Week 14 championship: 1. Cereal_Killa (4-1) vs. 2. Johnathan Mercy (4-2) \\ Cereal_Killa wins 6-2

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=74142).


Topic


“I'm concerned about people being happy.” — Matt Stone


Good luck, Cereal_Killa and Johnathan Mercy.

[Cereal_Killa]

Topic: “I'm concerned about people being happy.” — Matt Stone



The Single Cant’alope

..
I am a tax ride off
A taxidermist’s hide
A social parasitic disease
One of a kind
I am burrowed paraphernalia
Swallowed inside
Decompressing myself, waiting to die

and then
I was born
..
Dirt; amongst most things, courses the canvas I dance with
On madness unanswered, I nurture a virtue with few chances
Of future worth and purpose that hurdle in an insolvent hole of inertia
These volcanic serges now circle my scenery of soon to be certain exertion
Though surrendering all option’s seems as organic as monopoly
I micro manage in a silent rice field of dreams.. properly
Told if I sew I can plough, If I plough I can sift, If I sift I can sit
Away from all of this shit
As the formation of fountains litter freedom that I can’t taste
I slave as a creature on a continuous loop that won’t break
My nights have been structured
1 step, rice
2 step, rice
3 step, sigh
4th step-rice
I slump and fluster in punctured time from a cluster fuck of lies
I’m pretty sure this will never cure my cancer
..
Socialism; I’m married to it amongst a chariot of god complexes
From a Christian dictatorship in a Buddhist Monastery of connections
Married, married to it like a Hindu or Muslim contract in sex
Arranged for sodomy and set for slaughter is the impression I get
Underneath the transparent shell of each grain I meld
I feel I have fell victim and become the cancer itself
I’m bleeding out into the dreams I sew, through an enema of disease seeding
As if the sickle was the drawstring aborting my own stream of being

when a man subtly approaches with an inscription

I now have to learn English
I found my first black rice
..

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

“I'm concerned about people being happy.” — Matt Stone

Plotting The Soul

Let's investigate our collective depression;
our connected pretensions and unreflected attention
to pseudo-ethical questions dissected in essence
- by pessimist skeptics in executive sessions;
esoteric formations in effective possession
of uncontested discretion to detonate weapons
heretics developing prejudice malignantly
- to negative infinity through arithmetic progression
that renders us lesser - It activates something
- a rapid and sudden genetic regression
in us irrational, puzzled, panicky, jumpy
anthropomorphic, cannabis-muddled
vanity-governed, outstandingly stubborn
- psychotically affable monkeys and addicts of comfort
A mental obsession... that expands in us lovely
- literal motherfuckers and masochist munchkin
I should mention it: we've made several attempts at this
The extensive endeavors of clergymen and mentalists
who penned directives for tempering the elements
for contention with, the most rebellious of elephants
and left us in the blue like suit-less spacemen
- extracting crude equations from the memory of skeletons
Weightless: wasted movement moving wasted
- using elusive gestures as communication
with sooty lanterns for illumination
- stumbling in a humid Hades of muted stasis
enumerating our hallowed trials
- classifying hallucinations
in acts of repudiation - We're given basis
spiritual dilatation leaving wills degraded
come for liberation from this simulation
and stay a life because of the implication


I see facefuls of dead nerves and irregular surfaces:
Primates sustaining a commendable murder rate
as long as their directors don't render them purposeless
- and throw their senses of self into temporal furnaces
fleetingly unfeeling for whatever sequence of upheavals
- vetoing provisions of their bread and their circuses
I see these feeble bipedal creatures in cathedrals
swaying en masse to the deceitful and cerebral
unique and unequaled procedures of their egos

(...I mostly worry about people being people)

[Adonis]

Merc and ck, dope battle,I enjoyed both.

Merc went deep, essentially talking shit about humans in general. You did something I noticed and loved, when you made a list of horrible shit only subtle,with flow and enjoyable content.
us irrational, puzzled, panicky, jumpy
anthropomorphic, cannabis-muddled
vanity-governed, outstandingly stubborn
- psychotically affable monkeys and addicts of comfort
A mental obsession... that expands in us lovely
- literal motherfuckers and masochist munchkin

Now, I like this because it gives you way to use different words in rhyme, as these are not complete sentences. What I disliked was the "in" just before quoted section. I thought using the run on sentence was rather lazy, even though it was followed but fire, and I'm sure you tried to adjust our fix it. Maybe not. If so, you failed, again followed but fire though. Enjoyed verse and take on topic,maybe even lack there of. You essentially changed the topic, or at the very least used it as a blanket statement instead of literal. Either way good shit faggot.

Ck. "write off " bro. I took this as a open face book. I pictured a old Asian man literally working the fields. "if I sift I sit" culminated some powerful imagery and emotion as you had me imagining the joy a slave would get being able to sit and work. I did not however, like the connection to topic. To me,you detailed the trials of a rice picking slave, then in the end another man found the rare black rice. For me,if you would have expressed the dudes happiness in finding the kernel the take on topic would be salvageable.

In the end, I just think Merc had the better verse. Ck's left me feeling a bit empty, like you explained something but there was no finisher in terms of high or low emotion. Just ended with another man being lucky. Where Merc had a massive amount of content hating on my brothers.

[Vulgar]

CK - Interesting use of advanced wording and eccentric subject matter. The way I was interpreted this was that a Chinese rice paddy worker aspires to move to the UK or the US but he has cancer so he can't. Another worker comes to him and shows him his own progress since he intends to immigrate. The discovery of black rice could be the omen he was so desperately looking for, while the first worker is destined to deal with monotony while others reap the happy seeds of life abroad. I thought it was a good verse but I desired a stronger dosage of character identity and less ambiguity with the ending inscription.

Jonathan Mercy - I liked this less than your other pieces you've written for this league for two reasons: 1. It was too mechanical and lacked personable energy due to the heavy technical language, terms. 2. Writer vs. Corrupted and Confused Religious Zealots wasn't the most refreshing approach you could've taken. I thought it was written well and it rhymed in stellar fashion but it wasn't anything captivating. I enjoyed CK's more this week. It felt too...psychiatric evaluation for me, and while it's worthy of further analysis, it didn't have a pronounced entertainment value, which matters IMO.

My vote goes to CK.

[zygote]

Kind of like a monologue from JM, didn't enjoy the preachy tone. Each sentence is very short and there are not that many words in between the rhyming phrases, but it was effective because the rhyming phrases didn't seem awkward or unnatural. For CK it's interesting and part of its appeal comes from the ambiguity. It would be nice to have a more cohesive thread throughout, some more concrete themes tying it all together, something that I can pinpoint like 'this was about such and such a thing.' Maybe that would simplify it and it would lose some of its mystique/effectiveness. Not sure. Voting for CK.

[patrown]

Cereal Killa - i was intrigued by the entire piece. especially the title. i almost want to say its about the rice itself. favorite lines..

Dirt; amongst most things, courses the canvas I dance with
On madness unanswered, I nurture a virtue with few chances
Of future worth and purpose that hurdle in an insolvent hole of inertia

and this felt particularly strong.\/

Underneath the transparent shell of each grain I meld
I feel I have fell victim and become the cancer itself

perhaps its rice being sold to an English speaking country? either way, i did spend some time trying to figure it out. so you did your job effectively. nice verse.

Johnathan Mercy - so we're depressed because of our tendency to think too much. those in power of our military (detonate weapons..?) instigate prejudice in citizens.. ok you're jumping around a bit and didn't really give me enough to grasp ahold of. i'm sitting here trying to decipher something which in my opinion, doesn't make a whole lot of sense. i enjoyed many of your phrases and the mechanics of your piece were entertaining. liked this ..

I should mention it: we've made several attempts at this
The extensive endeavors of clergymen and mentalists
getting coherent there. appreciate that, and enjoyed attempts-at-this/mentalists. clever.

the last stanza is stellar. i especially enjoyed this bit..

as long as their directors don't render them purposeless
- and throw their senses of self into temporal furnaces
fleetingly unfeeling for whatever sequence of upheavals
- vetoing provisions of their bread and their circuses
I see these feeble bipedal creatures in cathedrals

nice rhymes/layout, also good content. overall the piece in it's entirety adhered to cynical tone. I appreciate that this is very strong topical, but it didn't leave as much to the imagination as it demonstrated your mechanical aptitude. which is quite good, if I may. i'm not one to appreciate filler, but structure can be necessary to give the reader a more enjoyable experience. this i felt you lacked.

/v Cereal Killa was more entertaining in this battle. I say so because I was left wanting to understand, rather then.. feeling compelled to decipher. although mercy showcased his rhymes, I wasn't drawn in to his verse as much as CKs. very close match.

[cyph her]

CK - I have to be honest... I greatly enjoyed reading this verse but I did not at all understand what the fuck was going on until I read the other votes.. I then went back and re-read it.. I still don't quite understand the opening stanza, but when I got to:

Dirt; amongst most things, courses the canvas I dance with
On madness unanswered, I nurture a virtue with few chances
Of future worth and purpose that hurdle in an insolvent hole of inertia
These volcanic serges now circle my scenery of soon to be certain exertion
Though surrendering all option’s seems as organic as monopoly
I micro manage in a silent rice field of dreams.. properly
Told if I sew I can plough, If I plough I can sift, If I sift I can sit
Away from all of this shit

The story started to come together. The use of imagery I thought was spot on with what you were trying to convey and I felt the defeat in it's tone.

Merc - This rang similar in terms of the feeling of failure with more anger tones. Interesting take on the topic.. I struggled to find a story, but I did enjoy the message and the opening bar was exact in identifying the spirit of the piece.. I just wish I could have seen more or gone on a journey with your characters..

Let's investigate our collective depression;
our connected pretensions and unreflected attention

V - CK

[King Ra.]

CK, love the poetic, emotional tone of your story this week. It was written beautifully. Very easy to read through. Very strong imagery but I think your terminology really helped bring everything out clearly. Very deep concept, almost got lost through first read through. I think sometimes you write these amazing pieces but the concept is suppressed beneath all the writing and people can't really decipher what it's about, and really that was the issue for me, but I started to piece together a sort of clear picture of where you were going and the meaning you wanted to display. JM, kind of surprised here, because you have been hot these past couple weeks, and in this champ match, I was expecting the great rhyming and a cool lil story. You really went mechanical in this one. It reads like a basic topical piece. The rhyming was good, but its very hard to really take something out of your piece because it reads to me like a bunch of cool terminologies strung together but the message or meaning you'd want to give out was stuffed behind it. So like CK, where his message got lost behind all the poetry, descriptions, yours is stuffed behind good rhyming. While I understood the point you made, there wasn't much life in your piece, the content wasn't really intriguing. Was expecting more, but maybe the topic wasn't really hitting for you this week, which would be understandable.

Two well written pieces here, probably not one of the better champ match ups this season. I thought JM would come out swinging but his piece lacked any real content, but I get the feeling he probably couldn't come up with something this week. CK had a beautifully written piece. Deep conceptually, and a soft poetic-like touch. He takes it this week for me.

MVGT: Cereal_Killa. Good job by both competitors.

[Soulstice]

3 - crazy dense with rhyme schemes. my main qualm was that not much was developed beyond the language and wording. it was a very aesthetically pleasing read but there the final stanza (which was great) sort of was a tl;dr of the whole piece, a lot of redundancy in the meat of the piece. as playoffs approach perhaps trade in those assaulting schemes for more substance

ck - original piece, compelling wording. the story progressed more than threeps, while i liked his flows alot more i think i got more out of reading your piec than his

v - cereal

[e11even]

C_K- I'm fairly sure this piece is analogous to our lives of ant farm monotony. Very strong literal concepts throughout. However, almost every aspect can be applied to our beliefs in the American Dream and the worldwide old time notion of what rewards hard work is due to reap once we've done it long enough. Though, for most of us, we constantly see the lucky ones make it with no such effort. It's depressing. All in all, I love what I think this verse stands for and I believe you nailed all parts of this , but what was conveyed by the topic itself. The notion of enjoying the thought of others being happy. This was more in the vein of much a do about nothing? Like, we work so hard, only to see others get ahead? Either way, dope piece.

JM- What I believe was said here was along the lines of we're corralled into a belief system of what is supposed to make us happy. A system governed by the government and religion. If this is a spot-on assumption, I will say (aside from the obnoxiously rigorous rhyming) I really liked how this panned out. It definitely took some paying attention to and it really spotlighted a lot of the common societal thought process in regards to what is projected over media through government, religion and just the whole media engine as a whole. We're controlled by what we are tricked into thinking is popular belief until it IS popular belief. This shit goes back, obviously to the crusades, town cryers, the tyranny of monarchies etc. Imo this was dope. I think that ending line was more than appropriate btw.

To me this was a terrific showing from both contenders. The content was thick, and for me, this was hard to decide. I'm a huge fan of conspiracy theory-esque stuff and I feel JM bordered that. The rhyming was excessive, but it was clearly impressive. MVGT JM.