WK2 : Frank(0-1) vs. Three-Planes-Aligned(0-0) [Frank wins, 6-4.]

[timeless]

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 9th at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here (http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=96884)

Goodluck Frank Johnathan Mercy

Topic : "All political power comes from the barrel of either guns, pussy, or opium pipes, and people seem to like it that way."

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

"Pipe Down"

John The Vast: an ocean of stillness;
a soulless encryption of noted distinction
Model indifference; a body of Godly sawdust
- a copied product of codes of cognition (enclosed in the system)
A floater that's drifting on his road to perdition
- against a vista built on Freud's cocaine addiction
the haystacks he passes are mostly syringes
- hosting "King of the Hill" for emotionless children
The air is atrocious in thickness, smokey and liquid
cavorting, it quivers - because it's loaded with rhythm
built of purpose, concern, virtue and urge
- all converted in turn to broken volition
that circles and churns in a vortex that's ripping
- like a merciless scourge at the core of existence
Inert and submerged, in "Utopia", listless
- with the stillness only disturbed by his opiate itches

A neutered object set in a muted Picasso
there he wafts in his illusion of solace
as the immutable fossil of a beautiful blossom
- enjoying his fugue and his view of the fallen
veins drip-drying - spilling his life
So far living a lie has manifested his hubris as horrors
so he willingly slides across the rigid divide
- where squinting his eyes makes humans of goblins
these innumerous, countless, peculiar monsters
- who's sense of self accrues in their wallets
Alchemy has left his cure transmuted to poison
and while pussy is wet it's useless when wanton
indulgence has left it as routine and humdrum
as everyday life on the lutheran commons
For a superman with absolutely no future to conquer
bullets are what they are: solutions to problems

[Frank]

"dublin"


Autumn arrived in Ireland earlier this year with gusty introduction
The chestnut trees had blushed into colors that mirrored a paint brush flushing...
Oktoberfest was in the hometown in the country side of the drunkest of drunkest
The ruggedness of the most rambunctious bunch who ever chugged from a cupeth;
Cometh to this pub tonight to prove to the world’s best drinkers they could guzzle their
hundredth without their guts budging and erupting in suds and other consumption
bucket by bucket, brought to each table by a young waiter; lugging and lugging,
The Irish Man presented a toast… mumbling something into the disruptive ruckus
Which was drowned out by the crashing thuds of clashing mugs inside the dungeons luncheon
Thugs with grudges; pounding pumpkin and belching belt buckle’s loose with overrunning glutton
The Tourist had downed 38 beers without hiccupping or adjusting buttons:
two rules being enforced by the judging public
contestants were getting their stomachs pumped and being rushed with concussions
From upper cutting punches from locals with disgusting toughness & dysfunction in their blood and
The bathroom flooded with piss you could smell, as the stalls flushed with suction
Pouring into the river, years of urine, from rusted plumbing…
The residing champion had won and won, until his liver was blood and puss and wasn’t thumping
A dull, numb, lulling, as he drank his 40th beer to a crowd’s triumphing hushing…
The Tourist, reluctant to hammer the next round, shrugged when asked for the next dozen
Buzzing; he sat on his buttocks and blacked out as the rumpus in the room reached an ear drum conundrum
The custom was for out of towners to drink until they were done, funneling, bumbling
“How many fingers am I holding up again?” fucked up, stumbling bumpkins
Husbands and lushes, sitting side by side with one another in their rut of repugnance
The local legend had downed a Victorian size tub and burped up, bubbling
But not before he shut his mouth; sending down chunks of nuggets. , .
The bus boy ran out without gloves, prepared to scrub into the dustbin,
The judges couldn’t find a spot on the floor; deducting him for bluffing on chumming
“Smudge less” the bus boy proclaimed, touching the floor, there was nothing but dust
& the two continued to drink until their stomachs sponged with a fungous
Until their hearts content, their livers quiver, their lungs corruption
Barreling through life, what a trudge, through mud;
In Ireland, we have a saying amongst the scuttered in the slums
When you die
We want you to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin

[timeless]

Hard battle to vote on. Lyrically, these were both excellent. I just couldnt get into either of them really. I could quote every bar from 3pa and say how do it was in as many different ways possible, but I still have to side with the ambition from frank. Comedy over multi experimentation anyday

V. Frank

[NYCSPITZ]

3pa- I've heard u hailed as possibly the best ever, by my man oats the English teacher, so maybe u rushed this. Don't get me wrong, it was good and you have a strong command of the language, but it was missing something. A lot of it came off as real random non sequitur stream of consciousness shit. Frank's was rife with creativity, good delivery and humor

V frank

[Cereal_Killa]

3p:
“John The Vast: an ocean of stillness;
a soulless encryption of noted distinction”

Fuck me..
Otay..
it doesn’t stop ‘til here..

“The air is atrocious in thickness, smokey and liquid”

the dream swirls kick, the drop from the first stanza into the second is a mammoth water wall.. you bounce and drown on everything.. Where the addiction captures in the shell as it explodes your cranium when you pull back out from the verse..

purdy friggen nice.. ty


Frank:

A rambunctious conundrum
Opening three bars are hot man, look it’s a style I have never seen you use.. The extended lines, dropping the internals to capture the scenery.. so that the reader is not stuck in the emotive drawings but instead (purely the wording as a soft tone almost like fog around the readers ankles)
Your characters dialogues is insane.. first off you, next to don’t use dialogue HERE (into the disruptive ruckus) you throw the reader into the drunk circles kind of like (a sfx of general chatter) with your doubles of assumptions.. You 100% achieved what you wanted with the reinforcement you laid it up..

“ the judging public”
Hits, I like..

Cool lil diddy.. all up man your writing is real nice.. dude ty for the verse..


Vote: three planes align

For overall story and concept.. It hits harder.. im in a more lively mood so you got a story that surgically cuts through tearing flesh against a story all about alcohol thats doesnt really get rowdy.. as much as I love the new style FRANK you needed to kick it in the story aspect side of things throw up some "dirty crack lines and break the style/then dump gore" but this seriously just the mood im in.. good looks guys..

[Adonis]

3pay - This was very descriptive. You explained the soul of a man, a bad man. A heartless person who is a drunken druggie living his life by the induce. Rhyming as always was on point, the connection to topic was evident as you explained a man who enjoys his way wayward way of living. The thing I liked most was it ended, and there was no sense of redemption or happiness. It just ended as it began, a simple explanation to a lost soul who doesn't care to be found.

Frank - Some weird phrasing "bluffing on chumming...Triumphing Hushing"... The story was cool and i've noticed when you write a story you lose your place from time to time, but this was more cohesive then some of the others such as the Jeter verse etc. I liked the setting, because you did give us one, but I feel you could have added a few more details in the actual room, but still, you did a good enough job that I had a clear image in my head of what and where was taking place.


Interesting battle here, close, but I still have a clear cut winner.

V/3pa

I feel like he had the better description and grasp on language, both painted a clear image in my head and both executed topic.

[Listen]

3P,

Great effort here. Well-written. Overall, a very solid piece. You build well your concepts which makes it very easy to read. Spectacular ending. However, it was missing something for me. You gave me the description (what), you gave me enough imagery to assume the who, but I didn't get a why... I mean, you, it almost felt like you left me 10000 miles in the sky and never brought it down for me to relate to. It was beautifully written, INCREDIBLY descriptive, fitting words, but a bit dry.

Frank -

It is hard to vote against 3P here... We can all admit, that was VERY WELL WRITTEN... but for that bit 3p lacked, frank owned. Not only is his piece real, well-written, descriptive, but it is not dry. If someone read that to me - I can see it.

Common theme... Often times we deem grounded verses that are not packed complexity as simple. They are not. Pieces should contain emotion, a meaning, a story, and coherency.

So, as great of a job 3P did... I am voting for frank. Just overall more enjoyable, less dry, while maintaining the SAME high level of writing.

v/Frank.

[Greed]

Lol. Tpa that second verse was dope af, strongly opened and nicely closed.

That nigga frank wild tho b. I liked your take on the topic more but frank spazzed some cold shit.

V frank

[Adonis]

Frank leads 4-2

[Split]

Enjoyed Frank's folktalesque tone and the plot progression of his piece. Thought 3PA had better flow and crisper writing all around. 3PA connected with the topic much better though and concretely gets my vote. Not to say that Frank didn't connect well but I just enjoyed 3PAs angle more

v/3PA

[Certain]

I don't usually tack on a preamble to a vote, but I'll make an exception here. If writing precision were a spectrum and all of this site's elite topical writers were placed on it, you two would be at opposite ends. Three-Planes-Aligned comes with verses that can barely breathe because of how tightly wound they are, with every word so carefully chosen. Frank keeps things loose and congenial to the point that sometimes it can be maddening. To a degree, both of your styles hold you back slightly some weeks, as they did here. Three-Planes-Aligned's density can come at the expense of readability, while Frank's laconic stylings leave open plenty of room for editing and make for a lot of wasted space. Yet when you guys are on your game, you're amazing because your styles are so defined. As soneone without that clearly delineated singular voice, I envy that and enjoy both of you, even on your "off" days. This battle represented neither your best nor your work work. But enough of the generalities.

Three-Planes-Aligned: There were a lot of amazing lines and phrases in this verse. To start with, "the haystacks he passes are mostly syringes - hosting "King of the Hill" for emotionless children" stood out as one of the best things I've read on this site, period. The rhyming was loaded for the most part, though there were two or three slips that might have been intentional break points. But the content had me confused at times. It seemed like you were going deeper than the deadness of a drug addict in power, but the references made it really hard to piece together every individual piece. I've read this verse at least five times now, and while I enjoy it every time, I can't say I've had that "ah-ha" moment that a poignant abstract verse sometimes provides. The ending particularly confused me. I'm not a big fan of a verse that exists solely as a character sketch, but here that's all I could take from this as I didn't fully grasp the story line, if there really was one.

Frank: This verse reminded me of the Family Guy episode in which Peter finds his real dad, to the point that I'd have a hard time imagining you didn't have that in mind while writing it. But the inspiration did not lead to duplication. Instead you created a very cool, festive atmosphere and a story line that, while again rooted in that Family Guy episode, was also your own. There was real humor in some of your portrayals of the drunks, but mostly I was transfixed by the rhyming. Sure, you chose an easy sound, but you then bent everything into it in unexpected and nuanced ways. That's your normal, but here there were only a few particularly forced uses ("cupeth" was pretty bad, particularly so early in the verse). But my big qualm was that you were pretty liberal with the topic use. You managed to incorporate the barrel and political power to a degree, so I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt of adhering, though not as clearly as Three-Planes-Aligned did. But what ultimately gets you the win here is that I felt I had a clear connection and bounced along with your verse. It was more accessible while still being complex. Had Three-Planes-Aligned let us in a little bit more, I think he would have gotten this victory.

Vote: Frank

[theMuzzl3]

Three-Planes-Aligned:

Good structure, rhyming was here and there (which I like). Good job there.

Learned a few words /w google definer (like that too). Your vocabulary is good.

The theme was good, but I don't think it tied into political powers very much. Other than that, it tied in several of the other themes… and even though politics was not mentioned, I could see the ending line being one that tied the story to the subject matter a bit.


Frank:

Your opening lines made me grab my white russian and drink a few gulps… I don't know what your opening 11 lines had to do with the subject matter, but this is AOWL so freedom of the writer's ideas are totally acceptable. Some of the rhyming in the first 11 lines were at beginnings and endings of lines, which I like -- in an artistic and poetic format. The way you put rhymes together, alone, entertained me.

Grammar: "lulling" is a verb… didn't work out in that sentence IMO, but I think its still grammatically correct (I'm not an English teacher).

Content: your story was extremely entertaining, but I feel it had very little to do with the subject matter. If the topic was "any topic you chose" and open writing, I'd of given you my vote. Your writing is excellent and the wording was very good. HIGHLY entertaining. Yet, due to subject matter not tying in with the topic… I have to give this one to TPA.

/v Three-Planes-Aligned

[King Ra.]

I wouldn't be surprised to see both of you later on in a contenders/championship match. Not surprised at how close this one is. 3PA, what you wrote has to be one of the most cleanly, written piece of the season thus far. Very impressed in your rhyme scheme, your selection words and the depth at which you went. Many stellar lines which I can't even begin to touch on. Frank, as usual, you gave us what you always have done, and what you do well more than a lot of writers. Your creativity knows no bounds, the descriptions/details you manage to put together is always great to read. I truly enjoyed reading both verses. As good as they were they had their minor tidbits, and my vote comes down to who stuck out more. Indeed, 3PA had the better written piece, full of deep concepts and thought provoking lines. But for me it is missing something. It reads as a very, very well written topical but it could have used a bit of life in the creativity department, in terms of an overall idea that I can visualize. While on Frank's end, he could have used much tighter wording/rhyming, but beyond that, the setting he put together and the story he told was creative and entertaining. And that was my deciding factor. But stellar job by both of you gentlemen, indeed.


MVGT: Frank. Good job by both competitors.

[King Ra.]

Frank wins, 6-4.