The Trial of Rawnold McDawnold the Shark Whisperer

[Judge Chester Charlesworth]

HEAR YE HEAR YE!

COURT IS IN ORDER

PLEASE STAND

YOU ARE CHARGED WITH THE FOLLOWING....

- OPERATION OF A STOLEN LEAF BLOWER IN A DOMESTIC DWELLING

- SEXUAL ASSAULT OF A LEAF BLOWER

- USING A STOLEN AIR COMPRESSOR TO FILL THE TIRES OF YOUR 91 CIVIC TO ESCAPE THE DANGEROUS GRASP OF A 12 YEAR OLD GOOD SAMARITAN

- LYING UNDER OATH

- BREAKING THE SOUND BARRIER VIA OPENING A PRINGLES CAN

- RESISTING CITIZEN ARREST

- ILLEGAL HAIRLINE

- SIDESHOWBOB UPDOO WITHOUT CONSENT OF COPYRIGHT HOLDER

THE PROSECUTION WILL BRING UP ANY FURTHER CHARGES

PLEASE BE SEATED FOR OPENING STATEMENTS

[Rawn M.D.]

kuck remove my govt

[Rev. Al Sharkton]

No worries, your public defender has arrived, hello all

[Judge Chester Charlesworth]

HOW DOES THE DEFENDANT PLEAD?

[Allen Knight]

No worries, your public defender has arrived, hello all

Fuckinn leaned at al sharkton hahahah

[Rev. Al Sharkton]

Not Guilty due to insanity/Pseudologia fantastica

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Good day Judge.

[CymbiCort]

Al sharkton ..thats funny as fuck lmao

[Inno]

ron I think its time to book some plane tickets on some str8 up
home invasion shit..

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Welcome ladies and gentleman.

Let me tell you about this HEATHEN..

A true monster, empty and emotionless at the core..

A menace on the streets..

The defense is going to tell you he is a victim of his own mind..

That he didn't know what he was doing..

I'm here to tell you he DID indeed.. On that night in Boca Raton... The chase in West Palm.. He is a multiple offender and a burden to our society. He will not stop until a needle is put in his arm. Do not let the defense cloud your vision with tales of hardships and shark attacks. He is gutless, a sociopath and a mad man.

The Prosecution is going for the death penalty.

[WILLIAMSBURG, W.]

ACCORDING TO THE MOST VILLAINOUS BOCA RANTON POLICE THE FOLLOWING OCCURRED;

"The first crime occurred on Friday, March 9 at 73** Rosewood Circle. The caller told Boca Raton Police officers that she saw an unknown male walking out of her father’s open garage carrying an unknown object. She told her father and her husband, who followed the suspect until he got into a white Honda. The husband and father continued to follow the suspect as he drove north on I-95. At one point the suspect pulled off of the road and they confronted the suspect. After a brief exchange, the suspect drove off and the husband and father returned home and discovered that a number of power tools were stolen.

The officer did a computer check on the tag the victim had provided and found the Honda was registered to RETRACTED. Detectives showed the victims a photo line-up and they were able to identify RETRACTED as the person in their garage.

Two days later another caller reported seeing an unknown male, later identified as RETRACTED, leaving her father’s open garage at 3** Cottonwood Lane. The victim confronted RETRACTED, who was carrying a leaf blower, wake board, and air compressor. RETRACTED walked away and got into the same white Honda. A responding officer saw the car heading south on NW 2nd Avenue and attempted to pull it over. However, the driver made several evasive maneuvers before officers stopped him in a parking lot on West Yamato Road.

Officers identified RETRACTED as the driver and the victim was brought to their location and identified RETRACTED as the suspect seen outside his home. When officers searched RETRACTED’s car, they found several pawn slips and drug paraphernalia. Officers charged RETRACTED with two counts of burglary, one count each of fleeing and eluding an officer, driving with a suspended license, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Additional charges may be forthcoming."

Public Service Announcement from BocaNewsNow.com: Chasing a thief is probably not the smartest idea, especially on I-95 — we don’t want to be reporting on anything happening to you. “Stuff” is replaceable. However, a big “nice job” to the homeowners who chased RETRACTED and obtained enough information to let the police do what they do best.

NOW WE TAKE ISSUE WITH SEVERAL OF THE FOLLOWING. IN THE PRECEDING TRIAL OF RAWN NO CLEAR VERDICT WAS REACHED. THERE WAS A TIME WHEN HE WAS OF MODEST DEMEANOR SITTING QUIETLY IN HIS ROOM WEARING LITTLE COTTON GLOVES WHILE TYPING AWAY ON NETCEES.COM SO AS TO NOT BREAK PAROLE CONDITIONS. APART FROM ONE OR TWO CLAIMS OF RESUME WRITING AND ALLIGATOR WRESTLING, ALL WAS FINE AND HE WAS CONTRIBUTING MORE OR LESS AT A TOLERABLE LEVEL. NOW THESE INSTIGATORS SUCH AS GARFUNKEL GARDENFLOW, BAGSWROTH BENTLEY AND THE SO CALLED OFFICIAL TRANSLATOR ARE AGGRAVATING RAWN. THEREFORE, DISCOUNT ANY OF RAWNS COMMENTS HEREIN AS THEY ARE ONLY MADE AS A RESULT OF THIS AGGRAVATION.

TO CONTINUE. WE DRAW ATTENTION TO THESE SO CALLED EVASIVE MANEUVERS. THERE IS NO WAY RAWNS ACTIONS CAN MEET THE LEGAL DEFINITION FOR EVASIVE MANEUVERS WHILE IN THE POSSESSION OF A LEAFBLOWER. FOR HOW CAN A MAN SO EQUIPPED WITH TINY HANDS BOTH HOLD A LEAFBLOWER AND PREFORM EVASIVE MANEUVERS IN AN AUTOMOBILE? IT IS IMPOSSIBLE IN ALL REALITIES. TO EMPHASIZE WE HAVE THESE 10X10CM GLOVES AS EVIDENCE. IF THE GLOVES DON'T FIT YOU MUST ACQUIT! THAT IS OUR SUBMISSIONS IF IT PLEASES THE MOST HIGH COURT.

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

We would like to call our first witness to the stand.

Would the White Civic please enter.

[The Rawnmobile]

Hello.

[NYCSPITZ]

LOL

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Hello.

Hello sir..

Do you know this man?

http://www.pbso.org/index.cfm?/36236E2D25021513003512041D4F080E3E0A5E372F4C312B3D 2528040D491525161B5A061C000E060D1F164D3C2B272A2A05 3D2E082606072B200306350A1034467D6272627D155F515657 775628445D5F53625B533441116170637C785C51535318035A 1E19094126071606111C3E2D752D26020A5A5777544644585E 5F625F69/index.htm

Was he there with you on the night of the Leaf Blower Scandal?

[Nigma]

Lmfao this is ruthless

[The Rawnmobile]

Yes, that's my owner and current occupant. I regret to say i was there when he abducted and violated the leafblower in question.

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Did you at any point hear the leaf blower tell him to bring him home? Did the leaf blower consent to the events that transpired?

[Masaii]

MASSACRE IN THE COURT

[The Rawnmobile]

My memory's hazy, but as I recall... rawn woke up in my backseat with a different sort of fire in his eye. After his morning shower in the sink of the nearest Whole Foods supermarket, he drove to a nearby neighborhood and stopped at a house with no one visibly home. He walked in, emerged with the leafblower in question and on his way out of the garage a woman approached them. He told her that he and the leafblower were close friends who had unsorted business to work out. The leafblower said nothing out of pure fear. A few minutes into the drive away there was some audible whimpering, but never any outright requests.

[Allen Knight]

Fuckin gone

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Can you confirm Mrs. rawn was home when he brought the leaf blower back for a good hump?

Also, do you have any information of the murder of one Mr. Craftsman on the same day of the rape?

[The Rawnmobile]

His mom was there, yeah. Just passed out on the couch. I didn't go in the house but i could see through the screen door. She didn't move or say anything when he walked in, never really did. If Craftsman was the powertool who followed him out of the garage, i just saw rawn take him to the backyard and leave about 30 seconds later.... thats all I know about that

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Thank you

You may be seated

I'd like to call Mrs. rawn to the stand now.

[Dominate]

I was thinking the allegations and the "the police claim..." bit was pretty boring

Then I realised this is real

woooowwwww

[Mrs. McDawnold]

I have arrived.

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Do you recall the events of the day in question? Can you tell us what you saw or heard at your residence

[Mrs. McDawnold]

I was sleepin on the love seat when rawn came home with a leaf blower. He told me her name was Lyla and that they went to school together. They went into his room up in the attic and I made a bowl of campbells chicken noodle. On sale at the walmart for a doller a can. I heard somethin come from up above an yelled at him to keep it down. The ruckus continued an I bust open that little shits door to see him puttin his pecker in the young thing. I pulled him off an he struck me like his father use ta. I passed out on account of the tar I had done out of the soup cans lid 5 minutes before an woke up to an empty home.

[Rev. Al Sharkton]

I OBJECT

THE WITNESS IS OBVIOUSLY ON SUBSTANCES AND IS NOT READY.

LOOK AT HER

SHE IS DROOLING ON THE BAYLIFF

[Bailiff Bill]

dont bother me none

[Otpeks]

Gone at the effort of this entire thread

the whole concept had to have taken days of planning

Hilarious though

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

was this the leaf blower you saw that day?

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT4RYfxIRfzDrw_xLRJatmFqZmaGu5pD CeS3VNQiKvMUUTIkNKITg

[Mrs. McDawnold]

Yessum

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Thank you.

The People call Dr. Steve Scubaski to the stand

[Untold]

Good f'n lord this is funny..

[Dr. Steve Scubaski]

Hello, yes I am "Wrong MacDonald" [REDACTED]'s subacquatic neuropathic biopsy instructor at IBM's Airborne Ambulance Armament for the Manually Minimal.

I believe I can provide a character reference, and hopefully, a liberating mental motivation for his alleged offenses.

See, I coached young rawn since he was but a young and proportionate whipper-snapper. A starry-eyed youth, unaware to the dismal watery fathoms of the human ego.

My first encounter with young rawnwas at a talent scouting competition at the Mouth-Breathing Ghostwriter OG Invitational of '03. It was developed as a feeder program for our shark-diving league. We literally fed children who couldn't adequately fill their lungs to our great white sharks... but rawn

something about rawn... the extraneous air filled cavity in his cranium... his deft and nimble miniscule opposable appendages... he was the chosen one, you see. And he was to use his Gift to end it all.....

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Could you describe your time at the hospital with him in the recent years?

[NYCSPITZ]

who is this seth and bags??? rawn is my dude but this is humorous to the point of tears

[Wise Wiggles]

dont bother me none

lmao

this is epic to say the very least

au revoir big guy

[Rev. Al Sharkton]

I OBJECT

WHO MADE THIS WEBSITE

(edit: website removed for privacy purposes. real names = no no)

THIS IS SLANDER

[Dr. Steve Scubaski]

he passed his introductory courses at our institute with flying watercolors. He demonstrated a fine command of the imitative arts, wove a web of lies that could support up to 200 kilograms of falsified criminal charges.


We intended his admittance to the Surgical College for the Sonically Sensitive to be a step in the right direction... having spent six years training sherpas in the Andes, five over operation Desert Storm masterminding government controlled sand storms, and two whispering motivational rap lines into the Dalai Lama's ear....

...we knew his delicate and deliberate touch could be applied to better the populace. to nimbly drown the ear drums of the information overloaded with the vague disinformation at his fingertips.

But rawn. rawnwanted to abuse his psychological power the way he abused his keyboard... with senselessly rapid and inaccurate bursts.

What we didn't know about Mr. [REDACTED] was his dark and violent past in the streets of Shanghai, fighting investors for penny stocks, dipping his pen in government sanctioned EBT ink. He grew up in the slums, mastering his diving technique in the dumpsters, acquiring surgical precision but also a murderous rage

his six-sigma black belt gave him the power to bully any potential investor with single-digit IQ, as well as the fighting prowess of a limp croissoint. this passion for personal justice was... unfortunately..

channeled into a hate for all those who could afford the tools to remove light objects from his property- the exact sort his excessively accurate paws could not apprehend


which is why all those who could not hear the subtle rustling of leaves on their property became his surgical victims... and that night, he took his revenge

[ADA Garfunkle Goldenflow]

Thank you good Doctor.

Before calling our next witness The People would like to bring forth some key evidence

Exhibit A

Documentation of rawns involvement with illegal research

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=7061&highlight=toiletries

[WILLIAMSBURG, W.]

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=7123&page=1

PLEASE NOTE THAT IN THE CASE OF The People v. Franklin Ronald Savage the III (2013) NO DECISION WAS REACHED, THE VERDICT OF INNOCENT UNTIL GUILTY MUST THEREFORE STILL STAND. WE WOULD ALSO LIKE TO DRAW ATTENTION TO A MOST WISE MEMBER OF THE COURT ONE ANIME-BONER WHOM STATED "these accounts are outta control rofl." WHAT MOCKERY WILL WE WITNESS NEXT? RAWNS THIRD GRADE TEACHER? RAWNS DUSTY TAMPON? RAWN'S HALF-EATEN CORNCOBB? THE PROSECUTION PARADES AROUND THESE CHARACTERS FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE UNKNOWN IN A MOST OUTRAGEOUS AND SALACIOUS DISPLAY OF NONSENSE. COMMIT TO STANDARDS. WE MUST NOT BE BLINDED BY RAWN HUNTS AND POPULAR OPINION. TO CONTINUE. HERE ARE THE FACTS. UNDER CURRENT BOCA RANTON CLEAR-YOUR-GROUND FROM-LEAVES LAWS IT IS PLAIN THERE IS NO CASE AND YOU MUST DROP ALL CHARGES. ALSO IN RESPONSE TO THE IMAGE OF THE LEAFBLOWER IN QUESTION WE ALSO POSE THE FOLLOWING. WHAT IF THE LEAFBLOWER WAS WHITE AND WHAT IF RAWN WAS BLACK? IF IT PLEASES THE COURT THAT IS OUR SECOND SUBMISSION.

[Judge Chester Charlesworth]

The Honorable Judge declares court adjourned

The defense may rest, as Witness 0 the Leaf Blower has refused to take the stand due to the stress of the trial.

Closing statement by The People will be given tomorrow

[Dominate]

omg @ clear your ground laws

lmaooooo

[King Karaoke]

Hi...

Not sure if this what lames do when they're bored or is this what faggots do when they're bored...

Bye...

[Coup]

this is gay

[Witty]

Hi...

Not sure if this what lames do when they're bored or is this what faggots do when they're bored...

Bye...

As opposed to that ultra cool hi/bye gimmick you insist on continuing?

The words flogging and dead horse come to mind.

[King Karaoke]

As opposed to that ultra cool hi/bye gimmick you insist on continuing?

The words flogging and dead horse come to mind.

Hi...

I figured its whole lot better than spending.the night having a play about someone online...
Cant wait to see the video mag version of this...
Please dont address me again if you cant beat me in a battle u nut hugging faggot...

Bye...

[Flow]

what the fuck is all this? While hilarious is there any truth in it?

[Witty]

Hi...

I figured its whole lot better than spending.the night having a play about someone online...
Cant wait to see the video mag version of this...
Please dont address me again if you cant beat me in a battle u nut hugging faggot...

Bye...

Hi karaoke

You suck donkey dick, your gimmick is as boring as your verses.

Bye karaoke.

[King Karaoke]

Hi...

I figured someone who writes stanzas and shit would be more creative than that...

Bye...

[Witty]

Hi...

I figured someone who writes stanzas and shit would be more creative than that...

Bye...

I save my creativity for things that matter.

[Plot]

Funniest Thread I've read in ages

[Just C]

lmao damn this shit is real too. I'd hate to live a life where I had to break into peoples garages and steal leaf blowers and other such gardening tools to feed my drug habit. I'm legit pittying this guy. get ya life together man, shits depressing the shit outta me.

[Chyeahhh!!!]

yes, this thread will indeed get me through the morning. Sorry Rawn *daps*

[Chyeahhh!!!]

Hello.

LMAO

[Chyeahhh!!!]

OMFG oh shit I didn't know about the real shit though, cotdamn this is some crazy shit. damn

just thought this was another troll thread smh

[Ghost1]

Yo.

Sometimes theres threads where the whole thread deserves a quote. This is one of those times.

Ibdont even know where to begin distributed my lolz

Bravo to every1 involved here.


Obliterated@this dirtbag trynna jack sumbody leafblower ahahahaha

How.much does a leafblower even go for on the strip?

Wow.

Also leaned hes only able to post in that detention center forum hahaha.

An al sharkton

An


So

Much

More.

[veritas]

yeah agree with my dinner^ this was fucking solid all the way. Glad i was able to help.

[CymbiCort]

bravo.

[anime_boners]

WOOOOW

super grimey @ exposing his mugshots and arrest articles.. but I can't lie, I did laugh a good few times..

[veritas]

dude is gonna be mad. I predict jimmies to be rustled by the ghost of macho man randy savage.

[anime_boners]

pretty sure he's gonna be ghosting for at least a month before we see him post again

[veritas]

Rawn is making being mad an art right now
Rawn is telephathically seducing a shark right now.

[SpookyDeep]

Avatar check...how can I help?

[Wise Wiggles]

How this dood look like that little faggot getting a story read to him in The Princess Bride one minute and then look like Sean Penn playing David Kleinfeild in Carilito's Way the next??

HaiRawn is a hellova drug!! roflz wtf...

[veritas]

lol

dead at how his crime saga failings got put into a newspaper article sheeesh


Rawn....i love you but damn.

[Greed]

HOF

[veritas]

HOF

second.

[Sharp]

UNDER CURRENT BOCA RANTON CLEAR-YOUR-GROUND FROM-LEAVES LAWS IT IS PLAIN THERE IS NO CASE AND YOU MUST DROP ALL CHARGES. ALSO IN RESPONSE TO THE IMAGE OF THE LEAFBLOWER IN QUESTION WE ALSO POSE THE FOLLOWING. WHAT IF THE LEAFBLOWER WAS WHITE AND WHAT IF RAWN WAS BLACK? IF IT PLEASES THE COURT THAT IS OUR SECOND SUBMISSION.

destroyed lmaooooo @ clear your ground

[JurorNumberSeven]

UPON TAKING A MID-SUMMER'S NIGHT STROLL WITH MY FELLOW COMPATRIOTS IN THESE FERAL FLORIDIAN STREETS, THE JURY'S STANCE RE: The People v. Franklin Ronald Savage the III HAS TAKEN A DECIDEDLY POSITIVE TURN IN FAVOR OF THE DEFENDANT. IN VIEWING THE ADMISSIBLE EVIDENCE, NEARLY HALF OF MY DERANGED PEERS DECIDED THAT WE WOULD, IN A SIMILAR POSITION, USE TUBES TO SUCK GAS OUT OF A PARKED LOW-END FORD VEHICLE TO FILL THE COMBUSTIBLE BEAUTY IN QUESTION. AS SUCH, WE UNIVERSOUL FREAK SHOW SERVANTS ARE LEANING TOWARDS ACQUITTAL. WE WILL HOPE TO REACH JUDGE CHESTER CHARLESWORTH'S CHAMBER REGARDING THIS DE FACTO FELONY. ANY UNLAWFUL DETENTION OF THE DEFENDANT IS, AS AFOREMENTIONED, A CLEAR RAPE OF HABEAS CORPUS UNDER THESE PROCEEDINGS...

[JurorNumberOne]

MMMM...I WANT TO HAZ CHEEZEBURGULAR...ORDER TO THE COURT CHARLESWORTH...CHEEBURGER....

[SiK]

Hes never coming back


LMFAO@ this

[oats]

this is probably the single most hilarious thread I've ever read. Def HOF worthy

[Fig]

.... shit .... I dont even know anymore

[trap.]

I don't know what is more funny, this thread or the actual boca raton news article. Holy shit.

[Vulgar]

Oh my jeez @ the Boca Raton article

[super pimp trillionaire]

they actually made a website. this is slanderous but its so fucking funny I dont think anyone can be mad.
the mugshots... damn yall stupid...
wow

just wow...

[Sharp]

:fire emoji:

[uh-oh]

the civic got me lmao

[JurorNumberSeven]

The defendant has been cleared of all charges former to those aforementioned in these official proceedings. A new trial has begun and we the jury now are deliberating re. people of the innocent republic of haiti vs rawn mcd in the crimes of economic sabotage via mass molestation of cane sugar plants, rampant voo doo magic and the necrophilia of zombies. Updates are forthcoming from our honorable circuit judge.

[Objective]

Hi, I am a witness to the recent events surrounding Rawn and would like to speak for his case, and will answer any questions you may have! I am happy to inform that his behavior towards lawn mowers have significantly improved and feel he should be excused for past behavior until something new comes along.

[Geno]

Illegal hairline killing me. These were the days man

[Eŋg]

Hi, I am a witness to the recent events surrounding Rawn and would like to speak for his case, and will answer any questions you may have! I am happy to inform that his behavior towards lawn mowers have significantly improved and feel he should be excused for past behavior until something new comes along.

you're ruining it.

[Objective]

you're ruining it.

I didn't intend on saving it. Fite me.