Week 13 championship: 1. Frank (9-3) vs. 2. Cereal_Killa (3-1) \\ Cereal_Killa wins 4-1

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=72720).


Topic


Trouble in Paradise


Good luck, Frank and Cereal_Killa.

[Cereal_Killa]

Topic: Trouble in Paradise

Décomposition


..
Pick a colour?
It has to be primary
Pick an angle?
It has to be straight
pick a number and then shuffle the paper
Now grab your image to scale our wonderwall of vapours
..

Toffee Apple Tulips in a realm made for simple escape artistry
From transparent to apparent the object is to decorate tarnishing
Whilst the earnest mistakes harvest our wits, wisdom n all that derailed
Brick by brick we build our boundaries on this faint book of nails
With droplets of knowledge/memories/truths and more lies than you can inhale
It drifts like dead wood in the breeze that has been set to sail
Once you let someone in, even without protest they burn
The very fabrics of those dreams you protected since birth
Each person knows how many morals they’re willing to urn
Before their world become theirs
hollowed in another’s river of thirst

.. WE have found ours and it taste like success ..

...

Upon a crystal lake, a small pocketbook by a man named Cich’e rests
Inside such book lies tales of a pendant with an extraordinary depth
Unlike any before this stone shone from soot, forged with sap and sweat
Hung like a dream catcher attached to a spiders web of natural latex
The Gutta Percha’s previous owner had washed it in her ancestors archaea
Like her grandmother before her, and her grandmother
ahh whoo car’es
..
she has a tulip in her hair
It drapes by her neck like a young libertine in bloom; fluent to her very step
Fair skin with a tinge of apricot in her iris, one more shaded then the next
Her shadow whispers in a ministry of music moving to its truest form
Brutish
Coursing a wall of defence, yet the bruises from the war “where never more”
I kiss her shoulder and tell her
You don’t need to fly
..
Her embroided silk taffeta whisks like taffy amongst magenta n’ gold
Outlining her hips through italic goose bumps on a virgin valley untold
As poignant as the sun brushing blush strokes from the breast
Of a chipped statuette
To provoke each blemish in elegance, entwined with her linen bodice
I kiss her hand and tell her
You don’t need a looking glass
..
Existentially a stencil of the mountains she moulded
The bridges she hurdled and the ornament she is holding
Her figure is solid femininity, a fragile symmetry of substance
Satisfied with the tide on her own elliptic plate she romanced
I kiss her wrist and tell her
We will never need a home
..
As the ice begins to crack and melt beneath our feet
i graceful brush back her hair and ask
What is your childhood dream

To be able to float

[Frank]

Topic: Trouble in Paradise

"Casino"



"4000$" I said pushing the chips with both hands into the table's center
The Stickman asked the remaining players to make their wages and place their bets as I grew inpatient with splendor.
I had on my famous smoking jacket. The beige polyester, with the faded letters...
Champaign sprayed everybody in the table in the face in a display of pleasure.
The cowboy sitting across the table from me, took his hat off and rang the leather
And then flipped everybody off the middle finger in a graceless gesture
The lush, green, felt table became a damp surface of weighted texture
That slowed down the numerical cubes, which delayed our endeavors
The table was roped off, as it dried, we waited for inspectors,
The board was playable and after a few minutes, we all estimated our ventures.
A swanky dresser at the end of the table was the tenacious aggressor
As snake eyes bounced off the wall, player after player surrendered.
It was his night and his hand was simply sensationally stellar
As the tiny dice hit the big table like courageous tremors
Somebody had entered the game that only played once and needed an enumeration refresher
After explaining the rules of the game, this person passed out and had to be taken on a stretcher
While this was happening, I reached into my smoker jacket, shameless and clever.
While the commotion on the casino floors had the attention of the surveillance detectors
The fake heart attack was planned, and the man was compensated with cheddar
The Cowboy complained about the delay of game to the waitress, the waiters, and vendors, basically whoever
As order was restored, the cowboy cooled down his outrageous temper
Easy four Fever five Ace deuce
The dice flew out of my hand in contagious trifecta
As I shook the dice up in my lucky hands like a vibrating blender
Every toss was premeditated and measured,
"20,000" I said over the anticipating appraise from the hecklers
The stickman signalled something was up to the stationed teller
As dice careened off the board, decorated and checkered.
"100,000" I said raising the stakes as another Casino Agent Member
Grabbed the dice from my hand, before I could roll them - shaven and denser
He gave me a lecture and said if I thought about collecting, 'I wouldn't bank on it better'
As security guards escorted me out of the building and I was banned from Las Vegas Forever

[zygote]

Close contest, Ceral killer gets a 8/10 for rhyme schemes -2 points for overly complicated words when normal language would suffice. Frank gets a 6/10 for unambitious plot-line with +2 point for rhyme scheme. Cool thing to call a character 'The Stickman' - it gives a nice atmosphere. It is basically Frank's tight concise story against a more abstract tangential thing about infatuation. Voting for CK.

[cyph her]

CK -- Very well put together piece and seems descriptive imagery was well thought out.. Even the colors chosen "magenta n’ gold" seem to just leap out at you.

Taken away by..

"Existentially a stencil of the mountains she moulded
The bridges she hurdled and the ornament she is holding
Her figure is solid femininity, a fragile symmetry of substance
Satisfied with the tide on her own elliptic plate she romanced
I kiss her wrist and tell her
We will never need a home"

Brilliant. I very much enjoyed the complexity of it, it worked.

Frank -- A lot of great lines and imagery, but the ongoing multiple rhyme scheme just threw me completely off. I knew exactly what was coming and it took my attention away from the story.

I will say, I dug this.. Very unique and descriptive:

"The lush, green, felt table became a damp surface of weighted texture
That slowed down the numerical cubes, which delayed our endeavors"

"As dice careened off the board, decorated and checkered."

This makes for a very interesting read. Both sides were very unique.

In the end, I must go with v -- CK

[big baby]

Great little battle here. I loved the double takes that both took. On the flipside where CK demonstrated a bit of plush wave of crisp wording and emotive technique. Frank told a clever little gander at Danny Ocean's pocketbook. It was refreshing and highly skilled on both ends. CK employed his signature poetic scheme, which touched a bit, and that's what he does, he tugs at your heart strings from time to time with relative and inrelative things that can make or break the topic at hand. He absolutely obliterated that emotive technique and rose to the top. Frank demonstrated his signature scheme blaster and kept going with that same scheme, which actually didn't throw me off, but kinda turned me off after awhile, though the storytelling kept up to it. I think, in my opinion, frank feels more comfortable in this style, and while readers see boring and repetitive, the actual skill to develop a story with this template is extremely high leveled. But that didn't give him many points in my book, as the mission here is to write the better verse, not the verse that took the hardest to write. That shouldnt take away from CK's blast of poetic touch, either - which is also a feat in itself. I think Frank grasped one of my favorite topics about casino and robbery and made a cute little feature that I wish was drawn out a bit more. CK delivered something stellar here, that left me wanting for more. Both premature in their utter weaknesses, and that sort of upset me. But I'm giving it to frank on a tiny platter. Enjoyable Champ match.

[Adonis]

Impatient is what was intended I believe as inpatient is just out of place, although would have worked if you played the conceptual cards right. I enjoyed this verse very much. Captivating in one read, solid flow and wonderful pace. A simple story done right is not a bad thing, proof.

BOTW no contest. CK, this is your best work in my opinion, perfect timing. I have not read a single vote but I would imagine there being multiple ties throughout. I do see Frank's style being more voter friendly, but CK's imagery and somber feel is just superb. I enjoyed reading multiple times my friend. There are a few missteps in either spelling or tense, but I get that from you a lot even though I know you take time while writing, so I can't really fault because you just aren't there in terms of being a natural English speaker I guess. I digress... The ending was nice, the view of a book on a muddy bank with the tale of acceptance of death was even nicer. I don't think acceptance is the proper word, but that is def the feeling I got while reading this. Almost like that was your final stab at humor as she accepted death. It worked.

Very tough vote. Frank had this pace and story that just gelled and flowed in the brain while reading. On the other hand CK wrote shit that I simply enjoy, lovely imagery with a hidden meaning that is different for everyone. "Hung like a dream catcher attached to a spiders web of natural latex" WOW!

Voting CK for writing something I fully enjoyed. I loved the execution of franks story, but in all honesty it's hard for me not to vote against CK as the reading is simply something I could read out of a poetry book and mark that page number just so I could read it later. Dope battle boys.

[Certain]

Cereal_Killa: In a way, this feels like the verse you've been trying to write all season or even beyond that. This was beautiful, breathtakingly so at times. The poetry moved but didn't drag anything along with it. Your story moved independently, and your characters came to life. The stanza about the pocketbook was probably my favorite, a seemingly thrown-in thing that ended up being the crux of the meaning of everything. The rhymes could have been a bit tighter throughout, and I feel like you did a better job in that aspect last week. But everything else about this was you at your peak form, which still was a bit too vague and loose to maybe beat the best at their best but can at least compete with anyone.

Frank: I totally get the strategy you went with here: You told as straight-forward a story as you possibly could to counter what you knew Cereal_Killa was going to throw on the table, to use your verse as analogy. It was a smart tactic that could have worked had Cereal_Killa not gone so above-and-beyond. Instead this verse came across as a creative take on the topic that was just a little too simplistic and thin, comparatively. The rhymes were good, and your writer's voice seems perfect for a story about Las Vegas. But I was hoping for more in the ending or perhaps just a thicker plot in general.

Vote: Cereal_Killa