, no fingerprints, anonymous,
with dominance, carry out hits for my conglomerates,
using methods, that perplex detectives and psychologists,
identitys androgynous, cops cant create a profile,
have a metamorphosis every week, so they seek my old style,
I control files, break into the main data base,
with a touch of a button any trace of the case gets erased,
leavin bodies all over the place, every corpse gets a pin on the map,
while I relax and receive acupuncture in my back,
so when I attack, im calm, cold blooded, methodic,
conducting a symphony of terror, in a manner that's robotic,
I only do it for a profit, this is just a business,
and my job requires me to maintain physical fitness,
it can be the literal difference, between life and death,
when your stabbin someone in the neck, you don't wanna run outta breath,
and im becoming adept, at collecting a debt,
so im targeting you next, if you don't mail me my check,
garner respect, never feel regret, im above it,
hanging from the ceiling, wielding a pair of nunchukas so rugged,
posses an abundant arsenal, with infinite ammo,
anything in my line of fire is instantly dismantled,
bullets hit like anvils, so one shot to the chest,
will turn your insides out, and leave your outsides just a mess,
got disguises on deck, when contractors expect caution,
deliver a pizza that you ordered, fully laced with poison,
see I got various methods, to get the job done,
watch a body get spun by a silencer equipped gun,
as im aiming down the sights, of the barrel im shooting through,
I realize that an open casket funeral, isn't gonna be suitable,
this all could happen to you, so don't forget to watch your step,
or the last thing youll see is a puddle of blood, and drown in regret,
what comes around goes around, never ignore the past,
or you'll be staring at my katana, begging for one more chance

[Adonis]

Smegs- i enjoyed cadence and the pace of verse was top notch. Good writing because in its entirety, just butter as far as comprehension. I liked the opening card reference to clubs, and thought you were going to string that along. Then the fighting and fucking and arguing, but it was she was heroin. I didn't like the twist, well I did, but not execution. You humanized the drug too much. That's my only true gripe, but it is a big one as that was your entire concept. Solid writing though. Good rhyming with no real misstep


Mike- this is going to be a tough vote. Your verse was good, fast paced and decent enough detail and imagery. I think going a bit more horror-core would have been dope, just a few gruesome details in a scene or two. Good flow per usual, solid mechanics even though mostly end rhymes existed, so no vote for complex scheme. Execution was a bit meh to me. I mean solid verse, but the connection to the topic just seemed tossed in. Like this verse was one you wrote previously in a no show, kept it, and just through the ending in for topics sake. Overall this was an enjoyable read though bro. Not on par with last week, but you Def stepped your game up since our battle, which that was a sick verse if I did tell you. I took that L with no resentment.


Vote. This is tough, you both faltered on use of topic which is weird. That's pretty much like the main point yeah? Both had same strengths as well, good progression, solid flow with enough imagery and detail in scenery that kept me intrigued. A tie if I ever saw one. I will read each verse and drop a name, Vote will be based on personal preference.


Smegs

On deeper read she wasn't as humanized as I thought. You played your cards right.

[PancakeBrah]

Smegma - I really enjoyed your verse until the last line which ruined it for me. I thought the wording, albeit a bit cliche, was strong and relatable throughout. I think this would have worked better as a stand-alone 'bad relationship' verse as opposed to the "surprise" twist of love=addiction/drugs=girl which has been done to death. If you had just pounded on the "one more chance" idea in a relationship and explored the various ways that can poison both people, which I thought you were doing, I'd have enjoyed this. As it stands now you have a good verse that shoots itself in the foot with its ending.

Mike Wrecka - I, personally, disliked poison-laced pizza and hardly ever order it as one of my toppings. This was solid. I prefer my character sketches to be in the third person but that's just preference, doesn't really effect the vote. I think I would have like a few more shades of gray but this character doesn't have that which is also fine. I thought the writing was good, especially the flow. You do use multi's but even when you don't you employ internals in such a way that you barely notice. The flow/rhythm of this piece was the strong point. Not one slip up in my read through. I liked the stabbing the neck/running out of breath line. The open casket funeral rhyme set was very smooth and I liked the wording. My only major gripe was that the tie-in to the concept was very obvious from the start. I figured it would be a victim asking for one more chance about four lines in. Not a huge negative but maybe something to work on for next week? Regardless, solid submission.

Both of you wrote well but I think smegma did himself a disservice with his ending. Not to say he'd have won if the twist wasn't there but it would've been very close. As it stands I think Mike wrote the more straightforward concept, and in this battle that's what stands out for me.

v/ Mike

[Just Write]

Smegma- ok . I really liked how your story started but it lacks any emotion and almost seemed as if you were writing just to write, it was almost bland. I didnt like the way you wrapped it up either. With a few tweaks this could have been a great read because it had a lot of potential. The rhymes were somewhat elementary compared to your opponents which is something i'd say to work on but all in all I did enjoy this and am looking forward to reading more from you.


Mike wrecka- sup bro, lol@running out of breathe stabbing someone. Idk, I feel like you didnt take this piece as serious as previous ones. What I mean to say is it's not as polished as your usual pieces and for the first time I think ever that ive read, you forced a few words. Idk if its cause you wernt inspired or what but I hope you stay in the league. I always enjoy your stuff. Anyways I think you stayed on topic with a direct easy route which is risky but it was effective enough to get the win here


Mvgt=MW

[oats]

Smegma: your writing was a strong spot here, the rhyming was crisp and there was never an awkward syllable in the entire verse. beyond that, nothing came off as forced or awkward, which is very impressive. dope shit

there were a few things I didn't like. first, I thought it would have benefitted to be more subtle with the analogy - the "line of white girl" in the beginning gave it away almost immediately that you weren't talking about an actual woman. It's tough to do these kinds of verses in an original way, because it's a pretty standard twist at this point. The twist, however, was that it was heroin and not coke, which is odd to me because heroin is not a club drug, at least not in the circles that I know. more of a zone out in a garage/parking lot/wherever there aren't many people and fry for a bit. Like Frank's use of Nat King Cole last week, I can suspend my disbelief about that and overlook it, but it did strike me as odd.

the main thing was really that this was telegraphed. I would suggest either aiming for more subtlety, or going a different route altogether and just make it about an actual relationship. more interesting things to explore that route, in my opinion. overall it was a strong showing, a better approach and I can see you making some moves in the league for sure.

Mike: I liked this. lots of velocity behind your rhymes, I felt propelled through the verse. This is also because the nature of your writing was very descriptive in an expositional way. There was an underhanded humor that popped up from time to time as well, like the don't wanna run out of breath and nunchuckas line. overall not a whole lot of gripes to this, other than that it didn't jump out and grab me. there were some cool ideas in there, like the metamorphoses every week/old style, fresh way to present that. I think what could have made this stronger would have been a tighter focus on atmosphere. to show and not tell, to use the grade school adage. either way, this was a strong verse as well.


Vote: Good battle here, both of you guys had strong writing all around. I think that Wrecka got this one with a more novel approach to the topic though. it was straightforward, but it worked better than the reliance on a predictable twist. good shit to both

[MMLP]

I'd preferred the topic MW had used, although both were plotted really well, MW rhymes and structures were better.

while I relax and receive acupuncture in my back,
so when I attack, im calm, cold blooded, methodic,
conducting a symphony of terror, in a manner that's robotic,
I only do it for a profit
was probably the best line in this!

vote MV, mainly on preference

[Zombie]

Intense. The backlash inhibited was stellar by Mike. Smeg had this cool vibe and thorough lines from here on out. Very intense. I didn't like the different approach with the picture by Smeg, although it was fairly related to the topic, it was still a bit off to me. Mike delivered punctually and with enough firepower in the tank, I believe. Enjoyable reads from both. I'm going with Mike Wrecka.

[timeless]

Smegma, this was cool. Nothing too impressive with your rhymes or flow. The reup on stress relief line was dope. Enjoyed the switch up in the ending. You had plenty to point that out previously in your verse. Good reads man.

Mike, good to see you experimenting with more wordplay than you have in previous weeks. This was a pretty straight forward approach, nothing too great there. I enjoyed the beginning more than the end.

This ia tough to vote on. I felt smeg delivered. He had the concept down, knew where he was going with it and had a more complete piece. Mike had great content, just more rhyme driven than concept.

Voting for smegma

[Split]

Smegma


Good quality of writing, but the story lacked depth. There wasn't much of a narrative thread leading things together other than the ending itself, like it was incredibly linear. The rhymes weren't anything to write home about but it was smooth and well worded.I think if you had written about a "general" way these things happen the execution would have been much better.

Lol. Got to the end of your verse. That's cool nvm. Nicely done twist. One note/ comment is that it didn't really add any perspective to the usual themes or ideas surrounding drug addiction. But you fooled me and I enjoyed rereading and understanding.



MW.


Cool straightforward crime verse. Good rhymes. Not boring, didn't try to be anything more than it was which was Cool. I read action/crime topicals and always think of Rawn telling me he never wrote about things that weren't badass lol.

Very tough call. Two opposing approaches done to similar levels of dopeness. I think I prefer Smegma's angle in general, but feel a little disappointed in the thinness of his verse's allegorical aspects. Mike Wrecks had an aesthetically pleasing verse that I enjoyed more despite the comparative simplicity.


V/ MW