the dam

[Pharaohs Army]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/---gj_MLOCjk/Tb0TDc8qmCI/AAAAAAAAI3k/c0_SREJ8iyc/s1600/serene-calming-pictures-004.JPG

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[Alphadog]

Yo pharo, this should be lengthened, very vivid content in this brief piece,
Honestly it was a considerable amount descriptive illustrates which was how i met the characters, creative concepts, not very flowy, but in respect you are a writer not a rapper keep up the work, ill be lookin for similar pieces from you, although i stated above it should be lengthened, it was brief but the story was told, i just thought it ended to soon/quick,.

[Pharaohs Army]

i agree shoulda spent a bit more time on the ending, and/or made it a longer story.
thank you for letting me know

[Vulgar]

The ending wasn't up to par with the whole piece for me. That's one criticism I have for this; otherwise I like personal pieces like this that create a world, characters, a landscape to grasp hold of. Children and dialogue also mixes well with literary fiction, and this medium as well. I liked the building blocks, but it could've been better, honestly. Keep working with your style.

[Pharaohs Army]

The ending wasn't up to par with the whole piece for me. That's one criticism I have for this; otherwise I like personal pieces like this that create a world, characters, a landscape to grasp hold of. Children and dialogue also mixes well with literary fiction, and this medium as well. I liked the building blocks, but it could've been better, honestly. Keep working with your style.

Thx. Yeah I did draw from personal experience the pic reminded me of. I did rush the end a bit, meaning i intended to do an abrupt ending, but i didn't put the necessary work into said ending.
Thing is, it's not my style, tbh. But point taken, and i will heed the recommendation. It's part of growing I suppose... trying new things in writing...new styles.