Week 11 championship: 1. zygote (8-2) vs. 2. Zombie (3-0) \\ Zombie wins 4-3

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=69948).


Topic


No one has ever before seen anything like it.


Good luck, zygote and Zombie.

[zygote]

FANTASY-FICTION NOVEL EXTRACT: NORDIC SAGA SUCCESSION CRISIS.

Simple Ingvar grins dumbly at the shoreline; all Jomsvikings were called to gather here this night. They enter the island’s harbour navigating the inlets thin ice. Our character Ingvar gets out of his longboat onto the ground, and he walks ahead of the other Norsemen through the castle town. Ingvar approaches the castle proper, its walls have no comparison. The entrance to the main hall is blocked by a Varangian champion. The Varangian nods - “Ah Ingvar I fought beside your kinsman with the Byzantine guard! Your uncle Sigurd was strong, he gave me this,” the Varangian man of the north holds his hammer aloft.

Inside the hall, many are already present waiting for the feast to proceed, then serving girls bring out all types of smoked meats, maize, ales and mead. As the feast ends discussion turns to the nature of the current king usurper. All Jarls argue amongst each other, shouting and thumping tables with a zealous fervor. The most prestigious warlords claim they should be king because they are stronger, while others argue they should all carve out their own realms, and let the largest prosper. As they argue, Ingvar sees an old scholar struggle to rise, Ingvar helps him get to his feet, the man appears frail but his voice dominates the room when he begins to speak

“The nature of our current king is different from our former Kings!
Listen to these histories I will reveal within the sight of all things.
In his time my Grandfather could recall King Eirik the Lawspeaker,
During his rule no want was felt, and he was not so proud that no man could not approach him either.
And in my time I can recall the Lawspeaker’s eldest son, a man of strength and truth,
King Eirik the Old, conqueror of Nyland, Karelia, Kurland, and builder of this Castle Hammershus.
And he was followed by his son, Good King Rurik, a defender of the land and sea,
Rurik the well-loved, who defended his departed father’s gains so manfully.
Then came this so-called cousin, the Accursed usurper who killed Good-Rurik at Hjorunvagar,
The Accursed usurper’s domination is well recorded both in common tale and in written saga.
And now we come to this king we have now got, the son of the Accursed,
Do not judge a man by his kin, but to find this current king’s nature you only must observe.
His actions are foolish and arrogant, in comparison, how noble were the former Kings?
This current king allows no man a moment to presume that they may talk with him.
He attacks Haralde of Trondelaag, bringing war and distress on many a man already tired,
He schemes to subjugate those lands, something no former King has ever desired.
The lands our former Rulers conquered are lost through this king’s weakness,
While tribes invade, the current king alone in darkness, plans and plots and gathers secrets.
Listen to this next thing I speak. Eirik the Old’s son King Rurik was not his only son.
Beside me stands Ingvar, who was raised by his mother’s brother Sigurd of Jom.
Our departed King Eirik the Old fathered Ingvar in his 85th year,
Ingvar’s mother was of a small mind and never spoke because of fear.
Myself and the High Priestess consulted with the Allfather at the last Blot,
When we asked if Ingvar was of Eirik’s blood, our answer approached in the form of dark smoke.
Who do you support? The son of the Accursed usurper or the forgotten son of Eirik the Old?
What resolution will you take? Support of the weak or of the new and the bold?”

The scholar rests, Ingvar knows he must speak something, he doesn’t show it but he feels unprepared. Those present are shouting “Ingvar the Bastard! Ingvar the Bastard!” as they bang their axes in the air.

[Zombie]

A SCHIZOPHRENIC MELTDOWN: THE EXISTENTIALIST ENTRIES OF A PSYCHOSOMATIC, MENTALLY RAMBUNCTIOUS FORM OF A HUMAN BEING.


dear, everyone, who exists in my life! (and in my head)

the nature of our former baron, is different from our current host
nurture <vs> dormant balance. an insipid coward; abhorrent ghost
what most of us don't know, is that we only exist internally
by internal means, I suppose infernally. eternally as deterrent/joke
a quarrel heaves, abnormally. the chorus sings enormous sync
moral hinged environments, devoted to diurnal things
inside my journal, proprietary victims from withdrawal drip....
liquid paint to distinguish faces, in a vivid states' dementia
an overlay of makeup, with an exaggerated shade in question
lavender stains deface the pigment. spread to debase thee gray aesthetics
acrylic patches each vague submission. grease claims the three-faced cosmetic
robotic arms connect to machines, to interpret delusions
a symbolic conclusion, SO obscene its determined confusing
each occurrence unproven with a myopic swarm of cold morphine
an exploding eye with a serpents arm, a self portraits diluted
an emulsifying illusion. i even had cupid guide me on through it
individual's perception. insanity as an enforcer
distorted reality in the disorder. an unequivocal dimension
i see things that aren't there...& if things are there and I notice
do I choose to ignore them, or simply can't afford to control it
symptom of psychosis? or under a hypnosis that I can't snap out of
sometimes I black out.

dear someone (I just woke up from blacking out)

hey, someone, let me tell you a story.
Lt. Colonel was my favorite. he didn't feel like a ghost, see?
three golden stars, embedded in his coat seams.
the navy's very own: Annie Oakley
he made me feel, evoked. and spoke of me as if he were my coach
my mentor speaks, & my mental themes feeling encroached. aesthetically
feel like acoustics play every-time I step into a room thats on fire
i've been ruled a survivor, with an acute sense. yet too suicidal.
lubed conjunctiva. strait-jacket's discolored by drooling saliva
coast is clear. detectors; of euphoric beams connected, to
my dome. where intravenous nectar was being flowed between
this temple, to control my breathing & temporal vectors
psychosomatic measure, where hopelessness & my aura seems to melt
opening of orifice is a scenic svelte. by anticlimactic neural pressure
this is where endorphins scream for help.
knock-knock jokes to my dopamine receptors
"knock knock"
-"who's there?"
"dopamine"
-"dopamine, who"
"you're a dope I mean! Who can never get what lifes supposed to mean."
endorsements by a gentlemen, where he talks as if he thinks he knows me
told by a Old Marine General that Lt. Colonels don't wear stars but, Silver Oak Leaf's

Dear anyone at all

each segment alive, I forget who I am, I forget on my likeness
I forget I'm a person, I forget that I'm timeless.
If Lt. Colonel wasn't real, does that make our duet all a lie?
I feel tormented. And violent. I regret that I'm like this
a desert a crisis, a venom, a virus.
Am I even real? Is there even a heaven, a highness?
the venture of blind men, that attempt to go spineless
i'm inception, a rhythm of lines, a measure in metrics presented in time
an iridescent surprise that plays a role in a vengeful surmise
a minuscule peasant. I dont even exist. Nor alive
a totem to wake you up. an ineffectual likeness
this is now a speck full of whiteness, on the inflections of light in your iris
a descent of the righteous, or conceptual physics through a concept of psychics
I'm nothing, I'm no one. I'm nothing that has never existed. Forever. It's pious
and I sit with a luger aimed, to the brain, dosage of psilocybin
who can say, to the truth explained, that they've ever before seen anything like it?


sincerely, No one

http://i.imgur.com/rTqTTRJ.jpg

[timeless]

Zyg, as usual this is strong storytelling. Great imagery displayed throughout. You somehow always remind me of Ras Kass in his ‘Nature of the Threat’ mode, writing wise. Flow was spontaneous, usually forced in the ends of lines. Couple things though, felt that your approach to the topic wasn’t really there, the Jomsvikings never before seen a rise/fall in a king of their country? If that’s all then that’s pretty bland, I couldn’t find any other relation you could’ve had. The ending line was good I enjoyed the twist in humor. Felt I was left wanting more from it, like something was supposed to happen but didn’t. Not bad though.

Zombie, the Annie Oakley reference was dope, being as I was just reading about her last night lol. Same with your opponent this week, I felt you both were lacking a certain moment in your piece to really open it up and make me say ‘wow’. The writing was dope though, the endorphins and knock-knock bar was probably the best. Sticking the topic on the end was a bit redundant. One of the best suicidal raps I’ve read in awhile.

Hard vote, both approaches were a reach to the topic. I felt Zombie had the better written and more complete read, so he’s got my vote for that. This could go either way, great champ match fight.

v. Zombie

[Mike Wrecka]

weird battle. both verses obviously had a lot of work put into them. but I didn't particularly enjoy either of them. I did however appreciate the craft put forth


zygote - im going to be blunt. I think you are doing too many historical pieces this season. its getting redundant to me. I started the verse and was like "uggghhhh another history lesson text book rap from zyg" lol. I was willing to look past the deja vu feeling but the writing itself was mechanically kind of simplistic. you really were only rhyming the end words. it needed some inners. or something. the flow was very basic imo. the story itself was interesting enough. it was Game of Thrones meets How to Train Your Dragon. which is cool. but really it was just a piece on Viking politics. it was different at least.

I don't really see the connection with the topic unfortunately.


zombie - you abandoned your paragraph format and I think it hurt you here. the flow was choppy in parts. and seemed forced in others. the first section was kind of a mess mechanically tbh. and after reading the second section I was underwhelmed as a reader. sometimes it seems, to me at least that you throw together words and phrases that on the surface look like they could have some deeper meaning but upon further examination really are just jibberish

Am I even real? Is there even a heaven, a highness?
the venture of blind men, that attempt to go spineless

what does that mean? blind men that attempt to go spineless? it means nothing. it just worked out as an end rhyme. its easy to write like that


BUT


after that line, you really really picked it up.


i'm inception, a rhythm of lines, a measure in metrics presented in time
an iridescent surprise that plays a role in a vengeful surmise
a minuscule peasant. I dont even exist. Nor alive
a totem to wake you up. an ineffectual likeness
this is now a speck full of whiteness, on the inflections of light in your iris
a descent of the righteous, or conceptual physics through a concept of psychics
I'm nothing, I'm no one. I'm nothing that has never existed. Forever. It's pious
and I sit with a luger aimed, to the brain, dosage of psilocybin
who can say, to the truth explained, that they've ever before seen anything like it?



this section worked very well. I think this is what you were aiming for the whole verse but didn't hit your stride until the end. that section that I italicized is very impressive. and one could have a field day really digging into those lines and phrases and interpreting them. it won you the battle imo


overall- kind of disappointing for a champ match tbh. but still better than most. good battle fellas. im going with zombie for the higher difficulty level of his writing.


vote - zombie

[Split]

Zygote. Really enjoyed this. I thought that your rhyme schemes weren't very tight but everything was worded fluidly. It seems to be your strategy in the AOWL and storytelling tournaments to sacrifice lyricism for coherency and also plot detail. Good story, I enjoyed how you introduced the scholar in the midst of the chaos, and with his soliloquy you showed how he silenced the room.

Ingvar would be a good king because he trusts his subjects to support him & add to the stength of his demesne


Gotta finivofe on my kPfopsh

EDIT: now voting from my kPfopsh.


I thought that Zygote's story was well balanced between the characters actions and the scholar's speech, because his speech was meant to be very powerful and the center of the whole thing, and I imagine that it was unprecedented by Vikings. Though I only know the stereotypes of Vikings being brutes and not much else.

Zombie.

interesting writing. really fully fleshed out delve into the psyche of a schizophrenic. I think the emotional connection you demonstrated to the cast of characters and the shades of self were very intricate. I am over generalizing. I could talk a lot about the microcosms (split8 buzzword forever) you brought up in the webs of details in this verse.


honestly, the two writings seem almost incomparable. I don't know, maybe it's the waves of attentiveness I get on off-weekends but I really clicked with Zygote's story and the swath of his individual brush strokes this week, I thought that while his writing was mostly descriptionless and plain it was powerful in an oratory sense (the scholar's speech was properly highlighted and skillful).


v/ zygote

[Adonis]

Mr. Top Draw - "Simple Ingvar grins dumbly at the shoreline;" this is a great opener for so many reasons, but mostly because it's just pure, solid, great wording. Dope narrative, I don't often enjoy the style of old we coined "paragraph style", but once in a while it can be refreshing. It's funny that was easy writing in terms of rhyme and flow, while most would consider rhyming a natural conversation is the toughest; yet you chose to rhyme there more rather then the intro. Nicely done. Overall, you did a great job in all aspects. You presented me with a nice setting, even a bit of background into ingvar as well as other characters, but you did so with brevity, yet enough for me to enjoy it. Dope verse, one of the better by you this season, might be my favorite. (From you)


Zom - This is a nice read that I enjoyed for the most part. But I didn't like you breaking a sentence into two bars for flow. Some times it worked, others it didn't. The entire 2nd stanza, well at least before the dopamine part, is my example. It just clustered for me, you also didn't even put periods which in turn made it more confusing because I wasn't sure if you were breaking sentences or stopping without period. Overall though, this verse is some good writing/not flow, but solid fuckin writing. I enjoyed the peer into a mans head who is just plain kray. Good shit.


This is a tough vote, I think you both did things very well...Ziggie with a nice story and solid rhyming and cohesiveness for a conversational verse. Zombie had a mood to his that was felt while connecting to the topic much better than his counter part while also just dropping knowledge.

In the end, I enjoyed Zygote's verse more as far as personal preference.

Vote Ziggie

[oats]

Zygote: I don't watch Game of Thrones, but I imagine I would have liked this verse much more if I did. I scooby dooby scooby dooby do watch Vikings though, and I enjoyed this a lot. There was something theatrical, almost shakespearian to this. It felt like a scene from a play, not so much from a novel. I enjoy that atmosphere you create, though the writing itself was a little tough for me, like you just so happened to rhyme. I know you're capable of rhyming extremely well, but in this instance I would have liked to see you bust those out a bit more. Also, didn't like how often you found a rhyme with a made-up (I think?) word or name, felt a little cheap. Overall, a liked the story a lot, but at this point I'd like to see stronger rhyming and/or more fluid wording and rhythm to match your excellent storytelling.

Zombie: Your writing is always dope, lots of schemes and original descriptions. It's hard for me to find anything I didn't like outright, but I felt a little underwhelmed I guess. I enjoyed the avenues you took me down, and the grab bag of allusions made it provocative in a way. I don't know, there was just something missing.


Vote: This is particularly difficult, because I didn't really get "it" from either verse. I liked zyg's story more, but I liked zombie's writing more. overall, I think the disparity between what I didn't like in both verses favors zombie; his idea, while scattered, was better than the weak points of zygote's writing. close call though, wouldn't be surprised to see either win.

[Certain]

zygote: I can't wait to read votes and see who called your opening two stanzas "paragraph-style," even though they resemble nothing of the writing traditionally referred to as such other than the presentation and decision against line breaks. Anyway, I liked this verse quite a bit. The storytelling was, as yours often is, very straight-forward. And the story was interesting and dynamic without being high-leverage. The lack of big stakes and drama falls right into my taste preference. And I initially was concerned that perhaps the grandeur of the topic was lost in your verse, but the more I meditated on it, the more I considered your unique approach to be rather worthwhile to this topic. Moreover, this is a major moment in history for your fictional jomsvikings, surely a major moment determining the future paths for generations. My biggest qualm is that your rhyming was really spotty here, put on the backburner more than you generally do because fo the heavily pointed name references and such. But there's also the persistent issue that sometimes you are unnecessarily wordy for no reason. If you did away with that, you'd hit a new level.

Zombie: The rhyming here right out of the gate was tremendous, a staple of yours as much as zygote's storytelling is for him. But I found myself floating through your verse and coming across splashes of awesome writing inside the load of good-but-not-great writing. I loved, "what most of us don't know, is that we only exist internally" and "told by an Old Marine General that Lt. Colonels don't wear stars, but Silver Oak Leaf's." The first stanza felt detached from the rest, and I didn't think you hammered home the connection to that stanza as well as the second in your conclusion. The final stanza was money, your place to fully stretch your wings and hit the topic. I enjoyed this verse for all the same reasons I'd enjoy anything you wrote, but the past few weeks you've done a better job of making things a bit more coherent without sacrificing anything from your fascinating diction and rhyme schemes. Here, the content felt a bit strained, particularly in relation to the topic.

Vote: zygote

[Frank]

Voting Zombie

Total effort, Zygote did not cut it this week and Zombie took advantage.