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View Full Version : Week 12: 13. Perpendicular (1-1) vs. 14. Adonis (4-7) \\ Adonis wins 7-2


Certain
05-12-2014, 04:02 AM
http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=71391).


Topic


http://i.imgur.com/O96vU3R.jpg


Good luck, Perpendicular and Adonis.

Perpendicular
05-14-2014, 11:23 PM
Hunting Shadows

Black sweatshirts, black hats, black jackets and gloves.
I'm freezing cold as the desert sandcastles erupt.
Black letters in black ink that've lambasted to dust
any fraction of tact and left this man damaged enough.
Black envelopes sealed with poisonous lipstick -
still moist with venomous, poignant, ellipses.
A black toilet with shit-like Moissanite ribbons
that flushes into a black hole void of descriptions.
A black boy and his pimp mom working for grades.
There's no difference in death from the urn to the grave -
you've earned your mistakes and certainly made
more than a share. If the world was for trade
your stock price wouldn't be worth your estate.
Alerted awake with black snakes in my bed -
my dream stasis has me facin' faces of death.
Characterless - black - erased in my head -
blanked out, bleary and contagiously spread.

A radiance bled from the heart of my shadow
ever since all the black chips were squandered on ammo.
He's losing light to a fight of carnage and glamor
with a razor sharp, karma enamored, shark in a glass bowl.
Drowning in the reflective wakes and ripples.
That's what he gets for the shady shapes he's shifted -
like when I hug my lady and he rapes the misses.
Misplaces kisses to make her entire face delicious.
Take a hint when the blackness fills the nights
I'm setting out for more than just killing lights.
The black-switch blackens him and I exist as his twin.
When hunting my own shadow, I'm Obssessed like Jim Gaffigan.
A glim packaging for a man thats unhinged -
The brightest ideas come from the blackest of whims.
I travel with snakes and lend a hand to the grim -
seeing faces of death pass you like grains of sand in the wind.

Adonis
05-16-2014, 02:38 AM
As Earth suffers and populace fall.
Towers crumble – Toppling crowds.
Mountains weep. Sulfur seeping from its opening crown.
Boiling seas POP...POP – A Gurgling sound.

..Behold..

~The Ashen Rider~

Time is nigh.
Sweet Chariot sky walker.
Galloping sun dance. iniquitous cloud trotter.
Striding by horseback, saddled and riled.
Eying souls to capture and add to his pile.
Tormented; harbinger of all that's entombed.
Ancient hellion birthing wrath from a womb.
Eclipsed moon by Ashen's ascending fumes.
Furious fire, puffing smoke, ballooned.
Treachery looms, Overcast with the Blackest typhoon.
The sheer prowess devours with ashes bestrewn.
A diabolical deity following orders eagerly.
Demented enjoyment – Daemon – Demonical Piety.
Killing time leisurely, captured spirits fleeting obscurity.
Hollowed heart; envision mortality;
Will broken, slipping sanity drifting not balancing.
Catch up on lost prayers; But, God's calloused so casually.
Failing in life makes death a reality.
As proof closes in via his stallion,
A quaking Earth sheds tears as she's his captured medallion.
Chains welcomed, they beat Death's vile cornucopia.
Roaming beasts feed on the living; euphoria.
Nefarious wings, Titled halos in a subtle disguise,
Black skies pour blood; humanity kneels in his site.
Secretly praying, contrite. Pleadings pathetic.
Lose your soul and die slow, or scribe three sixes; forget it
With each lash plasma splashes in-fits,
Spewing nectar as wolves chomp at the bit.
Trying to escape's futile, stop it, pompous dim wit.
For every angel there's four cohorts, each, truly sadistic.
The crux is alive, because all are wishing to die,
They gladly invite rotting decrepit insides.
Welcome a decayed brain housing a snake in the eye.
Alas, a skull fuck is a skull fucked –
You'd hate to survive.





.

Vulgar
05-16-2014, 12:18 PM
Fuck, I just lost my breakdowns.

Perp - Tight verse, interesting use of black hues and the mention of light colors hinted at a racial statement. I liked how you wrapped it up at the end.

Adonis - You stepped up your game, using dense descriptive language about a harbinger of death during, after or before an apocalyptic setting. The ending almost made me lol.

I'm going with Perpendicular here, he had more purpose while writing it, IMO. The underlying message of his verse, or at least his subconscious intentions were more pronounced.

timeless
05-16-2014, 11:28 PM
Perp had a lot of great content, tons of great rhyming and metaphors etc. technicals were great. Felt it lacked an overall concept for the topic given. The Jim gaffigan line was pointless IMO. Adonis however had a more rounded read, the ending was gold. I felt Adonis outshines him with his content, perp had the genius rhyme schemes but a brought his best verse of the season.

Voting for Adonis, great verses by both.

Zombie
05-17-2014, 01:32 AM
Wow. Both very professional verses here. Adonis has taken a stride each week I've been here. Perpendicular delivered another tightly wound verse. Exceptional. Unfortunately, I can't see the pictures but thanks to Certain for mentioning them in the predictions! You must face reality of interstellar travel! Perpendicular delivered a double meaning -almost. That was the readers perspective, and I liked how they left some to the reader, rather than spelling it out for them. Adonis did spell it out, but not in the traditional sense. Very close and very, very awkward battle. Voting adonis as I see perpendicular had very weird wording/imagery towards the end that made me question it as a whole.

King Ra.
05-17-2014, 03:33 AM
Dope battle. Definitely a sleeper. You both did the damn thing. Perp, the imagery was very strong in your piece, and you did a great job with the descriptions throughout your story. The "black" usage was creative, and you used good language to tie it all together. I was drawn in from the start. I'd say it lost a bit of steam in the second section, but nothing really drastic. Adonis, this is definitely the best piece you've written this season, hands down. It sort of has that feel of an action epic. That opening stanza set the tone and you rode that momentum all the way through. The flow was tight-knit. You had your signature style, but sprinkled a fresh wrinkle. Very descriptive piece, was feeling how you strung together some nice phrases. Epic approved, indeed.

Very good match up. Loved both pieces and the directions you both took. This decision for me comes down to which story drew me in more because you both did well mechanically. Perp had great imagery, Adon had dope descriptions. When I read Perps piece, I thought he'd done enough to take this, but then I got into Adon and immediately became captivated from start to finish. This was a huge statement here.

MVGT: Adonis. Good job by both competitors.

Zen
05-17-2014, 04:14 PM
Perp- Awesome start to this. The first twelve or so lines were nearly perfect. As this progressed though I think the writing got a little more choppy in terms of matching up syllable counts like you did in the beginning. The content got off track to me as well, specifically the Gaffigan line. Still, I enjoyed this and I'm sure you're an alias now.

Adonis- Hope you don't mind hepatitis...Sorry. Skull fucking made me think of Saints Row. This was your usual style your poetic bastard. Great use of descriptive language, and I liked how this (to me at least) seemed like it was building up to something...which was skull fucking. That's how you define epic ness. I dug it.

V/Adonis

It was close. If Perp had finished strong like the start of his verse he would've won easily I think. Good stuff.

Frank
05-17-2014, 11:13 PM
Perpendicular, who were you before bro? This verse seemed heavily influenced by Jonathan Mercy. I thought the black imagery should've been more engrained from beginning to end ,instead of just in blotches. I thought you were about to black out but the verse got lighter and lighter as it went along. I couldn't register a singular theme/ idea. OK showcase.

Adonis, probably the best verse you have written in 3 seasons. Take that for what it's worth.

Voting Adonis

Cereal_Killa
05-18-2014, 11:22 AM
Perp:

“I'm freezing cold as the desert sandcastles erupt”

The rhythm off the fifth bar up to the seventh highly fluent

Shit-Like Diamond threads/strings omg

Description out the yingyang :)

“There's no difference in death from the urn to the grave -
you've earned your mistakes and certainly made”

The intro to this, capturing your reader by putting them into a young boy’s perspective.. perfect
What hit was the actual run, thus far the nursery rhyme affect due 2,1 feet.. Beautiful, tbh i kinda hoped for more

“my dream stasis has me facin' faces of death.” Line of the verse

“The brightest ideas come from the blackest of whims. – the slow draw back to the departure of the verse”

Alot of people are hitting these feelings, right now revelance is mammoth..

Man honestly this ish was cool, kinda reminds me of an ol’ Jowelz style brought back to life.. but also TRAP from RM.. Nice drop dude..

Adonis:
Ohhhhh boyeeee..
“Mountains weep. Sulfur seeping from its opening crown.”
Ah yeh that ish is nasty, see you have one child and then you have its head caved in..i do like, i do

The scenary is truly captivating and subtle.. Second line in, if people where aloud to run free with emotions in constant rotation.. i would have cried legit..

What you have done can’t be touched.. Pop, POP..say for instance you have a cigarette and a bubble blower, then you blow the smoke through the bubbles.. its consistently enveloping the colours softly..
Oh with the story on demand.. never ever overtaking away from the reader getting swallowed by the verses warmth.. gotttt damn..

Your vivid view on mythology – bringing your own world alive was:
1# romantic
2#fucken sexy

Thank You..

Vote = Adonis

My oh my, this match insane to the very core.. well done guys and g/l

Three-Planes-Aligned
05-18-2014, 04:57 PM
I vote for Perpendicular (aka SF Russian) - even though his references were a bit conceptually all over the place it fused for a very forceful end product, particularly how he captured the optically suggestive moment of the painting (I've stared at that paiting during many a dissociative hallucinogen trips, but that's another story). Messican, you did one thing particuarly well and that was captured an omnious atmosphere, this doomsday orgy of scripture-like imagery that was a pure pleasure to divulge in. Excellent battle guys.

Soulstice
05-18-2014, 11:36 PM
perp had tighter rhymes, but the content and imagery goes to adonis. adonis really stepped up the language and descriptive sections this week. perp your take on the topic was loosened by the rather indirect approach to framing it with more scattered imagery than adonis

v - adonis

Certain
05-19-2014, 12:36 AM
Adonis leads 7-2.