Week 1: Pinot Grij vs. CopyPat [CopyPat wins, 8-2.]

[Adonis]

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 2nd at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=96884)

Goodluck


Pinot Grij CopyPat


Topic:

http://i.imgur.com/DIutpJ3.jpg

[CopyPat]

It’s James Bond in GoldenEye, ya’ll remember the watch
I sneak around the city dodging federal cops
Start up at the Dam, but that level’s a wash
Bungee jump at the end with no tether at all
And ready or not, we off of the map soon
Facility’s next, when you start in the bathroom
Kill that guy from up in the vent, but what the fuck you expect?
He’s just a sitting duck in the end…. It's still a cowardly hit
Head shot from above while he’s having a shit
Collecting ammo and clips, plus at least 3 weapons
Mess around and get hit from the trusty PP7
The tux is 3 piece dressin up to greet these felons
So fuck the easy setting, gimme a test for real
Difficulty set for skill, cause I’m literally dressed to kill
Pretty with the sex appeal.. is Natalya Siminova
You know I’m bound to bend her over
Found in prison holed up, but she isn’t a horrid bitch
Cause she’s simply gor-geous
And those 64 bits give them titties more lift
Killing more sims now cause my style is effective
Use the silencer method when I’m trying objectives
Keep it quiet or get prepared to die in a second here
And be careful where you shoot, cause there’s scientists everywhere
And timing is everything when there’s bombs and alarms
Put the game to 007 mode and it’s impossibly hard
Targets abroad, but most these creeps barely panic me
Except when they come back from the dead, like that freak Baron Samedi
You can cheat very heavily if you type lots a code hacks
And after Aztec and Egyptian, you might not oppose that
The fights started so fast when multiplayer was played
Where friends became enemies, and cultivated the hate
We’d all just play it for days, and be aggressive as fuck
Cause we loved death from above
Addicted to making your little screen run red with the blood
But it was never enough to simply have a war with ya friends
It was all about those shitty ass awards at the end
Of course it depends if you were cheap with the mines
The left arm with the watch, press the beep and you die.

[Pinot Grij]

I messaged her, “I want to see you soon
We could meet at noon at some greasy spoon
Just me and you, some split pea soup, and let our feelings bloom
It’s easy to see me swoon, there’s nothing you need to do
Cuz I can tell we were meant to be without even meeting you
My online bio will tell you what my interests happen to be
Like how my favourite shows are Battlestar Galactica and Dragonball Z
I hate Macs, love PCs – not rich, but my bitcoin fortune’s huge
Plus I know a guy who knows the guy who leaked the Jennifer Lawrence nudes
I’m a video game fiend, but I’m still a sexual lothario, believe me
I’ll have you sliding down more pipes than Mario and Luigi
Like a first-person shooter, on the sexual Battlefield I’m good to go
Cuz it’s my Call of Duty to Command & Conquer your pussy hole
Oh ya, and I’m a Trekkie… girl, it’s like you can read my mind
So you’ll have to Klingon when we sixty-Deep Space Nine
I’ll rain down my giant loads on you like Sodom & Gomorrah
And do it all without taking off my awesome fedora
No more, then… that’s just a teaser of what’s in store for dat ass
So I’ll just wait here for you, I’m sure only a few moments will pass"

http://i.imgur.com/DIutpJ3.jpg

[NYCSPITZ]

both funny, i thought copy's was lols and more consistent. Pinot had some classic humor in there but also some really lame shit like the mario luigi line. Ending was anticlimactic imo. I'm gonna choose copy this time around. dope originality and execution

v/copy

[Mr. J]

Now this was a refreshing battle from the start to the end
I enjoyed both verses a lot, and the fact of the matter is
I'm going to have to give it Copy based of his memorable piece
I feel like the idea is so fresh to the league since I've been around
and I'm glad to see him improving on his skills by focusing on topics
rather than play around with paragraphs, and random rhymes...
although I do believe he's always had that comedic edge on his verses

as for Pinot I felt like your verse was just as hilarious as Copy's
you had a slick vibe and the technicality of your verse was infectious
the vibe was smooth from the start to finish and it made i worthwhile of a read
you deliver some great work when you put your mind to it, and this match-up
well this match-up showed a certain clash in styles that very few seem to share
had you went of on a tangent I feel that you would have had a very...
very....verrrrry close battle, but Copy slightly edged this one out your hands
very nice work fella's...

v/Copy

[theMuzzl3]

Copypat (almost spelled your name as somebody else's):

The first few lines did not stick with your theme, they were more talking about you dodging feds and shit. However, you did continue the rest of your verse in the 1st person.

I liked your theme. 64 bit James Bond. You made the theme, and stuck to it. At no point did you stray from it. Your execution of your theme was great, but lacked structure in ways.

I think that more creativity could have been used, in regards of the given picture. Look at how the rail ways meet and seem to turn around. Look at the crosswalk being missing where the rails are laid. Look at the time on the watch, and the buildings. Your writing theme strayed too far from the picture and didn't even metaphorically refer to it in spots that it could have.

Over all score = 5/10



Pinot_Grij

I feel like your first lines were great, and had nothing to do with the midst part of it. In the middle, it seemed to be more of a response to Copypat's verse. Over-all, you killed it. It was dope. It seemed like you were trying more to battle than to write a topical or original verse. The last line was good, it brought the beginning part back to the end.

Over-all structure was great. The theme could have been targeted more towards the picture and less towards battling Copypat's writing. The creativity in your first few lines could have been carried over in that theme, rather than going off on video game names & characters.

Grammar: not sure why its "I can tell we were meant to be without even meeting you" instead of "I can tell that i was meant to be without even meeting you"

Over all score = 6/10

In the end, I'm going to vote for writing style, so:

/v Pinot_Grij

[Dove Dozer]

i felt copy took this. i felt his story was more in depth with some great flow. decent multies and formatting, which i think pinot didnt hit as hard in that department. thus making copys story a little more fluid and enjoyable to read.

V/ copypat

[Vulgar]

Copypat - lol that game was awesome. This was a tight verse, slick with the references and it had a fun vibe that carried throughout the piece. My favorite line was the 'scientists everywhere' one. Fortunately, most people have played this game but would someone who hasn't have been able to enjoy this?

Pinot Grij - Also a pretty funny rendition. The "command and conquer" was humorous and I can actually see videogame nerds using it in casual conversation with females. Overall, a little underwhelming (possibly due to the length), but it was cool.

Copy was more refined this outing.

Vote - CopyPat

[Soulstice]

Copypat - this was a delicate balance of great writing and a humorous approach. Usually those who take the funny route don't have such a grasp on rhyming and storytelling. Since most topical writers are morose fucks. Well anyway the allusions liter red in the piece were facing spot on. Good piece.

Pinot- I will of course give you the benefit of the doubt that but it was interesting to see copy take the video game route and see you touch more than tangentially in your piece. However it wrapped around to a unique and satisfying conclusion. than he Mario and lugo lines were nice as well as command and conquer. Wordplay was tight
I think conceptually yours was better your character was developed very well.

I think copy slightly out executed Pinot. Real good battle hole both stick around so I can get more of a taste of each writing. Have a feeling both can cone even harder.

[PancakeBrah]

CopyPat-

Maybe your best topical? I'd think so. The similarity of the first person view watch between the two pictures was well done. Maybe Pinot could raise a qualm about incorporating a picture as an aid? I've done it before, I see no problem with it. What I thought was a cool, and I think it was unintentional, is that this verse was basically a nostalgia trip, and the picture was black and white. You could almost imagine that the topic is a still from your mind, when you think back on the game. As for the verse itself, it was good. Very smooth, rhyme-heavy but not distractingly so, a problem you can sometimes veer into. I think that "You can cheat very heavily" to "red with blood" was where you lost a bit of steam, and were kind of just throwing in some extra lines to do it. Didn't have the same pace there that the rest of the verse had. But aside from that portion this was good. Light, and technically sound.

Pinot Grij-

I've written a few verses with this same exact satirical tone and perspective, so I enjoyed your formatting and approach to writing greatly. It was well done. The only line I didn't enjoy was the Mario and Luigi idea. You were purposefully corny throughout, but for some reason that one left a bit to be desired. The "pussy hole" wording got a chuckle. The allusions were all perfectly in sync. You're probably the most consistently funny writer in these leagues and this was no exception. I think your concept, in relation to the topic, was there but a bit tenuous. The photo definitely has a "classical" feel to it, so the modern allusions kind of felt like a clash of tone. You could argue I should have the same qualm with Copy's verse, but he did more to be immersive and make the picture his own. You kind of used it as a springboard, ignoring it's aspects. But that's not a huge deal. I think the writing was great and represents a strong entry.

Good, unique, battle. I came into this thinking Pinot would take it but Copy played to his strengths and posted a strong verse. I think the writing was about equal but preferred Copy's approach. A shame there has to be a loser.

v/CopyPatrick

[Camp Bell]

CopyPat: i was digging your james bond approach. the references
were on point. very descriptive. flowed well. i didnt like how you ended
it. felt it should've been more in tune with the aspects given in the picture.


Pinot: LOVED your approach as well, which seemed to coincide with copys
as far as the video game concept went, which is odd that both of you went
the same direction but different routes. i really liked your use of multiple video
game characters that tied into your storyline.


i liked this battle, i just didnt quite understand how they both came up with
the video game shit lmaoo....anyway, tough call but im going with pinot cuz
i thought his use of more than just one game/character was that much more
entertaining.


vote: Pinot

[Split]

thought this battle was dope. genuinely enjoyed reading it from start to finish, thought Copy had a super-creative play on the topic that redirected a weird topic directly into his wheelhouse. the rhymes were on point, the subject matter was light-hearted and the writing was very effective in engaging me as a reader. lol i actually never got into that game.

Pinot had a cool "that type" of approach where you pick a theme and just make a bunch of dope references and plays on words and etc. Not as directed as Copy but at the same time kept switching it up, keeping the verse fresh.


Just thought both guys had fun with it, great display of skill on either side. Thought Copy's was more enjoyable by a slight margin, just got more out of the topic itself and kept more ideas in play. Like, it came full circle, comedically.


v/Copy

[Adonis]

Copy - Witty take on topic for sure. Thoroughly enjoyed the approach and wew, you brought me back to like freshmen year or something like that. In the PJ's I grew up when played that shit hard, even had someone blasting guns in the background of the first track I ever recorded. Anyways, sidetrack. you kept true to what you going for which is impressive. Even more impressive? I never grew bored. The verse from start to end, I'm sure because of the connection I have with your chosen content, was alluring and intriguing and held my full interest. The rhyme scheme was nice as well, but the weaving of the play was the highlight. Dope verse.


Pinto - I liked the humor and the spin on Video games. It was in the same vein as a Mike Wrecka verse against me. This was a solid read. Decent flow and pace and execution was there. Unfortunately Pat used a style that combated yours perfectly. Well yours was more humorous, his also had a good twist and execution, only slight edge in writing.

Voting CopyPat

[King Ra.]

CopyPat wins, 8-2. Closed.