Week 16: King Ra. (6-7) vs. Bladed Thesis (3-0) \\ King Ra. wins 7-1

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/uAJesXX.png

Season 3


The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Monday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=76797).


Topic


http://i.imgur.com/Gs2pqea.jpg


Good luck, Bladed Thesis and King Ra.

[Bladed Thesis]

420BLAZEITFAGGOT, Sincerely Satan

Turns on the game system and grabs the controller
He sits, his cloak hood flipped back to his shoulder
Entering the lobby, he mutes every bastard beholder
Digital gats in the holsters, about to be acting the soldier

Basically ……

The match starts and he spawns at a door, in a room
Navigating quietly at first and he ignores his platoon
Quick eyes and reflexes and YES he was born with 'em too
This match: a single life/hardcore deathmatch board, he assumes
With no more than a move, he enters the next area quick
Nary an itch to his finger and weapon shouldered squarely, commits
Through the next door, spots first kill, its scary as shit
Three targets, holds fire, eyes ammo and wishes he'd carried more clips
BLLLAATATATATA, fully auto - the targets each catch various hits
Bullets buried in hips, he continues to the hallway missing barely a tick
These moments go inherently quick ……
It's like BOOM HEADSHOT (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7VBaCEHJrU?t=44s) ……
Suddenly, the bell rings and halls fill to capacity
He checks, estimating the ratio of civilians to magazines
Then time goes still; this is real and a tragedy
An all-to-familiar story of boyhood thrill and audacity
Building on casualties, his strength of will mixed with mastery
With a villian's practicality, brilliant yet baffling
Boys and girls duck and hide as people deal with his accuracy
"Faggot" as he pops a letterman jacket dude, skilled in tenacity
Everywhere echoes the screams so shrill, its a rhapsody
"Noob" somebody yells as he's drop-shotting children so naturally
Xx360NOSCOPEHEADSHOTxX ……
Dastardly bastard breathes as sirens burn and he urgently busts
He's missing more shots now but some hit as he's murdering husks
Walks into a classroom, kids under the desks squirming too much
Goddamn campers, unworthy to fuss over as he's currently rushed
Quiet now except for crying as the heater speaks and surely it gusts
A familiar face returns his smile before their reassurance combusts
In a bloodly crimson cloud--their last lesson in learning distrust
Classroom silent, in the corner a nerd stirs, nervously flushed
Outside, the cops have arrived and the school is perfectly hushed
Earnest with lust, the match is ending and he sighs, curbing disgust
Purpose enough, steps into the fresh air, silence abounds
He stands before the police department, eyes to the clouds
Frightened by sound, grip on the gat tightened and down
Inside, he feels the actual boy struggling to fight him aloud
Puts gat right to his crown, forcing the boy's face to smile so round
The boy watches everything internally and privately drowns
Three, two, one - a CLICK then whiteness - "HE'S DOWN!"
Cops rush to put pressure on the head wound, wiping his brow

Basically ……

Killer child's eyes glaze over, he was normal as far as weak boys go
The match ends, Satan with a kill-to-death ratio of seventeen-point-oh

[King Ra.]

King Ra. presents....

"DeathBoxOne"


WARNING:
A small percentage of people may suffer from a photosensitive seizure
from certain visual images or flashing lights that this video game may feature.
Children & teenagers are most vulnerable to these effects & are commonlyvictims,
so immediately stop playing if you experience any of the following symptoms:
lightheadedness, altered vision, eye or face twitching, momentary loss of awareness,
jerking, disorientation, confusion or the shaking of arms or the legs.
Consult a doctor immediately if any of these signs are apparent,
the risks may be reduced greatly & even prevented.

The Grim Reaper speaks:
"Not many will take heed to this message.
I lurk in the shadows, watching, waiting for potential victims to perish.
No matter the system, the chances for death is tremendously rare,
but every case is particular. Do you mind if I share?

An 18-year old Taiwanese gamer named Chuang reportedly died in July,
2012. No cause of death has been identified. An untimely demise.
He played Diablo III 40 hours straight in an internet cafe then crashed,
was awoken by an employee, stood up, took a few steps then collapsed.
Jeff Dailey & Peter Burkowski were both known as "The First" (cases, obv)
achieving robot killing high scores on a game called "Berzerk".
Jeff died from a heart attack moments later after posting a personal best,
while Peter recorded two top scores & soon fell victim to cardiac arrest.
Chris Staniforth used to play 12-hour sessions of Halo in the UK, without breaks
until that one very day during an ill-fated campaign.
A blood clot traveled from his legs to his lungs, killing him instantly.
His father didn't blame it on the game- but I see things differently.
Next up a 33-year old South Korean man played 650 consecutive hours in poor conditions,
then he ended up dying from heart failure due to malnutrition.
He barely drank or slept, & only ate instant ramen noodles,
but you got to give it to this guy for his endurance though, so KUDOS!!!
26-year Zhuang from China weighed 330-pounds & decided to run a marathon-
seriously. He planned to play online games during a holiday break, all week long.
His heart failed, unfortunately. I bet it couldn't wait til it was over,
I mean, I would too if I carried so much weight on my shoulders.
Lee Seung Seop was a boiler repair man until a Starcraft addiction turned deadly in 2005.
To this game he devoted all of his time & became malnourished & sleep deprived.
The addiction cost him his job & a long time relation,
a 50-hour binge ended in heart failure from exhaustion & dehydration.


"What is to come from all of this? A lesson perhaps?
Focus on the bigger picture before your perception collapses.
I'm no killer, Death is. I'm just a collector of souls,
in this game called, "Life", with my hands on the controls.
I'm not playing a game, just checking your pulse.
And right now, it's not looking good, just letting you know.
When your life is on the line, death is seemingly close,
remember that next time you cut on your favorite system if you think it's a joke."

[Vulgar]

Bladed Thesis - You took a literal route with the topic and connected on the basis of school shootouts being the work of the grim reaper, or a devilish entity who is possessing kids to permit a re-generating Columbine gaming module for entertainment purposes. The rhyming was iffy during many parts but there were also nice, skillful touches with wording and the build up of the central concept. This part was tight:

"Walks into a classroom, kids under the desks squirming too much
Goddamn campers, unworthy to fuss over as he's currently rushed
Quiet now except for crying as the heater speaks and surely it gusts
A familiar face returns his smile before their reassurance combusts
In a bloodly crimson cloud--their last lesson in learning distrust"

Pretty ill section. One suggestion might be to explain some of the limits of the grim reaper's game, which might have sound rules. What can't he do while playing and why? Is this a duty of his, or is it some perverted, morbid source of pleasure to engage in the deathmatch? Some video gamers commit suicide too, you know. :)

King Ra - This is what the ideal interpretation of the topic looks like, but you really pulled it off without being totally obvious about what we'd initially expect. Post-read, I liked this one a lot and would even recommend it to a friend of mine who plays videogames excessively. He's also fat but he plays basketball so he's trying.

"26-year Zhuang from China weighed 330-pounds & decided to run a marathon-
seriously. He planned to play online games during a holiday break, all week long."
^lol, well played.

The portrayal of the grim reaper as just doing his job objectively vs. enjoying it immensely at the expense of children's lives showed the original and diverse approaches you both took. I liked Ra's more, though his beginning stanza was on the weak side.

Nice battle. gg

Vote - King Ra

[Frank]

Great battle.

Voting King Ra.

Concept more encapsulated.

Classic send off.

Split decision otherwise.

Playoff worthy battle with both giving their best performances of the year.

[e11even]

BT- even though this topical take is a bit cliché, I liked your angle on your angle. I think the gaming system twist was cool, but I wish I was connected to a less-tried subject. Either way, this was still cool.

King Ra.- pretty fresh. I dug this sorta literal take on the picture. Less rhyming than expected, but a decent message I guess. Not sure if this connected great for me, but it was definitely a welcomed effort. Cool joint.

MVGT King Ra. For a more out - of - the - box approach.

[Objective]

Bladed Thesis - Nice intro. Hahahahaha @ FPS Doug, that was a nice reminder, one of the older viral videos on the net. Don't know if I'm really digging the direction it's going later on with the shooting etc. (I feel like it's feeding off the ''gaming creates murderers''-stigma which is false), but it progresses and builds up nicely so I wont let my own opinions retract from that. The flow was cool, a few hiccups here and there but not enough to kill it for me. Didn't think the ''Xx360NOSCOPEHEADSHOTxX'' fit that well either beside of being a reference to console-gamers, it was kinda just thrown in there. I am a gamer though so it didn't really connect too well with the rest although I definitely get why it's there. The last two sentence did it for me, Satan was playing the kid, cool shit.

Overall - Cool straight forward ish, I like that sometimes as well. The piece entertained me so I definitely enjoyed the read and you stayed on topic completely from beginning to end which is dope, well done.

King Ra. - Nice title. Enjoyed the first paragraph, I don't think I know a single person that takes the recommended 15 minute break each hour, haha. The next paragraph definitely caught my attention, let's see what you got in store for us.

Oooh, nice, you're putting in real life events to this. It should also be noted that he didn't drink or something during that time period. I think that's the main problem with these people, I've had a couple 24 hour+ gaming sessions myself but I always took bathroom breaks and ate decent food inbetween. As long as you do that you're pretty much set unless you have some unknown condition you weren't aware of. Lol @ the ''carried so much weight on my shoulders.''

The last paragraph was alright but I didn't feel it that much. I mean, if you go for 24+ hours without breaks or actual food inbetween you're bound to get fucked. There's several 3-5000+ people LAN-parties everywhere around the globe, ain't no deaths coming from that. Just take decent health precautions and you're set. It's not as much ''life on the line'' as there is common sense. Either way, cool story nevertheless, a couple of cases I hadn't heard of before either so you've done your research which is pretty dope in itself.

Vote - Bladed Thesis. Although I enjoyed King Ra.'s verse I didn't really feel like he went anywhere with all the references beside of fucked up cases. It's dope that he mentions them but it kinda took way too long time before it actually led anywhere. At least that was what I felt when I kept reading on, cool shit nevertheless and the research/cases was a really dope asset but it wasn't enough to bring it home for me. Bladed Thesis brought along a well rounded verse and a story that I enjoyed, felt it flowed better too so that was the deciding factor for me. Entertaining battle, well done to both.

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

Vote King Ra. for a piece that although it was littered with tacked-on metareflections provided an interesting little expose over video game-related deaths (something that I bizarrely happen to have studied recently). Bladed wrote a fracture tighter as far as wording goes and his concept was also pretty intriguing, but it faltered in it's overall statement imo. Ra forced together a better manuscript (also sorry for the quarter-assed vote).

[Mike Wrecka]

two good verses here.

Bladed Thesis - had a real dope flow. sick multis. took the generic route though. but that being said he did paint a vivid picture of the events taking place. strong effort


King Ra. - loved the take on the topic. cool direction to take. the flow was slightly discombobulated in parts but just a minor hiccup here or there.


one had the better flow and multis the other had the better concept. im going concept over mechanics here


vote - King Ra.

[Certain]

Bladed Thesis: A lot of this verse was in the form of killing spree described as video game. I would have liked a little more of the "Xx360NOSCOPEHEADSHOTxX"-type of word-choice interplays to strengthen the vibe of that. But where this verse falls short is that nothing is deepened beyond the images presented. We're not given characters or scenarios, expected simply to draw on the meaning that's presented somewhat plainly. As with last week, your writing outpaces your content.

King Ra.: That stanza with all the real-life events was really good. The opener was strong, too. The two italicized stanzas were not. You drove home your point too obviously with the last one. I understand that you were going for a sort of secondary take on death, but I think that convoluted your message about video-gaming. I also think some of the backdrop to the video game angle was missing, for instance the fact that most people don't let these things happen, even the most avid players. I don't know. I came away from your verse enjoying some of the knowledge and research but not liking the taste left in my mouth by the heavy-handed moral. Still, the parts I liked were enough to gain my vote in a close and solid battle.

Vote: King Ra.

[patrown]

bladed thesis - i really enjoyed this following set tho..

Suddenly, the bell rings and halls fill to capacity
He checks, estimating the ratio of civilians to magazines
Then time goes still; this is real and a tragedy
An all-to-familiar story of boyhood thrill and audacity
Building on casualties, his strength of will mixed with mastery
With a villian's practicality, brilliant yet baffling

that was your strongest set of lines imo. but these two lines are really good too...
Classroom silent, in the corner a nerd stirs, nervously flushed
Outside, the cops have arrived and the school is perfectly hushed
although i did enjoy the first stanza, i wasn't particularly fond of beholder.. it felt like filler, and starting off with four straight end rhymes, i've got to mention that. it's like boom headshot, cool, gamer lingo. but that fit in nowhere and really stuck out. overall, I had some problems with word choices. felt like you were drawing out your alliteration a little bit too much. more focused on rhyme than content, but still... i'm being critical of a nice piece for voting purposes. and i think that's 17-1.

king ra- i enjoyed your direct approach. this for instance..
A blood clot traveled from his legs to his lungs, killing him instantly.
His father didn't blame it on the game- but I see things differently.
when i read it, it just resonated with me. you really utilized your writers voice as "death" well with this piece, and those lines are the crux of my opinion. you didn't necessarily adhere to any strict scheme, but at the same time, you did not force rhymes, at all. everything felt like the story you were trying to portray. i appreciate that. this set.. could've used a little bit more pizazz imo.
then he ended up dying from heart failure due to malnutrition.
He barely drank or slept, & only ate instant ramen noodles,
but you got to give it to this guy for his endurance though, so KUDOS!!!
26-year Zhuang from China weighed 330-pounds & decided to run a marathon-
seriously. He planned to play online games during a holiday break, all week long.
His heart failed, unfortunately. I bet it couldn't wait til it was over,
although the first line and last line had their respective pairs above and below.. the inside needed some work.

/v king ra - this was a hard decision for me. i'm at odds with a genuine straightforward message, and some flashy writing. imho, if i had taken some sort of.. message, or ... underlying statement from bt other than an assertion video games might possibly lead to school shootings , which i disagree with... i probably would've voted for him. but i enjoyed ra's piece more today.