Week 2 - Storyteller vs PancakeBrah - PANCAKEBRAH WINS

[Mike Wrecka]

Memo week 2.
Greetings competitors, we continue on with a more conceptual challenge. I have noticed an alarming trend on this netcees.com - users calling each other fa***ts, ni***rs, his***ics and ret***s. DIVERSITY WEEK, include the group you are given in your writing. Note, it does not need to be a positive representation, or a support-type verse, just include some reference to the group you were given. Again, the group does not have to necessarily be the focus of your writing, or even be a correct/accurate representation, as a minimum you only need include a reference to the task you were given. You can write about anything you like. Find below your match-ups and specific tasks.

Specific Task - Icelanders

Due date - Wednesday Midnight PST

good luck Storyteller PancakeBrah

[PancakeBrah]

Svefn-G-Englar

http://www.sarahwilson.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Screen-Shot-2012-09-11-at-2.59.00-AM1.png

She wears rubber bands on her wrist.
Lithe. When she smiles mana emits,
full of Brennivin and Canada Mist.
Sunshine. Exuberantly tongue-tied,
freckles bely her Irish tinted bloodline.
Carefree and fair, blue eyed Madonna kin,
with hair full of honest whim,
fit with the crown of Ingólfur Arnarson,
hundreds of miles from Laki's lava bins.
Long and thin, her gaze is Longinus;
free's homonym,
a reprieve from the graying frosted dusk.
Her forefathers lived aboard a boat,
with the innards of those they'd put sword to throats,
and other torrid tropes, just
so she could be the toast of every Þorrablót lush.
Nordic rose blush, closed curtain soul crush,
all personality and perfect nose jut.
She encompasses the tides span,
on this Island, our hidden ray of hope.
An Elven employ, amid fried pans of dried flan,
Nature's tailor choice, once in a lifespan,
you can find Helen of Troy in the Bay of Smokes,
Reykjavic, sleepwalking through Iceland.

[Spoken]

The deepest neck of the woods hindering sense,
Innocence shredded to wool, that we as beings neglect.
Conceptual towards the good that never weighs in respect,
Ravaging all that it could cause we tend to never accept.
.
.
The First Known
Across the sea's in lost travels, resonating a find,
Svavarsson; a Norse W/ a brute gavel training the mind.
Degradation in time as he never planned to stay and incline.
Desperately deprived of remittance with shrines...
.. The revolution where longships have taken over the tide.
Over in time came flóki and ingólfur settled for land,
Decisive with hands they built a system upon demand.
874, the year that sand declared a first ruling by man,
En route as slaves with possession they escaped king harfargi plans.
Noblemen; families enticed with that very clan,
Fending for life to stand as the encouraging hand.
Scoundrels amass- the loneliest one of believers,
The catharsis cathedral- sole embodiment as the heritage seeker.
Held together; enshrined for a sense of life between sleepers,
left to press on- catches song as the a lullaby keeper.

Ok, Mr. Hallgrimsson sit down... Enough with your antics

NO!.... I've had enough of people not knowing the ways of iceland... Class in session

From the dirt of odd years we had little to no resources presented,
Thru time and effort to create certain living inventions.
Stepped away for a second, admiring the timing and outcome,
Silence of the lamb.. A treaty agreed to bring a couple more thousand.
60% of the townsmen and women derived from Ireland and scotland,
Waiving in caution as partial is intertwined with a little British option.
The first National Assembly set from dividends inclined,
A proposal to a king; to be an arbitrator of this find.
Announced as the old covenant that took the tasks and redefined,
And delved a fair outing; this was the age of sturlungs in time.

anything else you would like to share... Mr. Hallgrimsson

That's just a brief insight of things thats rooted it's basis,
It's a mix of races that formed the most significant of places.
Golden faces with blue trims and streaks of refinement,
This place I've called home cause of my recent indictment.
Beauty, excitement.. Odd varieties that supply my likings,
Norwegian findings in almost all who came from those Vikings.
This I found in the book of confinement that she held in her hand,
My mum; the love that had settled me to know of this land.
My fingers thru her strands... One of times endless bounds,
Kissed good by then laid her down and his my face from the crowd.
A king without his crown... Tho forever more I shall be,
This is where I am from and what I was dealt with to see.
They say god has a purpose and well my purpose is for you all to know,
That Iceland is a part of history that very few others cared to show.
I am the poet behind the outfit- in Copenhagen I've set standards,
Drove nationalism up the wall and gave no meaning to public standards.
I am....

Jonas Hallgrimsson
-the beloved

[zygote]

PancakeBrah, enjoyed the attention to detail, there were a lot of different things you made known without divulging into. E.g., the references to the Norse past/intermixing with the Irish and Canadian etc. The different nuances like the cultural food and clothes references. It was short but every line had depth, power and a reason for being.

Storyteller, liked the first half especially, the historical times etc were interesting to learn and it shows you put some effort, or did some research to find these facts out. Hopefully, you enjoyed find out those facts as much as I enjoyed reading them from you in rhyme format. Only disliked the class-setting aspect, this feels kind of unnecessary, kind of making a story for the sake of a story. Perhaps, it would have been stronger to drop the fictional aspect and expand on your first-half with that non-fictional approach. Voting for PancakeBrah.

[Split]

Pancake

Sigur Ros is really cool. I saw them live once. I liked your word choice here, very fitting of the topic. Character piece of a girl in her birthplace. couldve done with more personality description.

After "Free's homonym" I liked your rhyming much more, felt looser and not so sectioned. "Perfect nose jut" was good wording. The ending couplet or so was ethereal. Also enjoyed your structure here, I think I like your rhyming when you have longer pauses between schemes, but the verse was direct and didnt stray from the topic.


Story

Writing was more lucid than normal. Some of your vocab was still used wrongly/ you could've said it less cryptically with more friendly words. I liked the history content. You strongly conveyed the desire to bond with your motherland, and added emotion without making the verse chintzy.

The flow and rhymes were also pleasing, tough to do with interspersed Icelandic.

I think the story was kinda lost on me in the second half. It was framed weird, was it like people in court being tried for their love of Iceland? Or the account of the descendants of the first settlers? I can't be arsed to Google that name. Sorry. It was a cool story, I'd say your best ever.


Well, both verses were enjoyable. A relatively close battle, in fact. The only issue I saw with Cake's was a certain distance I felt from the character herself. The issue I felt with Story's was, besides a slightly ambiguous story/ theme, slightly less tight mechanics.

I really enjoyed both verses here. Gotta give V/ Pancake

[Nigma]

cakecakecake, nice verse sir. I got bitched at by Frank and his alias in the writers league for using pics in battles but no one here seems to mind, I might start doin it again. The visual impression gives the read that extra little bit imo. Very solid execution of the short bar format. You set a high level of expectations for the teller of tales.

Storyteller, I enjoyed the content of your verse, but I wasn't a huge fan of how you went about presenting them to the reader. I agree with what Zygote was trying to describe. something about the general tone just didn't grip me as an engaging vibe. Despite criticism it wasn't a bad verse, just didn't match up well against the refined technicality of the brah.

+1 Aunt Jemima

[Plot]

Ive got cake here. Liked his verse, it was a creative approach to the week, just a description of a chick really. But had some interesting schemes and rhyme choices.
Story put in some work, but I wasn't digging the classroom thing and I felt it was too long and dense. The verse did have some nice schemes as well though particularly the hands/lands/sands part which I felt read well.
Good Job

[NYCSPITZ]

v/ cake i liked story's shit but i thought cake's was a lil more intricate this time

[Mike Wrecka]

this battle was a good one. two very different verses up against each other here.

pancake - enjoyed this verse. went super short bar but it worked wonderfully because you kept rhymes going for a while so it just read in a really impressive way. very descriptive. for the second week in a row you described something using somewhat abstract phrases while still painting a very vivid image. I like your style mos definitely. the sword covered with innards line really struck me as cool. it when you stopped describing the womans physical features and started speaking about the past of her heritage.

storyteller- I was really impressed with this verse. I liked everything about it. taking the form of real life poet and Icelandic historian of sorts to deliver your verse was a really cool concept. you brought informational facts while still making it flow and not feel boring. which is very difficult to do. I actually found myself getting really into your verse as history is extremely interesting to me and whether it was accurate or not, I don't know, the verse captured my attention quite well. the flow and vocab weren't as good as your opponents, but they were both very good.


overall- we have cakes verse which was a beautiful and descriptive piece full of vivid imagery and a complex rhyme structure. it was short though. which it seemed like it ended when it should have, so its not his fault but it did end quite quickly. storyteller had a verse that was historically driven and still flowed well. I really enjoyed both verse. thanks for the reads but I enjoyed storys slightly more

vote- story

[Split]

Strong freeposting ITT