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Just Write
05-28-2013, 09:51 AM
Not saying I need a whore or a wife
just i realize i need more in this life
You see, lately I find myself tortured at night
Missing the warmth of her eyes..
What happened to a cordial goodbye?
Fuck it...
i was too absorbed in her thighs to feel the sting of reality
Now it rings out in apathy (couldnt i kiss you once more?)
....she says no so casually that you'd think im a casualty
Its a tragedy... how a love so bright could fade
I remember how We used to dance the night away
Now i see just another blank face
And our memories slowly drip down the drain
Oh, the pain is fierce & sometimes to much to handle
Just a damned fool with no place to go
So i sink in what use to be as a way to cope
..... still got our pictures on my mantle
The one with the dog and me in those brown sandles
(You hated them, and sometimes thats why i wore them..
To spite you.)

Natural
05-28-2013, 11:09 AM
Lol. I think you should have made this into something more.
Whats present is good and i see flashes of creativity throughout but it ended pretty abruptly.
My favorite part was
Now i see just another blank face And our memories slowly drip down the drain Oh, the pain is fierce & sometimes to much to handle Just a damned fool with no place to go So i sink in what use to be as a way to cope ..... still got our pictures on my mantle The one with the dog and me in those brown sandles (You hated them, and sometimes thats why i wore them.. To spite you.)


Lol i wore em just to spite you.

Appreciated feed on our ish.
Stay up

Objective
05-28-2013, 11:55 AM
Short and straight to the point. Extremely relatable and I bet quite a few others will as well. It was more of a poem to me. Definately enjoyed the read. Keep it up.

dead man
05-28-2013, 11:58 AM
ouch.


this was powerful to me. maybe thats just empathy.

everything makes sense eventually..


1

Geno
05-29-2013, 06:54 PM
This was a smooth ass read. Wth homie. I've been missing out on your work obviously. Dope drop -intense emotionally and had a flow that pulled it together so smoothly its like it ended before I even realized id read that far.

Good shit jw. Keep doing you man. I know I've made a frack of promises concerning om and its status, things will turn around soon. Lemme get this mag up and ill direct more focuss on individual posts and peoples activity and other areas.

Dope drop, refreshing to see someone on a tip I used to always be on. 1

Zen
05-30-2013, 11:24 AM
Damn good drop here JW. I gotta agree with Objective this felt kinda like a poem to me. But this was like the majority of your posts in that it's deeply personal and extremely relatable. Very nice.
The opening section to me was the best part. Nice use of multis there to start the piece off strong. In all honesty I'd say to add some more on to this man and make it a longer piece because I would enjoy to read a longer piece by you holmes. Keep droppin man and hopefully after the playoffs are over we can finally hit up that collab.

CopyPat
05-31-2013, 01:06 AM
ha. fair enough.

liked ur last one better but this still showed some skill and was clearly way more of a vent/real life type spit so i can appreciate that. nothing technically outstanding here... solid nonetheless

Just Write
06-21-2013, 02:51 PM
lol so i appreciate the whole fagg0t for "knuck" and dla for "He whose name shall not be spoken" but ya'll fucked up my piece lmao now i can't say cord-i-al?