Log in

View Full Version : bleeding intention


Fig
05-02-2014, 05:18 AM
Quick question:
Is this just a right feeling, trite string of affections?
Or does the sun break horizon, with a bleeding intention..







...




My chest, rises and rests in mechanical reps.
It's all wiring and fire.. this flesh.
Breaths weave in a spiraling spire from which the mind must profess
the souls scriptured streams of light

until death.

(Eclectic types. Blended iridescence unveils guests.
The crimson bleed of life reminds our kind why we're still left.)

(Conceal! Guess! We're tuned into two different frequencies!
Just pop the dial knob off)

(then quickly strip the machinery.)

(The whole picture)(seems to beat me with its scenery)
(I'm teetering between)(the sweet dream)(and my reasoning)
(But bear with me in my endeavor;) (relay teachings)
(that) (were) (shared) (with) (me) (within) (a) (tremor,) (((((released seamlessly.

My heart beats beacon beams that attracted the art of sequencing

these hard speaking things, breeding in sparks/fecund sprees.

Whatever way you choose to see is cool with me.

I used to think

that every person realized they spoke in viewpoint eulogies.

Fueled conceit consumes the scope of differing views

Whether ego romantic bliss, or deep semantical loom.

But the yarn I spin is true to the moment I caught...

We machines in the outfield, looking open for shots.

Is it hopeless or not

DexLabb
05-02-2014, 07:14 PM
you chirp me then write this garbage? what the fuck is this? this aint hip hop this is some lame ass poetry that would barely get a c+ in kindegarten. go fuck a goat

Split
05-02-2014, 10:52 PM
inb4

Fig
05-02-2014, 11:00 PM
would barely get a c+ in kindegarten.

PancakeBrah
05-02-2014, 11:03 PM
dont listen to le faggot

this was good

Split
05-02-2014, 11:05 PM
someone got assigned ee cummings

DexLabb
05-02-2014, 11:14 PM
stfu pancake. you act like some distinguished 18th century english professor in your rhymes. ur a little pasty white baby back bitch

Split
05-03-2014, 04:10 PM
Whatever way you choose to see is cool with me.
I used to think
that every person realized they spoke in viewpoint eulogies.

^dope. Im guessing that is talking about how everything in life is constantly shifting, becoming something new as a byproduct of existence. Movement and locality was important here, structurally. The parentheses reminded me of gears, working together in synchronicity to create something beyond their own limited scope. Lots of parallels between this idea and the semantics of language, like "poetry is honest" or something. Your word choice is a bit awkward but also on point.

I always like your writings because every thought is important to the interpretation of the piece. Dense in a good way. I won't give this a full breakdown but I liked the ideas you were playing with

Fig
05-03-2014, 04:27 PM
Thanks split

I always look forward to your interpretation of my pieces.

Zen
05-03-2014, 10:34 PM
My chest, rises and rests in mechanical reps.
It's all wiring and fire.. this flesh.
Breaths weave in a spiraling spire from which the mind must profess
the souls scriptured streams of light

until death.
^^^Dope.

My problem with this it is way too coherent. Next time just try to make it a jumbled mess if nothing and I'd be impressed lol. But forreal this is probably the best I've ever read from you. Nice work.

Illume
05-04-2014, 07:37 PM
Snip


I really enjoyed this, particularly the last section. I like the way you worded the stuff about subjectivity of perspective and how disdain can stop people being able to look past the narrow viewpoints they're conditioned with, or makes them unable to understand the concept at all. I wrote a piece called Ironically Paradoxical on here about it - it's more wordy but worth a look though.

Basically, at the end of it all you're saying how freeing it is to stop with the cerebral focus and just enjoy the moment.

I like it, its real. I feel like you could flesh it further though, cause there are so many scenarios you can paint with this. Write more man.

Fig
05-08-2014, 11:32 PM
Thanks fags for the feed, but I'm better than all of you, except for dex lab, who is good

Bumpers

Certain
05-08-2014, 11:35 PM
What should I say?

Fig
05-08-2014, 11:38 PM
What should I say?

Whatever you feel

Or nothing at all

Split
05-09-2014, 12:13 AM
Thanks split

I always look forward to your interpretation of my pieces.


AIM