Week 14 contender match: 3. Adonis (6-7) vs. 4. zygote (10-3) \\ zygote wins 6-2

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3



The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=74142).


Topic


“Do not fear mistakes. There are none.” — Miles Davis


Good luck, Adonis and zygote.

[Adonis]

.

“I was born privileged, raised in the City of Angels.
Ironic, I quickly knew the warmth of a stranger.
Satan's open armed strangle grasping with love.
I tried fitting in but was dealt a wrath so unjust.
I mean, growing up trends were fashioned upon me.
Fendi, Armani; Gucci and Abercrombie.
I had many friends as a youth.
What preteen could refuse a lavish pool and jacuzz?
But being wealthy isn't the peachiest tent
Dad worked tireless, so the Au Pair was my guardian.
Her saying “Yes” was common sense, never a “No” spoken.
My gold omen, dangling opulence meant never a dull moment.
“If I ruled the world” , minus the if.
A scrawny kid pumping Iron until bulked up and ripped.
Twisted insides, teased by “my friends” half my life.
They loved my riches, while I'm cast aside.
High school was shit, I hated it's mess.
Once fell asleep in class, awoke duct taped to a desk.
But college brings change, even the ugly duck grows a beak.
But every girl I would meet passed the moment I'd speak.
I'm a loving soul aiming at tree tops.
I'd take shots at each goddess but the target would be lost.
All I ever wanted was for a woman to love me for me.
It might be hard to see, but my gift is a lesson of peace.
Stuck up whores roam streets searching for treats.
So I'll begin by opening my doors with pure trickery.
I'll slay those who enter, they'll come not to be friends.
They'll only want what I offer, instead, they're offered in sacrament.
It began with rejection, but will end in affection.
Sluts love a big dick, so I'll give them injections.
I'll knock at the “hottest” sorority, “open up please”
The first bullets a role reversal as SHE'LL drop to her knees.
The music thumping, so the shots add to the mixture.
Spiked punch is a red dot on the lips of each sister.
Venus fly traps, legs dropping to plead.
I guess they'll miss the boat as my gun over sees.
Next I'll hit the road, slaying the hunniest blondes.
The “too beautiful for me” will sing as bullets are humming along.
No I.V. Is needed, I'll rip Isla Vista to pieces.
And with Brad Pitt to star, my luster increases.
Tomorrow, my story will breathe, while your soul is released.
A nice guy finishing last, but the first painting the streets.
A twenty-two year old virgin, popping cherry's artiste.
You didn't want me then, now you'll plead, “Stop please!”
But it's too late”

!!!Breaking News!!!!!


Elliot Rodgers, the man who went on a killing spree, murdering six and injuring countless others near Santa Barbara Ca. in a small college town named Isla Vista; posted a so called “manifest” in chilling detail of the events before they transpired. More details to follow.

“Now I'll be felonious, but retribution is sweet.
As your nectar seeps from your pores the score will be even with me.
I'll sit in hell while my glory unfolds
Just know,
Not a single mistake was made by the screen play of my notes.”



CATCHING FIRE



.

[zygote]

DON GOLDPEARL: MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER. (INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES ARE FOR UNINSPIRING PEOPLE).

Do you crave success? Do you have a vision? Are you ambitious and driven?
Are you a man on a mission? Will you make a decision and stand for that position?
Do YOU want to be a multimillionaire? I’m Don Goldpearl - entrepreneur extraordinaire.
I want everyone to look under their chairs, you’ll find a pencil and a short questionnaire.
Listen closely, because I’ll only say this once - don’t fill it out, snap the pencil, scrunch the paper up.
I want you to get angry, to hold a daily grudge. Success is life. Fear is death. It’s time to throw away the crutch.
I’ve been in the business for over 25 years, my sole occupation is success - I specialize here.
I’ve perfected a method to best survive fear and a technique to compete and set aside peers.
I’m a success maximiser. Caviar appetizer, self-advertiser. I despise stress magnifiers.
That’s why I’ve authorized you to become your own help organizer. Success is the best equalizer.
Fear of failure is a challenge to suppress; learn to accurately assess the talents you possess.
Let me let you hear these maxims I’ll express, these are my patented 4 Aspects of Success -
Let’s begin with the old number one, and this is something you’ve known all along,
Follow this maxim and you’ll all grow strong. The first aspect of success: everything you know is wrong.
I’ve written a great book called the “9 Attributes of Advancement and the 5 Assets of Enhancement.”
In that guide I devise 21 essential life commandments. Remember - you are absolutely fantastic.
Secondly, presently learn the following incredible mantra: Repeat - ‘In the business of life, I am specialist partner.’
Good fortune will flow down like heavenly manna. Armed with this mantra you will set aside drama.
Obviously, number two, this is my second point - Motivation and dedication are double sided coin.
Turn one dollar into one million, find a life of joy. Success is seeking members, you only need to take the time to join.
Thirdly, what key element do all ‘I am success’ people have in common? I’ll tell you what, it’s not a sense of caution.
The great Miles Davis said “Don’t fear mistakes.” It’s sage advice that should not be readily forgotten.
You too can achieve a competitive advantage. Essential drivers of life can best be established.
Success is like turkey meat - fear is the bread of the sandwich. Let the turkey meat fly and all your dreams will be enacted.
The fourth aspect of success is a secret. It's shocking and salacious, if I told you, you would not believe it.
I've done a lot of things, but this is by far my life's achievement. To see it, you just really need to read it.
And for just one installment of $19.99, you can exclusively obtain my finest guide,
Read it cover to cover. Line by line. It’s called “The Highest Life: Secrets of Success and Life Design.”
Thanks for your time. I’m Don Goldpearl. Remember - fear is evil and stress is equal.
Remember this - you can achieve! You are successful people.

[Frank]

Both Writers interpreted the topic much differently which wielded a dual edged sword of enjoyability. Zygotes Self Confidence CD was brilliantly masterfully done in both execution and in its conceptual prowess. It indeed motivated which was the approaches sole purpose and in that it succeeded with high marks and props for that. Adonis wrote from the perspective of that crazed lunatic that is still fresh in the minds of the masses and did so with a intertwined portion of his own life masquerading as this killers autobiographical self. The killer shared a lot of the same qualities and attributes as Adonis and that was portrayed in life like fashion. I would be hard pressed to vote against Zygote here though. An original drop with enlightening feel good qualities against a self absorbed parallel of sorts.

Giving my vote to Zygote. Thanks for the reads.

[cyph her]

Adon -

There were quite a few standouts for me in this verse..

I'm a loving soul aiming at tree tops.
I'd take shots at each goddess but the target would be lost.

It might be hard to see, but my gift is a lesson of peace.
Stuck up whores roam streets searching for treats.

Next I'll hit the road, slaying the hunniest blondes.
The “too beautiful for me” will sing as bullets are humming along

I already thought the story line was great and there were some great visuals. When I got to the end and the bonus of it being about the Santa Barbara shooting was a really creative twist. I think you really captured Elliot's character in this.

Zyg - I love the direction that you took on this topic. It was very well developed, read very smoothly throughout. I think what made this so truly unique to me was that I could really feel the motivation in the character. Intently needing and/or encouraging successful but through non-traditional methods...

Listen closely, because I’ll only say this once - don’t fill it out, snap the pencil, scrunch the paper up.
I want you to get angry, to hold a daily grudge. Success is life. Fear is death. It’s time to throw away the crutch.

I liked both verses, but I think Zyg really captured the topic and in a fresh and unparalleled way.

Vote - Zyg

[Soulstice]

adonis - kind of similar to me this week, except i think more developed in terms of characters and emotion (im a loving soul aiming at treetops was cool). good story overall

zyg - conceptually original, definitely took an angle i did not expect. i think your flow was a bit stretched this week, mechanically speaking i think you are usually superior to adonis and that would have given you the edge in this vote. however, adonis came more correct with his schemes than usual. in two well done concepts it comes down to mechanics, which i think i weight more than most people in voting, alas.

v - adonis

[Vulgar]

Adonis - Elliot's voice was effective, although the storyline settled into 'regular' mode for me. I think you covered too many bases, making it really obvious that he was a killer. Ambiguity and indifference from a character is more intriguing for me than one with specific examples provided, because you almost know what's coming. The best part about it was the keen attention to pacing and the flow.

Zygote - This bordered on being something very vibrant, like a fringe contender verse, but I felt like an element of surprise or full circle closure was missing. It just felt too easy for you - and self explanatory is fine, yet an underlying message helps too. Good name @ Don Goldpearl, pretty humorous. It was a decent verse, overall.

Vote - Adonis

I've got Adonis for a verse I liked a little more.

[King Ra.]

Interesting match up. Very different directions. Adonis, I'm kinda surprised I guess, at your style this week, it isn't vintage Adon like we've seen in prior weeks, and that's not to say your piece is horrible, just sharing a thought I had when I got through reading. Very touchy subject matter here. Mass shootings have been shaking this nation rampantly the last few years and you took this idea and wrote a story from your perspective of the shooter. I guess this is relating to that recent incident? Getting to the meat of your piece, I thought it was okay. It didn't wow me, it didn't disappoint me, but it was... okay. I think it's missing that signature Adon presentation and deft touch. It would've been interesting to see a more clever spin, you've wrote some very good pieces this season and I felt this was lacking that crazy, raw Adon-esque presentation. Overall, this was well written, a fresh idea from your perspective of a mass shooter and his personal feelings, thoughts. Zygote, the man of many styles. You seem to never disappoint in terms of entertainment because readers never know exactly what to expect except for some creative and original and you've taken major strides this season. Motivation for success. I thought this was a very fresh take. Entertaining read from start to finish. Schemes and mechanics were basic at best, but this was more of how you put together a dialogue of a motivational speaker which I felt I was right in his presentation. All in all, a cool piece this week.

I felt Adonis took a step back a bit, I was expecting something of the lines like he did last week, which I felt was one of the better of his pieces this season. His take on the topic was good, touching on a deep problem in our society, but I felt it lacked a bit in presentation and the writing was standard. Writing was standard as well for Zyg but what gives this match to him is the more creative take on the topic. Both were even in just about every other aspect, so creativity was the deciding factor here for me.

MVGT: Zygote. Good job by both competitors.

[patrown]

adonis - this started off really well. believable character.. storytelling was rather straightforward for you. turned out good for being out of the box. i liked the line about being duct taped to a desk. got a kick out of it. pretty creepy phrases and word choices. i think the way the piece was a little off the whole time fit the approach. overall, i think a smoother transition from character development to action would've helped the most. had the middle been improved a bit, this decision would've been much harder for me. everything else was on point.

zygote - i enjoyed how the entire piece could've been the pitch. explaining how there were 21 commandments and you only gave the first few. which imo were funny as hell. like this..
Success is like turkey meat - fear is the bread of the sandwich. Let the turkey meat fly and all your dreams will be enacted.
let the turkey meat fly! LOL. fucking gold. enjoyed these lines the most..
I’ve been in the business for over 25 years, my sole occupation is success - I specialize here.
I’ve perfected a method to best survive fear and a technique to compete and set aside peers.
I’m a success maximiser. Caviar appetizer, self-advertiser. I despise stress magnifiers.
"i despise stress magnifiers." lol. kinda corny. but that's what you were going for. nice job.

/v - zygote. his piece was more polished. i really enjoyed it.

[e11even]

Adonis- I heard about the shooting briefly, but hadn't known the details til Zyg pointed your angle out. I immediately did some research, so as not to sound like a complete idiot voting in this battle :). I think this was pretty good for what it was, considering there was no third dimension to really own this story and develop it into something more encapsulating. I feel like you kinda told it from his perpective, but lacking some of the personality I feel a really personal piece would have. That said, I loved your metaphors and phrasing, as some literal misogynistic language was taken for metaphors and vice versa. That was [unintentionally?] clever and added the entertainment value this piece sorta depended on. I think a unique perspective could have made this a lot fresher (maybe from a female's perspective in the attack?). Either way this was pretty good.

Zyg- This was a Yes Man type joint that I kinda liked. I think the cliche excitement was missing, but everything else was spot-on and expertly crafted. Your rhyming was awesome and extraordinarily natural for it to be such an easy-to-exaggerate angle. I would have forced every end rhyme in that bitch. I have seen more than my fair share of infomercials and self help ads and books, and I must say, no one will get much closer to the real thing than this. This approach is not popular with me, but one cannot ignore this level of execution. Bravo.

Both of you wrote well and showed you can both go a little left field from your usuals, which is great. Though Zyg's piece didn't impress me from the angle standpoint, he definitely scored in the follow through, flow, and natural language departments, respectively. MVGT Zyg.

[Certain]

Adonis: This reminded me of one of those verses Frank does where he has some topic that's heavy on his mind and writes a story about it that barely shoe-horns in the topic. The problem is you were going against zygote, and even before reading his verse, I know he always goes all the way in on topics. But I could have overlooked that a bit if I felt you had taken this up a level. Instead, it seemed like you played the Elliot Rodger story pretty thinly. You spent a lot of time on the murders and not much on the rationale, and you didn't do much to flesh out this character beyond what all the media reports have done. I'm not a fan of non-fiction writing unless it's done with great reporting because it's harder to humanize through small minutae when you can't make up the details. In other words, with a fictional character, you can create all sorts of quirks and anecdotes. With a real one, you have to kind of play by what you know. This verse didn't go deep enough to me.

zygote: This was a very predictable approach from you on this topic. But that doesn't mean it wasn't very good. You went hard on the writer's voice to be in the tone of this perfectly named character, Don Goldpearl. And you executed as well as I've come to expect you to every week. I like your parody verses more than most people, so I'm a bit surprised by the way you're taking this so easily. But I enjoyed this verse, even as it was nothing special from you.

Vote: zygote