Week 1 - Flo Real vs TopicalDood5 - TopicalDood5 Wins

[Mike Wrecka]

Greetings competitors, we will begin with a small technical rather than conceptual challenge. DOUBLE LETTER WEEK, include instances of the double letter string you are given as your Specific Task. E.g., you are given G.S. – include word variants of G.S.: golden shower, grape soda, going slowly, google search etc. Note there are no required amounts, you can write as many double letter variants as you like or as little as you like. You don’t have to rhyme with each double letter phrase, or put it at the start like an acrostic poem, just include instances of it, it also doesn’t have to be the focus. You can write about anything you like.

Your specific task - A.G.

Due Wednesday Midnight WST

Good luck Flo Real TopicalDood5

[Flow]

To be honest I am going to have to rush this, so many commitments at the moment even on here. Bit of to much to chew. So here goes it.

This is no acid trip; just a placid sip of rash wild life
Walking the night armed with a flash light and a pen knife
At night its adventurers galore, investigators be warned
there're Alligators, Aggressive Gorillas and so much more
Even Al Gore wouldn't save this place, its almost great
the way its accelerated growth leaves no time for respiratory breaks
this place is so unnatural, filled of nature, an ironic paradox
with violent jagged rocks and Salvador dali melting clocks
With Melton lava rivers and artic glaziers that give you shivers
There are gargoyles and graves, so the spirits always stay with us
The wind hits the face like a spray of sharpened razor blades
So sure they're razor blades, is it Occam's razor, no, just your mind a stray
Stay to long an be cursed, cus for all these dangers some things are worse
Try coming here in april when its mating season, two words, animal girth...

[Soulstice]

A grenadine amalgamate greatly abates gumption, approaching
The prototypical functional hopeless romantic coming to loath
Atypical galleries of amorous grooms and gals about
This room, they swoon against her dooming croon of static doubt
augmenting growing awareness, galloping across
Her mind, she's wallowing, lost in her unpalatable thoughts
- Across galactic axes ghostly apparations grumble and grouse
As she too joins the desolate orbit of the mumbling crowd
Gross and grey, alone, garrisons as godforsaken abodes
Just eternal cosmic hatred as they're left alone and cold -
- Again gravity abates, she's gone afloat in Gotham -
Lipstick, fake purse, tight dress, she's haute
and getting
hauter
Looking to get lost in some populace of daughters
In a faux designer watch from her coffer - the time remains 21
A great tragedy, the great tragedy, the search for anyone

[Certain]

Flo Real: I feel as though you had a sharp image in your head of what you wanted to convey, then rushed and failed to do it justice. The imagery was too vague, and the meaning of the place and the application of it to the real world were left unclear. Your flow and use of multiple-syllable rhyming also were uneven; at times, you were sharp, only to let the quick writing bring you down. It would have been interesting to see where you were going with this, but the topic was too complex to be rushed like this.

TopicalDood5: Let's be honest: There's no way to do complete service to content when putting a verse up against such strenuous demands. But that effort was appreciated. I think you made a very good choice to go with every other line, and you mostly pulled it off. Moreover, your even-numbered lines were very strong. "She's haute and getting hauter" was some tremendous wordplay, honestly making me laugh out loud. I had dinner tonight in a crowded bar full of fake dickheads trying to get laid, and you captured that well. The final phrase, "the search for anyone," was tragic and beautiful and fitting. I might write my own piece on that concept. I really enjoyed this verse and the effort you put into bringing together the challenge and an interesting image, if not story.

Vote: TopicalDood5

[Gazette]

flo, pretty good, some quirky language, it did feel as rushed as it apparently was though, and it definitely felt like it should have been longer, the opening -

'This is no acid trip; just a placid sip of rash wild life
Walking the night armed with a flash light and a pen knife'

basically set the story for some kind of adventure, but that didnt happen, it just turned out to be a description of the place - a good description - but ultimately it felt like the first quarter of what should have been something longer.

dood, yours started really badly, the first 2 lines were awkward as hell, reeeally got the impression you were just trying to pack in as many pretentious words as possible, didnt sound natural at all. However, this was less of a problem the rest of the way through and you did have some really good stand-out lines, the whole middle section in fact was very well-written, well enough to get you the W

v/ topical dood

[NYCSPITZ]

never read flo b4, i thought he'd be awful but he's actually good. Soulstice is a veteran and I knew he'd be good. Rhymescheme and flow wise I was feelin flo a lot good content too but like he said he rushed it. Don't think u can really do that against soulstice unless ur godly w the pen. Soulstice content dope within what the parameters allowed and was feelin the end more. Overall was feelin soul more.

v/ soulstice

[Flow]

Close this up - clear winner an to be fair I wouldn't feel fair if I had won! @topicaldood I'll come stronger if we meet again ;) nice drop

[Rawn M.D.]

If u want feed ill edit it in till then Flo Real TopicalDood5

v/topicaldood

[Spoken]

Nice drop tho flo appreciate you showing up and still dropping but I believe rushing ya rhymes soul still stands out in that category tbh. Flo your flow was nice and had some nice insight and delightful breaks of creativity... Soul was on another level tho and completely stayed in a stray and consistent pace with his diction and direction.

Nice drop fellas and keep doing ya thing

[Mike Wrecka]

uppin over no shows. ill edit my vote in here later

[Coup]

I got topicaldood...a much more focused and concentrated effort imo. To be quick I felt flo's was a random cypher of sorts biased on the random spirited direction it took vs a more endearing verse from sol

[Nigma]

Sup

Flo. Verse read smoothly, sort of lacked a concept and direction however with no given topic I don't feel that is worth criticizing. The biggest problem I have with this verse was, being fairly short, I feel you could have addressed the AG challenge much more thoroughly. Still a good read, enjoyed it for what it was.

Topical, feel this is a very suitable form of writing for you. You have a delicious vocabulary and put it on display. You lived up to the challenge, developed the piece well for such a short write, and I was particularly fond of your use of assonance throughout. I feel you stood superior in all areas this day.

+1 Topical

[Pent uP]

Flo -- lmfao@the end....that shit made me crack a smile. I was struggling to read some of this because of grammar, spelling and wording. Also some of your end rhymes were a little off putting. I liked the idea of a weird "land" or "area" like this - shit like this is cool and gives the writer a lot of creative room to breathe - but I dont feel like you really painted the landscape. I feel like you just put a bunch of animals on a blank canvass and it felt boring.

Topical -- for such a short verse it was had a lot of impact. Very simple idea attacked very specifically. I appreciated how you approached the topic. The writers voice felt very mature - observing and describing this woman's trek through singledom. I really dont have much to say...possibly the best verse of this week.

vote - topical

[Que]

Flo....You had that vocab tangent goin on. I think you focused far too much on Vocab and abstract imagery that you forgot to give the piece the rest of its body and an ending.No doubt your skill shines through....hands down, you got what it takes. Just for future purposes...let your words breath. Sometimes short simplicity is good, almost like navigating a vessel....a small turn of the wheel can make all the difference between something road worthy and a wreck.Other than that you had a very interesting piece and approach.

TD.....Good to see you still doin it. I love the way you can apply a few different environments to this piece. Its always great to give the reader a window in which to paint the landscape while you narrate the characters motions and emotions. I did wish that the piece was longer and had a definite outcome but I guess thats what was so cool....you left me wondering if she had hooked up. Good drop

V/Topical

[Inno]

this came down to someone not having the time to write a great verse..Flo the bit you had showed me you can write...def had some potential but this verses mishaps are just do to lack of time..im sure with plenty of time you could drop some heat...as far as your verse...great concept, lacked effort., alotta slant rhymes..but good direction. DUDE this was solid like usual. great vocab use and great rhyming aswell...shit man nothing bad to say about this short dope shit lol

augmenting growing awareness, galloping across
Her mind, she's wallowing, lost in her unpalatable thoughts

I mean godam bro...that line is sick.

DUDE