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View Full Version : Quarter Final: Piiz vs. Purple Puke [PURPLE PUKE ADVANCES 6-1]


Adonis
08-11-2014, 08:30 PM
http://i.imgur.com/YZ7VWnt.gif


Verses will be due Friday at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=84794)

Goodluck

Piiz Purple Puke



Topic: http://www.joblo.com/audiofiles1/morepower0.wav


"What do all men with power want? More Power".


Matrix Reloaded

Purple Puke
08-15-2014, 03:51 AM
'

The end feeling closer, my senses whisper that the battle is over
Deaths over my shoulder, engulfing me in a curtain of a metallic aroma
Succumbed to my knees, I prepare for my spirit to leave, in a minute or two
As I view my fallen empire reduced to empty vessels upon the crimson dew
Driven by greed, my eyes deceived, the thirst for power was ruled by arrogance
Truth be told, my opponents hold ,was an embarrassment in comparison
Through the dense fog, my executioners come forth, my soul ready to depart
No regrets, my hearts content, I once held the power back at the start
But like a drug, my opponent is hooked, walks by, leaving me on my knees
For simple victory isn't enough, he'd rather promote all his pawns to queens

Piiz
08-16-2014, 03:04 AM
I came defeated, paced in with the chains, you strangers aint see me, but
when I dangled free and came to be the great new leader, seen you label me
the make believe, the pagan terror, bang to beats of Satan, stare with straight awareness
Faster that I ran from it, I grasped the hand of strangest demons
Sickened laughed passed the vandals, savage man and bravest egos
With a massacres at hand they laughin on command like trained hyenas
Made disaster of their sands, the Macedonian endangered species
May the angels free me from these faded ways until I rape and beat them
See them stain the cement, plagued in repent, basically a frame that reflects
The sameness in essence between enslavement and the maker of lessons

Seymour BUTTS
08-16-2014, 09:44 PM
Cool battle tho short. I thought the pace, linearity and mood of puke's conception was superior this time around. Pizza u had cool shit but it read more like a mix of braggadocio and rushed philosophy. Sorry for the phone short vote

Mvgt purple puke

Template
08-17-2014, 01:09 AM
purple puke had some gewd descriptions like crimson dew sounds like a soda though but still coo. this would/could be better if two things 1 not so much exposition like I saw this and felt this and realized this and 2 if the verse focused more on the dying man and maybe ended with a realization or a stubbornness instead of we see him and he's already realized his folly. it was coo though, gewd verse and rhymes.

Piiz had cool rhymes 4sure and some interesting things to say like raping angels after they free him das not coo 2 do but coo 2 say. buuuuuuuut yeah I think this wasn't about anything really kinda just said a bunch of shit that rhymed and had a loose narrative attached so it was dope to read but dis iz topical tournament not hey check out this cool shit tournament.

vote purple puke

Certain
08-17-2014, 01:15 AM
Purple Puke: I liked this verse for its ambiguity. Was this a verse about playing chess, or a verse about war that used chess as a metaphor? I lean toward the former, but I'm glad it wasn't cleared up with some corny "That's when James slid his bishop and called out 'checkmate' "-type closing line. Obviously, playing an overaggressive game is a killer in chess, so that made this a good take on the topic. The writing itself started out rough and generic and trite, but it improved a lot as this very short verse went on. The closer made this 10-liner a complete verse, which isn't always easy to do. I would like to see you do more with your rhyme schemes, though.

Piiz: The rhyming here, obviously, was the standout. And it really was the only standout. There wasn't much heft to this verse, and it felt incomplete. I know you didn't even think you'd be able to show, so that these 10 lines to a degree were overachieving for you. But the verse felt scatter-brained and existed mostly for its deep array of rhymes. Even the cadence was a bit difficult to pick up because of how jarring the frequency of the rhymes was. Maybe with a longer verse you could have added some content, but in these short installments, we don't have time to waste on rhyme displays. (See what I did there?)

Vote: Purple Puke

UnbornBuddha
08-17-2014, 08:40 PM
This was very short. To commence my breakdown I will state that Piiz verse was lacking a coherent overarching coalesce. While some lines were more thought provoking than others, it still did not add up to a verse that will take hold of the reader, and make his brain spasm in neurological excitement. Reading other's commentary I see that you rushed it. This explains the sense of it almost appearing as a freestyle of sort, a quick keystyle.

Purple's was written more with the intentional format of the stylistic normalcy of rap. Nothing really felt completely awe astonishing either. In many occasions it was run-of-the-mill. However the verse was crafted with more special care. If I give a comparison it is as if blacksmith created a well sturdy sword. However, this sword is still prone to rust because the black smith did not collect the best material, and did not sweat blood and tears in intention of creating something of the like of Masamune, or an Excalibur like weapon.

Vote: Purple
Thank you.

Adonis
08-17-2014, 09:36 PM
So, I can only be honest. There isn't much I liked about either verse. I feel they both lacked a clear topic and focus, both lacked great rhymes (although one had a crazy scheme that I fully appreciated). I don't know though.

Voting piiz on the bases that his scheme was just awesome. That was the only stand out in this battle so....

Richard Schwartz
08-17-2014, 11:10 PM
Purple Puke is a good dude for setting the limit at 10 lines to give Piiz a chance to get a verse in. Piiz is a good dude for actually answering the bell and not taking the easy way out and straight no-showing. Purple Puke and Piiz are good guys.

Now that that's outta the way.

Pukey Pete - your verse was pretty eloquently put. I really liked the way it was worded - unfortunately, you weren't able to get very far with it, so it was basically just a 10 line description of defeat. For what you were able to do with that little space, I liked the scheme and the word choice. I think it was decent.

Piiz, you also had some nice schemes - it was good upon further reading, but I couldn't get around that it just felt like it was keystyled. It felt like you wanted to do more and just couldn't and that pervaded your bars. Slick offering based on the timing though.

Like I said, you're both great guys - and both verses left me wanting more from both of you. In the end, I just feel Purple Puke had a more focused offering. Kudos to both.

SlutMachine
08-17-2014, 11:25 PM
Purple Puke - Seems like a decent start at something that could be a lot better if it wasn't just 10 lines long as I enjoyed what I was reading. There's a lot of room for a dope story to develop here, but with 10 lines and a concept like this (chess I guess) I'd like to see the end product to be longer. Idk if you didn't have time or something to put some real work in, but ye, what this looks to me is a decent start at something that could have turned out to be pretty dope. Enjoyed the closure quite a bit though, I just give up if my opponent choose to ridicule me like that. Fuck those people.

Piiz - Just like Purple Puke I feel like 10 lines doesn't give your verse enough justice. Seeing the time you posted this at it's probably due to time as well. The rhymescheme stood out and I think you could have had a decent verse if you had given yourself some more time to write.

Vote - Purple Puke for a more complete verse and overall feel for what was posted. Piiz wasn't too far behind imo as PP's verse didn't feel complete (even though it kind of was this is supposed to be the quarter finals). Hope to see more from the winner in the next round.