medula medusa heads to bermuda

[brokenhal0]

morgue ties black rum voodoo corpse rise size up the wise
hard ties pump coca small fries i despise burger joker rat cloakers
sauce sine wave porsche horse power meet me at the lost tower
behind the pork marrow it smells louder sour smokin the deck
while i lost my mind in a dream smokin corvettes blank checks
sign buy illuminate the mai tai with gbl do tell fallen in the well for water
i like torture i like pain cause loves plain on this plane shattered realm
connect the pieces rather smell like the spell of telekinesis
whats a man to do unscrew the root reboot the demon i let loose
speed knot off the sneak the bird lost its beak the flock lost a sheep
the wolf in the meadow howling at the geese cheap visions deep incision
surgical murder your spiritual vertical burners shoot into the nervous tube
cold sore turn em loose die sneaky spaghetti gelato fried zuchinni
yous a weenie i don't need a genie to grant me a wish it just exist
cause the light i shine on it the same cross jesus died on it get your angles up
before you get tangled up in the web already there
spiders creep into so many ears i never show any fear
like the romans handle theres from ours
lookin at the stars so close a fuckin chandelier
i got my blade ready you a shade too friendly
always on the edge land on my feet when i jump into the horn of plenty
beyond my medula medusa's head dissapears in bermuda
polish the sacred stone sunken land real tan what i feel i make it known

[Dove Dozer]

I didn't enjoy this at all tbh. it was awkwardly worded and I felt it lacked cadence. there was some internal rhyming, but I felt technically this piece was lacking.

keep writing.

[Wise Wiggles]

Another dope one. Props sir.

[zygote]

Brokenhal0 is interesting writer style and always entertaining to read, I remember from original NC. This was good writing and enjoyed the different phrases/vocabulary.

[brokenhal0]

thanx.. good to see you guys still here after the last board went down i lost alot of good ones o well im always perculating some fresh coffee

no good my style is sloppy man ill agree i don't know how to structure rhymes or even punctuate seriously i make it for the select few tho

[Illume]

Feels like you're trying too hard to rhyme and putting words in that actually have no relevance or meaning to what you're saying.

You're making verbs nouns and nouns verbs (which isn't a bad thing in some cases, but you do it way too much) and rhymin' a bunch of random words for a few lines so you can engineer a punch that has little effect cause the stuff that came before it doesn't cohere.

I could do that with a rhyme dictionary in a couple minutes tbh.

Within the last 6 lines you started to form one or two understandable sentences so you should write more like that and forget about being technical in the rhyming until you actually know what you wanna say.

[Advocate]

Yeah I gotta say that I think you can do better. I don't like how your title had little to nothing to do wit what you were rappin about. Maybe there was just something I was missing I'm not sure but overall this could use a little bit of work. Just work on your creativity and less on the rhyming. The rhyming should come natural to you and everything else would fall in place. But at the same time you do show good vocabulary and a little versalitilty wit your way of words. Keep workin at it, you'll improve.

[brokenhal0]

i understand some you guys can't get what im sayin its all good my style is not for everyone i respect all your opinions much love to all those who gave it the time

illume rhyme dictionary!! dude that word alone sends potholes down my thought highway