Week 10: 9. oats (8-1) vs. 10. Perpendicular (0-0) \\ Perpendicular wins 5-4

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=68449).


Topic


“Mankind is governed more by feelings than by reason.” — Samuel Adams


Good luck, oats and Perpendicular.

[Perpendicular]

Palinurus

Clearly we've reached the status of lemmings.
From the pier and the beach - haphazardly trending
fads and actions. Pretending we're steering our needs
against a current of sheep engineering the streets.
They're keeping the peace with checks and balances:
Algorithm's that tell inhabitants
"healthy challenges,"
"credit management,"
"helpful traffic tips,"
"where the madness is,"
"steps to having bliss,"
and "better rationing" -
from an epoxied cross breed of Tech and Pathogens.
With legs that stand unhinged and a screen for an iris,
the man of the future looks as seedy as pirates.
Steam-punk - clean cut between the need and consignments -
who's ship has sailed without being legally licensed.
Our dreams are unbridled and lead our defiance
when we fight for the right to leave our reasoning's silenced.
We are of mindsets that need red left turn arrows,
but follow ambitious directions dealt in Tarot's.
We've pumped breath into some dead, despaired souls
to fill hospice pockets before they let their air go.
Comprehend affairs close between a lady and her husband -
what's with stickers that say "don't let your baby in the bucket?"
If your kid was in the house playing, and then snuffed it....
maybe it was fate... or maybe you're a dumbshit.
Brady's on the pulpit representing the androgynous bunch -
with a smile that reaches from the blood bag to the hospital punch.
Don't eat your shampoo, be conscious for once:
just smoke a cigarette and have some toxins for lunch.
A Box full of guns mixed with the parable child,
or being a bicyclist sharing the road with American drivers?
We've rationalized being married with liars -
and that same logic allowed us to cherish our trials.

Elections yielding tongue-in-cheek, impressive, heathens
set on beating each other in a test of feelings.
Engineers and doctors proctor selective breeding
while political priests bless our treaties.
Rest uneasy and unsure for the best of reasons:
the plebs are survived by the grotesque and seasoned.
The sketchy leaders? They never get amnesia -
your "never forget" stickers are a pressure feeder.
Intellect is it's own currency - So hurry and buy,
because you can get anything cured for a price.
We wont enforce a death penalty on the worst of our likes,
but we'll rally, loot and murder for rights.
We've escaped Darwinism with consistent medical breakthroughs,
but balance overpopulation by sending the tanks loose.
The weak and the cautious have their feelings acknowledged,
while the strong-willed find that bullets are being cathartic.

“Mankind is governed more by feelings than by reason.” — Samuel Adams

[oats]

Rhyme and Reason

I remember the CD’s cellophane, feeling like a total goner
if mom found out I was a convert to this hopeless dogma
but street knowledge gave me more than a diploma offered
Track 1: Holla If Ya Hear Me...
I looked around, made sure I was alone, then hollered

a 12 year old impostor, somewhat indentured
to these caucasian confinements, numb to its censures
it was fake. Pac was real. the rush of adventure;
thuggish acceptance, feeling like I was Strictly 1 of His…N words

Death Row Records was my posse, a known accomplice
I was Never Ignorant, Getting Goals Accomplished
so dishonest, boss of all bosses, don’t step to the throne
told parents my homework's at school, told teachers I left it at home

LET IT BE KNOWN! I would no longer listen to Dude Ranch
rocking middle class income like I depended on food stamps
a new man, running shit from the curb to the burbs
evidenced by how “yes please” suddenly turned into “word”

mental versions perverse, my reality was invented
lost in my headphones, rap granted me independence
and somehow these glorified hardships left me feeling connected
like I was gangsta cuz my private school wasn’t even selective

my speech was suggestive that every minute grew more poor
spearfishing for sport, Illmatic in slippers and board shorts
by day I lived on the shore, nighttime imagining thug endeavors
pulling a skeg out the dresser, north swells got me under pressure

from dreams of lettin off the 4 pound hammer in different directions
to waking up with my ukulele hammering 4 string picking progressions
mimicked impressions convinced me of who I could actually hang with -
bustin my bus pass from the side to try and practice my gang grip
the same shit that was meant for city folk - impoverished, hungry
somehow spoke to a random white kid in the tropical country

I balanced octopus hunting with rhyme-writers’ sickest delivery
it wasn’t a double-life so much as a hidden epiphany
a lesson in empathy. so embarrassing, the weakest theory
but maybe turning a blind eye can help you see shit clearly
it was real, so much realer than I could ever define
to feel the strength of overcoming what would never be mine
I shouldn’t love rap, but somehow it gets me to react
it just makes me feel
…and really, who needs a reason for that

[Zombie]

Intense. Loved Pen's take. Oats take was intense. But I feel it veered off from his (my opinion) championship clinching verse of last week. It had elements that I think may been loosely translated from writer to reader. Pen delivered a common theme, but had a ball knit very compactly. Good use of thematic language in both, especially oats. Voting Pen.

[zygote]

The self-deprecating humor was great. It was also written a nice quasi-autobiographical style, something different from a story. The overall theme was very internally consistent, not a single unnecessary part, every single line worked towards showing the humorous contrast between the ‘feeling’ of this escapism internal fantasy and the ‘reality’ of this kids life. Highlight part was “from dreams of lettin off the 4 pound hammer in different directions to waking up with my ukulele hammering 4 string picking progressions” that was extremely humorous. I don’t know how honest it is, but it seemed really honest which means the writing had good details. It was engaging.

The strong multiple rhyming and short space between rhymes made it seem more impressive than it was. The first part with all the “Healthy challenges” et al., was really cool but then it came to “With legs that stand unhinged and a screen for an iris, the man of the future looks as seedy as pirates.” it seemed like an awkward phrase just to have the multiple rhyme and it lost the illusion for a moment there. Similarly, again at “Brady's on the pulpit representing the androgynous bunch - with a smile that reaches from the blood bag to the hospital punch.” Maybe it’s also too strong of an overall condescending/preaching tone, it was clear you were going for a the world is full of idiots kind of thing. Perhaps it could have been more effective with a lighter tone (the parts with jokes were the strongest) but when it’s just words like ‘plebs’ and ‘sheep’ I couldn’t get into it as part of that flock. Voting for Oats.

[Split]

both were really, really well-written. Perps seemd to say that progress and science lead us blindly into the future, while Oats wrote about how he fell in love with rap and heavily related despite having nothing in common with most rappers.

Perp was more masterful, but Oats encompassed the topic in a really endearing way, it also seemed more derivative of the topic rather than momentarily parallel

V. OAts

[Just Write]

This is a very dope battle and was really hard to pick a winner. Both brought it in their own way. Pen, that was a spectacular opening and I was really into your verse for about 3/4 of it and then seriously just became disinterested in it. Not for any particular reason I just got bored with it. Oats, I love the humor in this one, feels like it made it a little more personable and relatable i.e. the n-word line, the yes please vecoming word, the ukulele line ect. Honestly this is a toss up and ive read both verses a few times since last night and am finally ready to make my decision.

Mvgt= oats. No particular reason, both showed out but I feel oats stuck with me more. Great job guys

[patrown]

perpendicular - first line that really spoke to me..

when we fight for the right to leave our reasoning's silenced.

felt like your point came to fruition here..

The sketchy leaders? They never get amnesia -
your "never forget" stickers are a pressure feeder.
Intellect is it's own currency - So hurry and buy,
because you can get anything cured for a price.

liked the movie reference, enjoyed how it tied into a very real world dillemma.
not really sure what you meant by this..

We've escaped Darwinism with consistent medical breakthroughs,
but balance overpopulation by sending the tanks loose.

tanks loose? huh? but still.. i enjoyed your overall tone. i feel like you could have narrowed more in on a specific point rather than making as many clever ambiguous observations as you did.. in the end, i didnt quite get it.

oats - lol'd..

thuggish acceptance, feeling like I was Strictly 1 of His…N words

then you actually said this?

rocking middle class income like I depended on food stamps
a new man, running shit from the curb to the burbs
evidenced by how “yes please” suddenly turned into “word”

OK. you're probably one of the most honest netcees ive had the pleasure of reading..

then this..

I balanced octopus hunting with rhyme-writers’ sickest delivery
it wasn’t a double-life so much as a hidden epiphany
a lesson in empathy. so embarrassing, the weakest theory
but maybe turning a blind eye can help you see shit clearly
it was real, so much realer than I could ever define
to feel the strength of overcoming what would never be mine

usually, i vote against topical-selfactualization. but i really liked yours on this occasion bro.

it just makes me feel
…and really, who needs a reason for that

/v oats - both hit on similar feels. but oats brought me in, took me through it, and explained my own self a little bit. that's respectable. that's vote worthy. nice drops from both tho.

[Soulstice]

perpendicular - dope. really went at society as a whole with tounge in cheek humor and plenty of real world examples, you didnt even need to really outline the topic. the flow of images developed the encompassing thought on their own. flow was nice, language was consistent, no complaints, enjoyed the piece and apprciated some of clever moments (electronic yielding tounge in cheek, etc)

oats - this was reminiscent. took me down your memory lane, a lot of nods to typical early teenage behavior that i think everyone on this board could certainly appreciate. the nods to your environment as a youngin were a nice touch, but i think they could've done more to make it personal - dialogue, more specific nods to your life - all i gathered is you went to a private school in the tropical area (i imagined florida, because i thought you were american, lol) and the board shorts stanza was the only one with specific introspection. it didnt seem specifically tailored to you, imo. i enjoyed it and left me feeling something after, as any good piece should. however, once i use this voting space to hash out my thoughts i am left voting for perp

v - perpendicular

[Adonis]

Oats - enjoyable. Progressed nicely and direction of topic I would imagine we all could have wrote something similar. I don't really have any complaints, I simply liked this from start to end. I've read much better from you, and after coming off a deep championship run I could only imagine the effort you put into this first verse with out defending the belt. That is not to say this wasn't dope, because it is, just not elite. Solid showing.

Pent - This shit was dope. The depth and meaning in certain individual lines were just sick, but you add to the fact the rhyme schemes were complex and firing on MOST cylenders, dope shit. I will say I did not get the full sense of use of topic. I actually think you explained more reasons why we are fucked rather than using feelings. Either way I thoroughly enjoyed this drop.


V/ Perp-dick

Overall, although I loved the inner look of Oats, especially as he mentioned shit I also went through, the schemes were not there so it was just that, "a peer into the past". Where perp had dope scheming and just overall lines packing so much info and reasoning into them.

[Vulgar]

Perp - Full of layers, yet rewarding. The construction was great, making this hard to beat. It was 'stylishly' designed, with keen attention given to internal rhyme schemes and tagged examples. The title reminded me of Solaris, and appropriately since you brought out your inner George Clooney regalism and wordsmithery. Yes, both are made up words. It was absurdist, highlighting irony with an anti-Kardashian nightstick, the tip covered in blood and graffiti paint. Maybe not blood, but another impressionable substance. Very cool take, I liked it.

oats - I love rap too! lol, 'tight' take on the topic. Offering your past times as the focus of a verse shows your spirit to compete and your passion for this medium. Everyone has their story of why they feel connected to something without having any real reasons why they do. It's part of what makes us human - the candles of vulnerability that light up our days. Good, neat verse.

My vote goes to Perp.

[Certain]

Perpendicular: There's one glaring issue here: Almost your entire verse works as a sequence of self-standing couplets. It's an awkward and jarring progression after this pattern is noticed, where despite your great rhymes and schemes, the flow can get a little too predictable because you stop every thought after two lines and use almost the exact same pattern every time, somewhat like a battler but with better diction. I'm only pointing that out because you had a very strong abstract verse. You hit a lot of concepts here (one for every two lines, in fact), and you nailed the concept of the topic. I wish you had grounded more of your points in specific example rather than idiomatic phrases, perhaps pointing to actual flaws in society rather than metaphorical ones. The diction and rhymes were the standouts here, though, and the first half of the first stanza was rather breathtaking in those regards. This was a very strong showing for your first verse (under this name).

oats: On one hand, the non-black, non-urban kid who listens to rap thing is played out, mostly through thousands of think-pieces over the years. On the other hand, you made this very much your own and avoided some of the stereotypes. I will admit that the humor of this verse got a little redundant. We get that you live in Hawaii. There also was a bit of a timeline issue for me. You start with Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z., which came out in 1993 when 2Pac was on Interscope. Then you say you were all about Death Row, which 2Pac didn't join until late 1995. Then you say you won't listen to Dude Ranch, which came out in 1997. You're about my age, so I'm guessing you discovered the 2Pac stuff a bit late, which makes sense but might have been worth clarifying. I liked the lyrical homage to Nas. The problem I had was that the deeper we got into this verse, the more you started to pile on the Hawaii stuff with the intent of humor. And while I really like it in more genuine mentions, like with "Shorebreaks," I didn't care for it here as I felt it undermined your purpose. The thematic topic was a little too cliché in general. But you did have a good approach to the topic, that what we like isn't always what we theoretically should like.

Vote: Perpendicular
This was a tough battle to vote on because both of you are so good. But Perpendicular's rhymes and metaphors stuck with more than oats' more laid back and personal approach here, largely because I think the humor of oats' verse missed me.