Semifinals: 5. Eŋg vs. 6. Soulstice \\ Soulstice wins 4-2

[Certain]

http://i.imgur.com/jwICwAn.gif

Welcome to the semifinals!


The Basics

Check-ins are not required but are always appreciated.

Verses are due Thursday, Sept. 18 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Votes are due Sunday, Sept. 21 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Voting on the other semifinal is mandatory. You won't advance if you don't vote.

Verses may not exceed 14 lines. If the length of a writer's lines is called into question, the standard will be 15 words per line, and verses of more than 210 words will be disqualified or required to be shortened.

Standard writing and voting rules are in effect. No biting. No recycling. Votes must be explained. No editing verses after the first vote or the verses deadline. Any other issues will be resolved using Art of Writing League Season 3 rules as the basis.


Topic


The Edge of Nowhere


Good luck, Eŋg and Soulstice.

[Eŋg]

_ijdpie

Try centering myself, time seldom felt, entropy envelops everything else
steadily, with self-symmetry, heresy, this svelte melody plays so silent,
since I was a wave old & it’s still the same flow so on your way to the way go quiet.
Ain’t no vibrance without I, manifesting as dark, make hate a conquest of the heart.
What complexion is God? Grey, matter congested,
fractals bless-ed, stretch ‘em apart - movement through it is gravity.
Galaxies spinning within the human anatomy - the fusion is alchemy:
my students of atrophy gave my organs eyes, not let them see where all them lie.
Organise confusion: double torus round your auras, life forms in all my likeness,
glorified illusion, what sorta mind you using?
Self severed, self-seclusion, these borderline delusions
help you see it so clear, know love?
- or do you know fear? The former becometh so rare
How did I fall like this, out of balance on the edge of nowhere where all things sit.

[Soulstice]

Edge of Nowhere

In Nairobi. Recall function and form - the vulture's knowing eye in open sky
A child slowly dying - literally eating dirt, his stomach deformed
From weeks of nothing.. he feels the beak and blood as he closes eyelids.
In the modern Babylon. He looks up and sees the towers of prosperous paragons
Flashing their neon deceit that he sees in his dreams – He wants a God to sabotage
While he walks the promenade – it reeks and it seems to wind forever
On both sides surrounded by trite endeavors; glum addicts with drug habits
But he wants to find adventure; he longs to escape and say bye forever
His mind is settled – he’s concocting his fate. Plans fruitless as the toxicant waste
He hops over, it’s like he’s walking in place, through the teeth of the city
That will gobble him whole. Recall form and function- a coffin for souls
That don’t conform to destruction and claim comets in crosshairs
Insisting upon a fate that is not there. To death your whole life is see-through
And time tells that you likely live nowhere that needs you.

[NYCSPITZ]

Dope battle

I liked Eng's take - finding spirituality and wonder and magic in science itself. Some pretty deft wording, the organ eyes/organize was a little meh to me though. Overall, point taken, good verse but not your best imo.

Soulstice was dope, best writer of the tournament so far. I liked his imagery and progression more this time to be real. Great narrative with descriptors that maintained a certain ethos to the verse that I really enjoyed. Enjoyed the repetition of recall function and form. Thought this had great depth and a better execution.

v/ soulstice

[Adonis]

E - Liked the opening Drug journal reference even if I had to research what that mean and I loved the opening lines Alliteration with all them E's, I assume going in you are in fact eluding to popping E, shall proceed excited about direction. This was more of an introspective verse then what I assumed you going for early on. The wording is def far from the norm. I can honestly say some of the phrasing is simply stellar, but because of its "out of left field" style, there are also instances where phrasing was less then enjoyable. In the end, I can stomach the bad with the good because I appreciate the envelope being pushed. Anyways, this was a very deep read. I literally read it like 10 times and could read it 20 more and still wouldn't fully grasp the meaning. But I will take for what I can, a look into the soul of a druggie, searching for something, but talking about finding nothing. I enjoyed this read, more the 10th time then the 1st time. Two thumbs.


Soul - Shouldn't it be "literally feeding/fueling dirt"?? Enjoy the nit pick brethren. Never mind, I see he's just malnourished and literally eating dirt, I thought you were saying he was dead in the ground at first. Good god what a great verse man. The imagery of the vastly majestic castle was crystal clear, the walking hungered corpse was a powerful sight, the slow death, just praying to be prey, strong wording my friend. You nailed this verse and topic. The flow was seamless and the concept was executed to perfection.


Voting Soul

Dope reads on both ends. This is worthy of being the finals, alas, only one will advance. I'm going with soul because the fluidity was so fucking pristine while weaving in and out of conceptual imagery of a corpse traveling to the palace, yet only walking in his grave. Good shit.

[kannon]

ENG. Um... I think I see what you were doing here? Maybe? I mean, it's pretty clear that there are religious undertones to it. the use of language like "heresy" and "how did I fall like this" makes me want to think that it's maybe about a fallen angel or something? But I genuinely can't be sure. Plus it seems a step removed from humankind, but also beneath godliness... So yeah, I think I'm gonna stick with that. If I'm wrong, and it affects my vote, that's your fault! haha. See, now you're talking about life "formed in my likeness" so who knows. Maybe it's about a God who's fallen. But then why would you ask what complexion is god? Ugh. Anyways, all that aside, the writing seems great for like a spoken word piece. That being said, in this format, it's kinda hard to find much structure or flow to it in spots. the language can be a bit confusing in spots as well, but other parts were great. I like the "grey, matter..." line. Overall, this was a good-not-great piece to me. I kinda think maybe the 14 bar limit hindered your development on this one...

SOUL. Immediately I'm hesitant with this verse. The second line depicts a child eating dirt and slowly dying, but Nairobi is probably one of the most developed cities in Africa, and definitely the most prosperous in Kenya. That small detail aside, I like the rest of this. And It's still possible to live in poverty in a developed city, so I'm going to choose to believe that's the case haha. I really like the "he wants a god to sabotage" line. Seeming that he wishes he believed in a God so he could curse him. "toxicant waste" sounds forced. I feel like "toxic waste" is the normal way to say it :-/ semantics. But overall a well told story, and great visual depiction.

My vote is for Soulstice

[Darth Yoda]

hey hey. cool lol. soul gave the roundabout story/ eng gave the descriptive sermon type. quite interesting.....eng descriptiveness was cool...the first few lines werent nothing story like..its just description to furthering whats going on. you already know that its the edge of nowhere..quite cool & intense. ! some wording seemed out of wack to comply with your throttled writing...the alliteration was quite alright and the atrophy scheme seemed unlike you. thats just mechanically speaking......the story was touching...i think you pulled emotions that were near this realm of thinking to pour out a short, but rushed verse from inside...hmm quite! soulstice poured out his story from his imagination...totally different indeed superb. most definitely a very close contest....where soul performed in strengths....eng didnt, and vice versa. soulstice had a diagonally cut blade with bloody accurate images! certain did a superb job choosing this topic for both of them..i see now...he wouldnt expect this result, but, he hunched in a properly vague topic for a direct approach from two compelling writers. quite the approach admin! haha! hmm yes. so its surrealism and realism/ with a dash of withdrawn emotions from both. very close contest! also what i noticed is that your stanzas didnt end in rhymes entirely, quite the opposite of me and kannon! you guys bunched them up inbetween your verses as to 'fit more' and be less predictable.. what similar yet different writing habits. what i picked up from soulstice is that his last lines were not connected directly..but on a tangent, quite the introspective move! but...almost quietly expected.

ive read each verse about 15 times, this is close! preference wise i like engs take. he did quite alright. soulstice interconnected the feelings of someone literally living on the edge...and into nowhere! sigh! voting soul

[UnbornBuddha]

Two spectacular written with elegant language portraying riveting elements of poetic unraveling.
I will start with Soulstice because though his verse is quite descriptively detailed, and it seeks to implant onto the reader a tale of desperation due to barely being able to survive.
It is truly tragic when such situations of misery happen, and they do daily. However, although such stories do touch my heart, as a writer I enjoyed Eng piece more.
His read more like a parable. To me he described the prince of darkness it seems. The only one who is wrapped in the mists of darkness, but can also describe the likeness of the divine, and of holiness due to him having experienced it.
As a sidetrack, there is a great Sufi parable in which the fallen angel called Ibli is the most faithful of all angels so he did not bow to Adam because he thought Adam was not equal to God, and so he defies God and in consequence fell from the kingdom getting his face scorched, but that only strengthened his faith. So he worships the divine even though separated and shunned. A testimony of true unification for no matter how far he has become one with him, and is willing to be called names of evil and take all things that are on the opposite spectrum of good, so to get others nearer the divine by showing them the opposite. Again this is a Sufi parable. Eng story had a tinge of this kind of narrative. Soulstice verse although was descriptively more precise, I liked the way Eng took the topic, more creative. Nowhere to me is not in the midst of civilization, although it feels at it at times that we're alone in the world. Eng truly took us into the midst of nowhere.

Anyways, my vote is for Eng.
Thank you...

[Certain]

Eŋg: I loved this verse. It's one of the best of the tournament to me, similar in a way to Nigma's "Galactic Fractals" but much more complex and emotion-driven. You put yourself into space and put space into yourself. This verse could be interpreted as God being pushed out to the edges of nowhere, but I don't think you'd go for something so on-the-nose. Instead I'm going to say this is more straight-forward it might seem, a story about the moon and the man on the moon that maybe isn't meant to be more. I liked that. I related anyway. The rhymes were strong, as always, though I do prefer at this level of writing deeper rhymes less frequently rather than your occasional persistent two- and three-syllable schemes. (Again, that reminds me of Nigma.) But this is really, really high-level writing.

Soulstice: I'm going to navel-gaze here a little: This reminded me of the format for topical verses that I popularized in the RSTL in 2003 and 2004, taking three anecdotes that seem unrelated and weaving them together at the end through a central theme to better empower each. The difference here is that the other two anecdotes don't fit in this space window. And the result is that the direct confrontation of the meaning of the lonely anecdote feels a bit unearned. The opening passage reminds me of the infamous Pulitzer Prize-winning photo of a starving Sudanese child being stalked by a vulture. (There's a big difference between Sudan and Nairobi, which is an unlikely setting for this story.) Your use of literary devices continues to impress, as I loved the return in the fourth-to-last line to the images from the first two. My only real complaint is the next three lines. I look back at those three-anecdote lines and now think that the final stanzas often were way too in-your-face about the message. I value subtety more as I get older, and I would have liked thi sverse more had it ended with "a coffin for souls."

Vote: Eŋg