Round 1: 3. Split vs. 14. MMLP \\ Split wins 5-0

[Certain]

Welcome to Round 1!

The Basics

Check-ins are required by Monday, Aug. 25 at 11:59 p.m. PT. If you don't check in, you will be replaced.

Verses are due Thursday, Aug. 28 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday, Aug. 31 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Four votes are required from each competitor. For each missing vote, one vote will be deducted. Post proof of voting here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=90247).

Verses may not exceed 10 lines. If the length of a writer's lines is called into question, the standard will be 15 words per line, and verses of more than 150 words will be disqualified or required to be shortened.

Standard writing and voting rules are in effect. No biting. No recycling. Votes must be explained. No editing verses after the first vote or the verses deadline. Any other issues will be resolved using Art of Writing League Season 3 rules as the basis.


Topic


Drive Slow


Good luck, Split and MMLP.

[MMLP]

still growing up, so drive slow stupid
were only young and life goes too quick
make the most and find hope to live
revive your instincts and lay some goals
life on the binge can take its toll
over sized in shape, always changing clothes
a bloated height to weight ratio, gotta hide away, take things slow
decide on what matters and rise to the challenge,
stride and battle on, so stop and think
Cuz lifes a marathon and not a sprint

[Split]

I'm neutral- her first. She said she'd like to do stick.
Taught her to climb and then fall as you slide through the shifts.
As streetlights creep by, I can't see why each night
it seems like we fight. Maybe we don't quite mesh.
In my own passenger seat, I'm as silent as death is.
Maybe I'm picky. Or slightly irreverent. Reach for the radio knobs-
we grind into second. Reassurance is cheap- I gave her a nod.
Listen to the gnash of the cogs on the synchros instead.
She steers right down a byroad I'd honestly skip... she drives slow,
clockwork- the odometer ticks. I stop her, and drive home.

[trap]

Split is a car geek and you gave him the topic drive slow?

Like MMLP didn't have a bigger barrier to jump over.

MMLP, simple and direct verse. Some of the verbiage needs to be redone. To be honest, this read like a keystyle or rough draft. I enjoyed the message.

Split, chock full of metas and entandres, which I enjoy. Well written and still succinct.

Vote, Split.

PS: Split, there was no spunky girl in my verse, even if it was alluded that way. Thanks for reading it and voting though...both of you.

[Bodey]

MMLP- verse was pretty basic. Didn't really have a lot of substance to it, it honestly sounded like a bunch of advice without a plot behind it. Try and make it more personal next time. Like instead of saying "life on the binge can take its toll", SHOW how life on the binge takes its toll. I know it's hard with only 10 lines but you coulda made up a character who lived on the binge and who didn't drive slow, and it woulda announced itself more than your verse

Split- your verse tells a story with many metaphorical references to the car and I liked how you referred to it as your girl, like most men do with their big toys. This is what I woulda looked for in a verse, something with edge to it.

V- split

[timeless]

mmlp came with as little effort as possible it seems. can appreciate splits approach but it was underwhelming lyrically. read too much like a poem for me to get down with it.

v. split for effort

[PancakeBrah]

What a clash. Two titans tangling horns, ready for blood spill. Lol jk good battle guys.

Mmlp; this was perfunctory. Nothing really here. The over sized in shape line didn't have any bearing on your concept? Drive slow as a metaphor for slowing down your life could've worked but this was full of platitudes, plain wording, and simplistic rhymes. Not bad, per se, but just there.

Split; good verse. This was about as strong a 10 line verse I can think of and honestly helped me in picturing mine. This said a lot in a short space without being dense. The rhyming was fluid like always. Very well worded. If you keep this level of quality up you'll be a real threat this tournament.

v/ split

[Certain]

MMLP: I liked this verse. The rhyming was layered, though the first rhyme was a bit awkward. ("Drive slow stupid"/"life goes too quick" definitely works, but it requires hard annunciation on each syllable.) But the message was clear, and there were a couple good turns of phrase, with the middle four lines being particularly good. The ending felt a little schlocky and trite, though, and the approach to the topic was to take the most obvious metaphor possible and dive right into it.

Split: I hadn't thought of your gearheadedness when providing this topic. I liked your verse quite a bit. My vision was a bit of a triple metaphor, with one layer being the father teaching the daughter to drive, one layer being the car driving itself of sorts and the last being sex, with the man giving the woman full control. That depth and crisp wording was really exceptional. Your flow continues to be your very own flow, and it worked well here.

Vote: Split