Bonus battle: Adonis vs. zygote \\ Adonis wins 5-1

[Certain]

This doesn't count toward league records but does count toward league voting.

We'll do first to five, 3-0 shutout like most battle arena matches.

[Certain]

ADONIS





~You're a homeless musician who plays outside a train station for tips. One day, someone leans over and drops something unusual into your case~




Melodic rifts drift into the air.
A million souls in abyss march to the hymns without care.
This bustling city is beating it's drum.
Each kick snares; soulless, snarling and numb.
Unaware of surroundings, physically drained.
Eye contact is strange, but a microchip speaking to brain?
These Blue teeth replaced public connection.
Fumbled conception, Drones can't recognize Acoustic reflection.
Harmony's strung, hung by autonomy's tongue.
But if poverty lacked novelty then mech's wouldn't have won.
Instead, I sit, bearing my heart on a string.
Striking cords for the hordes of beings baron of dreams.
Each day, the same. Stiletto's clack-clack, herding of soles.
Throats choked by ties suited for gold.
Cyborgs slaving for presidential love notes.
Ironically, ignoring my loving – Musical notes.
Symphonic wars eluding ears exposed.
But I love what I do for a populace doomed.
Chronic plucking of tunes guiding light into views.
Enlivening broods when constant consonance swoons.
Eventually robots will recognize soul, at least I presume.
Suddenly – A child stands, hovering close.
Smiling alive, he hands me accord.
Delighted with dance, he moves with the flow.
Could it be? A spirit? A soul?
No; and here I thought I was the last of my bread.
Raggedy clothes enhancing my reek.
Lacking Ivory peaks and money for desiring things.
My only change was the hope for inspiring wings.
And he floats... Gliding as free.
Moving sprightly, his excitement is fleeing.
The escape of his joy has brightened my dreams.
I once played for value, but his gift can't be purchased.
Hope isn't a myth...
So I'll prick these strings with a new

Musical purpose...

[Certain]

ZYGOTE




THE SUICIDAL IDEATION OF A CANCER PATIENT.

ACT ONE.
SCENE ONE.

John’s house INTERIOR. FRONT STAGE LEFT. John sits on a plain wooden chair.
STAGE RIGHT. ANNE ENTERS (visibly shaking)

ANNE: You bastard! How could you not tell me?
JOHN: What?
ANNE: Why would you keep this from me?
JOHN: I forgot.
ANNE: Oh John how long have you kept all of this to yourself?
JOHN: (to audience) In a way, I’m glad for the diagnosis.
(to Anne) I don’t know, a while I guess.
(to audience) I was struggling. Before cancer I was just sleeping.
Now I have found meaning. I mean to die. Cancer is my suicide.
These cells that uncontrollably replicate throughout my marrow are my salvation.
They are my newfound motivation and my driving force, my selfesteem.
Before cancer I was not a human being. I was a shell, an empty husk, a -
ANNE: (interrupts) I’ve had enough, you can’t always leave me out like this!
JOHN: Why not?
ANNE: We’re the only family we have left!
JOHN: I’m dying.
ANNE: It’s unfair.

Pause.

JOHN: (stands up) I’m going to get a glass of water.
ANNE: What the fuck. You are dying.
JOHN: Yes I know.
ANNE: And the cancer is terminal.
JOHN: Apparently so. (sits down)
ANNE: Why are you so casual? Why are you smiling?
JOHN: I am an open book.
ANNE: Stop lying to me.
JOHN: (arms outstretched) I wear my heart on my sleeve.
ANNE: You know I fucking hate your clichés. Why didn’t you at least call me when you found out?
JOHN: Look I’m sorry Anne. I just figured we hadn’t spoken since your son’s funeral -
ANNE: Don’t you fucking bring that up.
JOHN: Why not? I have cancer. He had cancer -
ANNE: Shut the fuck up.

Pause.

ANNE: How long do you have left?
JOHN: I’ve missed my deadline. I was told that last month would be my last month.
ANNE: Wait, you’re supposed to be dead already? (chews thumbnail)
JOHN: Yes. Last month I went to Milton, I threw rocks off the pier like when we were little with Dad.
(scratches neck) I thought that it would make me happy, but it was just cold and damp.
I forgot to bring a sweater. Everything there has changed so much.
They closed down the dockyard and replaced Centenary Park with a supermarket and a parking lot.

Pause.

ANNE: What the fuck John. You need to talk to someone.
JOHN: Why?
ANNE: You’re dying and you’re complaining about parking lots?
JOHN: I’m not complaining, I’m just telling you. You said I need to talk to someone, we’re talking now.
ANNE: Not about this. About death. About how you feel about this.

BLACKOUT, SPOTLIGHT JOHN.

JOHN: (to audience) Why must everything revolve around feelings?
Everyone wants to talk about death. I don’t want to talk about anything.
So how do I feel? I feel weak, I feel dehydrated,
I feel pain in my knees and in my elbows and in my shoulders.
I have headaches, I sweat a lot, and I’ve had heavy weight loss.
How do I feel? I don’t know how I feel,
I don’t feel sad or disappointed, I don't feel overwhelming fear.
I feel physically sick, but mentally I feel the same.
The same as always. I don’t feel like I understand death.
I don’t feel like this is a struggle. I accept it.
I just feel numb and unconcerned.
My mind slowly turns, nothing occurs, I just can't figure it out.
(to Anne) I don’t know how I feel. Can you help me up?

[Vulgar]

Adonis - Nice flip on the topic and I think you upped your use of language since the last couple of weeks. Mentioning robots and calibrating it into the verse expressed how autonomous humans became in the daily bustle down the sidewalks and subways. The homeless man is a romantic type of guy, one who garners bliss from playing his musical instrument and contributing to the world in that way - not by paying taxes and working, though the verse didn't reveal if he had any deficiencies. Your grammar still needs work, i.e. the bread/breed line. Typos throw the reader off. Overall, you did a good job.

Zygote - This was inventive and I've never seen or read anything like it in a topical league. Then again, you're an enigmatic fellow so I expect you to push the envelope always. The effect of the verse was a little hollow. To me, it didn't have a real ending and the melodramatic was held back by the bland, unmuscular identity of John. He seemed like a plain, insecure man with nothing to offer. I suspect you continued this and that's why it feels unfinished. As for the rhyme scheme, I know you deliberately chose not to rhyme, or committed minimally, so I wasn't completely sold on it because of that aspect.

Vote - Adonis

[Certain]

Adonis: I liked this verse in a context vacuum. But, "One day, someone leans over and drops something unusual into your case." So, where was that? I guess the idea was that the kid's dancing and listening was a special gift to you, but the topic is pretty clear. And even if you ignore the second half of the topic, as you seemed to, more than half of the verse is simply about being a street musician. Now, you wrote it well, with sharper rhymes and cadence than you often show. I think you're rounding yourself into fine playoff form and could be an actual threat to take the title, which I did not expect entering the season based on your Season 2 quality. I just didn't think you connected with your topic enough here.

zygote: This felt like something by Ingmar Bergman, which is a pretty big compliment. The dialogue and emotion was very authentic, and you did what King Ra. did this week in throwing me into the middle of a scene that explained itself. That gave you freedom. I liked the play choice, though it was a surprising risk for a title match verse. At this point, you had your No. 2 seed sewn up and were able to do something unique. This happened to really work for me, so it will be interesting to see what others think.

Vote: zygote

[e11even]

Adonis- This was very unlike you. This was also very well written; an observation not directly tied to the previous comment. What was so unlike you was the amount of data imo. I really enjoyed the setting you painted... it was a sort of an autonomous post - apocalyptic arc. I also think the 'donation' of hope was very appropriate, if not a tad cliche. Either way, this was a quality read and I enjoyed what all I picked up. Good job.

Zygote- this was what I was planning to do sometime this season, but you beat me to it lol. I dig the premise, but this came off a little monolog-ish and felt like it didn't quite reel me in or accomplish much out the way of "I have cancer, but I'm not so sure how to take it." But I guess if it really did happen, would we generally feel any different? Anyway, I think rhyming this and adding some form of gripping dialogue aside from the vulgar interrogative would have benefitted the verse greatly and brought a freshness to the issue at hand. I just feel like more could have been done with the content is all. Great effort overall.

Both competitors went a little off their respective reservations with these verses, but I feel one really showed in better form. MVGT Adonis for an overall more engrossing read

[King Ra.]

zygote, you just continue to dabble in realms not other would travel in. This week was a complete curveball. Now, reading your piece, it doesn't rhyme at all.... I don't think I've read a topical that didn't, but this is a first for me. I guess what doesn't make that aspect hurt you much is the fresh direction you took. You wrote a script, which tied with the topic well. The story seemed to be lacking a bit though. Wasn't entirely drawn much other than the fact you took this route which is unprecedented. Nice. Adonis, you didn't tie to the topic too well, but I liked the way you wrote this and the story was okay. Your rhymes carried you this week and that's what stood out most. I especially liked the first couple of lines. This would have been complete if it tied to the topic a bit more though, but I think you managed to put everything together well enough. Though zygote came with a very fresh original direction, I thought his story/script didn't supply enough juice, whereas Adonis story, though not fully tying with the topic (could be missing something) I felt he managed to put together a more solid story, and good rhyming that drove it along.

MVGT: Adonis. Good job by both competitors.

[Objective]

Adonis - The first four lines flows well, great introduction to the piece. I'm liking what I see so far. Then this happens:
''Eye contact is strange, but a microchip speaking to brain?''
^ Kinda weird wording on the last one there, would ''speaking to the brain'' be correct? Kind of a hiccup here but you picked it up again pretty fast so no big deal as the following lines were dope as fuck.
It continued to flow well throughout leading up towards the end with the child dancing giving a new profound meaning to the artist in question for what he does. Very well done, I fluid straight to the point throughout with a dope flow, nice.

Zygote - A script, well written at that too. The dialogue is interesting, straight forward and to the point. Unique to say the least, refreshing to read.

I felt it went well until Anne said ''what the fuck'' and ''Shut the fuck up''. From the impression I got of her from the first monologue despite ''You bastard!'' it felt like a break of character from her side to swear. It's your character and I can't really judge her based from the first paragraph and knowing next to nothing about her, but I was kinda hoping for more.. Uhm, ''sophisticated dialogue''? Apart from that I like the dialogue a lot, it kinda reminds me about Lazy Days by norwegian author Erlend Loe the way the dialogue progresses and jumps back'n'forth with logic statements in a conversation and how you can easily distinguish both parts role in the conversation, specially the ''I'm not complaining, I'm telling you''-part. Pretty cool shit.

The last speech to the audience from John was pretty cool as well, specially how it seems to me like he identifies with cancer as if the diagnosis gave him more life than he had before, not exactly a death wish but an acceptable way to go out and then looks to Anne for advice. Great ending. The last speech wasn't really extraordinary except from building character but I can't see how anything else would really fit or have the same impact, so it was pretty cool at that.

Vote - This is really hard to vote on as both went complete opposite ways and it's hard to vote on a script vs a topical verse. Zygote gets points for being unique and creative with his script with rhyme mechanics in the longer speeches, and Adonis gets points for being fluid with his verse along with strong character development towards the end.

Where Adonis went more abstract with his character Zygote played on a more mental note and let you get to know John as opposed to something happening to him. Giving that some extra thought makes for a more interesting character in my opinion and it boils down to the story. Adonis got a more interesting story going on with a fluid way to go about it to back it up even more, Zygote put two characters, siblings, in a room that supposedly got a lot of history yet one of the parties (perhaps both?) doesn't know much about what's really going on in the other persons life. I feel like they're equally great in both ways of writing. So it boils down to things I thought of as hiccups when I was reading:

Anne's ''what the fuck'' and ''shut the fuck up'' in Zygote's text, and ''speaking to brain'' in Adonis' verse. Both had just as much impact on that too. God this is hard to vote on...

I honestly can't pick a winner. But if I really have to pick someone it ends up with Adonis because I really enjoyed the more simple yet abstract thinking with the child and ''Could it be? A spirit? A soul?'', the musicians reaction and the whole scene with the kid as the child inevitably walks away. I really liked that image in my head as the musician finds a new purpose for doing what he does as opposed to Zygote's more pondering finnish as it left me wanting for more without a straight forward concluding finish. Well done to both, and massive props on taking that route Zygote.

Adonis gets my vote.

[patrown]

/v adonis. I felt more involved with his verse this week. Zygote had a great concept imo, but some parts felt more like prose . Adonis read was simply more enjoyable.