It only takes one to change the tides of society

[Flow]

It only takes one to change the tides of the worlds society

The masses of ones, a political sum, the bread is created from crumbs
A sun treated as god, that will burn any too ash that step out from under its thumb
But it only takes one.....


Its an intricate notion,one idea or emotion that can instigate motion
A token of hoping;one drop against the weight of the infinite ocean
With an explosion; the ocean persists with potent waves, hits after hits
Soaking, frozen and broken, he drifts eying eloping from the fierceness that exists
But in an innocent twist, his empiricist roots now prove their significance
Could be a spiritual gift or coincidence that with each hit now improves his diligence
His senses now sharp, his fearless charged, his limitless potential unbarred
His original innocence scarred, his unforgivable resistance now hard, he strikes an bombards
He fights back and he spars, he attacks and he scars, he guards, darts and goes straight for the heart
The others can see, the momentum builds and more ones start to believe, then one becomes three
With bravery they scream like banshees and banish the sea, it recedes and it flees
They gather around,they become bound to the one and so a new shepherd is crowned
A victory found, but how long will it be before that ideology is drowned?

[Flow]

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=7287
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=6947

[Atomic]

pretty dope drop. even if it is text i liked the flow that most of the piece had to it. the concept as a whole was cool as well..

Its an intricate notion,one idea or emotion that can instigate motion
A token of hoping;one drop against the weight of the infinite ocean

found that bar to flow very well/enjoyed it

cool drop mang.

[Coup]

fresh positive concept here man, making this a breath of fresh air to read. had a strong cadence and a consistent flow which was strong and on point. Good addition to the OM section. lot's of introspection going on in these lines.

Loved this line:

Could be a spiritual gift or coincidence that with each hit now improves his diligence

truth to this. i'd say a spiritual gift indeed. we can't see em.

[Flow]

Cheers for the looks guys pm me something you need feeding

[Geno]

Good shit flo.
Had a nice display of technicals. Content was on point.

[Flow]

Good shit flo.
Had a nice display of technicals. Content was on point.

Cheers Gen to be honest I wanted to work on it a bit more but glad how it came out - to everyone whos voted get back to me with anything you want feeding bit rushed at the mo but will return the favour if directed :D

[Sharp]

really dug the tone of this drop. fit the topic incredibly well.


Its an intricate notion,one idea or emotion that can instigate motion
A token of hoping;one drop against the weight of the infinite ocean
With an explosion; the ocean persists with potent waves, hits after hits
Soaking, frozen and broken, he drifts eying eloping from the fierceness that exists
this transition of was sliiiick, read it over again to make sure i caught it all.


He fights back and he spars, he attacks and he scars, he guards, darts and goes straight for the heart
The others can see, the momentum builds and more ones start to believe, then one becomes three
definitely the climax of the piece, and the writing fit it perfectly - the more frequent rhyming made it a lot more tense and feel faster



felt like it kinda fell off towards the end but didnt disappoint, just reached the logical open-ended conclusion. cool stuff. I feel like very few really can write the perfect lengthened piece, felt like this one was short enough where i'd want to read more, which beats the shit out of one that's too long. keep at it, this was dope.

[Flow]

Sharp Nine Thanks for the detailed feed, glad you enjoyed, yeah the end tie off was a shame, I should of given it the attention and care to detail I did at the start but, just couldn't find the best way an thought fuck it. Anyways thanks on the feeds so far guys. Spent some time on that bad boy even if it Is short.


http://netcees.co/showthread.php?p=74526#post74526
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=7512
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=7287

[Just Write]

The others can see, the momentum builds and more ones start to believe, then one becomes three
With bravery they scream like banshees and banish the sea, it recedes and it flees
They gather around,they become bound to the one and so a new shepherd is crowned
A victory found, but how long will it be before that ideology is drowned?




this was definitely my favorite part although i think the whole thing was fire. your transitions were smooth and flow was on point. as far as content i enjoyed the whole 1 person can make a difference. the whole 1=3 those 3=9 and so on so forth idea reminded me of that movie pay it forward only yours was more on target with that "fight the power feel" also enjoyed the ocean/government metaphor. dope piece man, glad you linked me to it. stay up

[Split]

Feed in here in a bit

[Flow]

Split Eight you know how to keep a lady waiting....

[Rawn M.D.]

This was pretty nice.... Imma elaborate in a second once
my tablet boots I'm just on my phone atm but I got u

alrght

conceptually this was cool, and was an interesting take on one vs many
i did like how u kept eluding to the ocean...even if at the end it transformed to a sea lol..j/p, but yeah and then concluding with drowned...bleed the idea throughout the pc..

rhyme scheme wise, it was effective...sometimes it felt that u were on the verge of rhyming to much..or forcing the rhyme...but nothing really felt forced...u just like walked up to the line with it imo...so that worked...and also u werren't rhyming to rhyme the wordchoice u used had a meaning and went with the thought. ur transitions were executed well also...however a polish coulda been done in a few places...'his fearless charged' for example doesnt make much sense...i mean i can infer it but ya know..maybe just me, ill slide that to creative license though...so in the few occurarances it happens u get a pass there.

Flow was i mean it def had a flow, a lil basic, but i caught it...some multi's would really bring that area to life...u have a few scattered..but none consistant

content wise, like i said u werent just rhyming to rhyme...and u had an extended meta that u eluded to throughout...n it had a logical intro, body, end n stayed on topic...my only problem was sometimes it got repetitive with the 'he's' 'his' and 'hits'u use those three words way to much it seems...use some adjectives give some descriptio...this pc aint really an 'imagery' type of pc buut u got hella pro-nouns n verbs...

i maybe being overly critical, bbut im just tryna help u..cuz u got me BIG...

All-in-all tho,i did enjoy it, just can use some work in a few places thas all...my fav part was the 'banshe/banish the seaa' line as well (quoted above)

and for what its worth u expressed ursef in a nice concise manner, bc ive seen people go on n on about these kinda topics n not convey what u did.

but keep droppin...

il peep

[Vulgar]

This was pretty tough, there are signs of a stirring giant in the making. You've got some patience to portray situations and feelings the way that you do, like this for instance:

Its an intricate notion,one idea or emotion that can instigate motion
A token of hoping;one drop against the weight of the infinite ocean
With an explosion; the ocean persists with potent waves, hits after hits
Soaking, frozen and broken, he drifts eying eloping from the fierceness that exists
^The gathering of ideas here is knitted together well. In a different way than the norm.

Keep doing you

[Flow]

Cheers guys link me if you need feeds

[Eŋg]

I don't know, I certainly didn't hate it but there was something about it that struck me as odd, and made it difficult to appreciate. It wasn't the tone of the piece, it was more the construction, as if the verse wasn't sure what it wanted to be at times... caught in a movement?! The rhyming was consistent, even stellar in places... ideas were thrown around, a loose narrative moved somewhat forward. But the identity of this piece confuses me. In some ways it reminds me of how I might have written during a time. I don't meant to condescend, though. Keep writing.

[Flow]

No worries oXus thanks for the honest feed

[Dove Dozer]

this was good. I liked the flow of this a lot a nice lines.. like oXus mentioned. The identity was lost, but I liked the thought process on this, like a stream of consciousness written down.

nice work.

I only have one short drop called "flex fuel"

just something quick im working with.

[Flow]

oXus @nogood!

Be interesting to understand how you think the identity is lost in this piece.

I only ask because you two are the only ones to mention it where everyone else felt it was on point. Would appreciate some more detail so I can improve :)

nO gOoD! I will look out for 'flex fuel' an will feed when I can fam

[Dove Dozer]

Flo Real I guess where I felt this identity disolve was in the last few bars where you changed the grammatical perspective from "He" to "they"

it through me off.. but Im kinda nit picking a little.

[Flow]

nO gOoD!

The verse is about one... hence I use "he"

Then after this line-

The others can see, the momentum builds and more ones start to believe, then one becomes three

I go to they

;)

[Split]

Split Eight you know how to keep a lady waiting....

lol oops

A token of hoping;one drop against the weight of the infinite ocean
With an explosion; the ocean persists with potent waves, hits after hits

really wanted waves to rhyme better with something cause its a harsh transition to "hits after hits" with that comma placement.



Soaking, frozen and broken, he drifts eying eloping from the fierceness that exists
But in an innocent twist, his empiricist roots now prove their significance
Could be a spiritual gift or coincidence that with each hit now improves his diligence
His senses now sharp, his fearless charged, his limitless potential unbarred
His original innocence scarred, his unforgivable resistance now hard, he strikes an bombards
He fights back and he spars, he attacks and he scars, he guards, darts and goes straight for the heart

couldnt really place with this part with the opening.


The others can see, the momentum builds and more ones start to believe, then one becomes three
With bravery they scream like banshees and banish the sea, it recedes and it flees
They gather around,they become bound to the one and so a new shepherd is crowned
A victory found, but how long will it be before that ideology is drowned?

kinda vague

idk your metaphors are nicely descriptive, and everything flows and isnt sloppy, but it feels like you kinda ran headlong into the verse.

to make things clearer, your metaphors make sense on a literal level.. very well, in fact... but when taken as figurative language, there's like this scattered splattering of meanings and they don't form anything coherent

so your ending is really unsatisfactory because it feels unfocused. you need to lead your readers a little better, i think

[Flow]

Thanks for feed fam Let me know if there's anything you need feeding back