Week 13: 7. zygote (9-3) vs. 8. Soulstice (1-3) \\ zygote wins 4-3

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=72720).


Topic


The Long Goodbye


Good luck, zygote and Soulstice.

[zygote]

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODBYE.

Good morning. welcome to a perfect display.
Obituary sobriquets, dazzling death like circ du soleil.
Ottoman sultan, anatolian king or tunisian bey
Objectively, hierarchy is power in an equivalent way.
Obey prophetical tomes from a heretical soul,
Oak soft sandalwood surface: synthetic approach.
Oversaturated darkrooms. left to expose
Our own perception of self - dejected. morose.
Ostensibly note, noir is on par with a syllabus lesson.
Orinoco oceanfront villa, existing together like rivers and deltas,
Overcome your physical remnants as a militant zealot -
On occasion it gives a different impression of a spiritual essence.
Omnipotent presence. A collectivist myth. yet it persists -
Ockham’s razor, anxiety meds and severing wrists,
Organically revenge is a dish best served with a side of systemic bliss.
Oddly empathy and apathy are aspects of this, abscess or cyst.
Old measuring sticks, rulers and leaders, working regime,
Order and chaos two sides of the same divergent ravine,
Out of mind, earn your esteem. projective test - interpret the scene.
Organelles are perfect machines - individual sections with a circular theme.
Occur in a dream, like mural walls drawn from a communal source,
Orders of magnitude as approval falls upwards through the floor,
Obiter dicta. Letter is often more useful than law,
Ouija boards are used to form a coup de gras
On it moves for all. we either understand or pretend
Or forget everything and practice again, pragmatic defense
Overactive extend. an imaginative blend for my antagonist friend
Original sin, begins at the start and lasts till the end
Off the pantheons steps, dementia is god. so many sentiments, memories lost,
Olympian lords, elephant, ox, crescent and cross -
Orthodoxies cut from the same fundamentalist cloth.
Observe, record, report a measured response.
Obsessed with the cost of a state of existence. platonic image:
Occipital lobes, a salient imprint of mammalian instincts
Once in a while integrative agonsia becomes plainly envisaged
Oscillations and waves in an instant, translating linguistics.
Obeisance for critics. mesh different levels of text
Objective realization of an eventual death, an existentialist mess,
Only contemplated in a hypothetical sense.
Overhanging lives step off the ledge near a precipice edge.
Deftly addressed via dominant design, stop for a sign
Beyond good and evil, find a moral incline or optimal prime -
Yet it’s one small step to cross your own cognitive line.
Every moment is locked in with time - the longest goodbye

[Soulstice]

Ice Queen

She was angry.
Sitting in an otherwise empty compartment - the intent of catharsis
Was to quell the memory of the breathless departed
Some escape, if you still remain an enemy's target
She thought - some escape if you don't even understand
The sacrifice represented by their mother and
Their father, she was screaming "You're so lucky, Dan!
Just SO Fucking luck you don't know what's happened"
Yelling in anguish at the baby that was tucked in her lap-

She could feel the shadows of benediction's flight
Underneath ghostly mountains, hidden in white
Lit by the infinite lights across the weight of the galaxy
Bearing down on them, this particular shading of apathy
Was a dentist with a drill - boring cratering cavities
Creation's starry machinery - components in matrix catastrophe
"I know it's hard to believe in me," she reached a reasonable level
of volume. Still weeping, but no longer seething in treble
"By autumn, this will seem a fever dream with a devil
At the end of it" She could speak with obsequious mettle
But still too young to speak over the sudden screams of the metal
Screeching as it careens through the weather - blizzarding storms
Outside, a Nordic castle, couldn't be seen for a minute or more
"In there the Ice Queen sits," she prepared a riveting score
"With mommy and daddy" - the sky screamed viciously, torn asunder
By hail and roaring thunder "When they're bowling together
The sky goes boom" As the castle meets the horizon
Replaced by the actual memory of thieves in the twilight
Clad black, they attacked - it was so dreamy yet vibrant
The evil assailants - dragged their parents weeping and crying
Them tucked beneath the floorboards, in needy defiance
Their breathing was quiet - until the stomping had ceased
A small gasp of release, but the problem remained
So out the backdoor, through the woods, quietly on to the train..

By the hellish ***ophony, her story was drowned
Life's dreadful ***kles growing into thundering sounds
As she wondered aloud "Will this go back to normal soon?"
She felt singled out and mocked by the orbiting moon
The world in consortium, ignoring her, as she flailed in the dark
She thought, when Dan grows up, a collection of various scars
And the tears on her heart will be all that he knows of her
This awful implosion of home will still be all that he knows
The globes nonchalant autonomy, over the evil physics of man
"Why did this have to happen.." she was miserable, and
She knew she would always be thinking of a time she was innocent
She will always scream to the sky, knowing the silence is infinite

[Cereal_Killa]

Zygote:

Reminds me a bit like one of Red Glares old verses.. A lil over killed, kinda as if you where carrying too much weight this week and needed to flush it, this i think is the problem.. you appear in the general sense to be trying a new style/or sharpen your poetic stances but i’ve read your writing and this is..
1# either you needed to dot point a whole heap of things for future writing..
or
2# just what’s in your life and in your head atm


which is coo

Soul:

Closing line in the opening stanza.. brings the anger straight at the babies head.. Kinda like a shotgun.. you’re not a hobo are you..

“Lit by the infinite lights across the weight of the galaxy”


Screeching as it careens through the weather - blizzarding storms
Outside, a Nordic castle, couldn't be seen for a minute or more

To me the drilling into the childs head with all the pop culture blah blah.. LIKEEEEE you where trying to pop each one that came through Zygotes on a richote..
Not my favourite guys..

Vote: soulstice

purely what the intro represented..

g/l guys..

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

Zygote - the little vertical acronymal wordplay ordeal I'm going to hold against you, because it is cheesy. That aside the actual verse was incredibly thoughtful and contemplative - you have a knack for capturing vibe and infusing into beautiful imagery.

Soulstice - awesome display of storytelling sensibilities in terms of what to serve up for a satisfying meal without going all ketchup on it, you write with tightly-knit and appealing wording as well as top notch mechanics.

This one was a really tough decision, but right now (implied that my opinion might change later, even though the vote will not of course be eidted) I feel that Zygote provoked more thought. BOTW

[Vulgar]

Zygote - Brilliant work. I was fond of this, and it shows how good you are at maintaining a momentous rhyme scheme while literally noting down observations about the building blocks of life. The way I interpreted this was how when we evolve we say goodbye to a previous trait or characteristic that's been determined to be obsolete by nature itself. We are constantly coming and going, a regenerating physical substance with substance. Overall, you did a hell of a job here.

Soulstice - This might have been about a wife whose husband is killed by a lightning strike or a weather related incident, and she's forced to raise her son by herself, while being in a cloudy mood herself. At first I thought it was about mother nature but the fantasy element of the ice queen led me to believe that she was in fact human, circumventing her troubles through fairy tale references in order to form a metaphor worthy enough to assist her in bearing the pain of losing her partner. Your rhyming isn't as sharp as it used to be, but your language is as elegant and suitable as ever.

This was a great battle, one of the many classics of this league. My vote goes to Zyg.

[Adonis]

Sorry kids...Ziggie dropped straight knowledge. You told me a couple weeks ago that you read my verse and beyond the "gimmick" (fun I had) there just wasn't any meat. I agreed with you, I came to nit pick this gimmick and honestly, it's one of the better verses I will remember this season. The knowledge is just absolute, the rhymes even bro. The flow was solid, I don't care too much about the beginning letters as you taught me via the league you ran, challenging myself/yourself is actually easy, more fun less challenge. Although I commend you for it, I respect the words more as the resonated in a deep level and simply blew mi noggin.

Two verses that I've read from you in a row soul lead me to the same complaint. You started off slow with the rhyme bro. If I read this with intended sentences, (in accordance with proper punctuation instead of when you break the lines/bars up) the flow isn't that great. It's still not bad, but its pegged down a few inches. But, that is the beginning. You quickly pick up speed and correct my lodged complaint, in few words, I wish the writers voice/flow of verse followed the bottom 3/4's in suit more closely. Content wise I took this as a mother and child being beat by the father, although that does not align with the topic. The writing is solid. I think we might suffer from a similar ailment in that we think of these nice concepts but have a difficult time in some instances making it known to the reader. All in all I did like the read, just not up to snuff IMO.


Voting Zyg for having the more polarizing/captivating verse considering my personal preference.

[Frank]

Zygote - Battle rap 12. You stepped it up again with a benevolent use of modern English. Lots of interesting words are on display here backed up by a strong sense of flow. Appears You took your time with this particular piece and it paid off for me. I really enjoyed a some of the visuals. Although the Long goodbye seemed strictly aesthetic, it is still quite the concept in itself.

Soulstice - Your writing is mystic like. You write from the ancient topicalist mindstate, a scroll and feather type of story teller, your work is always alluring. 'The sky goes boom as the castle meets the horizon' is one of the best pure lines I've had the hhonour of reading all season long. It's really a shame you werent more involved this season. You are just now beginning to hit your stride and shake the cobwebs.

Voting Zygote

Good battle

[Certain]

zygote: I had a hard time tying together all the strings in this verse. The writing itself had flashes of greatness, though it was a bit herky-jerky in comparison to your storytelling, where the grammar and diction is a little more natural. This verse felt more like a standard text rap open mic verse about all sorts of things, with the added twist of this first-letter gimmick that tied into the topic. The writing and rhyming was top notch, and there was a lot of interesting thought. It had the feel of a dead man verse, it was written that well but also that loosely in relation to the topic. I particularly liked the set of rhymes and thoughts from "Occur in a dream" to "coup de gras." Unfortunately, the content of the verse didn't come together to me into a coherent take on this specific topic.

Soulstice: You require very close reading with your storytelling, which to a degree is a fault. I did a quick skim of votes to see if I was correct, and it seemed like no one picked up on your actual story line of a sister protecting her infant brother in assumedly Soviet Russia or a similar state after the government took their parents for one reason or another. (If I'm wrong about this, feel free to let me know.) But I really liked it, and I think your phrasing deserves commendation. My favorite: "She thought, when Dan grows up, a collection of various scars/ And the tears on her heart will be all that he knows of her." Your rhyming was mixed from great to a bit too far off, but I can get over that sort of thing. I liked the take on the topic and the phrasing quite a bit, but I think you could have made the backdrop for the story a bit clearer even for me. Addressing the setting and possibly a bit more physical description and less emotional description would have been a better way to open that up.

Vote: Soulstice

[e11even]

Zyg- Fuck. This was very very cool. A little thick content wise, but I couldn't stop reading and trying to explore the ideas you laid out. I still hadn't quite grasped the pieces, but the whole was a little less complicated. I liked this, but it was a lot mor abstract than your league usual. Good job overall.

Soulstice- Cool piece. I think in this case, a very well written story was the necessary opposition. The imagery was great, the narrative flowed like a topical, but told lik a story. I feel like there could have been a deeper connection to emotion given the content, but this was very well done, nonetheless.

MVGT Soul for the more engaging and entertaining read. Both you guys did great. Thanks for showing.