Round 1: 15. Blanco Bishop vs. 2. Darth Yoda \\ Darth Yoda wins 5-0

[Certain]

Welcome to Round 1!

The Basics

Check-ins are required by Monday, Aug. 25 at 11:59 p.m. PT. If you don't check in, you will be replaced.

Verses are due Thursday, Aug. 28 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday, Aug. 31 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Four votes are required from each competitor. For each missing vote, one vote will be deducted. Post proof of voting here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=90247).

Verses may not exceed 10 lines. If the length of a writer's lines is called into question, the standard will be 15 words per line, and verses of more than 150 words will be disqualified or required to be shortened.

Standard writing and voting rules are in effect. No biting. No recycling. Votes must be explained. No editing verses after the first vote or the verses deadline. Any other issues will be resolved using Art of Writing League Season 3 rules as the basis.


Topic


See You in My Nightmares


Good luck, Darth Yoda and Blanco Bishop.

[Darth Yoda]

fantasy torch, glare. at the gallantly posed, valiant source.
..where
Valium morphs into a phantasm. alcohol fusing alchemy scores
beyond my wildest dreams, a patriarch with cigars pressed right to his cheek
tobacco scars; silently scream, foreshadowing dark climate esteem
claw your way into this american dream, bombs bursting in air
calm currents, despair. til' i can barely breathe, paraffin streams
the skeleton sleeps in my closet, with a bone to pick with god
sticks & stones may whiff my flaws, but nightmares will have you nicked apart
entered the magical sanctum. the percocet pirate piercing; pursued
fell asleep at the national anthem -- had nighterror about dreaming of you

[Certain]

The street is cold n frigid. I'm thinking, yo..what is this?
Lookin at my feet, shoes torn n worn. (?) But I bought these last week.
Did i get robbed? What time is it? Wait..where's my watch?
I must have blacked out. Lemme call..uhh....it's prolly back at the house.

Yet this feeling in the pit of my stomach keeps tugging at my brain.
I slithered towards a window pane and was appalled at my frame.
My clothes were dirty, ragged, dingy, stained and ripped
my face looked old, hairy, dilapidated; basically, i looked like shit.
Wtf man?! No...couldn't be...but there i was..broke..old and poor. It was quite clear
A bum. Just then my eyes opened..heart thumping and in cold sweat.
Thank God. A nightmare.

[Pinot Grij]

Darth Yoda - totally outdid Blanco on this one - it's clearly on another level, imo. The writing was at a much higher quality... my only drawback is that it's so highfalutin that at the end I was like "What did I just read?" - I generally prefer things to be more grounded but this was clearly a technical clinic. Blanco, your topic was just too basic to really get off the ground and impress me.

Vote for Darth Yoda

[CopyPat]

darth with a sick flowing verse loaded with vocab and crazy scary imagery, and a nice finishing line.

Blanco with a more down to earth literal interpretation of night mare with some really good imagery as well. your verse was too obvious. right after the first line you could tell what u were gonna do..with waking up at the end.. SOOOO cliche man. u really didn't expand on the topic enough. darth outwrote u plain and simple

V:darth

[jilti]

Blanc..
decent verse rhyme wise but conceptually speaking, it fell short. Should of put ur own twist to the topic and made something totally different from the norm or what was expected with nightmare as a topic.

Darth Yoda..
Flawless, killed the topic. Flow off the charts. The opener and nicked apart line were crazzzzyy

Vote - Darth Yoda

[UnbornBuddha]

This was a good read from both parts.
I was fond of Blanc's direction, and I felt he illustrated it very well. I for one don't think he took the cliche path interpreting the topic, although it might seem a bit more predictable. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it.
Still, Darth Yoda verse was definitely written with more vitality. Everything about it was admirable. The language was eloquent, and the rhyming was superb. Although I for one liked Blanc's topic directionality I still have to give it to Darth Yoda due to superior craftsmanship, in this case.

Vote: Darth Yoda

Thank you both.

[Certain]

Blanco Bishop: You normally rhyme much better than this. Better mechanics are key in a short-verse tournament like this because you don't have enough space to overcome a lack of mechanical prowess with content. You tried to tell a story here, but the length came back to bite you because you weren't able to develop your character enough for us to connect. We know that aging and poverty are his biggest fears, but we don't know much about why those things affect him so deeply. The writing was basic but had a few nice turns, such as "slithered" as your verb and the natural voice of the first stanza. Develop those further by intertwining more complex rhymes and schemes, then flesh out your stories. At that point, you could be a match for more skilled opponents.

Darth Yoda: The opening line threw me off a bit. The incomplete thoughts gave me little direction. But the second full line (the third line) grounded the verse in an image. The words were interesting and the train of thought grabbed me, but it mostly was the sound of the words that interested me here. I think you could stand to polish this up a little bit when you face tougher opposition, in that this did read like something you wrote rather quickly and some of the strings could be tightened to focus more. But it was one of the better verses of the round and clearly enough to win this battle.

Vote: Darth Yoda