Round 1: 12. Zenland vs. 5. King Ra. \\ King Ra. wins 4-2

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/DXq8O3s.gif

Round 1


The Basics | Read the full rules here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=54688).

Verses are due Saturday, June 28 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Tuesday, July 1 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. Two votes will be deducted for each missing vote. Please post links to your three votes in this thread (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=78966).


Topic


Still I Rise


Good luck, Zenland and King Ra.

[Zen]

Personal memories are nightmares I can't shake from my mind. The hurdles, the miseries. Wasted my time. Stick a switchblade in my eyes to forget their faces. hatred, inside. I murder your sympathy. I'm David the tyrant. am i crazy? Maybe. yeah,i am. Thoughts flicker. I'm tweaking. Off kilter, sweet Jesus. Balls in her. She's singing. Gone to dinner. Eating pizzas. Autumn, winter. Fleeting seasons. Offing Schindler. Liam Neeson. he's proof you can change. back then he was known for how many jews he saved. Now he's just known for shooting dudes in the face. Crazy, ain't it? Confusion enslaves. Hands keep shaking. Loosen the reins. Santa's favorite. Deuce in your face. short thoughts. blink and it vanishes. i vanish. sweeped to abyss. no time, no sleep. my dream is dead. no hope for me. weep between breaths. nicotine. smoke it, deep. leaped to my death. i float gently. no reason to live. moments ceased with ghosts eating my leg. Foaming, fuming. Chills in my spine. Mostly human. Villainous. Still in his prime. Optimus Eminence. Hills Have Eyes. Militant, killing it. Healing Rabbi's. Venomous, sip it quick. Feel how it slides?

Still I rise.

Felt like a long dream, just like in Dallas. Turns out Patrick Duffy wasn't dead after all. He was alive. The madness of life. You know, I think on that often. Madness, crazy. waiting on a coffin. I've been savage and depraved for weeks. awake an orphan With thrill in my eyes fit to kill still when I rise from my pillow with knives plunged in temples and eyes. Blood gets spilled in puddles. the guilt. gift of demise. Covered in filth just living to die.

:)

- Dave

[King Ra.]

in the beginning, there was Ra.
.
.
.
.
A cosmic seed of chaos bloomed from a pool of celestial soup.
The heavens were formed & continued to stretch as the universe grew.
Galaxies swirled- billions of stars meshed & eventually blew.
The spirit of Ra. witnessed it all. Its complexity was exceptionally new.
Truth. Open your eyes & see the potential. A heavenly You.
Chemically brewed. Stardust. Cosmic energy fused.
Made in the image of Ra.- a likeness carefully imbued.
This is just the beginning of my legacy.... every enemy is essentially screwed.
Toast to the God. Standing ovation. Hopeful applause.
I've fought through it all, countless wars, numerous scars.
Still I rise though I fall, forevermore. Look to the stars.
The truth will always reveal itself if you see pass the facade.

I Am Ra.
King of Kings. God of Gods.
Since the beginning of time & never withdrawn.
By the powers vested inside, I'll never fall off.
Like the Phoenix I'll rise, forever, with no flaws.

[oats]

Zenland:

your rhyming was deft and technical, and nothing really jumped out at me as forced or anything. The writing itself was dope.

I like how you maneuvered back and forth on subjects, great use of the unreliable narrator. He's unsure about everything, except he's pretty certain that he's confused. There were some funny moments of insight, my favorite being that Liam neeson is proof that people can change. It was funny, but also underscored a deep unsettling feeling that people are not capable of changing, and if they do change it's an act.

I took this as a bit of a fatalist meditation with a hopeful twang. Shit is fucked up, we're all crazy and confused, and even though no one knows what's going on/we're bound to die, we still rise and get on with life. I liked it, though I have to admit that I did have to stretch a bit to arrive at that conclusion. That's the main gripe I have; this seems to be only loosely affiliated with the topic at hand, which cheapens it a bit. Almost like, this is a zenland verse that just so happens to kind of connect with the topic. It's like how will Ferrell is the same person in different roles. He's hilarious (I think), and it works, but he's always will Ferrell in a character, and this is how that felt. If that makes any sense.

Overall, dope verse, with only a small strike against it.


Ra:

short and sweet with dope rhymes and a cosmic grandeur that I definitely vibe with. This is a quintessential king RA verse IMO - you go big and set a massive scale for your approach, as large in scope as you can really go. Your ambitious sense of largeness is one of my favorite aspects of your writing.

Ra is the sun god, no? Very fitting for "still I rise," and the sense of oneness with the universe also worked well. It's like that Sagan quote: we're the universe thinking about itself (or something like that); the sun, in that way, is the universe because it sustains the sentience that allows us to recognize the rest of nature. And of course, the whole panspermia angle is present, as it should be.

My one qualm here is that the thoughts didn't make me think or feel anything that unique or new to me. Which is unfair, since I mainly feel this way because ive personally written many verses with similar themes as this, so it comes as less novel. Part of the lack of impact is that it also feels a tad stunted and underdeveloped. It's dope, but there's room for more analysis and introspection that would strengthen it.

This was also really dope, I just wish there was more.


Vote: very tough to vote on. I think both delivered characteristic verses that played to their strengths, so it's dope to see two of the best at their most comfortable. Ultimately, I gotta give it to Zen because I left his verse feeling more challenged. I just was engaged on a different level that I enjoyed more. I can honestly see this go back and forth on votes, because both had great verses with only minor dents in their sheen. Great battle to both of you, definitely BOTW ;)

[big baby]

definitely BOTW ;)

u tink dis a fuckagame?

[Split]

Zen.

Cut the filler. And randomness. You aren't dull. Some good bits.


Ra. Don't write about yourself like a cosmic god, so trite & unapproachable. Decent rhythm.


Had Zen.

[Adonis]

Jah, I liked the verse for what it was, and the flow and cadence fit the them perfectly while not slipping in any fashion. I don't have much to say about mechanics and shit however because they were solid no falter. The concept and execution however, seemed a bit played and easy as far as topicals go. I did like how you big up'd your opponent in my eyes by saying you will rise. sure, that was the topic, but I took it as you conceding almost, literally. I know that was not your intention, but you aren't getting my vote and I think in a sense you knew you played down given procrastination and lack of times sake, that what you were posting was really nothing. I do think if you actually fleshed this topic out with a bit more innuendo and hidden subtext that shit would have been fresh braggadocia rather then this. all in all, it was a good read with about 35 fewer lines that would have been required for you to win, although I think you were straight to the point, just not a good point.

Dave, I actually really liked this style. I think I said that to you before. when you posted something similar stylistically. when we battled. or at some point you did the paragraph style and I distinctly remember commending you for taking that leap into the relatively unknown and doing it well. I like the emotion on the sleeve, although I've grown tiresome from it. When I first read this on my phone the screen is so small that it gave nice breaks between periods for me. Now that I'm reading on the comp, I realize I don't miss the paragraph style. I do love the flow that you tucked away snugly into the crevices, but it was the opposite of overbearing and I think, given the format you chose, you had the open possibility of that free lance, free flowing heavy winded rhyme structure, it was there for the taking.


In all honesty, this was not a great battle, while I like Jah's flow and mechanics mountains above Zen's, Jah just seemed to play it safe, maybe too safe. On the other hand I loved the open book of Dave, however the format proved archaic, and the style, or route of topic, seems a bit over done at this point.


I changed my vote.

King Ra.

[YDK]

Internet keeps cutting out so I hope this post, will give better breakdown after calling cable company tomorrow,
I'm voting for king RA,
Better rhymes more fleshed out content. Zen's was more unique but not enough of any one thing just too sporadic

[Certain]

This was an unusual battle that requires a departure from my usual strict format for voting with a little before the breakdowns. Both of you took the easiest possible routes on a topic with a lot to offer. That was disappointing. Also disappointing was the feeling that neither of these verses were written in more than 30 minutes. Maybe that's not the case. But you both essentially wrote sketches of past verses, of verses that most distinctly follow your own writing styles. "Still I Rise" had so many possibilities for so many things. I'd hope both of you do better next round.

Zenland: The rhymes are a bit too slanted for my taste at times, but this was interesting from a rambling perspective. I can see the aspect of "Still I Rise" that you went with but feel you didn't make that phrase and/or concept as important an embodying force in your verse as simply bouncing from free association to free association. This is a very undisciplined verse, not nearly as complex as the works of dull boy and his close group of friends in either content or execution. The only memorable line at all was about Liam Neeson, and that was for humor more than anything. Emotional resonance was lacking because there wasn't much specificity, more like turns of phrases from 1997 Eminem and Cage rhyme books. And a lot of the rhymes were slanted to the point that they didn't work or barely worked.

King Ra.: This just didn't seem inspired at all. It's a subject matter I've seen you handle far more deftly several times in the past. Here it seemed like you went for a really easy opening statement without much else. No story was told, at least not with clear specifics or anything like that. The rhymes were crisp, but the phrasing felt trite, like something I've been reading on these sites for years. (The obsession with mythology of various sorts on these text boards is weird. No one ever wants to write about normal-ass people doing normal-ass things.) The advantage you had was that the topic fit perfectly with this take. There was no doubt that "Still I Rise" was at the very heart of this verse.

Vote: King Ra.

[patrown]

zenland - i enjoyed much of your verse. you were very strong up until ... "Now he's just known for shooting dudes in the face." after that i didn't feel it so much. perhaps it was around, "i vanish." i think it was in fact. for how staccato you were, i couldnt truly appreciate the repetition of the word.. even if in a different form.. with an entirely different direction. i feel like the train of thought I comprehended broke at that point and wasn't happy about it. everything afterward stunk of incoherent babble .. perhaps a trip i wish i was on right now, but sadly.. am not. so not being on your level, i can't really relate. although i enjoy your work on a constant basis, whenever you go into paragraph form... I couldn't call myself a "fan" of what you produce. I did enjoy the piece in it's entirety, but not in a sense where, I'd cast a vote for you. interesting approach and.. artistic ambition... however, your conclusion simply didn't tie it together or end on a same note I hoped you were going.
king ra- yo!~ first of all, this woulda been some dope shit off the top. i feel like thats what it might have been, but whether or not it was written.. or spitten.. i liked it. i didnt gather much from it honestly, but that's nothing to be held against you considering your opponents verse. i really liked a few of your rhymes here..
Truth. Open your eyes & see the potential. A heavenly You.
Chemically brewed. Stardust. Cosmic energy fused.
Made in the image of Ra.- a likeness carefully imbued.
This is just the beginning of my legacy.... every enemy is essentially screwed.
and that next stanza, when you had the break and it went to I Am Ra. .. idk. that shit was dope. i really liked it tbh. not that you were on some record breaking life changing shit, but .. welel, it was you. it was some sick ass ra. i really liked that.

/v king ra - i just liked how he went more. both verses had similar depth. i mean, zenland came through on some abstract hit and miss steez, but K RA he really came through on some freestyle-ish I am me fuck all yall kinda shit. and i enjoyed it more. really, paragraph style gives me a itch i dont really feel and i hate to be biased, but in all reality, after a bit of reflection and spacing out, i did enjoy ra's more. so i gave him the v. thats it.