prism full of bitches

[YDK]

These women are like prisms,
Prisoners in their own sense.
Unknowing of their inner beauty
Until a light shines through their innocence.
Exhibiting brilliance upon all who see their true colors; bold,
Yet pondering that the light is what creates the beauty they hold.
Its a beauty of old,
From the time of Eve she was naked and pure,
Time passed, sins committed, till she was forsaken and blurred.
Smeared through history but the mystery remains,
Why did she believe a lie and have to live with the blame?
Why was she given the shame?
An innocent bystander to the lies of a bastard who was easily named!
The genetic make up of a woman;
You gotta wear make up to be a woman; misled.
But the urge to be accepted leaves em sparkly and colored instead.
Is the powders and brushes there to cover the touches of God?
Is an imperfection really imperfect?
or has history formed a figure you must follow to not be labeled as "odd"?
Is it our fault women are faulty in the aspect of projecting an image?
Or did we see something so perfect we ruined it,
Forcing too much light through a prism.

[Certain]

The flow doesn't really work as rap. Some lines are much longer than others, and there wasn't much complexity in the rhyme scheme.

Some of the wording was strong. I particularly liked the bit about makeup.

The content itself was a bit rehashed. The Eve section didn't make complete sense to me. She did blame the devil, according to the story, but that was kind of the reason for the punishment.

[YDK]

Thanks man, the Eve part was saying more why create something innocent then punish her when she's too innocent to believe one of 3 things that speak to her. This was a form of free verse tho so it wasn't intended to read like a rap lol hope that clears it up man

[YDK]

Bump

[Wise Wiggles]

Stop upping your shit without feeding people you poetry writing jizz stain

Edit: STFU NIGGERKUHN

[Darth Yoda]

Lol. This is good. It wasn't a rap indeed, nor do I come into any writing on here thinking it is................................................ .................................................. ........................................


... that being said, I liked it. Some parts I felt the wording was off a tad. A tad. Of course none of our writing or wording is off indefinitely, but a tad, yes it may be on all instances for everybody. !!!!!


I liked the concept.

[YDK]

thanks darth, and Whys Ways i've fed 2 or 3 other drops since posting this, just havent posted links dim wit

[Exis]

These women are like prisms,
Prisoners in their own sense.
Unknowing of their inner beauty
Until a light shines through their innocence.

^^Nice.

The genetic make up of a woman;
You gotta wear make up to be a woman;

^^Chea.

Enjoyable piece...to echo what Darth said I liked the concept also, thought your word choices were pretty good...as a whole it's solid no doubt.

Stay up man.

[Split]

Ill get this tnight

[PancakeBrah]

"The genetic make up of a woman;
You gotta wear make up to be a woman; misled.
But the urge to be accepted leaves em sparkly and colored instead.
Is the powders and brushes there to cover the touches of God?
Is an imperfection really imperfect?"

Best section of the piece.

Are you religious? I'm not. But the use of Eve as the entire premise for the piece (and it is) still works despite religious affiliation. We all know the story, the validity is inconsequential. Many of the thoughts and ideas in this piece are not original, almost entirely because it takes a true stroke of genius to write on this subject, with this take, and not be rehashing points that have been made long ago thousands and thousands of times. So all I can do here is operate my critique in terms of how well you re-stated the cliche. There are instances in this piece where the wording made a dull thought shine again, such as the above quote. Others, it was more of what I've heard before. Although I disagree with putting the pussy on a pedestal and think you're a white knight right now, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy reading this. Obviously poetry, I think some wording and ideas were to bluntly put for the format. I prefer my poetry a little softer around the edges and drunk. But there were more highlights than lows. There's no in depth critique in terms of subject I can offer because most of this was straightforward, and any metaphors were just surface. I'd enjoy a little more depth next time, but again, this was enjoyable.

Look forward to more.