PDA

View Full Version : Week 2 - Gazette vs Pent uP - GAZETTE IS DQ'D


Mike Wrecka
07-28-2013, 11:04 PM
Memo week 2.
Greetings competitors, we continue on with a more conceptual challenge. I have noticed an alarming trend on this netcees.com - users calling each other fa***ts, ni***rs, his***ics and ret***s. DIVERSITY WEEK, include the group you are given in your writing. Note, it does not need to be a positive representation, or a support-type verse, just include some reference to the group you were given. Again, the group does not have to necessarily be the focus of your writing, or even be a correct/accurate representation, as a minimum you only need include a reference to the task you were given. You can write about anything you like. Find below your match-ups and specific tasks.

Specific Task - Frotteurists

Due Date - Wednesday Midnight PST

good luck Gazette Pent uP

Gazette
08-01-2013, 05:32 PM
Frotteurism:

The act of rubbing one’s genitalia against another’s person, usually that of a stranger. Must be non-consensual and is considered a psychiatric condition as well as a criminal offense in most places


~


Frank the Frotteurist Meets Alan the Rapist: A Tale of Wronging Molly


Hello.

The Name's Frank. My Mom calls me Frankie - and frankly, I Hate That
I live in her Cellar, drink Stella and Take Crack
I Aint Bad, but if my eggs are cold, that Lame Hag get's a Straight Slap

Today's my Birthday, I'm Forty Four.
I've Scored a Ball, but unfortunately, I can't Afford a Whore
Even though in This Old Town, Pimps Go Round from Door to Door

Plus, I seem to have an Odd Problem with This
See, a Business Transaction, requires Sitting and Chatting
And if I've made her acquaintance, my Cock Doesn't get Stiff

Not that I haven't tried. But it was destined to End in a Mess
Long story short, she became Vexed and Distressed
I needed 9 gallons of acid to Dispense with her Flesh

Anyway, let me tell you about the Day I've Had
It began as usual. Overcooked eggs, wank, an Eighth of Crack
Took a Pee, put on my Dungarees, and made my way to Laser-Tag

As you probably suspect, I aint Going for the Fun of It
But in the Guise of a Partner, I can Find what I'm After
I Look to Pick the Dumbest Kid, n get Close Enough to Rub my Dick

But I never Made It. Got half way and Collapsed on the Pavement.
Too much of the Ole' Crack. Woke up in a Pool of my Own Crap
And there, Slapping my Face Is, none other than Alan the Rapist ...


~


Hello.

I'm Alan. I like Art, Fables and Clark Gable
And James Cagney, Rape, Brandy
Rape, Candy, Cakes, Rape .... Cigars, Anal Rape, Wacky?

Yeah, a Bit Mad. Today I Shrink-Wrapped my Dick And - Spanked the Ole' Nuts
I straight-up Murdered my Rabbit, with bunson-Burners and Hammers
And to commemorate Thumper-the-Third - I Drank my Own Blood

Today's my anniversary, we would have been married Seventeen Years
Had I not Raped her so Badly Though, she may not have Taken those Trazadones
Let's just say the whole thing Ended in Tears

As always, I went to pay my Respects at her Grave
But, alas, when I Got to the Cemet'ry a Copper was Next to Me
Asking ... "why are you in a graveyard with a Wrench and a Spade?"

Well, what could I say? I didn't, I Ran for The Hills
('The Hills', by the way, is a Local Drinkery where Hoes n Strippers Be)
I ordered Verdaccio, chilled, and took a Handful of Pills

Panic, palpitations, please God, not Another Attack
In Total Fear, I waited for the Coast to Clear
Then I gathered my Rubbers and Cash and I Snuck out the Back

What now? Horny and nowhere to go, in my Pants, an Obelisk
I was Desperate for some Fanny, so I Headed for the Alley
But I slipped in a Pool of Crap - Whose was That? - It was Frank the Frotteurists ...


~


"Frank? Frankie?" C'mon me ole 'mucka, Smell the Damn Coffee!"
Franks Eyes were Bemused - Wild and Confused
"Ugh, don't call me 'Frankie' ... and Get ya Hands Off Me!"

"Sorry - too much crack huh? - Keep doin' that ya Heart'll Cave In"
"Fuck me, look at all this Smelly Poop ... Where you Headed To?"
"Was gonna dig up the wife - y'know ... do a bit of Carcass Rapin'"

"No Luck?"
"No Luck"

And so it began. The partnership of Frank and Alan the Rapist
A truly Terrible Pair, yeah, you Better be Scared
Fascist n Racist the Bastards are Shameless, gathered to capture and Massacre Neighbors!


~


Hello.

My name's ... Ummm, Molly - Good Golly, I'm almost Eighty-Five!
I've had the Greatest Life, but ... today's the Day I Died -
Or, perhaps, I should Say That I - was Raped and Knifed

I was settling in for some Tea and Supper
It won't Harm you to Know, that I'm Partial to Scones
With a generous helping of Cheese or Butter

They help my digestion, when I have to Pop a Pill
Which I Usually Do ... When I'm Perusing the Tube
I get so excited, What a Thrill! - God damn that hunky Doctor Phil!

So there I am, feet on the pouffet, Bursting Blisters
But it's very quiet, I'm Wondering If - Something's Amiss
And then it occurs to me ... Where on Earth is Whiskers???

"Here Kitty. Here Kitty" I Say - a Little Afraid
Try n tempt her with a Can of Salmon, no? How about a Slab of Gammon? No.
I Listlessly Wait, half of the night I Fritter Away

Then, an odd scratching sound, yes I Heard it I Think
I listen Up for the Scratches - Oh, they seem to Come from the Patio
"Awww, is my little Kitty-Catty Cold ...? "

... and then I see Whiskers' head - Perched on a Stick

White-pain shoots down my arm, then pulsates from my Neck to my Shins
I Can't breathe ... I feel my Heart Seize
Have I gone to Hell for my Sins? No, now I see them, those Malevolent Twins ...


~


"Hello"

"We're terribly sorry if we Gave you a Fright"
"I'm Frank"
"And I'm Alan ... We'll be your Rapists Tonight"

As Whiskers watched, Molly tried to Kick n Scream
Alan Whistled Away as he Pissed in her Face
Frankie ran his Stiffened Meat, all along her Blistered Feet

A climactic Crescendo - Then Flowed; a handsome Torrent of Juice
Frankies ballsack looked liked a Tropical Fruit
Out comes the knife - "and when you're buried ... me and Alan are Robbing your Tomb"


~


I'd like to end this story with a Real Nice Twist
But you Need to Know That - they're out there, with Lethal Gonads ...

... Sleep Tight Kids!!!

Pent uP
08-01-2013, 08:47 PM
Aiming Ahead

Lonely, confused.. No one's amused by my antics and tricks.
My ex girlfriends all complained that they can't handle my shit.
Damaged; Conflicts between my hands and my wrists aren't planned, but persist.
Even in public, people seeing me rub it through my pants til it spits.
Candid in pics; Slightly slanting my prick against a casual thigh.
Thick with a big ass gives the tip whiplash while I'm passing them by.
A savage, combined, with having no pride is my actual guide -
I give no excuses for my amusements: there's no point asking me why?

Relationships don't last longer than weeks at the most
before I'm caught in a crowded room brushing my penis on hoes.
Most ignore it as an accident, not knowing my sleazy approach.
Unless they see my face gleaming with glow like I'm dreaming of coke;
Then I'm punched in the teeth or my nose, maybe some rings on my throat;
While others will pinch my ass and give me a wink as they stroll.
Feeding my hopes, which leads to me easily cheating for gropes
- and a one night stand of dry humping til I leave cream on their coats.
Acting like I sneezed, then explode with a shiver and shake.
All the prudes are rude about what my delivery makes.
While queens of my slippery fate hold me closer; helping me masturbate.
The freaky ones I love will lean with their face, seeking a taste

The French call it Frotteurism; a severe act of perversion...
I call it 'attacking with serpent' aka, something to do after some bourbon.
Trapping some skirt in between me and some nasty fat person -
and choosing me - the best of two evils; A couple slaps and I'm turning.
I catch a lot of victims while commuting on trains..
Find a cute group full of dames in work costumes for my play.
In their foolish debates on who's the bitch of their cubicle space
as I slip by one, then two with a graze, while three and four are consumed as my prey.
It's innocent fun, my dick's not a gun, although it's loaded to blast -
Especially on a shorter woman, across the slope of her ass.
Today, my focus on that was so quickly observant.
On a full bus with a little lady whose curvy hips give a sermon -
calling me closer, I'm all on her shoulder with every bump of the traffic.
She jumps, then looks back quick; giving expressions like she's wanting some passion.
She's loving the action and getting aggressive with several thrusts to my slapstick.
A slut full of magic, hungry and tactless...

That's the coming attraction.

Gazette
08-01-2013, 09:20 PM
great verse, g'luck Pent uP

PancakeBrah
08-01-2013, 10:08 PM
lmao...

I had a legit vote on my browser tabs then clicked to a new link on accident. Legit, feed longer than each verse. I'm not retyping that shit. The cliff notes;

Gazette;
I hate (hate) your random capitalization of letters. You had some bad wording mixed with some seedlings of good ideas. Rhymes were solid. The first few sections on "Molly"s verse were your highlight, but the cat's head on the stick was TOO obvious of foreshadowing. Your twist was weak. There were some portions I literally cringed. You have potential, there were a couple funny portions I really enjoyed. But the smells like crap, or poop, or whatever it was, was horrible. The pool of crap was horrible. There were literally sections I thought you were trolling in.

Pent uP:
First verse I've ever read in full of yours. This is the exact route I'd have taken with this topic as opposed to Gazette's; subtle, personal, and real. Not that I could have written to the same consistently high quality. Every multi fit the idea, everything flowed. My only critique is the beginning of your third verse was a low. Not bad, per se, but a little less than the first two. It picked right back up at the quickly observant/hips give a sermon couplet and finishes right there strong. That particular bar was my personal favorite, though. You lived up to the hype.

Again, sorry guys. I literally broke down every section with detail but lost it. But this was the gist. All apologies.

v/ Pent uP

zygote
08-01-2013, 11:25 PM
This topic was pretty harsh compared to the others, kind of only one possible direction to take it. For Gazette, highlights- it served you well to break up the scene-setting with sporadic dialogue. Felt like the stronger parts were the less shocking parts. The shock tactics of writing can become one-dimensional quickly, like a horror movie - sometimes the subtle things can be better. Honestly, trying to be objective but your writing reminds me a lot of the one Zeedee wrote in the AOWL, both verses about sexual deviants and twins with similar phrases. The stylistic parts of the writing are strong, and you have a good command of emotive language but overall the story is a little disorganized. Perhaps, the movements in time of the story could have been toned down.

Pent uP, enjoyed the third paragraph the most, felt this section describing the different types of women rather than focusing on the act was clever and strong. The internal narrative was done well and you were able do a lot of things with it, by using the internal thought approach you were able to show the main characters motivation and his self-justification. Voting for Pent uP.

Certain
08-02-2013, 01:10 AM
Gazette: I appreciate what you were trying to do, but funny storytelling is a lot harder than it seems. That's part of the process: Slick Rick's humor seems effortless because he worked so hard at it. You seemed to be reaching for humor throughout, and it never landed. You also went way too long. Introducing characters should be more seamless. Let us get to know them on our own terms, through their actions in the story you're telling. Your story only really picked up when you got to Molly's house, and by well before that point you would have lost me had I not been reading this to vote. The rhyme scheme and narrative flow of the story also were issues, and I think the biggest problem may have been breaking your bars up like that. Your structure guaranteed that you'd have very stretched lines and that you wouldn't be using carryover rhymes throughout. It didn't help to capitalize your rhymes, especially going against a writer like Pent uP, who can outrhyme pretty much anyone. I've seen much better from you in the other two things I've read by you, but I understand why you made this effort to try something new.

Pent uP: You let your multiple-syllable rhyming steal the show here. There wasn't a whole lot to this verse, though. The approach to the topic was too straightforward, to the point where the first two stanzas were more or less direct explanations of what frotteurism is. The third stanza, though still pretty direct, was a lot of fun because you seemed to enjoy writing it more. Some of the distance shown in the first two went away, and you seemed to take to this character more in describing the type of women he prefers grinding. A shorter introduction to the concept, followed by more of these types of stories, would have made for a better verse. Heck, even simply cutting the top two stanzas off might have made it better because it would have focused on the really slick stuff. But I did enjoy the verse. Some of the rhyming was really slick.

Vote: Pent uP

Rawn M.D.
08-02-2013, 01:22 AM
Gazette - The verse was pretty good. I enjoyed how u gave ur characters a personality, and brought them to life. However, I did feel sometimes that it was over the top. Also, I wasn't crazy how u executed some of ur scheming, and at times the rhymes were almost to imperfect, and would have been better suited if u just didn't rhyme in those certain places. Story wise, logically it flowed well, but also seemed a little to excessive..like some parts were just unneeded and superfluous (like the whole whiskers thing) At other times tho ur over the top word choice played well into ur characters personality and worked well with it. I do wish u kinda ended stronger tho.

Pent - Dope verse. Read real clean. Ur character deff had some personality, and it was amusing. Flowed real smooth. This was actually a change from what Ive read of u in the past (and i may be generalizing, but im speaking from what ive read,) but it wasn't full of vocab and mutli's, but rather more character oriented, and u excelled at it. Im not saying that it didnt have mutlis or sht, but it wasn't driving to that effect. Ur character amused me, and the tone i got from it seemed to fit perfectly with what I would envision as a frotteurist, even down to the analogies. Dope verse.

Vote - Pent

Split
08-02-2013, 02:33 AM
Sway deleted. Really unprofessional, I might add, not only questioning voter integrity but slandering your opponent IN a battle thread. Keep this shit under control and in the chat thread, Jesus fuck. It's just rap poems.

MOVING ON.

Split
08-02-2013, 02:39 AM
Gazette is facing DQ should he continue.

Split
08-02-2013, 02:43 AM
Gazette. Stop. Let the battle continue, the next time you post in this thread, it will be closed and you will lose. Get over your anger.

Gazette
08-02-2013, 02:47 AM
Nope, still postin. what u gonna do? DQ me? Hurry up then

Gazette
08-02-2013, 02:48 AM
So no one told you life was going to be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

You're still in bed at ten, the work began at eight.
You've burned your breakfast, so far, things are going great.
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these,
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees.

That, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me.
Seems like you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me.
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with,
Someone I'll always laugh with, even at my worst, I'm best with you.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

Split
08-02-2013, 02:49 AM
BATTLE IS CLOSED. MULTIPLE RULE FRACTIONS AFTER REPEATED WARNINGS

8X FREEPOST
4X SWAY
3X DIRECTLY ATTACKING VOTERS

JUST IN THE BATTLE THREAD

PENT UP IM SORRY, I REALLY TRIED TO KEEP THIS OPEN.


GAZETTE FREEOSTED, SWAYED, EVERYTHING A GROWN MAN OF ACADEMIC STATURE SHOULD NOT DO, THIS SMARMY FAGGOT SON OF A CUNT DID. OVER A BATTLE MANPOEM. AGAINST OPINIONS FROM PEOPLE THAT SIMPLY DONT UNDERSTAND HIS WRITING SRS WTF EVERY OFHER SITE THINKS IM GODS LITTLE GIFT.

FAGGOT.

WENT OUT LIKE A BITCH, RIP IN PEACE.

I AWARD YOU NO POINTS, MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR WITHERED LITTLE SOUL.


THIS IS THE FACE OF EMASCULATION

http://i40.tinypic.com/2gxocxz.jpg