Week 11: 15. Vulgar (4-2) vs. 16. oats (8-2) \\ oats wins 5-1

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=69948).


Topic


The whole world is depending on you.


Good luck, Vulgar and oats.

[Vulgar]

Air Jargon


Counting on me to do this all by myself is an arithmetic error
I sit, jaw clenched in perpetual terror, like I didn't know better
These oxygen masks have dents, chemical lint splinters the sweaters
This evening in London's all dark now, with miserable weather
Gentlemen, letters have been sent to your senators & local governments
Clear your lungs... recharge your lives, avoid the hopeless sufferin'
Chronic urbanization's a nameless plague, a newly risen sun
Ever since the war to end all wars succeeded in inspiring a different one
The shortage of oxygen, causing corpses to stockpile, lords of the obsolence
Ignoring the opulence for a portion of godly mist used to be normally obvious
Mandatory duties: Purge the ports, Earth's a torch, refill the canisters
The cities we built were cancerous, the filters blanched with dust
Imagine trying to preserve an atmosphere for civil kindred damned to flush
forced to wilt and wander the morbid filth... as phantoms must
This chore's surreal, without the warden's will, this land is crushed
H20's not even guaranteed - robbed of resources, just ask Dillinger
Genetic mutation decompressed mankind... passed into gas cylinders
Spectacular blasts killin' us, a vapid wax sifting through mask inhibitors
I sit at the control station, composure shaky, a bag of Twizzlers
in my grasp, the literal version of an employee who's over his head
My mechanical license is threatened by hyperbaric inditement - sulfuric treads
Alone in my head, I was absent minded... contraceptives rushed in
The Earth's atmosphere instantly became Mars-like since I forgot to press a button
Devoid of antiseptic suction, pollutants swarmed in, face pale as the moon
Are you familiar with that sound people make after they inhale a balloon?
Living in this depressing haze, I tried to call the best psychologist
It'll take your breath away, sometimes the pressure gets to all us...

[oats]

An Open Letter to Economists

To Whom it May Confound,

I hear money makes the world go round -
but is that really true?
in southeast Asia, Sub-Saharan Africa, New Guinea, too?
do market gimmicks move the civic broods to resourceful from resources lacked?
or are their fiscal grooves so minuscule that money made their world go flat?
sure - hold back emotion, tact, and ethical suffrage
mold the facts in open graphs then send it to publish
but when quotients crack to broken stats, don’t pretend it’s all true
veracity needs compassion - the whole world’s depending on you

To Whom it May Happen to Silence,

They say economics is an actual science
but what laws apply?
if you’re measuring wealth, what exactly is being quantified?
from cowrie shells to precious metals, now hours of work
but who decided the hierarchy of how much it’s worth?
if you think the difference between trash collectors and CEOs is reasonable, wait
remove all garbagemen and managers from society - that idea will change
the system’s flimsy and volatile, debasing the dollar’s power of purchasing
are your models predictive with any remote shadow of certainty?
worthless schemes developed to maximize short-term gains
market manipulation’s masturbation to turn profit from, your sperm stains
rudimentary metrics convinced us of this “capital” illusion
but if worth is a reflection of scarcity, what’s that say about the value of a human?
showers of confusion unearth truths that are hard to bury;
admitting currency is contrived makes your profession seem arbitrary

To Whom it May Ignore,

What makes a nation poor?
is this not the thought of Adam Smith?
wasn’t poverty the cause why he wrote his whole manuscript?
geographic advantages dictated conquest like the path of a pathogen
reinterpreted as proof of superior Euro-cultural acumen
when in fact Anglo-Saxons were just packed in small communities
and their proximity to animals gave them bacterial immunities
which were new diseases to native peoples: germ proselytization
and those bacteria did the dirty work of colonization
yet somehow the models in place have shifted to the upper niche
focusing solely on the moments that make a country rich
but the dumbest shit is how our impact is reprimanded so readily
when progress puts every social class on the planet in jeopardy
it doesn’t take much expertise to know our environment should be protected
but narrow thinking is expected…
when understanding the demographic that founded the field has been neglected


To Whom this May Convince

this sounds like a foolish way to think
but isn’t change the true purpose?
if stagnant wages devalue money, won’t stagnant thinking make YOU worthless?
your curse is you’re the experts with a rep to uphold
but we need you to steer us from the lie of perpetual growth
they say economics is DEscriptive while ethics is PREscriptive
but aren’t both of those components of the world that we live in?
economics paints a picture incomplete without a moral frame
so there’s no beauty in your rules when it ignores the poorest’s pain
there must be more to gain from an open-ended system;
right and wrong can’t be measured in gross domestic income
economies are inventions, not natural or organic
so whatever problems exist are there because we planned it
and with the planet being gambled with, there’s no denying
that our most valuable commodity is close to dying
the heat is slowly rising while we melt in the pot
if economists tell us how things really are…
…at what point will you guys start to tell us to stop?

[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle guys

vulgar - sick multis on display here. top notch indeed. especially the first half. the story itself was pretty cool. but felt kind of disjointed or out of sequence so to speak.
in the beginning you seem to be describing a apocalyptic landscape but then at this point

sit at the control station, composure shaky, a bag of Twizzlers
in my grasp, the literal version of an employee who's over his head

it seems to go back to what caused the whole situation. which is fine. but the transition wasn't clear enough that it took a line or two to realize that you were in flash back mode. the verse than became a plot driven storyline instead of an overview.

for me that threw the whole thing off for for some reason.

the rhyming like I said before was exceptional, the flow and mechanics were dope. and the imagery was strong. overall good verse



Oats- sick verse. when you tackle a topic you go all in. its a total overview of every aspect. which gives a feeling of completeness. sometimes though it does come off a little bit like a lecture in rhyme form. I feel like you might go into teacher mode a little bit maybe its just me. its like a professor asking questions to his students to provoke thought. look at all the question marks in your verse. you use this style a lot and its cool and works very well for you. it just lacks emotion and it feels like a safe zone for you.

ok enough of me bashing a really good verse. the rhymes are really really good. your use of inners is very well done. the rhyme scheme very advanced. and the content was thought provoking. and complete.


overall - tough battle to vote on. vulgars verse was full of imagery and really awesome multis. while oats wrote a full thesis on a topic. both were really good. im going off of preference and I think that the shortness of vulgars verse is the deciding factor for me.


vote - oats

[Zombie]

Vulgars take on styles is very interesting to see. It wasn't his usual work, but it was fortified with a work of just about everything in the writing world. Oats delivered a thematic prose, asking the questions with no answers-type-of-thing. I think he delivered with a heartfelt, yet emotionally unresponsive verse (if that makes sense!)
Vulgar's upload had little holes for ventilation. The use of slightly insular segments were postponed by a satire or unwilling regional imagery which gave it a lopsided feel at times. Oats had a balanced theme here. It was great. Each rhyme delivered some set of material and information and that, there, gave him the win. Voting for oats.

[zygote]

This is a pretty marxist understanding of the social superstructure. You go through all these different areas (such as colonization, imperialism, social injustice, multinational corporations, environment) and place them secondary to economics. There was a lot of emphasis placed on establishing this hierarchy and portraying economics as the dominant force. 'Preaching/teaching' tones are always a bit annoying, personally. Perhaps there was a more effective way to do the same thing. Multiple rhyming was good. The ending felt shoehorned in with the sole environment focus. It compares nicely with the lighthearted story. Almost like some sort of surreal joke - an individual with the job to press a button and keep the Earth from dying instantly. I really liked this whole though experiment thing, it was a really interesting dichotomy, with the one small insignificant task and the huge consequences. Loved the physical environment/mental-health wordplay in the ending line too. Voting for Vulgar.

[Perpendicular]

Vulgar: The giant dustbunny button. It’s like the world is in a bubble and this guy is the maintenance man for the ozone/atmosphere pollutants. I dug the concept a lot. Wording was interesting; at points the piece felt like it was stumbling over its own feet because of how much it seemed to get ahead of itself. The word “jargon” in the title threw me off a little..made me expect something else. Strong verse overall though.
Oats: Fucking genius. I love verses like this. To be fair I love verses like vulgar’s too. This is BOTW for me. I don’t think I’ve been this excited by the time I was voting. Your verse took a subject and tore it apart while maintaining integrity and mechanics. The verse didn’t put your viewpoints on a soap box, but it effectively projected your view points and left the reader with a thought provoked/introspective feeling.
Vote:Oats. BOTW.

[Adonis]

V - Ever since the war to end all wars succeeded in inspiring a different one... Too dope. But also "This evening in London's all dark now" works fine, just read weird to me. damn foreigners. Enjoyed the phrasing of the ending, it really brought out your writers voice while adding a bit a flare to verse. Nice read through and through. You both took the same route, which as a voter makes it easier for me. I don't really have any complaints or complements as I simply enjoyed the read. Imagery of gas mask was enhanced when coupled with "chemical lint splinters sweater". Solid writing my friend.


Quaker - "but if worth is a reflection of scarcity, what’s that say about the value of a human?" too dope. This is as straight forward a verse there can be. The undertone is simple and done a million times over, but like the above quote you made this your own. To me, this is a paper you would read in a econ class and be like...WOW! But you did it rhyme forum, but that wasn't the focal point. No, it was the underlying message of we suck. Dope stuff here.



V/Oatsies

Vulgar had a short and too the point verse that was solid, but honestly this is a gem from Oats, and from what I've read thus far this week, VOTW easy

[Cereal_Killa]

Vulgar:
Truley insane.. Here you’re vocab is always, always fluent without a doubt.. What I was highly impressed with was the fact you brought back an older style you haven’t used since wordofchoice.com
Story wise man out the park, the pressure, the air.. dude i aint even playen, you took an angle i was going to take and made it your own.. As far as the crushed society.. the walls closing in – i was going for the cool-runnings joke and head straight for the buckeham palace and twist it.. But oh hell yeh the split through bringing your futuristic style straight back down to the core, to as real as it gets.. With a mammoth point.. Thats a hit.. I’m in love with it.. nice drop dude.

Oats:
From the opener land marking as if you where time framing (incredible)
What a f*cken opener..
sub headings
Not one hiccup

remove all garbagemen and managers from society - that idea will change
“capital” illusion

when in fact Anglo-Saxons were just packed in small communities
and their proximity to animals gave them bacterial immunities

but we need you to steer us from the lie of perpetual growth

To Whom it May Confound,

Now that is a verse.. from your substance as far as details and information, your pov and your style itself..
Well done
You will see pure hell, when you forget about the poor people..

Vote = Oats

Massive battle guys.. Thank You