Don't Wait.

[Clayray]

http://www.stylemotivation.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Powerful-Black-and-White-Photography-by-Benoit-Courti-5-620x620.jpg

They say that time waits for no man
it's a wasted treasure in this land
a faceless pleasure that we take for granted
the time we're handed.. no dollar sign to date can measure..

"Everyone is so rushed in the world today
Don't flush life & let it be swirled away
Flourish to the grave, have courage & be brave"

As me and my grandson reminisce on the past
I tell him about my mistakes & how I dismissed what I had
I twist & I grasp how ignorant and foolish I had been
not to mention the brilliant schooling I had missed
the love connections I could of had
I know no ones perfect but truly... it made me sad
as I'm teary eyed I look at the lessons I taught my grandson
I can't clearly hide that the past held my thoughts for ransom
I'm speechless as nothing seems to escape my mouth
I'm reaching towards bleakness, minds a drape or shroud..
hearts failing out.. but I smile one last time
because my past can't frustrate me now


Piece I did on RB. Thought it would be cool to show this side of my writing. And to get some feedback.

1.

[blueflamez]

As a rhyme, it's a lil basic for my taste, As a poem if that was what you were aiming for then it's decent. The grandson part kept me picturing you as a old man.... not sure if that's accurate. Keep it up bro

[Clayray]

Nah I'm not old lol but predicate it man, I think the way it's structured makes it seem poem-ish

Good looking on the feed though

[theMuzzl3]

i thought it was tight.

[Sho Money EMG]

Nicely done. Stayed on topic, the message was there. Cool structure, very poetic.

I twist & I grasp how ignorant and foolish I had been
not to mention the brilliant schooling I had missed
the love connections I could of had
I know no ones perfect but truly... it made me sad
as I'm teary eyed I look at the lessons I taught my grandson
I can't clearly hide that the past held my thoughts for ransom
I'm speechless as nothing seems to escape my mouth
I'm reaching towards bleakness, minds a drape or shroud..

This was my favorite part. The structure helped me keep track of the flow. This was a good display of wit. Very poetic. enjoyed this read.

Stay up.

[veritas]

As me and my grandson reminisce on the past
I tell him about my mistakes & how I dismissed what I had
I twist & I grasp how ignorant and foolish I had been
not to mention the brilliant schooling I had missed
the love connections I could of had
I know no ones perfect but truly... it made me sad
as I'm teary eyed I look at the lessons I taught my grandson
I can't clearly hide that the past held my thoughts for ransom
I'm speechless as nothing seems to escape my mouth
I'm reaching towards bleakness, minds a drape or shroud..
hearts failing out.. but I smile one last time
because my past can't frustrate me now



I don''t care if people on here think you are lame, this was insightful and dope and well executed. Well played sir.

[Clayray]

I don''t care if people on here think you are lame, this was insightful and dope and well executed. Well played sir.

'Preciate it, V.

[Kin]

it's a wasted treasure in this land
a faceless pleasure that we take for granted
the time we're handed.. no dollar sign to date can measure..

dopest part to me...can see you can Write no doubt...Like to see a different style see wha' else you got in store...I'll be on the look out...

the whole talkin' to grandson piece was dope too...

Some deep thoughtz word up

Hit me up