Round 2: Cymbi vs. Untold {Untold wins}

[God Of War]

http://i39.tinypic.com/15nsqjr.png



This Round Consists Of your ability to write stories.
Stories have been a part of hip hop and writing since time began
your goal? out write your opponent!


max lines =30
CHECK INS DUE BY SATURDAY
VERSES DUE -aug 5th

[Untold]

Heyyy

[CymbiCort]

Hello there

[CymbiCort]

http://i1132.photobucket.com/albums/m567/pheno0mental/1355940132944.jpg

Jewish sex slaves fetish diary entry #876

Kinky was the name that they gave me, smelling stockings of my beloved ones
Mixing gin with rum and cum, they love it son
special medicine I get in em',
nose running down er' buttocks,turn greatly stiff when takin whiffs
amazing sniffs , even better than blazing piff
and the bombs ready, ring the alarm, spilled her moms spaghetti
a matter of time fore' I became r kelly already
lemme take a piss, on them jlo lips
Pent up, beating off now then takin shits
, on her naked takin pics, far from sober, my favorite bitch
Face covered in mud , im erected. placed in shame and disgraced,tastin her blood while my razer blades changin her mug.
number 1 fetish thats best,is when this ho would get
Big dick in tween her jig' lips, til she throwed up a boat of ish
all over it, wit explosiveness blowing loads wit no control of it
went in her throat so deep her dome could split at any moment kid
Can't hold this situation together...i dont condone this
treatment I gave her, but now shes comatosis,yo so hold ya noses
foot-jobs from dusk til dawn ,so much the don busted on em
Like Quentin Tarantino, a fancy bambino fuckin broads
util the honey dissolved, loved the god rough rugged an odd,
a nostradamus of plunge fuckin torture,someone lovin it hard
butt pluggin em in my dungeon then , make em suck on my balls
this jew broad told me bout her holocaust ancestry
And it was mad sexy, imaginin her ass havin alot of gas from this past century
then said "In social studies it got me bored in class, whore don't get mad
finish gaggin, thinkin bout all the quarters youll have
don't be sad,or dodge the sack just swallow it fast
then order a cab and take yourself home, trailer park trash, dont wait on the cash"

[Meth]

Untold

[Untold]

Drop tonight. I hope...

[Untold]

Ext?

[God Of War]

its up to cymbi

[CymbiCort]

You had all week to post a verse bro. fuck a dead line.

[CymbiCort]

BUT....if you say pretty please with sprinkles ontop!...I just may reconsider changing my mind...

[Untold]

Pretty please? It's not a big deal if you want the win. I've never written for a topical battle, so you'll probably win anyway. I'll post within the next few. I have free time now. Accept it if you want

[CymbiCort]

You forgot the sprinkles on top.

[Untold]

Sprinkles...

[God Of War]

untold you have until midnight to drop

[CymbiCort]

uppin once more Untold...I was hoping you'd have in something by now...shame

[Untold]

To Thine Own Self Be True

Speaker:
"I have this chip for a dear friend. He made it to the year end"

My thoughts:
As I sit in listen, my lips are grinnin
5 years ago, a family that couldn't stand me, now sit and witness
My kids have shifted.. Once again they love their father
My son will shake my hand and I'm allowed to hug my daughter
A felony drug charge, 3 DUI's and a year in prison for domestic violence
An uncle's touch, had my knuckles clutched and for years had kept me silent
The rest is mindless. Because I had less of a mind drinkin or puffin trees
For years I abused substances like when I was 3 and my uncle was touchin me
It's disgusting, see. And people wonder why I lie and don't discuss these things

Speaker:
"Out of many I've known, no one else has tried harder. Whether it be through hell or high water!"

My thoughts:
So many lonely nights, my best friend and I
A single sip to my two lips and I'd begin to cry
Damn, it. I used to wish I'd die, get pissed inside
I'd need a 'Handle' just to handle this "gift" of life
"Fuck this!" I griped. Sitting, trying to light a cigarette backwards
A belligerent actor, inhaling the filter's toxins
Pain killers, are a main filler into prescription boxes
And on reserve, is my '211 Steel Reserve'. I won't feel the hurt
But I still feel bizerk. Listening to the audience in my head
I try to caution them, I'll put a hollow tip directly into his frontal cortex
I'd rather do that than go through with this divorce shit
Tell the ol' lawyer a new fable; my mindless and horror'd logic
Why I was arrested with an eight ball, away from the pool table and minus the corner pocket

Speaker:
"He's saved his marriage and has amended his household.
Without 'The Steps' he'd miss his step and be knocked out cold.
If you haven't had a drink in the past 365 days or had a slip.
Please man up and stand up, walk forward and grab this chip!"

*Audience applaudes*
"Clap, clap, clap, clap..."

My thoughts:
As I rise to be grateful that I was saved quickly from my death
My eyes get misty, and I think briskly "Dear God, I hope no one smells the whiskey on my breath!"

http://thumbs4.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/m/mostxZUb6ShXvpbDyrg9RWA.jpg

[Certain]

CymbiCort: That was interesting. I'm glad that you incorporated an actual story into the verse, though it wasn't until the very end. Mostly this verse was little more than perverted sex imagery, which is fun sometimes. I wish it had been a little wittier, to show more of a sense of humor. Your rhymes were fine but occasionally placed at awkward spots. That gave the verse a bit of a start-and-stop feel. And while I again am glad you did bother to incorporate a plot into the end, it didn't actually go anywhere. I wouldn't call this a humor verse because there wasn't anything clever. It was more just raw perversion.

Untold: Your verse also was more of a character sketch, but it was contextualized through a story to make it work. I liked the ending a lot. I think you built to it well with the second verse. Your main character was established well. It would have been nice to put him in more action. With that said, you had a lot of exposition. Your storytelling was direct, which is fine, but it didn't necessarily make sense with your concept of the inner thoughts of a man about to receive his one-year chip. I think that might have been a mistake. You could have left the qualifiers of "My thoughts" and "Speaker" off, put the speaker's words in italics and we would have figured it out. Still, this was a good verse.

Vote: Untold

[SiK]

On phone, but


Cymb...I like the topic you were going for but I dont think it was executed well. Also the verse wasnt smooth. Choppy imo

Untold...Def alot smoother. Not the most detailed but a good story non the less.


V/Untold

[Geno]

ok, thought cymbi had a dope concept. could have stolen this had he gone more intricate with words. i mean to me,, it was just to simple and to be honest to damn predictabe.. sadly at times. no disrespect cause i know you can do better. just saying

untold comes in and steels this one. had a better verse which i feel could have been better also

so sory for weak voing and breakdowns. been recording all night -tired

v=untold

[Rawn M.D.]

Cymb - alright there was enough shock value to keep me intrigued...and flow wise it read clean and fast paced, however my problem lies with ur story telling...u jump all over...tenses u go from past to present to future and then u speak from her perspective than urs with no clear distinction...story was okay i guess, nothing gr8 just kept me intrigued bc of entertainment value.

Untold - Your story was better and more well rounded then ur opponents, u had designated characters and followed a sequence of events. I wasn't to crazy on the scheming or wordchoice but thats whatever at this point. You came from a much better aspect of storytelling.

V/untold

[Split]

Cymbicort. I never like these types of verses tbh, the description feels cheap. In the end it kinda comes out as a hollow shell of schemes.. Feels like the story is just "rapesex", but id you squint you see the story. It rhymed decently, flow was choppy at points but not ugly. Good imagery. Lol

Untold. I don't really get your structure with your speaker and you. Kinda corny to me. But your verse was pretty powerful, on some song of redemption shit. Sometimes your rhymes got stale and your multis felt boring, but not forced or hurried. You show some promise in topicals if you ever get bored with battling.

Had Untold. Good battle guys

[SiK]

God Of War

[PancakeBrah]

Cymbi-

Not my cup of tea, so to say. Didn't think anything in this was funny. Not because something like this can't be funny in the right hands, but you just described horrific acts with immature wording. There was no deeper level of humor, no self-deprecation. The mechanics were okay, but how many times has someone in text rhymed with sex related words? The answer is trillions. That's not a verified fact. Anyways, not a big fan of this verse. It's like a 16 year old seeing one of those Facial Abuse videos for the first time then being told he has to write a poem about his boner.

Untold-

This was cool. Thought it was going to be some corny life/death shit, but it was simple moment with a relatively funny ending. Some of the schemes were a little simple and the wording was off in a spot or two but overall I enjoyed reading it.

v/Untold