Writers Challenge League - "Midgets"

[Brian Bryan]

The littlest things always seem to annoy me
I mean midgets and miniature people who point &
are physically similar, just smaller in scale.
We live in familiar hoardings but they’ll –
obsess on the differences, not commonalities,
That’s the length and the width of it; One sees the parity
the other the contrasts and how we diverge
from the subtle to bombastic - It’s out of this world!
I found it absurd how a matter that I’ve
no control over though, like my stature and size,
could pass as divisive. Their hatred of me
blatantly seems to stem from what I can’t change in the least.
They’re my neighbours, my people, or so you would think
but their hatred, their evil’s, a sobering sting.
The motive to bring such venom my way
has me close to the brink. We’re all separate the same
at the end of the day. All told to get by
walk tall through our short falls & hold our heads high.
But I’ve been known to let slide their tireless presumptions
taking most in my stride – I’m a Giant amongst them –
Their cries of revulsion are fuel to the fire
that drives my compulsion. It’s been used to inspire
me through this entire verse. It’s tough at the top
when you’re a mountain of a man & there’s nothing to stop
you floundering as amateurs wait for you to fall.
You’re surrounded by their gasps, but you’re not taken in at all,
you embrace it and stand tall knowing they look up to you.
Even straighten your back more. What they say is nothing new
to a great as such is you while you’re standing defiant
knowing your shoulders are broader than their horizons.
But don’t pander to the bias, and don’t just get by,
But do walk tall through their short falls and hold your head high…


- Lemuel Gulliver

[Flow]

Always been a big fan of your style of writing. I do a very a similar one when I do audio which is probably why your so fluent with that style.

The piece itself is fresh, nice concepts based around your topic of Midgets. A lot of folk in this comp are taking the easy route of writing whatever they want and just doing the minimum on it... as is allowed. Then there are others who are basing the whole piece around it but letting slip the other factors that make a good write. You took to it with a subtle style that left enough to make it centred on your topic, while at the same time not in your face and not taking away from the content, concepts and other aspects of your writing.

Good examples of this can be found below

But I’ve been known to let slide their tireless presumptions
taking most in my stride – I’m a Giant amongst them –

me through this entire verse. It’s tough at the top
when you’re a mountain of a man & there’s nothing to stop

But don’t pander to the bias, and don’t just get by,
But do walk tall through their short falls and hold your head high…

The flow as usual was dope, as mentioned its got that audio feel but that's what really rolls of the tongue for me, a polished piece that clearly had attention paid to the syllable count.

I felt that the last half was superior to the first half, however I know you like to write quick and that could be because you found your rhythm as you went on which is often the case.


Overall good read.

Feel free to hit up mine and Adonis battle in return if you have time Brian Bryan

[Rawn M.D.]

Word I enjoyed this.
Typically im not a fan of lines that conceptually don't end in that line (like stand-alones), but u made it work imo (i feel its very effective audio wise, not so much text tho)
I also enjoyed ur wordchoice, how u used comparative words to describe size, and that fit it well. I also enjoyed ur approach, u flipped the topic inside out, I felt that was an original way to go about this, and also was very effective. Scheming wise, this was on point as fuck...and i think thats what allowed me to like the bleeding thoughts. It also gave u some leeway with ur flow, which read fluent.
I did enjoy this, and its a disappointment that u got no showed.
Dope verse though.

[Geno]

good shit, i unlike your first respone guy, am not into the lead on style you have... whereas.. your first line ends abruptly and leads into the other. i feel you could do so much more if you verntured outside of that, could just be me and the way i read it though? iono. but otherwise. this was dope, good take on midgets. had some great visuals tbh. some things vividly going on that i really dug. depth for sure. are you under an alias, and if so -who the fuck did you used to be? and why would you use nwl under your name and above your avy. i dont get it

[Certain]

This verse was a very cool take on the topic. It was original and smart and relevant to most of us, as I feel as though Gulliver's Travels was a fairly universal part of growing up.

I don't think the issue is solely about rhyming mid-sentence. I think the bigger problem is rhyming mid-clause. For instance:

That’s the length and the width of it; One sees the parity
the other the contrasts and how we diverge
from the subtle to bombastic - It’s out of this world!

That works because each rhyme comes at a point where stressing the syllable or stopping the thought for a split-second makes sense. On the other hand:

Their cries of revulsion are fuel to the fire
that drives my compulsion. It’s been used to inspire
me through this entire verse. It’s tough at the top
when you’re a mountain of a man & there’s nothing to stop
you floundering as amateurs wait for you to fall.

The first one, "fuel to the fire," works for that same reason. The problem is the "me" after "inspire" and the "you" after stop sort of hang out there awkwardly. This becomes particularly problematic because in both cases, the phrasing might mean something different if the reader interprets the line change and end rhyme as a thought break.

But this was an enjoyable verse and take on the topic.