Round 1: R. CopyPat vs. 7. Diode \\ Diode wins 9-1

[Certain]

Welcome to Round 1!

The Basics

Check-ins are required by Monday, Aug. 25 at 11:59 p.m. PT. If you don't check in, you will be replaced.

Verses are due Thursday, Aug. 28 at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS

Votes are due Sunday, Aug. 31 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Four votes are required from each competitor. For each missing vote, one vote will be deducted. Post proof of voting here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=90247).

Verses may not exceed 10 lines. If the length of a writer's lines is called into question, the standard will be 15 words per line, and verses of more than 150 words will be disqualified or required to be shortened.

Standard writing and voting rules are in effect. No biting. No recycling. Votes must be explained. No editing verses after the first vote or the verses deadline. Any other issues will be resolved using Art of Writing League Season 3 rules as the basis.


Topic


All Falls Down


Good luck, Diode and King Ra.

[CopyPat]

She is a late bloomer see, all she wanted was tit-ties
She didn't make puberty until she was fifteen
Till then she would get teased, as part of a joke
Thin as a stick be, but then she started to grow
And then she hardly was home, she was out with the boys
She was a Barbie cause yo, she looked like the toy
She took life with poise, and kept in great shape
She was a good wife, avoided stress and maintained
And then the days came when she was proud to school her kids
But in that age range she looks down: to droopy tits…

All Falls Down

[Diode]

fourth and ten, down and spent
unstoppable obstacles wreak havoc on our ends
torrid turf trenches traverse through both sides of our benches
relentless piles push forward, penetrating, uprising crests
bodies backed by brute force collide courageously with ill effects
injuries vividly paint sollilloquies of dreams now laid to rest
scrambling is gambling and in this instance it's instant in its dismantling
grimace and frown, swim move intrudes the helmet's crown
the lb passes, qb gasps and gasses, ahead no help is found
he'll have to force the football, after all..

they all fall down.

[UnbornBuddha]

Copycat's verse although it might bring chuckles due to his graviotional force interpretation, and its impact on the feminine corporeality/ physique it lacked the entertaining technical jest that Diode's had. Copycat's flowed well as I found it, and in comparing the renditions I was at first leaning toward Copycat's. But, as I reread I found Diode methodical wording more appealing, and soon the verse began to be more enticing, though a bit off putting due to the sportsmanship acronyms that hindered the second last line.
Anyways, I vote for Diode.

[Darth Yoda]

ha ha! quite alright. seems you gentlemen enjoyed this. diode took a scenic route, copypat took the funny route! cool layout. at first, i really thought diodes was about football..then the middle picked the pace of a gory war scene, which im sure he was willingly trying to illustrate. copypat remained on top gear all the way through. but diode set down the scene and the endscene speaks for itself rather than having to say it. pretty cool. my vote casts for diode in a fun one. great read

[Pinot Grij]

CopyPat, a good feel to this verse. Casual tone, a bit choppy on the mechanics... "tit-ties" was a hard sell, "she started grow" is an obvious typo. The end line was a bit of comedy to salvage what you had, but it wasn't a jaw-dropper.

Diode, I liked your approach to this - there was something cool in the simplicity of football players all falling down, but elaborating on it so thoroughly and describing it in such intricate detail. That intri***y followed by the payoff of the simplicity of the basic idea seemed really fresh. I really hated your use of "solilquies" - seemed forced... but overall I think you offered a fresher, more engaging take than your opponent.

In the end you both elaborated on a very simple take on the topic, but Diode gave a more engaging lead up and technically showed more prowess than Pat. My vote goes to Diode

[trap]

Hard choice. Copy wrote a fun verse with a semi twist that was pretty basic and Diode wrote a really well written verse that (to me) was rather boring for the subject given.

I read them both a few times and I'm probably going against the grain but my vote goes to CopyPat for being more original, fun, and keeping my attention. Also, a second or third read of both made Copy's more complete.

[MKG]

Copy cat took the comedic approach with his topic being about a woman's breast sagging, to me personally it was a miss as it seemed corny. The flow was there and you stayed on topic but I just didn't like the approach you took tbh. Diode took the more traditional approach and had a solid drop. When i saw the immediate football reference I thought it was just a metaphor I didn't see how you could make this about football but I was pleasantly surprised. Vote goes to diode

[kannon]

copypat. I just... That's the payoff? Droopy tits? She's materialistic, conceded, clearly not too intelligent if her only goal in life is to have tits. And the whole payoff for her living this trite, contrived life is that her tits droop? But she's still married and proud of her kids. So really, everything's gonna be okay. Aside from the wording here being awful, this piece went nowhere. "thin as a stick be," "she was a barbie cause yo," Poise is something a person possesses. Not something you can take life with. It's not a grain of salt. Maybe she LIVED life with poise. Damnit, I gotta be honest man, I don't like this piece at all. People made fun of her for being flat chested, but rather than her developing a personality or a sense of self, she eventually gets tits and then everything is okay. She grows up and becomes a homemaker, has a good life, minimal stress, and great kids. It seems like she's rewarded for being a bimbo. And the recourse to all of this is that her tits didn't hold up. Meh.

Diode. You're gonna really have to fuck up to lose this one. And you didn't, congrats. I like this shit a lot actually. Vocab is dope, but not superfluous. Alliteration like a muthafucka. schemes are dope. Yeah man, describing the teams colliding as "uprising crests" was dope imagery. the only forced part I saw was "grimace and frown." expressed as a noun, it should be frowns or a frown or something, right? I don't know, just sounded weird. And I didn't like how you used "lb" and "qb" instead of "linebacker" and "quarterback" which are both big syllable words. Makes your bars look normal length, but that shit was stretched haha. But overall, this shit was dope.

Not even close. CopyPat wins by a mile.


I'm kidding. Diode crushed.

[Eŋg]

copycat - i thought this was pretty forced, lol. but i liked the irreverence, if you will. i mean, i'd like to think your sarcastic take on the topic is just a device by which you write.

diode - this was better. you did more, basically. you illustrated a more interesting take on the topic, and did it with inoffensive writing. in fairness, for what it was, it was better than inoffensive.

weird battle.

v/diode

[Mike Wrecka]

This was a weird battle

Copypat is known for his impeccable flow and strong use of multis. We'll he showed none of that here with this verse Worst thing I have ever read from him tbh. I wonder if the restraints of a topical as opposed to the free flowing and sometimes random content of an open mic threw him off


Diode did what diode does . He won the battle. I didn't particularly like his verse. He wins ugly a lot. But he wins. He doesn't do it with flair or finesse he just out grinds his opponent. And that's what happened here



Vote diode

[Frank]

Copypat,

Packed the verse into a Mattell box and ripped the plastic right off son! Life size Textcee Doll verse right here. I enjoyed the pacing, and the cadence of this niffty little number was totally slamming!! The opening tit-ties line had me scratching my head a bit, (ties/tees) but nothing I couldn't chew over or chalk up to a Canadian accent. Hilarious concept that fell flat and gradually sagged but not before I sucked her virtual breast dry of all its digitalized milk. Good job.

Diode,

Jammed the lines and Walter Paytoned it through the baricade brick wall of line backers waiting to stuff you at the goal line. Well done. Dense meathead body but with a qb IQ.

Voting Diode for the bombarding break of tackles

[PancakeBrah]

CopyPat;

This was just okay. You definitely have the technical aspect of writing down pat (lol get it fucka). A lot of rhymes, multi-syllabic, internals, etc. You went with a funny concept, or attempted one. You can pull of some funny Open Mics but here it felt a little lackluster. It wasn't as fully realized or complete as, say, Pinot's was this week. You have the talent but just need to shape it into the topical realm, I think.

Diode;

This was fine. Nothing standout, really. Some of your word usage was off. Soliloquies* stuck out like a sore thumb when placed in the context of your verse. Just not a word that should be used in a piece about football without a defter touch. Which you didn't, or maybe don't, have. Also, I find alliteration to be a hackneyed tool. That's personal preference, some people like it. To me it's superfluous and not all that impressive. You don't use multi-syllabic rhymes, or you use them less than most everyone else, so you try to get technical points with internals and multiple rhymes. This works most of the time for you but in lines like this

"scrambling is gambling and in this instance it's instant in its dismantling"

it just seems so forced. Instance is completely there for rhyme and throws the read off just a bit. Feels stilted. Seussian, this line. I also felt the 'after all...' then stating the topic was a bit melodramatic. Too fancy for me. Just tack it on to the end of the line and be done with it.

On the positive side of things your imagery was indeed strong throughout. You painted a good picture when you weren't trying too hard. The swim move line, in particular, was good. The verse was fully realized. The story, overall, seems a bit "Okay, that happened"-ish to me, but it was fine. Not your best work, to say the least, but a solid entry.

Not the best battle of the round. A bit of a disappointment because I think you both are good writers. Copy was a bit more off the mark and Diode had some redeeming qualities to his verse.

v/Diode