Round 2: Genocide vs. SiK {SiK wins}

[God Of War]

http://i39.tinypic.com/15nsqjr.png



This Round Consists Of your ability to write stories.
Stories have been a part of hip hop and writing since time began
your goal? out write your opponent!


max lines =30
CHECK INS DUE BY SATURDAY
VERSES DUE -aug 5th

[SiK]

Check

[Geno]

Zero to Hero.


Hardcore in the streets, dumb ass did whatever it took
A crook, who always hooked school and he never gets shook
Look, the type of dude who's thoughts weren't cleverly put
Cause he would hit the drugs hard, but never the books
So fellas smiled in his face and talked shit when he passed
Even the toughest niggas refrained from kicking his ass
He was the ice pick, cycle and axe, even had death in his eyes
Message was fine print, fuckin with me -it'd be better to die
As time went by, eventually new people moved into his realm
The mafia type, who took the citizens on a visit through hell
Criminal bells rang, his corners weren't as popular anymore
Forgot his purpose, was torn, nobody out -not a word on a porch
So his burden was warped, an idiot who's trapped in his head
Stressed, cause now he walks around without a crowd to impress
But his true identites about to get test, as he gets approached
Cloaked, from every angle by the people he knows
Evils been grown, and they need his fucking help for a change
To wander free through locked doors fore they dwell in thier cage
His imbecilic self is insane, strange, but he says he'd be down
And tells the rest to gather all the fucking weapons in town
His leaderships become exceptional now, a true general born
I mean -he won a lot of fights, but never the wars
A different concept has been formed, so he's mappin the block
Even the neighborhood watch threw distractions at cops
Cause if the bomb happens to drop, they don't want interferance
And for the first time ever, numbnuts said something coherant
Looked up at the clearance, that's the bldng the enemies moved
They crept silent, threw grenades and heard a deafening boom
The next day it was said in the news, illegal crime ring is destroyed
As time goes by, every throne finds a new king to employ

[SiK]

Night rose, flakes are falling shadowing his sight post like a white ghost
His canteens ice, froze, he sighs: “great”, then hydrates with some light snow
Still, with his eyes closed he tries to rest, a tired mess tucked inside his vest
No fires left, frost is in his hair with the frigged air that’s engulfed his entire chest
Desires swept, his match was met, at the bottom standing at disasters steps
But passions kept, he sets off remembering the pep talk and tears that the pastor wept
The thought is sober…See, Sergeant Graves just had a battle and lost his soldiers
His haunted soul hurts, cause all he can picture..is them, disfigured and crossing over
He gains composure, bullets fly in the foreground; he has 7 mags each with four rounds
Looking for more now, searching the dead with evil lurking its head, he’s northbound
Ammunitions restored, proud, Sarge finds a grenade, and a soldier left to die in a grave
There’s a pulse! Light as it may, he’s alive, and as a soldier, ready to fight for the brave
He revives him in place..and they march to the fight, leaving behind the dark of the night
They embark to the site; led with pride towards the gunpowder that sparks n ignites
Reaching a distance that’s safe they commence fire while the enemy’s stricken with strafe
In a subliminal state and in urgency; he nervously fires 10 bullets, but misses with 8
His only soldier takes a hit to the face, 1 round n he’s gunned down, submission to fate
Graves shoots magazines number four…five, through the blood and the gore thrives
The type to see the fear through your eyes and intensify it with an overwhelming war cry
He’s a fighter, had bouts, so the conflict angers him, he detours from the sad route
Full of hate n being mad shouts: “frag out!” and grabs the last rounds from his mag pouch
Unloaded the clip in a massive rage, masses slain, no chance of stopping, there was no sign
Yet it’s a shame, Graves should have disengaged, but was lost in the war with his own mind
When the smoke cleared and with hope near, he discovered it was friendly fire the whole time

[SiK]

Up

[Otpeks]

I got Sik taking this the imagery and flow was on point the whole time the twist of the story at the end was pretty dope Geno i felt like you were lacking the imagery in your story which to me is a key element in continueing to read Sik had me into the story almost physically, Geno your flow was on point as well but I feel like your topic was over used and a tad dull

Sik gmv

[Spoken]

Sik

I mean genocide you came strong with the story and laid the multiway in nicely... The flow was great and you did ya thing... Nothing less could I expect from you. Consistent all the way thru and well presented and some metaphors boggled me into thinkin of such approach from time to time in your verse but tbh... Sik just came nice as well... Story he kept in such full detail and yet he was still to structure such a base with his content that his flow was buttery and on point yet the diction and approach was flipped and made for a fluid read whih I honestly didn't expect from SiK tbh... I respect both of you and Geno you know ur capabilities but I just feel after reading both verses it nudges to sik ....

Mvgt: SiK

[Certain]

Genocide: I liked where you were going with this, but I don't think the execution was quite right. First, you spent half a verse simply describing your protagonist. Had you carefully picked the right couple descriptions, that part of your verse could have been much shorter. That would have given you more time to ground your story in more concrete details. I understand the basics of what happened, but I never once felt like I was there. Show what's happening with concrete imagery. That would have livened up the verse, particularly the end. That giant fight that turned our protagonist into a hero was almost an afterthought in your verse. That's the hard-up analysis of a good verse, though. Your flow was strong, and you had a few good metaphors tossed in. A better read on it might have helped smooth out a few things (for instance, "cycle" instead of "sickle," which fucked me up until I realized what you meant). But this was a fine verse.

SiK: This verse was very technically proficient. The imagery was strong and clear. I read every verse twice when I'm voting on a battle, but I didn't pick up anything new on the second read here because you did a really good job maintaining clear wording and focused content. I thought there could have been a little more emotion in the writing, though. There were very few writing flourishes, and sometimes repetition-variation or a truncated line or dialogue can add that extra punch to make things feel more real. The "frag out!" line, in part because of the quote, probably was the most emotive. I wish there had been a little more foreshadowing on the ending, but I thought it was effective nonetheless because it opened up the concept of this war-worn soldier. There's a good question to be asked about what we put men through in war. I couldn't really place the battlefield here, but it seemed more like World War II than anything since. That didn't matter much, though. This was a strong verse and a complete story, which was the requirement.

Vote: SiK

[Geno]

eyo God Of War

im comfortable with you closing this out as sik with the W

i honestly feel his verse deserves it over mine and anyone would be a fool to vote otherwise. appreciate you leaving it open a little bit.. or at least it seems like your leaning towards that. but yo, sik verse SiK.

respect.

[God Of War]

Aight i will close it was just gon let it get more then 3 votes since its a fire battle but word

[Geno]

cool, preciate it. but i dont think its necessary. thanks G

[SiK]

Appreciate it Geno