God Of War
07-19-2013, 11:11 PM
Ok so I am presenting you the mag of mags, naw we are giving you a nice first week mag and they will get more indepth and doper as we go along, I hope every one enjoys the tourney and has fun. We did it this way because the same thing every week can be boring and not really show who the best is. now we shall see who the king of text on NC really is. goodluck everyone and thanks for showing up
NOW LETS LOOK AT OUR WRITERS
Mets
Joeseph Davis Mets. co founder of Dohpe with Johnathen Michael Hensley. He is crazy fresh in rgeular battles and ruthless in pic battles. I have never seen him in Swaggage in Flowage or in topicals or even in other gimmick matches so we'll see how he is in those if he makes it that far.
25/1
2.pancake brah
A topical top tier and and a mid tier regular battle. Probably top tier S&F as well but I haven't read more than a few. Pancake is always under estimated and it is a major advantage for him.
50/1
3.genocide
Great at topicals and that is his main steez. He is a mid tier battler and i've never seen him in a pic match or S&F match. We'll see.
60/1
4.ill nik a
One of the best overall writers on the website. He's gone undefeated in the topical league and he's a 2 time NBL champion which not a lot of people can say. He is one of the few favorites in this tournament so people better watch out.
10/1
5.rayge
Good writer. Mid tier in battles. Never seen him swag it out and ive never seen him pic it out and ive never seen him topical so i cant really give a full judgement. Def an underdog in the tournment.
75/1
6.veritas
He was a runner up in a storytelling tournament to Bags back in the summer of 2011. He can defnitely write. He isn't a great battler from what I've seen but I'm sure he could swag and flow like a champ.
65/1
7.cashius
Great writer, Great at swag and flow and a great writer in general. Never seen homie pic battle so I dont know if that would be a disadvantage if it came to that. He's definiely one of the favorites however.
12/1
8.storyteller
He's supposed be good at topicals but ive never read a topical from homie. He's lower tier in battling and swag and flow and pic battling. He is definitely and undergod here.
250/1
9.rawn macdon
Great writer, good swagger and flower and a low mid tier battler. Never seen him pic battle so im not sure on that. Another underdog.
125/1
10.bags
The favorite in the tournament. Most recent hall of famer and the only NCG to champion every league on the site. He is the favorite to win this tournament. No other words needed.
5/1
11.utmost
Mid tier at everything I've seen from him. He can win a few battles but is not a huge threat. Have only seen him battle.
80/1
12.split
Great at topicals and good at swags and flows. low mid tier battler and ive never scene him do pics. Possibly good at gimmicks imo judging from him as a writer. till an underdog.
115/1
13.mike wrecka
Good writer. Never seen him battle but he is ok at 1-2 punch. Not a lot else i can say.
125/1
14. innovator
Good writer. really same as above but i havent seen him 1-2
140/1
15.nycspitz
Really, same as above. once again good writer.
140/1
16.sik
Good writer overall. Good at swag and flow, never seen him pic, mid tier battler never seen him topical. Good chance at some upsets
80/1
17.pryde
high-low tier at battles. never seen him do anything else. underdog
250/1
18.tyson
ok at topicals. never seen him do anything else
225/1
19.knucklehead
low to mid-top tier battler depending. good at pics. aint seen him topical. not a favorite, but not an underdog
20/1
20.objective
read innovators
140/1
21.loast
mid tier battler never een him do anything else
100/1
22.xnub
low tier battler never seen him do anything else
300/1
23.atomic
high-low tier battler, sneaks up to low-mid sometimes. never seen him topical. ok at pics, haveent seen him swag
125/1
24.flo real
low tier battler, have seen some om stuff hes alright. never seen him topical, low tier at pics, never seen him swag
250/1
25.strikta
con strikta tha home slice. Sneaks up to low-top tier battler when hes on. otherwise he is usually at high-mid. consistently. good at pics, never seen him topical. never seen him swag but knowing strik i bet hes good at it. not a fav but not really an underdog
25/1
26.lecture
high-low tier battler, sneaks up to low-mid sometimes. never seen him do anything else
140/1
27.nigma
never read anything from him as i recall. topical head tho i believe.
200/1
28.cymbi
new guy, kind of long barish approach. needs time.
400/1
29.hush
high-top tier battler, same with pics, same with swag, never seen him topical. could be his downfall. one of the 4 favortites
14/1
30.rican
bad at everything. he wont show anyway.
1000000000000000000000000000000000/1
31.otpeks
as i remember skepto was middle of the road at everything.
75/1
32.theend
who
700/1
AND NOW A QUICK WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
Good morning, This is VERITAS, and I will be saying a few things for this magazine to make it not suck:
HOW TO NOT FAIL
I have noticed that many new personas and even some veterans consistently fail terribly hard. To the point that reading their posts and their back and forth’s with others is akin to using your peephole to light matches. This wackness must stop. I am amazed at how many people fail so hard, so Dad will help…if you listen.
RULE #1: It is the internet. What this means is that do not take it so serious. If I tell you that you are indeed a homosexual and that I plan to make buttsex to your housecat and sister, you do not even need to dignify that with a response….but if you do, we shall continue….get it?.
RULE #2 See the end from the beginning. I am amazed at how shortsighted people are. You should never just be typing. There should always be a reason for your words…always.
RULE #3 Be Original. You lames kill me. You all dickryde. You all sheep vote. You all write the same (with rare exceptions, you know who you are) Here is how a battle line goes: “All right sir, peep out an awkwardly worded set up bar about smashing chicks/ and now a punch that is so hard it is like my fists are bricks” STOP THAT SHIT. STOP USING STUPID SET UPS AND GAY ASS WORDING. PUNCH NONSTOP. ELEVATE THE GAME.
RULE #4 Be a humble noob: Do not come on here banking on past achievments, no one gives a fuck. Do not come on here trying to challenge the best, no one gives a fuck. Do not come on here tryna be the trollz master, you aint….take your lumps. Be original. Feed some open mics and vote.
RULE #5 The 3 thread rule: you need a break. Do not make more than 3 threads a day…if your first two threads get zero replies do not make a third. Put the keys down. Try again tomorrow.
RULE #6 THE ALIAS SECRET: The best aliases are gimmicks, think of something clever, and choose a good avy, and stay in character…and you in there. Remember: Alias do not vote for their host. That is faggotry.
RULE #7 Do not fuck with VERITAS: It will not end well for you.
A HELPFUL HINT ON TROLLING
Please remember: attention whoring is NOT trolling. If you say you are trolling you are not trolling, unless you are, and you will truly be trolling when people think and say you are trolling when you are not…because then you actually are. Decipher the meaning of these words and don’t be the waste of words you currently are.
HOW TO RETORT
It is inevitable that someone will call you a name. do not reply with just one word (faggot). Hit them where they live, go for the soul punch. Make combos. Watch:
If someone calls me a name (let us pretend it is ORC)
Instead of saying “shutup faggot” I will hit him with at least a five hit combo. Observe
Bitch (1) why you talking when you a biting (2) mort from Madagascar eye’s having (3) bird necked (4) frail chested (5), low self esteem having (6), mommy issue having (7), worthless scum of a metro (8) struggling against the closet doors (9).
See the difference? Be creative kids.
PEOPLE I DO NOT LIKE
Hush: He is a coward. He is a liar. He has a lisp. He is a virgin. He lives with mother, and tries to convince people that he is not the seed of a banana farmer.
Anthony: This dude is my personal cum dumpster. I have fucked his soul so many times I grow tired of it. I have invested many hours in trying to get him to elevate, but he continues to remain at the lowly “bully” level for cheap rolfz and followers. Accept my painting Anthony. Also I will say that you are doing better on stringing combos.
Nik: This fucking unoriginal tub of bacon grease sloppy melting faced raccoon haired dipshit irks my nerves. This dude is terrible with words. Here is a nik bar:
“Yo I smash hoes and I mack dimes and I snort yeah and I barbecue like a boss and my face is funny
So don’t mess with me unless you wanna see how bad I can beat you dummy.”
Fuck you. I am coming to your home state, but you will duck because you are a character.
Joe metts: This dude takes pleasure in starting a new crew everymonth. Gtfo. This dude looks like a treesloth in the face. Joe metts is like the bowel movement that this site needs to have and just can’t push it through the pipes. He also is on welfare and is a drain to society.
Strikta: You give males, white people, and humans a bad name. You are low class scum. And what is worse your character thrives off of this. I don’t care about your life, you are a bottom feeding sub human, and I feel sorry for your child unless GOD himself works a miracle in your life and you get saved.
LARS: this dude is terribly overrated. He literally says nothing funny, and if you watched his tag battle with Pamflit, it was painfully obvious that baron mynd loves the cock.
I could go on…but it is worthless. You will not change.
NOW LETS LOOK AT OUR WRITERS
Mets
Joeseph Davis Mets. co founder of Dohpe with Johnathen Michael Hensley. He is crazy fresh in rgeular battles and ruthless in pic battles. I have never seen him in Swaggage in Flowage or in topicals or even in other gimmick matches so we'll see how he is in those if he makes it that far.
25/1
2.pancake brah
A topical top tier and and a mid tier regular battle. Probably top tier S&F as well but I haven't read more than a few. Pancake is always under estimated and it is a major advantage for him.
50/1
3.genocide
Great at topicals and that is his main steez. He is a mid tier battler and i've never seen him in a pic match or S&F match. We'll see.
60/1
4.ill nik a
One of the best overall writers on the website. He's gone undefeated in the topical league and he's a 2 time NBL champion which not a lot of people can say. He is one of the few favorites in this tournament so people better watch out.
10/1
5.rayge
Good writer. Mid tier in battles. Never seen him swag it out and ive never seen him pic it out and ive never seen him topical so i cant really give a full judgement. Def an underdog in the tournment.
75/1
6.veritas
He was a runner up in a storytelling tournament to Bags back in the summer of 2011. He can defnitely write. He isn't a great battler from what I've seen but I'm sure he could swag and flow like a champ.
65/1
7.cashius
Great writer, Great at swag and flow and a great writer in general. Never seen homie pic battle so I dont know if that would be a disadvantage if it came to that. He's definiely one of the favorites however.
12/1
8.storyteller
He's supposed be good at topicals but ive never read a topical from homie. He's lower tier in battling and swag and flow and pic battling. He is definitely and undergod here.
250/1
9.rawn macdon
Great writer, good swagger and flower and a low mid tier battler. Never seen him pic battle so im not sure on that. Another underdog.
125/1
10.bags
The favorite in the tournament. Most recent hall of famer and the only NCG to champion every league on the site. He is the favorite to win this tournament. No other words needed.
5/1
11.utmost
Mid tier at everything I've seen from him. He can win a few battles but is not a huge threat. Have only seen him battle.
80/1
12.split
Great at topicals and good at swags and flows. low mid tier battler and ive never scene him do pics. Possibly good at gimmicks imo judging from him as a writer. till an underdog.
115/1
13.mike wrecka
Good writer. Never seen him battle but he is ok at 1-2 punch. Not a lot else i can say.
125/1
14. innovator
Good writer. really same as above but i havent seen him 1-2
140/1
15.nycspitz
Really, same as above. once again good writer.
140/1
16.sik
Good writer overall. Good at swag and flow, never seen him pic, mid tier battler never seen him topical. Good chance at some upsets
80/1
17.pryde
high-low tier at battles. never seen him do anything else. underdog
250/1
18.tyson
ok at topicals. never seen him do anything else
225/1
19.knucklehead
low to mid-top tier battler depending. good at pics. aint seen him topical. not a favorite, but not an underdog
20/1
20.objective
read innovators
140/1
21.loast
mid tier battler never een him do anything else
100/1
22.xnub
low tier battler never seen him do anything else
300/1
23.atomic
high-low tier battler, sneaks up to low-mid sometimes. never seen him topical. ok at pics, haveent seen him swag
125/1
24.flo real
low tier battler, have seen some om stuff hes alright. never seen him topical, low tier at pics, never seen him swag
250/1
25.strikta
con strikta tha home slice. Sneaks up to low-top tier battler when hes on. otherwise he is usually at high-mid. consistently. good at pics, never seen him topical. never seen him swag but knowing strik i bet hes good at it. not a fav but not really an underdog
25/1
26.lecture
high-low tier battler, sneaks up to low-mid sometimes. never seen him do anything else
140/1
27.nigma
never read anything from him as i recall. topical head tho i believe.
200/1
28.cymbi
new guy, kind of long barish approach. needs time.
400/1
29.hush
high-top tier battler, same with pics, same with swag, never seen him topical. could be his downfall. one of the 4 favortites
14/1
30.rican
bad at everything. he wont show anyway.
1000000000000000000000000000000000/1
31.otpeks
as i remember skepto was middle of the road at everything.
75/1
32.theend
who
700/1
AND NOW A QUICK WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
Good morning, This is VERITAS, and I will be saying a few things for this magazine to make it not suck:
HOW TO NOT FAIL
I have noticed that many new personas and even some veterans consistently fail terribly hard. To the point that reading their posts and their back and forth’s with others is akin to using your peephole to light matches. This wackness must stop. I am amazed at how many people fail so hard, so Dad will help…if you listen.
RULE #1: It is the internet. What this means is that do not take it so serious. If I tell you that you are indeed a homosexual and that I plan to make buttsex to your housecat and sister, you do not even need to dignify that with a response….but if you do, we shall continue….get it?.
RULE #2 See the end from the beginning. I am amazed at how shortsighted people are. You should never just be typing. There should always be a reason for your words…always.
RULE #3 Be Original. You lames kill me. You all dickryde. You all sheep vote. You all write the same (with rare exceptions, you know who you are) Here is how a battle line goes: “All right sir, peep out an awkwardly worded set up bar about smashing chicks/ and now a punch that is so hard it is like my fists are bricks” STOP THAT SHIT. STOP USING STUPID SET UPS AND GAY ASS WORDING. PUNCH NONSTOP. ELEVATE THE GAME.
RULE #4 Be a humble noob: Do not come on here banking on past achievments, no one gives a fuck. Do not come on here trying to challenge the best, no one gives a fuck. Do not come on here tryna be the trollz master, you aint….take your lumps. Be original. Feed some open mics and vote.
RULE #5 The 3 thread rule: you need a break. Do not make more than 3 threads a day…if your first two threads get zero replies do not make a third. Put the keys down. Try again tomorrow.
RULE #6 THE ALIAS SECRET: The best aliases are gimmicks, think of something clever, and choose a good avy, and stay in character…and you in there. Remember: Alias do not vote for their host. That is faggotry.
RULE #7 Do not fuck with VERITAS: It will not end well for you.
A HELPFUL HINT ON TROLLING
Please remember: attention whoring is NOT trolling. If you say you are trolling you are not trolling, unless you are, and you will truly be trolling when people think and say you are trolling when you are not…because then you actually are. Decipher the meaning of these words and don’t be the waste of words you currently are.
HOW TO RETORT
It is inevitable that someone will call you a name. do not reply with just one word (faggot). Hit them where they live, go for the soul punch. Make combos. Watch:
If someone calls me a name (let us pretend it is ORC)
Instead of saying “shutup faggot” I will hit him with at least a five hit combo. Observe
Bitch (1) why you talking when you a biting (2) mort from Madagascar eye’s having (3) bird necked (4) frail chested (5), low self esteem having (6), mommy issue having (7), worthless scum of a metro (8) struggling against the closet doors (9).
See the difference? Be creative kids.
PEOPLE I DO NOT LIKE
Hush: He is a coward. He is a liar. He has a lisp. He is a virgin. He lives with mother, and tries to convince people that he is not the seed of a banana farmer.
Anthony: This dude is my personal cum dumpster. I have fucked his soul so many times I grow tired of it. I have invested many hours in trying to get him to elevate, but he continues to remain at the lowly “bully” level for cheap rolfz and followers. Accept my painting Anthony. Also I will say that you are doing better on stringing combos.
Nik: This fucking unoriginal tub of bacon grease sloppy melting faced raccoon haired dipshit irks my nerves. This dude is terrible with words. Here is a nik bar:
“Yo I smash hoes and I mack dimes and I snort yeah and I barbecue like a boss and my face is funny
So don’t mess with me unless you wanna see how bad I can beat you dummy.”
Fuck you. I am coming to your home state, but you will duck because you are a character.
Joe metts: This dude takes pleasure in starting a new crew everymonth. Gtfo. This dude looks like a treesloth in the face. Joe metts is like the bowel movement that this site needs to have and just can’t push it through the pipes. He also is on welfare and is a drain to society.
Strikta: You give males, white people, and humans a bad name. You are low class scum. And what is worse your character thrives off of this. I don’t care about your life, you are a bottom feeding sub human, and I feel sorry for your child unless GOD himself works a miracle in your life and you get saved.
LARS: this dude is terribly overrated. He literally says nothing funny, and if you watched his tag battle with Pamflit, it was painfully obvious that baron mynd loves the cock.
I could go on…but it is worthless. You will not change.