Round 1: 8. YDK vs. 9. Mike Wrecka \\ Mike Wrecka wins 5-0

[Certain]

Welcome to Round 1!

The Basics

Check-ins are required by Monday, Aug. 25 at 11:59 p.m. PT. If you don't check in, you will be replaced.

Verses are due Thursday, Aug. 28 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday, Aug. 31 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Four votes are required from each competitor. For each missing vote, one vote will be deducted. Post proof of voting here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=90247).

Verses may not exceed 10 lines. If the length of a writer's lines is called into question, the standard will be 15 words per line, and verses of more than 150 words will be disqualified or required to be shortened.

Standard writing and voting rules are in effect. No biting. No recycling. Votes must be explained. No editing verses after the first vote or the verses deadline. Any other issues will be resolved using Art of Writing League Season 3 rules as the basis.


Topic


Everything I Am


Good luck, YDK and Mike Wrecka.

[YDK]

Emotions more scattered than the stars in the skies,
Like lasik surgery I see the scars in your eyes
Its hard not to cry when your bothered; deny!
Neglecting reality while fathering lies.
A bar set too high; standards are never achieved
What is love? Love is beauty that only few can percieve.
A simple phrase muttered to everyone in abundance,
Losing the value in "I love you" till the feelings redundant.
My very soul has become devoted to radiating my view,
Everything I am as your husband is proof that I do...love you

[Mike Wrecka]

everything that I am, amounts to absolutely nothing,
so I react by not confronting, that from which I am running,
away from, I say some, anecdotal information,
that backs up my desire to be totally complacent,
im broken and abrasive, hopelessly impatient,
my home life is a mess, when its supposed to be an oasis,
my homeostasis in my chromosomes are basic,
so I don't wish to participate. in all of these races,
but non participants like me, find themselves barely alive,
reduced to mere spectators, watching life pass by

[Split]

YDK. Better writing than usual, especially the wording. I think that the wording in this verse is actually more powerful than the content. You poetically phrased a lot of truisms. Your verse felt ironically redundant, you just need to step out of your comfort zone, take an unpopular view and prove it right, or say something no one's thought of.

"it's hard not to cry when you're bothered"
....lol?

"love is a beauty that few can perceive"
seems overly dramatic

"A simple phrase muttered to everyone in abundance,
Losing the value in "I love you" till the feelings redundant."
a social meme-dia sentiment.

"A bar set too high, standards are never achieved"
lol yeah

Not to mention that, literally, your whole buildup in the verse contradicts the very topic itself via your (sorry) lame conclusion. Like, "my emotions are scattered like the stars in the sky" and "people toss around 'I love you' without justification" and "when you're sad you get sad" suddenly randomly becomes "I love you more than anything"

like your verse accidentally became a parody of itself.


Mike. I read your verse. It won.


Had Mike Wrecka winning, YDK's verse was comically bad. I dont think YDK is a bad writer in general and hes a nice guy, his writing tends towards simplicity. But without the cushion of 45 lines of plot development YDK takes simplicity down to a 4th grade reading level. I don't have enough bad things to say about this verse

half expected a youtube video of him at the end, running out in a groucho marx mask and slipping on a banana peel but the banana peel doesnt slip because its shot in his home office and the berber is basically glorified velcro and he ends up just lying down gently on an old banana and then he stands up and rips off the mask and says "baby i love you so much this was for you all of it" and then we get the 30 second iTunes sample of that Sarah McLaughlin song from the sad whipped dog commercial with the 2008 vintage blue screen with white curly text and it scrolls across and reads "I love you babe Ill be you'res for always"

V/ Mike Wrecka.

[Certain]

Mike Wrecka leads 1-0.

[Blanco Bishop]

I like yz ode to his wife.

But i feel Mike was really real in his approach. Felt fluid and honest.


V Mike

[UnbornBuddha]

This topic could have been extrapolated into various formats. YDK went with what was pertinent to his life, in an immediate reality kind of way. Mike Wrecka almost seemed to question the validity in his life, a mere observer depicted meek at the feet of life's grandiosity.
YDK verse explored love's interrelationship with his own essence. Although there is a sketching of the thematic factor, nevertheless it lacked the sophistication of it unraveling. He obviously explored it, but did not give the impression of its embodiment. The theme is basically of embodiment, one's image of what one represents which can be interpreted from a universal perspective to a more individualistic perspective. Both chose the latter, although Mike Wrecka delved deeper into the navigation of one's life worth.
Thus, exploring the experiences that life presents, but in a defeatist fashion due to the inherent wounds and obstacles it has given him.

In terms of commonalities the rhyming was nothing too spectacular either.

Anyways, my vote for Mike Wrecka.

Thank you both.

[Darth Yoda]

YDK's verse was comically bad. I dont think YDK is a bad writer in general and hes a nice guy, his writing tends towards simplicity. But without the cushion of 45 lines of plot development YDK takes simplicity down to a 4th grade reading level. I don't have enough bad things to say about this verse

i think you need to lighten up on the guy. i read a few of his pieces and this seemed to be more helpful towards his style. anyway, to each his own. the problem I think was the hidden factor you had that only revealed in your ending line. everything else built it up, and that was neat but the ending made it seem, commonplace, and just OKAY. mike took a similar approach? but had better diction, it seemed. the homeostasis line separated you, but then you hurdled back with the following line...the ending generality of the topic, leaned towards mike. great read mike and ydk.

[NYCSPITZ]

Cool battle. Liked yaks but parts of it read self congratulatory to me. Mostly everyone knows love as a child knows love. Mw was cool. Deter wording and more depth. Enjoyed his more this time. V mike