Week 11: 5. Perpendicular (1-0) vs. 6. Frank (7-3) \\ Frank wins 5-3

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=69948).


Topic


This is your chance to prove yourself.


Good luck, Perpendicular and Frank.

[Perpendicular]

The Judgement Of Solomon's Son


You can ask the positive zealots about their pessimism.
Life is a set of challenges built around the flesh and will of
adventurous denizens that can be found on television -
conveyed one way, but then toned down for special children.
We're a society defined by how the best decisions
are drowned and surrounded by doubt and skepticism.
Take the mating ritual - a strange, elated, riskful ruse
made to break unwritten rules for a taste of faith and different views.

A stage in the brain of an urbane tame steady going insane
- watching a winsome woman adeptly rolling her frame.
Her Maxi dress swings with each step of jovial gain,
while internally, he fervently questions knowing her name.
Vivacious and nimble - her elegance in motion explained
as a fluid difference like snow is to rain.
A figure romanced - he grabbed her tight hips and she persistently danced.
A smile slipped in-between them while thinking "this is your chance."
They tried drinking but ended up conversing passed last call.
They got passed names and fast laned the nervous laughs and drawls.
Then sat and text tagged furthering their thoughts,
which lead to meeting the friends in a circus of applause.
Scared at family dinners, but she came off as courteous and posh,
and on the other end he managed to seem virtuous to pops.
The happy two excel: traveling to hotels and sandy dunes to rest.
Their attitudes just meshed, while he thinks every moment is a chance to prove himself.
His iris' widened, frightened and his adrenaline pumping,
with a lost stare worse than a methamphetamine junky.
His ascension's becoming recognized, and in a sense is entrusting
within a society that delves into nothing.
His finite dreams gleam behind the screams while her belly is busting,
and their prince crowns to him pensively suffering.

This is your chance to prove yourself by having your kid prove himself -
and hope he sees it through, until he assists you to death.

The cycle continues sum-less...

[Frank]

Fertility stared at her appearance in the Wall Mart window reflecting a mess
As she fixed her weave into a pony tail, tying the knot on the extension on her head
Under deadly duress, Fertility stood outside of Wall Mart and regrettably wept
The Wall Mart window was in perfect assembly and yet, her life resembled a wreck
Fake eyelashes fluttered as she stood outside the Wall Mart unquestionably upset..
Questioning her self, questioning destiny, questioning men, questioning sex
Fertility thought of her partners and X off boxes in her head mentally checked
It couldn't be Victor, she wasn't with Frank, is it potentially Ted's'?
Her lipstick smeared onto her white teeth bleached in dentistry crest
As her orange tan faded back slowly into a pale, melanin less death
Down her elegant dress it dripped in the high 70's temp of west Beverly Hills where all the celebrities met
Fertility looked into the Wall Mart window at her botched nose job, bended correct
Her silicone lips heavily pressed, mouthing the words "Jeffery" "Wesley" "Ben"
Tremendously stressed, ecstasy in her sweat
The density of her breast made her lean forwards as she read in the red
And fainted falling on her silicone ass full of fat injection from the depth in her legs
She had underwent millions of dollars worth of surgery from her neck to her chest
She always wanted a kid but first a career and successfully not one unexpectedly bred
Plop a kid in front of the television and put Sesame on the set
And call yourself a mother while the nanny runs the family weren't ethics she'd respect
Fertility dreamt of chemistry but instead she relentlessly slept
Around Hollywood until it sent her to the Wallmart aisle on an integrity quest
She flexibly bent onto a stick she held with fake nails, as she pissed directly in the parking lot between a Bentley and a Lex.
'It says it detects heredity after 20 minutes and it's about 97 percent'
She stood up sentimentally spent devilishly dressed
Steadily, she crept to the Wall Mart doors - breathlessly vexed
Her blue color contact lenses were drenched as she went to the desk
"I think theirs a discrepancy with this' she said with her fake accent and her Yorkie clenched to her chest
The store clerk shook the stick and said:
"It is indispensably, incontestably correct"
She walked out of Wall Mart and her implant popped like the condom and made a mess of her dress
It's time to prove yourself, you just passed your pregnancy test

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

Frank - Heavily invested-in personification with all the allegorical trimmings one could wish for executed pleonastically (though redudancy also provided descriptiveness), I thouroughly enjoyed this piece because it was oh so very... *embodied*. Yet simple.

Boris - A mellow blend of not-so-usual-yet-easily-accessible as well as naturally-occurring-yet-imaginitively-presented imagery, this piece outs you as a keen observer of human nature. I have nothing bad to say about this little exposition.

Tough vote to cast, but I'll go with Frank because his vechicle (character) was framed in a more legible fashion

[timeless]

Purple, wordplay was dope in this. Many quotable lines. Enjoyed your approach to the topic but it just seemed like it fell flat at the end. Felt you could’ve done more, given to how powerful the rest of the verse was. Not saying it was bad though, just felt it could’ve had more of an image painted to it, and not just in the end either. Your attention to detail with the rhymes is very impressive. Seems here that many people overlook the actual rhyming aspect and go right for content.

Frank, Don’t feel like going back and see how many times you actually make a whole verse rhyme, I know you’ve done it against me and someone else, but this shit was gold. Nothing really seemed forced either with the rhyme scheme, really impressed by that. Felt the overusage of the word “Walmart” distracted me, could’ve been used less, but that’s just picking. The story was dope, good bit of humor with a direct, positive ending. Boob pop like condom had me dying.

V.Frank for a more enjoyable read. Could go either way, dope battle.

[Adonis]

Frank - I did not like the use of "Walmart" some 5-6 times in opening lines, just a bit overkill. I liked the concept of a test, but as far as the verse goes I'll be completely honest. There just wasn't anything to it for me. I mean its about a girl, who you explain is gorgeous due to plastic, who takes a test and isn't ready but wants to be a good mom. End.

P- I loved the progression man, you literally went from first date to marriage in like 4 bars then a kid. I think you did this well enough. I enjoyed the detail and scenery's you painted e.g dinner table with parents, sweety palms of nervousness trying to impress. Many more instances as such with only a bar. Overall dope verse, you both went for kind of the same thing here which is weird

V/PerpDick

Overall a better verse in my eyes.

[Certain]

Perpendicular: I liked the approach, and I respected the writing. You write with an emphasis on the technical, putting more into rhymes and sounds and such than actual phrasing. That's to say, your diction couldn't hold up in unrhymed poetry or prose; it's very specific to this genre of writing. But I can respect the deftness with which you use the mechanical standards of our sport. Where I think this verse struggled is that the approach to the topic, the parenthood angle, was buried way too low. Instead of using your mating-ritual lead to tie into the topic, your ending shifted gears abruptly and awkwardly. I thought you had something going, but that turned me off. I didn't think the paternistic relationship angle was well developed.

Frank: The idea of this fake woman running into a very real problem was interesting. Some of your diction seemed rough and rushed, with more grammatical errors than I'm used to from you. The rhymes were OK, though you slant so hard and stretch so far at times that it makes the cadence a bit tough to pick up on this one, whereas last week it was pretty obvious where you were connecting rhymes. I looked at the realism of this as a bit prismatic of the experience. The name Fertility was a bit off in word choice but smart in concept; perhaps Vanity or something in that vein would have better described our character, but it was a good call not to give her a traditional name and instead form this story as allegorical. I do wish the connection to the future (and the topic) had been more emphasized. That seemed weak here. But I think you won this by investing yourself more deeply into your concept.

Vote: Frank

[Zombie]

Tough call. Enjoyment I'd have to give the slight favor to Frank, but I enjoyed both verses. The diction and cadence, was gleaming in Perpendicular. Tough vote cast. Voting for Frank.

[Soulstice]

Perp - you remind me of black. last week i thought for sure you were him lol but now you've seemed to the regressed to the mean (no offense, black is pretty much legendary lol). anyways, the flow was a little less tight and the concept a little less fleshed out compared to your effort last week. in this pieces were circularity is eminent I like to allude to the ending of the piece, which rewards the reader tremendously. there were some here but there could've been more. the opening stanza was really well written, but the middle read like a general boy-meets-girl piece still, even though it was a piece regarding a last gasp attempt at a lasting legacy through parenthood. really cool concept, could've worked on the circularity thing more (in the middle "storyline" part), and some wording was a bit strange, while others were very well selected ("finite dreams")

frank - the one rhyme all the way through thing was cool I was surprised you didn't use any words over and didnt really force anything. it stuttered occasionally but was still impressive. the concept was alright, the character was better. Her environment was well described, accentuating her motivation, and the whole career-then-kid motive juxtaposed with the risk of her "career moves" made for a character with some complexities, however

v - perp

i thought his concept was too good although he strayed from it to tell a [necessary] story. franks was worthy of a vote too but overall the better concept wins for me in this case

[oats]

Perp: rhyming was top shelf, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was engrossing, and it carried me from line to line breezily. In terms of individual lines, you had a number of gems, but as a whole piece I thought this was a little uneven. There were multiple distinct thoughts in there, all interesting, but they felt incongruous. I would have liked to see more analysis of the initial rituals, more of your wit and satire. The wading into the relationship and parenthood didn't interest me much.

Frank: This was a cool story, lots to like about it. As far as capturing a moment in time, no one does it better. Reminded me of Hills like White Elephants by Hemingway. This seems to be a recurring theme when I read your work - it reminds me of some of my favorite stories. There is something very human and familiar to stories like these, something all of us can relate to on our own terms. That being said, I did find this pretty simple, and other than showing me a cool, relatable scene, it didn't evoke much from me. To your credit, you treated this woman with a great deal of sympathy, which is what hooked me in. I think the biggest gripe I had was that, because of her name and other details, the ending was not a twist or revelation. It ended with what we already knew from the onset. It just felt limp. Beyond that, the actual writing of this was sub-par, hard to pick up on a rhythm, and the rhymes were stretched a bit too thin at times.


Vote: Tough call. Great writing/lesser topic vs. better topic/mediocre writing. Ultimately, I think Frank shot himself in the foot with his execution and let Perp sneak a win despite having a less interesting take on the topic. Close call though.

[Cereal_Killa]

Perp:

Man nice rythmn, your flow is smoothe.. i did enjoy the read dude.. vocab is hot also you have a good presence.. pretty solid read..

Frank:
All, description with a strong direction, very impressed.. wording, presence all exremley fire proof..
The family ethics stance is pretty much the pinnacle for me, on constant rotation.

sentimentally spent devilishly dressed – need i say more

Flawless buddy
..
is she a real boy

vote = frank

nice work guys.. thank you